Pet Names To a Stranger?

[JD****]

Men are idiots. He doesn’t have a clue what he is doing. He simply wants to get your attention. Give the guy a break! Try to look past his zero game effort. He might be a decent human👀or at least carry a big stick👀Should a man avoid the pet names? Yes, but they’re simple terms of endearment in his pea brain. Let’s try to dig a little deeper and look at what he’s really saying. Or keep it moving like we always do because that works out so well for us😂

[ma****]

Here in the UK it's not uncommon to call people, luv, dear, duck etc its a regional thing depending on where you are, nothing adverse is meant by it, where's perhaps more personal pet names maybe uncomfortable, there the ones you might call each other after a while of seeing each other

[Li****]

I've just experienced this yesterday😹
It is individual, isn't it?
On the one hand, some are sweet to hear and meant in an endearing or friendly way. On the other hand, some people find calling someone "baby" okay, where I'd personally only use that with close friends and partners. Or worse, some use kink related terms from the get-go🤦🏽‍♀️
Some people hate any pet names/endearing terms, don't they.
Safest bet is for no one to do it unless you have permission and they tell you what they like and don't.
I use "hun" a lot, and some people loathe that😂. It comes from a good place, equally, but still is fair if they don't enjoy it and say so, though!

[Bl****]

6 hours ago, wolf2u said:

Question: Do you react differently when you are in a restaurant and the waitress calls you hon, sweetie, or honey? Or does that also upset you deeply?

They dont. I've never had a waiter call me anything but ma'am or miss. If they did I would ask them not to as it is uncomfortable for me.

[Bl****]

1 hour ago, LittleSoulTease said:

I've just experienced this yesterday😹
It is individual, isn't it?
On the one hand, some are sweet to hear and meant in an endearing or friendly way. On the other hand, some people find calling someone "baby" okay, where I'd personally only use that with close friends and partners. Or worse, some use kink related terms from the get-go🤦🏽‍♀️
Some people hate any pet names/endearing terms, don't they.
Safest bet is for no one to do it unless you have permission and they tell you what they like and don't.
I use "hun" a lot, and some people loathe that😂. It comes from a good place, equally, but still is fair if they don't enjoy it and say so, though!

I am a kind of suspicious type at first as I've had a lot of really shitty experiences with men so having them assume a pet name I didn't consent to rubs me all the wrong way. Also, and I think people don't consider this, tone is often lost in text. I can't tell if someone is meaning to be sexy or kind or whatever. It also makes me think they're trying to rush a bond cause I find pet names intimate between me and who ever I'm choosing to be involved with.

[4R****]

I'm from Liverpool so "Mate" and "Love" get used a fair bit in day-to-day interactions and these are generally accepted as the norm. I think it very much depends on the context in which the pet name is used. When trying to soften a tough message then a "term of endearment" might be appropriate (especially if the message is likely to cause upset). But as a general rule I don't use pet names outside of close relationships / friendships. When it comes to the lifestyle, if anyone uses anything other than Arch or Sir then they'll be politely corrected. And if anyone calls my submissive anything other than her name, they will be not-so-politely corrected. There are obviously some people who are exceptions to the rule but they know who they are. 

[Bl****]

5 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

I'm from Liverpool so "Mate" and "Love" get used a fair bit in day-to-day interactions and these are generally accepted as the norm. I think it very much depends on the context in which the pet name is used. When trying to soften a tough message then a "term of endearment" might be appropriate (especially if the message is likely to cause upset). But as a general rule I don't use pet names outside of close relationships / friendships. When it comes to the lifestyle, if anyone uses anything other than Arch or Sir then they'll be politely corrected. And if anyone calls my submissive anything other than her name, they will be not-so-politely corrected. There are obviously some people who are exceptions to the rule but they know who they are. 

Yes, I agree! And in this case Im talking about an initial message. You've never interacted or spoken with them before just out of the blue its 'hey doll' or 'hey baby tell me more about what makes you hot' like things that sound very much like we're on a kink site bend over or be hot and ready at my random message lol

[4R****]

1 hour ago, BlueGirl5 said:

Yes, I agree! And in this case Im talking about an initial message. You've never interacted or spoken with them before just out of the blue its 'hey doll' or 'hey baby tell me more about what makes you hot' like things that sound very much like we're on a kink site bend over or be hot and ready at my random message lol

Yep - unfortunately you're never going to stop that as those who live by the etiquette of the lifestyle are in the minority on sites like this. Whereas there are lots of men with their D**ks hanging out looking for a free s**g! That's the nature of online dating unfortunately.

[Li****]

45 minutes ago, BlueGirl5 said:

I am a kind of suspicious type at first as I've had a lot of really shitty experiences with men so having them assume a pet name I didn't consent to rubs me all the wrong way. Also, and I think people don't consider this, tone is often lost in text. I can't tell if someone is meaning to be sexy or kind or whatever. It also makes me think they're trying to rush a bond cause I find pet names intimate between me and who ever I'm choosing to be involved with.

Totally get it.
Things like "babe" and "baby" and kink names make me cringe if someone doesn't know me and vice versa.
But as I say, might be seen as contradictory if I say some terms too and accept some.
Basically if I know it's just the slang for their area, how they talk, being friendly, it isn't sexualised, I'm usually okay with it because I know I use terms for people close to me, and even sometimes not close.
When I worked customer service, me and some other colleagues would use some like darling, sweetheart, pet, hun with customers as our natural, friendly approach. Most appreciated it and said it made the relationship seem more sincere and less robotic. Some hated it and found it belittling and an elderly woman once told a friend colleague off to her face about it😅😬
But in terms of this original post, yeah, I feel the same and it is hard (especially in black and white text to know the emotion/intent behind it)

[Deleted Member]

Hey BlueGirl5.... I was only trying to be funny when I said "hun" earlier. I apologize. Wasn't trying to push any buttons, just a little levity

[4R****]

27 minutes ago, LittleSoulTease said:

When I worked customer service, me and some other colleagues would use some like darling, sweetheart, pet, hun with customers as our natural, friendly approach. Most appreciated it and said it made the relationship seem more sincere and less robotic. Some hated it and found it belittling

You know what (luv ), you're absolutely right there. I work with people in call centres and that's a skill that's actively trained out to make conversations more "personal" and treat the customer as an individual. It's an attempt to move people away from talking about football or the weather when trying to fill gaps on calls. That said, I do recall one bloke shouting at my colleague for calling him mate. "I'M NOT YOUR MATE" he screamed in a fake posh accent "YOU'LL ADDRESS ME AS LORD BO*****TON" - turns out he'd bought himself a title - so when the call was passed to me to deal with his complaint, guess what I called him........... 

[Deleted Member]

You called him Daddy? 😂

[4R****]

6 minutes ago, 509kink said:

You called him Daddy? 😂

I'll call YOU something in a minute 

[ge****]

As @4RCHsays a lot of the time it comes down to context and circumstance - I personally don't and wouldn't use terms of endearment unless I was very familiar with a person, however I get that for some, some of the terms are a natural way of speaking to the sender - BUT even then it's as much about how and when they are used as to whether they are appropriate.

[De****]

As @4RCHsays a lot of the time it comes down to context and circumstance.... it's as much about how and when they are used as to whether they are appropriate.

This is 100% correct. As a female truck driver, I was often called "love" or similar. The men were called "drive" or "driver". Generally respectful even if not a modern way of thinking.

Some person here starting a conversation with "hey Mummy"... well, that didn't endear them to me. I mean, I've posted very little about myself but they could have just asked. I hope it worked for them with someone else 😁

[MisstressStorm]

As a Domme- it burns my *** when ***ps use love to me wtaf. Disrespectful and misogynistic are the vibes. If a sub uses it I call it out as disrespectful or ignorant.
Doms use it sometimes as they can’t be arsed to use a person’s name or honorific.
( yup my Domina button has been pressed 😂) ⛈

[ey****]

in first messages it's a no-no for sure

they can be good in rapport - but otherwise breeds familiarity 

in 'real life' customer service situations it can often be different because, based on context again it can be part of the experience/rapport. the two are not comparable.

add also: in a lot of 'real life' situations the person receiving these is often a trapped participant. 

[ey****]

I do like (for the want of a better word) that there's again an element on this thread of

women : I don't like pet names

men : Pfft. I'm just being friendly

rather than kinda "OK, will note this down that it's not universally liked and not default to using it with strangers" 

[Bl****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I do like (for the want of a better word) that there's again an element on this thread of

women : I don't like pet names

men : Pfft. I'm just being friendly

rather than kinda "OK, will note this down that it's not universally liked and not default to using it with strangers" 

It is fascinating isnt it? I didn't expect nearly this many comments or varying opinions so I'm thrilled to read over all these responses on who feels what is comfortable vs what seems too personal/intimate.

[MisstressStorm]

To a lot of people it must be an oddity…
My eyes turn to steel if someone calls me ‘love’ but I’m happy to edge a (respectful sub ) until he is a screaming pool of man goo. All about perspective indeed 😈⛈

[Deleted Member]

I think it depends on your local culture. If you’ve not been brought up around the casual use of endearments i can understand why it wouldnt feel right for you. Personally I was and do it myself.

[ar****]

A lot depends on the culture too, plus the way someone acts. Someone southern, British, or even a random old lady will typically deliver pet names with a certain _flair_ that instantly makes others drop their guard and like them.
.
Somewhat related, something I personally can't stand is people (men) referring to girls as "chicks" or "chicas". They don't feel respectful to me, even though apparently people tolerate them. It could be just me I guess, being a non-native speaker.

[Deleted Member]

I've always wondered why blokes do this on "normal" dating sites.. it's such a big ick. Atleast wine, dine and 69 me before you get to call me baby 🤷‍♀️

[4R****]

13 hours ago, MisstressStorm said:

My eyes turn to steel if someone calls me ‘love’

Bwahaha I’m a scouser and a Sadist and you have just showed me a button 😈😈😈

But alas I don’t have your consent to press it.
 

Do I £@¥€? 😜

Edited April 1, 2023 by 4RCH

[4R****]

All joking aside, basic respect costs nothing, no matter your gender or which side of the slash you’re on. It’s not hard to simply call people by their name, but many don’t seem to be able to grasp that simple concept.