Sub drop

[Deleted Member]

Sooo... a few days ago I posted about self spanking in a long distance relationship and struggling to get a lasting sensation. My dom knows it's been frustrating me so we tried a prolonged session and I took the most strokes I've ever had.. 120 to be exact. I went deep into sub space and probably would have taken many more if my dom hadn't said to stop. 

I was fine for the rest of the day till late that night I started to feel almost like I had a hang over. Then a little while later I got stupidly upset and even panicky for no apparent reason. My dom wasn't available properly at the time when it all got too much and I didn't deal with it very well alone. I've since had a good talk with him and feel much better mentally though I'm still pretty achey. I've put it all down to sub drop?

If so is there anything I can do to help prevent it in future, or at least it being that bad? 

I don't want to stop pushing boundaries as it's something I really enjoy. 

My dom also feels awful and I keep trying to reassure him it's not his fault. He's been a dom to girls before me but he's never gone as far with anyone as with me, and vice versa. So some extremes are quite new to him too. Despite me reasurring him I think he's now worried of that happening again.

[Deleted Member]

If you have any friends who know your BDSM lifestyle, ask them if they are happy to let you call them if you ever experience the drop. Out doesn't have to be your Dom that you go to when it happens, just someone who will comfort you. I don't think you can prevent this like this, but you can prepare for them. Try doing some research?

[Ra****]

I think you can't stop sub drop. I've never been in sub space personally but specially in fetlife I've read about a lot of experiences. The truth is what goes up must come down. The adrenaline and endorphins your body releases when you go into sub space and are able to take more than you would normally aren't something your body is used to or normal, so it's normal to struggle a bit after. My advise would be try to push yourself on days your dom would be available or talk with people. But you need to do some aftercare too...

[li****]

Yes I agree with @RavenSass unfortunately you cannot stop sub drop! But what I do is I always have a bag ready near and always make a fresh one for when I known I'll be playing with a Dom or myself. So in my bag i'll have things like a tea bag ready for a sweet cup of tea, chocolate, sweets, a blanket, and even silly things like a candle and one of my favourite films or I'll listen to some music. This helps me doesn't stop a drop but it can help my mood and lift is some what, also having a few numbers of people who you can call or message instead if your Dom isn't available. Hope that helps 😊

[Deleted Member]

Can i ask why would you put yourself in that position knowing your Dom wasnt fully available to support you after a very dangerous game which you now have suffered the consequences I get that you wanted to achieve a longer lasting effect but your safety and emotions come first Subdrop should never of happened please be more careful in future and know as a submissive the dangers that can lie ahead if not done safely

[Th****]

I still have vivid memories of the first time I experienced sub drop. I lived a three hour drive from my partner and after a weekend together in which she took my mind to places it had never been I came home on a high. I would look at my marked body, the marks I'd earned. I was a champion.

It was a few days later when I was getting ready for work and I don't know if this was the trigger but I noticed some of my marks fading and I felt this intense darkness descend over me, a loneliness like I'd never experienced before. I don't mind admitting I just sat on the bed and cried but didn't know why.  After a few minutes of trying to make sense of it all I reached out to the only person I wanted at that point, my domme. It was just a text that said something like “I need you” and luckily she realised something wasn't right and phoned me. She understood straight away what had happened and took the time to explain it to me. That along with a few messages during the day got me through until we could talk at length that night.

For me reading experiences of others helped me a lot so I hope sharing this here will help you too.

We gradually learned together what we both needed to get through it and I think that will vary greatly from person to person so talking is very important. With that it did get easier but that first time was a real kicker.

It didn't happen every time for me but it also didn't go away and I'm not sure I'd want it to with hindsight. It will be a different experience for everyone but was just another part of our relationship for me. 

[BigPolly]

You’re right this is not your Doms fault it’s a natural process that our bodies take when we have been through such a high. @Lilmonster idea is perfect, provide yourself with comfort & treats especially as yours is a LDR & your Dom isn’t with you, you just have to be kind to yourself & recognise that each drop will pass. You can’t atop them as the often happen unexpectedly but sometimes they happen during play/punishment & if you’re doing that on your own then just be a little wary of that & stay safe x

[Deleted Member]

  7 hours ago, DanteReign said:

If you have any friends who know your BDSM lifestyle, ask them if they are happy to let you call them if you ever experience the drop. Out doesn't have to be your Dom that you go to when it happens, just someone who will comfort you. I don't think you can prevent this like this, but you can prepare for them. Try doing some research?

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I didn't really think of that. Most of my real life friends are quite vanilla though. And I really felt like I needed him. But it's something I will bare in mind in future as it's still better then dealing with it alone. Thank you x

[Deleted Member]

  7 hours ago, RavenSass said:

I think you can't stop sub drop. I've never been in sub space personally but specially in fetlife I've read about a lot of experiences. The truth is what goes up must come down. The adrenaline and endorphins your body releases when you go into sub space and are able to take more than you would normally aren't something your body is used to or normal, so it's normal to struggle a bit after. My advise would be try to push yourself on days your dom would be available or talk with people. But you need to do some aftercare too...

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Our scenes just tend to kind of happen when they happen.. But he was available for most of the day that day. We where playing around about lunch time and I didn't drop till about 9.30pm, so it was quite some time later. But we've had a good talk about it and in future if we go to anymore extremes we'll make sure he is available. It gave him quite a bad case of the dom guilts.

[Deleted Member]

  6 hours ago, Lilmonster said:

Yes I agree with @RavenSass unfortunately you cannot stop sub drop! But what I do is I always have a bag ready near and always make a fresh one for when I known I'll be playing with a Dom or myself. So in my bag i'll have things like a tea bag ready for a sweet cup of tea, chocolate, sweets, a blanket, and even silly things like a candle and one of my favourite films or I'll listen to some music. This helps me doesn't stop a drop but it can help my mood and lift is some what, also having a few numbers of people who you can call or message instead if your Dom isn't available. Hope that helps 😊

Expand  

Thank you, all good ideas! 

It was weird though cause it happened hours later quite suddenly. I did manage to distract myself a bit for a while but it didn't fully go away till I'd spoken to him properly.

[Deleted Member]

  6 hours ago, Beau said:

Can i ask why would you put yourself in that position knowing your Dom wasnt fully available to support you after a very dangerous game which you now have suffered the consequences I get that you wanted to achieve a longer lasting effect but your safety and emotions come first Subdrop should never of happened please be more careful in future and know as a submissive the dangers that can lie ahead if not done safely

Expand  

I'm not really sure how its dangerous..

He was available for most part of that day. We where playing around about lunchtime and I was fine till later that night at about 9.30pm. So it was quite a while later and just kind of came out of nowhere.. 

My daddy is lovely and felt so awful poor guy. He's always making sure I'm ok and trying his best to look after me ❤

He was really upset with what happened and we've had a good chat about when to best do more intense stuff now.

[Deleted Member]

  6 hours ago, FootTicklerUK said:

I still have vivid memories of the first time I experienced sub drop. I lived a three hour drive from my partner and after a weekend together in which she took my mind to places it had never been I came home on a high. I would look at my marked body, the marks I'd earned. I was a champion.

It was a few days later when I was getting ready for work and I don't know if this was the trigger but I noticed some of my marks fading and I felt this intense darkness descend over me, a loneliness like I'd never experienced before. I don't mind admitting I just sat on the bed and cried but didn't know why.  After a few minutes of trying to make sense of it all I reached out to the only person I wanted at that point, my domme. It was just a text that said something like “I need you” and luckily she realised something wasn't right and phoned me. She understood straight away what had happened and took the time to explain it to me. That along with a few messages during the day got me through until we could talk at length that night.

For me reading experiences of others helped me a lot so I hope sharing this here will help you too.

We gradually learned together what we both needed to get through it and I think that will vary greatly from person to person so talking is very important. With that it did get easier but that first time was a real kicker.

It didn't happen every time for me but it also didn't go away and I'm not sure I'd want it to with hindsight. It will be a different experience for everyone but was just another part of our relationship for me. 

Expand  

That's very similar to what happened to me! I think it won't be as bad in future. I've had sub drop before but never like that. I think it was that bad because it was such an intense scene and first time I'd gone to those extremes in that way. My poor daddy was really upset it affected me like that too. 

I've had a similar reaction to something else we did, not quite as intensely, but the more we've done said thing the less I dropped afterwards. 

It was still an amazing experience and would hate for it to never happen again!

[Deleted Member]

  4 hours ago, BigPolly said:

You’re right this is not your Doms fault it’s a natural process that our bodies take when we have been through such a high. @Lilmonster idea is perfect, provide yourself with comfort & treats especially as yours is a LDR & your Dom isn’t with you, you just have to be kind to yourself & recognise that each drop will pass. You can’t atop them as the often happen unexpectedly but sometimes they happen during play/punishment & if you’re doing that on your own then just be a little wary of that & stay safe x

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Lovely advice as usual ❤

Once I was ok I had to give my dom some tlc cause me being that upset really upset him.. bless him. He gets the dom guilt quite bad cause he's not naturally a bastard, yet he loves playing the bastard 😂 

He's gone and bought me a ton of my favourite sweets, I actually don't have enough cupboard space 😂

[ca****]

From my limited and little knowledge - I believe sub space is brought on by the 'mix ' of chemicals in the body (triggered by the brain form the reaction to the scene / discipline experienced)

This is potentially why the reaction can be delayed as it will be a period of time for it to have affect or for it to affect you (those with more knowledge please add to this)

This is potentially where it could be dangerous - as if it affects you badly and you are alone and not really understanding the feelings - different people react differently to these feelings - some worse than others.

Hope that is near correct and of some use.

 

I tihkn the advice to talk with others in the BDSM / D/s community is good advice - as you can share your feeling and also they can give you advice and support in return.  Which is an example why the site, the forum, messages, friends are a good thing ;)

[li****]

Yes hun sometimes my drops won't happen till a few days after a session sometimes but yes just be careful if you are by yourself hun 😁

[Pringlis]

Taking a nap and eating/drinking something with a lot of sugar can help with a sub drop

[Deleted Member]

  On 3/26/2019 at 2:43 PM, Bbw84 said:

 

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Can anyone help a newbie struggling with sub drop