Relative newbie with swingers/ open relationships?

[Di****]

I'm in an open relationship and want to try more experiences with couples and singles. The thing is sexual hygiene is extremely important to me. Therefore I'm a bit weary of going to a swinger's club. Ideally I would like to network with people who are very open to testing regularly and can provide results and are also taking the necessary steps for birth control. How have others got around these issues?

[Ki****]

Following

[Je****]

I believe some of those swingers clubs are very specific on being "clean" and a lot ask for proof. As for birth control though thats a bit trickier I'd imagine.
I haven't tried sex clubs or swinging but it is on my list to try so I'll definitely keep a follow on here for advice 🤞🌟

[ey****]

Mostly.  Focus on yourself rather than others.

 

Folk who attend swingers clubs generally have a higher awareness of sexual health than the general population but is obviously a slightly higher risk environment.  

 

But the obvious answer regarding casual sex with regards to both STIs and birth control is.....   wear a condom.

[ge****]

Most clubs promote sexual health and encourage condom use - in fact one I used to attend regularly had people from the Terrence Higgins Trust there to do testing for anyone that wanted it.
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Most swingers take precautions and their sexual health seriously and regularly test too - so you've as much chance of getting an infection from someone you pick up in a regular bar or club.
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Ultimately though as eyem suggests, the best way to think about sexual health is to take care of your own and decide what risks you are willing to take - along with getting regularly tested - you'll never know for sure about the sexual health of others and have to trust their word on it.
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Condom use is your biggest protection in that environment - it won't prevent STIs but will certainly safeguard you to an extent, and certainly more than not using one.
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Of course it's possible to catch an STI at a club just as it is from someone you pick up in a bar or wherever - that's the risk you have to decide to take, but if you test regularly and are sensible about it with condom use etc you're doing the right things to mitigate/minimise the risk.
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One other thing, if you do go to clubs don't go along expecting guaranteed sex, many single men struggle at them unless they have the right approach and attitude and are prepared to not stand around expecting things to happen, whilst also accepting a polite no gracefully.

[se****]

I'm very clean and not afraid to have standards I'll test. I'd like someone that want to make content

[DarkArts1066]

The easiest way to manage this is to always use protection.
The next best alternative, is to create yourself a network of trusted partners - through a site such as this perhaps, and then if you want to attend a club, go with them as a group, and only play with them. Sounds complex - but it isn’t. It will take time to find those people you speak of though…

I organise themed parties around the North London and Hertfordshire areas - I used to do the same in Sussex, where I am originally from, and I don’t advertise. I meet everyone I invite personally for a coffee - or lunch, and a chat, and we go from there.

That is the best and safest way I’ve found. I use my own personal judgement as a yardstick…
And we do meet at clubs, or dungeons - or other peoples parties sometimes…..

(Note to site Mods - I am NOT advertising or promoting - merely providing an example of how I have chosen to solve the OP’s issue in my own lifestyle.)

[Lord_Talion]

Thankfully I've only had 1 pargner in the past 7 yrs and can't get a woman pregnant without medical assistance so I don't have those problems, but I'd expect anyone to have a document app to share said test results

[lesdevon]

My ex and i used to go to swingers clubs the personal hygeine is very high most swingers vlubs encourage condom use only on there premises

[ki****]

As the above said, use protection, decide what risks youre willing to take, and play safely! Otherwise, theres also the option of planning club meets with people - local swingers site etc are a great place to meet and chat to people before you attend and event, and you can plan play and discuss/set sex hygiene boundaries with individuals before attending the club.

[Di****]

In reply to @DarkArts1066Thank you for your detailed response, I was hesitant to post as I thought most would avoid the topic. I would say that yes condom use is definitely a must if you're going into the complete unknown, but I'm sure most can agree that it significantly less pleasurable to wear one.

Which you could say is the whole point of having a kink, to experience more pleasure.

It is also significantly less pleasurable to pull out, as whilst you orgasm the maximum sensation is present. It's how our bodies are designed. If there are any men which disagree please let me know.

Just for a personal note I for one find it extremely hard to orgasm with a condom and sometimes cannot entirely. Also I can multiple orgasm which makes not pulling out into a heavenly experience of pure dopamine and ecstasy.

Your answer of building a network of trust is definitely key, yes it will require effort and work but it pays off.

[ey****]

just a little thing on bareback

so of course it is more enjoyable - but if you are *serious* about sexual 'hygiene' then you are going to likely need to wear one.

 

Now, there's been a lot of chatter on the porn side of things about STI risk and assorted rules and standards.

So, in porn the window for STI testing is typically 28 days.  (Some insist on 14 or 7 days, but that involves going private).  So effectively you go into a clinic, get tested, and those results last for 28 days then you get tested again.

Now, if you're not working in sex work then you are going to struggle to get every 28 days on the NHS - so you are going to have to go private to do this.  

But anyway.  These don't *always* last 28 days.  For example if you've had a lot of sex and done a lot of scenes then it would be recommended to volunteer this and stop shooting until you can test again - but equally doing bareback *usually* resets the clock.  So for example if you get tested on Day 1, then have BB on day 8 then unless you know the other person is water tight - that's it, no more shoots AT ALL until you've tested again on day 28.
 

So, if you are serious on sexual health - then - you will wear a condom with partners : if doing bareback is more important then OK - but as soon as you do BB with one person THAT'S IT - no more BB until you've tested again.  

[ge****]

3 hours ago, Lord_Talion said:

Thankfully I've only had 1 pargner in the past 7 yrs and can't get a woman pregnant without medical assistance so I don't have those problems, but I'd expect anyone to have a document app to share said test results

Having sight of someone's test results proves nothing other than the person got tested and was negative at the time they took the test - beyond that they are meaningless as they don't show if the person has not had sex since the test, or had not had sex for up to 12 weeks before taking it - so you're still back to trust and deciding what level of risk you are willing to take.

[ki****]

have you also considered your partners consent re condom wearing? It sounds like youre veryy hesitant to wear one, purely from a pleasure standpoint... Have you and your partner that youre in an open relationship with discussed boundaries re contraception and protection? Because thats much more key than just personal pleasure.

[Chloebear]

Like anything else, communication and building trust. Swingers’ clubs take sexual health seriously. If you’re going as a single guy some won’t even accept you or you’ll pay much more to attend too. Sites like this can help you make connections, but you’ll need to put the time in. If you’re looking for one night stands who come with a full history of checks, they’ll exist but they’re not common. Like has been mentioned, forming links with a network of trusted partners is the best way to approach this.

[Bi****]

Find 2 or 3 open and honest and let them know that there will be others that will do the same. Allow clothed play on first dates, and only allow kissing and swapping fluids after extensive testing. Overall, you need to have a set few that play only with you, or understand condoms with everyone but you.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Having sight of someone's test results proves nothing other than the person got tested and was negative at the time they took the test - beyond that they are meaningless as they don't show if the person has not had sex since the test, or had not had sex for up to 12 weeks before taking it - so you're still back to trust and deciding what level of risk you are willing to take.

yep - absolutely.

so here goes folks

to look at 4 common STIs

Gonorrhea typically has an incubation period of around a week 

Syphilis and Chlamydia are around a fortnight each

HIV is typically... 3 months.

 

So if you got tested today and got negative results.  And then did a little sleeping around.   On day 21 you catch chlamydia.  

You manage to get tested on day 28 again. All your results are negative.

So you up the number of partners you're dealing with - and - well - the clinic is apprehensive of letting you test again so quickly. But you keep on since your test was negative - and get an appointment 2 weeks later.

The chlamydia shows up now - but every single person you had any sex at all with in the previous 6 weeks you have to contact to tell them to test.  Anyone you had BB with almost certainly has it now - and a good chance they have passed it on further.  Anyone with a condom the odds are around 1 in 28 of passing an STI when using a condom

And telling people to test... can be embarrassing but shouldn't be.  Only a total knobber would be "you said you had negative tests!" but if you've been preaching on how high your standards are and what you insist from others, it's a bit... y'know... almost like it's not fool proof so you kinda had to accept the risk element 

Even with good testing, a test result is just a tool - it's not the whole kit - if you're intending on having multiple sexual partners, then the only good sexual practice is to wear a condom.   If it hurts your enjoyment, why not just have sex with one person ?  

[Di****]

2 hours ago, kit_ said:

have you also considered your partners consent re condom wearing? It sounds like youre veryy hesitant to wear one, purely from a pleasure standpoint... Have you and your partner that youre in an open relationship with discussed boundaries re contraception and protection? Because thats much more key than just personal pleasure.

Of course I have Kit_ we've talked about it extensively and have protection outside of our engagement. Can I ask you Kat_ what's wrong with looking as this from purely a pleasure standpoint? I'm not looking to procreate, well not yet anyway.. I would say so satisfying sex it needs to be pleasurable on both sides. As I said previously I find it sometimes impossible to cum with a condom which gives close to zero pleasure. Now you might say well that's your problem, that is true hence the start of this thread to discuss/solve and see what other more experienced people have to say. Also I do appreciate anyone who has taken the time to respond.

[ny****]

Female condoms?
Don't know what it feels like, but according to what I can find from the net it should be a lot more pleasurable than male condoms. It is loose and supposed to kind of suck to vagina walls and therefore feeling is most likely very much closer to real deal. If you have multiple women you can switch between without changing condoms all the time. And it also gives protection when giving oral to woman wearing it.

[ge****]

8 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yep - absolutely.

so here goes folks

to look at 4 common STIs

Gonorrhea typically has an incubation period of around a week 

Syphilis and Chlamydia are around a fortnight each

HIV is typically... 3 months.

 

So if you got tested today and got negative results.  And then did a little sleeping around.   On day 21 you catch chlamydia.  

You manage to get tested on day 28 again. All your results are negative.

So you up the number of partners you're dealing with - and - well - the clinic is apprehensive of letting you test again so quickly. But you keep on since your test was negative - and get an appointment 2 weeks later.

The chlamydia shows up now - but every single person you had any sex at all with in the previous 6 weeks you have to contact to tell them to test.  Anyone you had BB with almost certainly has it now - and a good chance they have passed it on further.  Anyone with a condom the odds are around 1 in 28 of passing an STI when using a condom

And telling people to test... can be embarrassing but shouldn't be.  Only a total knobber would be "you said you had negative tests!" but if you've been preaching on how high your standards are and what you insist from others, it's a bit... y'know... almost like it's not fool proof so you kinda had to accept the risk element 

Even with good testing, a test result is just a tool - it's not the whole kit - if you're intending on having multiple sexual partners, then the only good sexual practice is to wear a condom.   If it hurts your enjoyment, why not just have sex with one person ?  

Only thing I'd pick up on there is the recommended (per SH:24) window period for Syphillis which is 12 weeks and HIV which is 7 weeks - though there does appear to be conflicting information out there as to when to get tested and when symptoms may appear - which is why regular testing is recommended if you're sexually active with multiple partners

[ey****]

the other thing as well, I guess - for most people in the UK - unless there are symptoms then, without going private, most are going to struggle to be seen by the NHS more than once per 90 days, not 28.  

Which effectively means if you catch something on day 80 which doesn't show on your test, then someone having unprotected sex with multiple partners is putting people at risk for a full 3 months

obviously in most cases there are symptoms - but - not all - and, well, having 3 months worth of people to contact because you had unprotected sex with them all is... well.. have fun (although again, the chances are at least one of them has developed symptoms and returned to you to tell you to get tested - however you could erroneously assume you got it from them and not the other way round)

 

as I kinda empathise a bit... testing is a tool. It is not a substitute for good sexual practices and safe sex.   Bareback should only really be done with a solo, regular, partner.   

I know that it is more enjoyable without a condom, but, if your only really idea of pleasure comes from PIV it's a fairly narrow view of sex anyway.

[QXX666]

Your best option is to register with the big swinger site. Can’t give the name on here but it’s easy to Google it.
Lots of help there for newbies and support for swingers in your area.
Anyway sexual health concern is for any kind of practices from vanilla to bdsm… it’s not only swingers concern

[Ki****]

3 hours ago, QXX666 said:

Your best option is to register with the big swinger site. Can’t give the name on here but it’s easy to Google it.
Lots of help there for newbies and support for swingers in your area.
Anyway sexual health concern is for any kind of practices from vanilla to bdsm… it’s not only swingers concern

That is so true safe sex is a must nowadays

[ey****]

3 hours ago, QXX666 said:

Your best option is to register with the big swinger site. Can’t give the name on here but it’s easy to Google it.

you can, it's Fabswingers. 

[4R****]

3 hours ago, QXX666 said:

Your best option is to register with the big swinger site

 

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

you can, it's Fabswingers. 

 

There's also a new one called Xsite UK - It was set up during lockdown by a few clubs joining together.