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Creepy or normal for a dm?

Ju****

By Ju****
in New to BDSM, Kink & Fetish?

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DarkArts1066

DarkArts1066

Posted
Hi Jen,
You and I don’t know each other, but I do follow your posts.

This is very definitely an odd one. In my ‘other’ life, I work in the security and intelligence industry … and anything like this piques my interest.

It would be easy to block - and ignore this DM - and forget the post. I don’t know about you, but I would have some concern that if I did that, the person who sent the message would still be free to message others on here.

This is how my brain works with this -

Let’s be clear. This is NOT a dating site.
You don’t ask intimate personal questions like that as a first approach - or even a tenth approach.
Why would the sender want to know if you have *** ? …. They are never likely to meet them - if they have read your profile fully, they would realise that surely,

Are they into some kind of gyno - or insertion play ? … is it some kind of way of establishing how ‘snug’ your ‘intimate area’ is ? - that is the only possible reason I can come up with for asking that question - ans even that is ***y tenuous at best.

You mention that they are not local. I don’t need to know where they are from - but if they are ‘not close by’ then are they looking for some kind of online interaction….?

This all screams dodgy as f**k to me if I’m honest.. I would block - and report for inappropriate behaviour. At least then if they approach someone else, there should be some kind of trail to follow.

It’s just my opinion, obviously, but it doesn’t feel right to me.

Hope that helps.
Ar****

Ar****

Posted

Definitely weird creepy.

Look at it like this - it doesn't even have to be about kids. We're forever seeing forum posts trying to educate the value of "normal" conversation without getting overly personal too quickly/in the first message. We can put aside the potential flags about ***, if somebody's first message was "Do you have a ***?", "Do you live in a bungalow?", or "Do you work during the daytime?" none of those would be appropriate opening messages either, they'd all be creepy in their own way same as any other question asking personal details.

Deleted Member

Posted
Kids can be a deal breaker for a lot of people. Still a weird thing to lead with.
DarkArts1066

DarkArts1066

Posted
  9 hours ago, Darksoul_85 said:
Kids can be a deal breaker for a lot of people. Still a weird thing to lead with.
Expand  

Agreed Darksoul - but there are a LOT of conversations to be had following a new contact before that one.

QXX666

QXX666

Posted
  On 3/10/2023 at 11:20 PM, Darksoul_85 said:

Kids can be a deal breaker for a lot of people. Still a weird thing to lead with.

Expand  

Agree with you on that one. 
why wasting time communicating if kids are an issue. Lots of single mums on fetish sites so maybe he had a bad experience previously… 

ey****

ey****

Posted

Like; I agree in the sense that the 'having kids' may in itself be some form of dealbreaker so, yeah, ask first - but it really is a terrible way to communicate.   If it was meant as an  icebreaker then it's potentially conversational but hardly appropriate.

But if it was to flush out dealbreakers - it is again an example of kinda entitlement and a want for quick results.  That "getting to know someone" and then finding out they have kids is deemed "wasting time" is just shortsighted.   

Anyway, we keep harping on about how "communication is key" and this guy clearly failed in his communication. 

QXX666

QXX666

Posted

3 clear facts on there. 
she asked if it’s creepy or normal 

creepy: not really he could have said “ wow love big tits so you have kids?”

normal: depends your sense of normality and since we are on a fetish site maybe it’s a wise gauge! We could argue long hours how to ice break or start a convo, but that is wasn’t the point. 
 

he is under 21: that age go straight o the point and some lack social skills, maybe that was his downfall. He is very also from another country which we don’t know yet and maybe it’s not outrageous or abnormal to ask a stranger that question…. 
 

it’s difficult and maybe arrogant to judge without having all the parameters but then again I am open minded person 

  • 2 weeks later...

Deleted Member

Posted
If he is unattractive or doesnt make six figures it's creepy. If he is attractive or makes six figures it's normal.

Deleted Member

Posted
If i got a "cold" DM or even a question early doors asking if I had *** would be a red flag. They are nothing to do with my online profile...
  • 2 weeks later...
mo****

mo****

Posted

Over the years I've had more than a few guys online ask if I had kids and, like other have said, its either because they don't want someone with kids or it's so you can plan meets around them.  But (and it's a huge one) when they ask if I have kids within the 1st few messages they very quickly start dropping hints that's it's not really me they're interested in.  There's not enough in the message to give reason to report but I would definitely block!

 

 

Deleted Member

Posted
@Finally_Jen. This is 100% strange and you are right to be concerned. Even if it's an innocent question they should surely no better than opening with a question like that.
ThumperG

ThumperG

Posted
  On 3/9/2023 at 6:29 PM, VKD said:

I've not heard of kids being an affliction before! Sounds like a disease. I get that some men don't want the extra 'baggage' but others like the idea of occasional trysts with ladies who don't want live in lovers while they focus on the kids.

Expand  

YUP! I was healthy and then I got a BAD CASE OF *** that sent me off course for quite some time. It took me a while to recover, pretty much over 25 years I'd say that I struggled with this AFFLICTION... right? IN FACT the man who gave it to me also had symptoms and he'd be in the house dealing with it or occasionally show up to handle things with this DISEASE OF DADDY DUTY AS BEST HE COULD. UNTIL we could FINALLY GET THE CURE AND THEY WILL FINALLY.ouf of our home~right? 😂😂😂

Mi****

Mi****

Posted
  6 hours ago, ThumperG said:

YUP! I was healthy and then I got a BAD CASE OF *** that sent me off course for quite some time. It took me a while to recover, pretty much over 25 years I'd say that I struggled with this AFFLICTION... right? IN FACT the man who gave it to me also had symptoms and he'd be in the house dealing with it or occasionally show up to handle things with this DISEASE OF DADDY DUTY AS BEST HE COULD. UNTIL we could FINALLY GET THE CURE AND THEY WILL FINALLY.ouf of our home~right? 😂😂😂

Expand  

👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻😂😂😂😂

Ju****

Ju****

Posted
  • Author
  On 3/14/2023 at 5:34 PM, QXX666 said:

3 clear facts on there. 
she asked if it’s creepy or normal 

creepy: not really he could have said “ wow love big tits so you have kids?”

normal: depends your sense of normality and since we are on a fetish site maybe it’s a wise gauge! We could argue long hours how to ice break or start a convo, but that is wasn’t the point. 
 

he is under 21: that age go straight o the point and some lack social skills, maybe that was his downfall. He is very also from another country which we don’t know yet and maybe it’s not outrageous or abnormal to ask a stranger that question…. 
 

it’s difficult and maybe arrogant to judge without having all the parameters but then again I am open minded person 

Expand  

He was in Germany i think if i recall correctly. Some time has passed now. X

Ju****

Ju****

Posted
  • Author
  On 3/28/2023 at 2:01 PM, Darksoul_85 said:

If he is unattractive or doesnt make six figures it's creepy. If he is attractive or makes six figures it's normal.

Expand  

Not sure what you're implying here but I'm sure what youve said has nothing to do with my post. I am asking about someone very young and far away asking if i have ***... On a fetish site. 

Why this is the first thing asked i don't know.

Nothing to do with income or looks....

Ju****

Ju****

Posted
  • Author
  On 4/9/2023 at 10:59 AM, moi03xxx said:

Over the years I've had more than a few guys online ask if I had kids and, like other have said, its either because they don't want someone with kids or it's so you can plan meets around them.  But (and it's a huge one) when they ask if I have kids within the 1st few messages they very quickly start dropping hints that's it's not really me they're interested in.  There's not enough in the message to give reason to report but I would definitely block!

 

 

Expand  

Yup i agree. Very different if we were in some of learning chat about one another. But nope. First message opener and asked chat. Which is why its thrown me. I didnt reply, nor would i be rude but nothing else was asked of me but that so kinda made me think... Why... Why does he want to know that. Part of me is perhaps glad i didnt ask.

Ju****

Ju****

Posted
  • Author
  On 3/14/2023 at 6:24 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

Like; I agree in the sense that the 'having kids' may in itself be some form of dealbreaker so, yeah, ask first - but it really is a terrible way to communicate.   If it was meant as an  icebreaker then it's potentially conversational but hardly appropriate.

But if it was to flush out dealbreakers - it is again an example of kinda entitlement and a want for quick results.  That "getting to know someone" and then finding out they have kids is deemed "wasting time" is just shortsighted.   

Anyway, we keep harping on about how "communication is key" and this guy clearly failed in his communication. 

Expand  

I agree here. I mean had it been a developing conversation id of been happy to answer with minimal details.

Or if it was a developing convo with someone id of said somewhere, im a parent, hope thats ok by you, as i know some people arent. But nope just to open with it.. in my almost 3yr on here... Its a first to be asked in an opening message with no other questions really. 

 

But its sad to see how many people would shrug off someone whos perhaps a single parent, because they feel the *** will interrupt their dating/sex/kink time. They much prefer someone with no "baggage" 😒, so nothing stops them from what they want to do. 

Some people are fantastic and can work their private and social lives around kids, and same with sex life, it can be on date nights, special occasions, and even night-time or when kids are at school. People fond time where theyre compatible and committed in my opinion. 

Dating can be hard tbh but i agree theres some form of etiquette and appropriate question common knowledge thing to keep in mind. 

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