ETA on finding someone..

[ja****]

On 4/1/2023 at 9:47 AM, fetishbob69 said:

I been here for awhile and still never had a meetup

Same 

[Deleted Member]

48 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

if you feel you need to write essays or being overly wordy or fake in order to 'stand out' you kinda miss the notion of standing out.

one of the best ways to stand out IS to just be yourself.  

if you're messaging people - generally folk do not wish to read essays, nor can they be bothered with the blatant copy paste stuff, nor the lottery on if the "Hey" will pay off, and certainly not the small talk Hell. "Hello, how are you, how has your day been, what you up to?"

But in all of those cases, this isn't someone being themselves (unless themselves is bland, lazy, etc) 

Folk, in general, have better luck when they ARE being themselves. 

That’s my point

[ge****]

7 hours ago, rugby753 said:

It puts so much stress in to the whole thing though doesn’t it
It’s supposed to be fun
Now we are writing essays and wording to stand out instead of being our selves
And people wonder why there is so much fake stuff on here lol
But as much as I hate it your point is valid 🤝
Bad ratio
Fl is even worse

But as I said above it's got nothing to do with a "bad ratio" at all - to suggest it does indicates a level of entitlement that if the ratios were different you would be guaranteed to meet people.
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Truth of the matter is the ratios have no bearing on whether you meet people or not - it's all about finding the right approach, attitude and expectations when it comes to sites like this, coupled with a well written profile and interactions along with some decent pics. Part of that comes from being yourself and showing others that.
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When you remove those guys that don't "get" sites like this, who do have false expectations and the wrong attitude etc the ratios are actually a lot more even.

[ey****]

the whole 'ratio' thing gets quite tiring.

The assumption : the site has 60-80% men and 20-40% women (though many people go down the whole overly dramatic 1:100 or 1:1000) so therefore, for every woman there's 4 men, so 3 men will "miss out"

and it's all very mechanical as if women HAVE to have a partner and HAVE to pick from these 4 men.   

They don't. They can choose 0.  At least until someone more apt comes along.  And the same should be said for men.

And sometimes when I say "actually the make up of the site is about 40% women" people will be like "yes, but most of those are far away, or scammers, or fake" ok, but the same is true of a percentage of men.     People build up this big task because they assume there are so many men AND most the men are good - and that there are few women and MOST of the women are bad.

Which is incredibly misogynistic. 

So let's pretend a straw scenario.  A woman has a social engagement tomorrow night and HAS to be accompanied by a man. She HAS to choose someone.  So, anyone who is too far away, eliminate them, narrows it down.  Any one who wouldn't be into that type of engagement, eliminate them, narrows it down.  Then from there prioritise mutual interests so a conversation can be had, and remove any who have any weird red flag vibes about them.   Lowers it down.  This has to be done quickly so 'getting to know' anyone with blank profiles that just go "Hey", "How are you?", "How is your day?" is fruitless (and already proven to be shit conversationals)

And then... despite all the 'choices' in men.  This could still leave no one.  So she doesn't go, or, maybe this man doesn't have to be a date so invites her brother/father/friend 

[Fu****]

Seems like there's so much toxicity on here from all members on one side I see terrible people trying to take advantage of people and then I see all of you gatekeepers and whatever you wish to call yourselves. My wife and I joined here to try and learn more about the community and explore our own relationship further and are met by either perverts who just wish to use us or people jumping our shit for simply saying hello I wish you all a happy life but goodness learn to be kinder not everyone is here to cause problems. :(

[st****]

15 minutes ago, Fuzzmeister92 said:

Seems like there's so much toxicity on here from all members on one side I see terrible people trying to take advantage of people and then I see all of you gatekeepers and whatever you wish to call yourselves. My wife and I joined here to try and learn more about the community and explore our own relationship further and are met by either perverts who just wish to use us or people jumping our shit for simply saying hello I wish you all a happy life but goodness learn to be kinder not everyone is here to cause problems. :(

IKR people on this app are so toxic i hate it

[st****]

Yesterday at 10:06 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

the whole 'ratio' thing gets quite tiring.

The assumption : the site has 60-80% men and 20-40% women (though many people go down the whole overly dramatic 1:100 or 1:1000) so therefore, for every woman there's 4 men, so 3 men will "miss out"

and it's all very mechanical as if women HAVE to have a partner and HAVE to pick from these 4 men.   

They don't. They can choose 0.  At least until someone more apt comes along.  And the same should be said for men.

And sometimes when I say "actually the make up of the site is about 40% women" people will be like "yes, but most of those are far away, or scammers, or fake" ok, but the same is true of a percentage of men.     People build up this big task because they assume there are so many men AND most the men are good - and that there are few women and MOST of the women are bad.

Which is incredibly misogynistic. 

So let's pretend a straw scenario.  A woman has a social engagement tomorrow night and HAS to be accompanied by a man. She HAS to choose someone.  So, anyone who is too far away, eliminate them, narrows it down.  Any one who wouldn't be into that type of engagement, eliminate them, narrows it down.  Then from there prioritise mutual interests so a conversation can be had, and remove any who have any weird red flag vibes about them.   Lowers it down.  This has to be done quickly so 'getting to know' anyone with blank profiles that just go "Hey", "How are you?", "How is your day?" is fruitless (and already proven to be shit conversationals)

And then... despite all the 'choices' in men.  This could still leave no one.  So she doesn't go, or, maybe this man doesn't have to be a date so invites her brother/father/friend 

Proud misogynist

[ge****]

8 hours ago, stoke-on-trent954 said:

Proud misogynist

Want to shoot the other foot while you're at it? 😂🤣
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Not sure there's anything "proud" about admitting you're a misogynist but it certainly won't get you far on sites like this.
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And nothing "toxic" in my comment either - simply an opinion based on having been around sites like this for a number of years and appreciating how they work - take it or leave it.

[ey****]

I think one of the things always to remember in any form of community (online or in person) is there is a mixed bag of folk and a lot of interpretations.

When it comes to meeting people - the important thing is there is never any surefire formula

You don't like, collect stamps every time you go to a munch or event and trade in a full card for the Dom/sub of your dreams.

There are folk who struggle to meet people and, that sucks.  Some people who don't do a lot to help themselves, but then you can still do everything 'right' on paper and still not get your desired results.  

So you get some folk who project how they think things should be - and if you listen to those, you get nowhere.   

And some who things used to work for and now don't, so they'll rosetint and talk up "how things were" as if things don't change

and even those who have considered success - there's no automatic formula which works, just things that help or hinder you.   

Which is, why there's no timescale on meeting someone - and why patience is important.  Because, like, if you did get talking to someone today and you went for drinks next week and they said "OK, let's give this a go" if you/they don't have experience and skills in some activities they're going to take time to learn, so patience is going to be needed.   

[Fa****]

I would like to know what I need to do to get together with the people who I have liked also