Increasing Stage Fright / Loss of confidence. HELP!

[DJ****]

Has anything else changed in your life? Work been hectic? Social life ramped up? Any change in meds etc? Maybe worth getting some *** work to check you’ve not got a hormone imbalance?
But I’d try to keep communication open between you and your partner. You may be getting lost in your own head and overthinking the situations. Being able to relax again will allow the thought process to glow again…

The breaking down in tears sounds like you’re overloaded or have taken on too much in another aspect of your life… 🤷🏻‍♂️
I’ve always found discussing even minute issues with someone else can help split the burden on you!!
“A problem shared is a problem halved”

I truly hope you’re able to work through this as it’s such a shame you’re not living your best life!!
You give some of the best advice, so hopefully some of the suggestions on here will help you!! X

[Chloebear]

I would also suggest taking pressure off entirely and going back to basics…. Either vanilla or more basic - mutual touch, massage, hand holding. Have a holiday from kink. When banned from something, it can be surprisingly motivating. But also removing all pressure can help you settle your anxiety.

[Bertie53]

It's sometimes worth remembering that these 'walls' are not always obstacles. It's quite usual for the mind to build a wall to protect you from something. That can either be a large or small thing.

 

From what you've said the move and your worry are close enough in time ( with the absence of anything else obvious) that they are likely linked. Just because you only moved in together a month ago isn't so significant in as much as three months ago this moving in together was at a point that it had become real I am guessing.

 

It's normal for people to have new relationship anxiety and though you've been together two and a half years this is still, in many ways, a 'new' relationship. It's has to be because there has been a significant change in it. Even the closest relationships alter when they become 24/7. So big changes take some time to adjust to so maybe your brain has built this wall, just to give you some space to do that ? Because, at the end of the day, all kink is more mental than physical and your brain my be letting you deal with one thing at a time so things don't become overwhelming.

 

But you asked how do improve 'confidence'...well look at it this way: if like I say, this IS in some ways a new relationship - you already have the advantage over other people in new relationships, because you know yours is going to work out. Because it already has in all the important ways already. And have a little faith in your mind, it'll take that wall down for you as soon you are ready. No need to hammer against it.

[BadDesires]

20 hours ago, Finally_Jen said:

This is very interesting to me. 

I resonated with a good few things you've said here. 

 

Dominant side can feel trapped. Lack of confidence or losing confidence brings out the submissive side. 

Although (before anyone asks/suggests) i very mug have that dominant side. Just the last couple months it's not happening and i really enjoy it when it does happen! 

Ive discussed it greatly with my partner. They are very aware and supportive and patient and try to guide me into speaking. 

And it's funny you mentioned them giving me scenarios to perform etc, because i asked them last night if they would maybe do this. It may be the only thing that prompts me to continue than shut down, until i can fly alone with it again. 

I just feel useless and like a let down atm. However our trust and understanding is 100%. We communicate and respect each other a lot. I put my life in his hands and vice versa. 

I just need to overcome my lack of confidence and apparent stage fright I've suddenly developed xx

 

Sounds like you have made some positive steps forward. I'm sure you'll find the spark and it will eventually click naturally. Don't worry if it takes a while, I'm sure it will be easier the more relaxed you can be about it.