Insecurity?

[ca****]

Why isit when you meet someone and thinks start to go well, they find the smallest thing to sabotage it?
You have in one hand every experience and moment you've shared with that person, and in the other is "you liked her post on Instagram"

Since when did social media dictate more than human action

[El****]

I’d probably say that it’s mostly about the person accusing or insinuating, not really about you or what you did. But to find a way out before they get hurt. So, they tend find that way easiest, by looking for a reason. Then it quickly goes from that to a big argument, leaving you confused on how it even started.

[Ra****]

A lot of times, it's *** of living up to expectations. Other times, folks just love to live in some sort of disarray. Since they have/had/currently live in sabotage states the slightest glimpse of right scares them because they don't know how to move to the next level, ie not know how to be happy or allow others to be happy

[Ho****]

I can speak on this from personal experience, I recently (like, within the last few days) ruined a relationship by doing this- it comes from trust issues born out of trauma, I experienced severe ptsd growing up in my home that started in the summer of 1990 when I was  young, ever since then I am unable to trust anyone, whenever I get into a relationship I immediately start looking for reasons to not trust them, ie, snooping around on their accounts, making things up in my own mind etc. for example, if I text someone I’m dating and it takes them 12 minutes to respond, I convince myself that it’s because she was talking to another man “everyone has their phone in their hand, why did it take you so long to respond?!!” I can assure you it’s a miserable way to live, and in my case, if I don’t find a way to work through it I will ruin every relationship I’m in, I can assure you it’s not anything YOU’RE doing, it’s on them.

*unless of course you were ****ing around, then that’s your fault. 🤣 jk.

[Deleted Member]

So as a man would you like your partner giving other men attention? We live in a world now when women brag about stealing other women’s boyfriends. Where women pm guys who like their stuff. And as a man why would you want to put her in a position that makes her uncomfortable? Why do you feel the need to like other women’s stuff? Would you stare at other women while on a date with your girl? My guess is no because you wouldn’t want to upset her. Why do you think the internet is a free pass? It would be one thing if it was your moms post or your ***s post but why would you do something intentionally that you know upsets her over some random person on the internet? Here’s a rule of thumb for you, if you wouldn’t do it or say it in real life in front of your girlfriend, you shouldn’t do it or say it online. It’s just common courtesy.

 I love possession and jealousy in my partners however, I would never do something intentionally to upset them or make them jealous. It’s not OK to play with the emotions and sanity of somebody else.

[Deleted Member]

Because most people are emotionally stunted *** walking around in adult bodies who are unprepared for most of what life has in store for them, much less a relationship. To remedy this, you need to be on the lookout for someone who is self aware, its a rare trait.

[Ra****]

I think it entirely depends on the relationship. If someone who has been betrayed before is in a relationship and they don't feel secure...then they are likely to feel uncomfortable with things like their man liking other girls pictures... maybe make sure that your partner feels secure in the relationship and this would be less of an issue. Or respect their boundreys... one girl may be ok with you liking a girls photos but another may not because it shows your looking at other girls (especially on fet it's not exactly pc here)

[Du****]

3 hours ago, Greenfield said:

Because most people are emotionally stunted *** walking around in adult bodies who are unprepared for most of what life has in store for them, much less a relationship. To remedy this, you need to be on the lookout for someone who is self aware, its a rare trait.

I did assume that every one of the contributors was a ***ager. Yikes.

[ca****]

You can make every physical and emotional effort going to try and convince the person you are genuine, and it still doesn't make a difference..

Let me just clarify, if the person who's post is someone youve know longer than your partner and have never had a sexual connection with, and the posts you have liked have been things like - a sweet quote, picture of them enjoying time with their mum..just normal pictures that you would like if they were man woman or not.

I get the trauma aspect as I am a sufferer/survivor myself, and though people tell you that you repeat what you do not repair, it never leaves you. Still I work hard on giving people a fair chance and only measure them on how they are with me, not their past etc

[ey****]

early days are (and should be) very precious

if you're talking to someone who tells you they're really interested in you - but then you see them openly flirting with other people, do you still believe they're as interested in you as they say?

[Vi****]

some people look for drama

[Deleted Member]

I have an answer for you but you might not like it. She probably didn't like you much and was looking for a reason to break up with you and because you are probably a good guy She didn't find any other reason than that one.

[Gw****]

I'd spend less time liking other ppl pics and more time focussed on what's in hand, maybe they think your lacking commitment because your liking other women's pics..

[ca****]

Some good answers guys, nice to hear every view point on it. I do at times struggle with insecurities myself so I know how it feels to be on that side of things to

[Cr****]

With social media, there is more availability to meet people; thus, it creates a larger pool of possibilities. We keep thinking we can find better. Some just like the rush of being liked as we are a people-pleasing nation and seek affirmation from exterior sources. Lastly, FOC (*** of commitment) keeps people from really enjoying the present.

[ca****]

Yes I agree there to. Why is *** of commitment such a big thing...isit more because we are looking for the next high, or because we feel commitment leads to heartache and disappointment..

[Cr****]

If chasing the next high, then you’ll never be satisfied and therefore negate the present. It will always leave you dissatisfied.

Past baggage dictates the *** of commitment.

Perhaps we need to redefine relationships today and just enjoy the moment for as long as it lasts. Everything is temporary: everything! Bask in the human exchange rather than future tripping or holding any expectations. Why does it have to go anywhere?

If it truly a long term relationship one seeks, then perhaps a different site is more appropriate to find said mate.

[Cr****]

Also communication is key. Be honest, ***less, open, and state what you want up front. You’ll save a lot of time and enjoy yourself more.

[Deleted Member]

Go read Rollo Tomasi's Rationale male it explains what you are frustrated with in depth. But in short, it is evolutionary psychology that makes women very selective and for a damn good reason.

[Kirri]

Insecurity is fickle. On one hand them telling you they are not comfortable with it is a good thing. It means they are not afraid of "upsetting you" and it also shows that they care about you enough to be jealous.

If they are insecure though. Its kinda your job to reassure them. If you don't it will get worse for them. Not everyone is OK with even simple things like likeing girls pictures. And if you do care about them you respect the boundary. If you don't... well that says more about you than them.

Insecurity ofton comes from a place of love that gets distorted by past trauma and ***. You just have to decide if you like the other person enough to help and be patient.

[ca****]

So just to clarify, I am single and the thread was mostly to discuss the topic, I would not be on this app if I was in a commited relationship, it's just an area that can be confusing and is interesting to hear others view points on it 😊

[Kirri]

This app is not just a dating app. I'm in a d/s relationship and I'm still here. I. Relatively new to proper kink so when I have questions.... also met a few nice friends on here too.

But if you did have a partner and they were on here would you feel upset if they were? It's similar to what your post was. As long as they don't do anything wrong it ok right, would it not be ok if it upset you? It's just about whether a boundary has been crossed. For some flirting and chatting is fine as long as it goes no further than that. But for others that would be crossing a major boundary. And if you then continue to do it after a partner or potential partner has expressed their feelings regarding the matter then that's a you issue. Or a communication issue. Depending on the circumstances.

[Nu****]

In todays day and age. There’s a 50/50 chance that it all tracks back to unresolved daddy issues, or the slightly less common unresolved mommy issues.

[ca****]

What it really comes down to is like the post title says - insecurity.

When in a relationship it is different. If there is no commitment there then it shouldn't be an issue, and again for context, the Instagram posts where totally innocent normal posts, not half naked women or anything sexual nature.
So the topic for discussion should be insecurity around a new partner, not trust issues around a relationship 😊

[Nu****]

I totally get it. I’m not saying it’s a trust issue at all. To elaborate on my comment. Insecurities don’t usually form out of nowhere. It’s typically most common that they form because someone did and/or said something enough that a person’s perspective on whatever the insecurities are that they form. And, just like my comment was half joke half serious. The way that society (especially with the younger generations) has become. People will generally blame their parents for many of their insecurities. Not to say that anyone is right or wrong to do so. And, to go off the original post further. These people who have felt neglected at home all their lives will consistently turn to social media to fill that void. Which only rein*** these insecurities. They see all these Facebook happy people, and see all these posts about how relationships should be. Which includes the ever so toxic view that liking someone’s picture is a instant and irreversible red flag that marks the death of a relationship. No matter how loving and supportive it may be.