Un**** Posted April 20, 2023 Posted April 20, 2023 Don’t like sexy pics on social media if you are in a monogamous relationship. That is a total lack of respect.
ca**** Posted April 20, 2023 Author Posted April 20, 2023 You've not read the posts clearly.. no sexy pics involved 😂
ca**** Posted April 20, 2023 Author Posted April 20, 2023 And also wasn't in a relationship either 😊 thanks for the input but youre off point of the topic
CopperKnob Posted April 20, 2023 Posted April 20, 2023 Ouch 😂😂 I think it needs unpicking with regards to where the insecurity has come from. Are they naturally jealous, do they have trust issues, what has occurred between the two of you to build a secure base within that relationship. What might be innocent to you might not be to them . But, like you say, you weren't in a committed relationship when it happened so why is the fact that they walked away an issue? . My other point would be, was it self sabotage (generally a subconscious action) or was it actually that the other person noted something about you that they didn't feel was compatible for them and they then gave a reason for discontinuing engaging with you . Example, I was chatting with someone who suggested we met, i offered a timeframe, no response for 3 days. Literally a couple of "heys" and then, after 3mths, them asking me if they could have a fresh start. Now, I know that I need more communication/contact than that so, whilst we weren't in a committed relationship, we were starting to get to know each other and my expectation was that there would be more of an interest for them to keep the conversation going. I'll put in the same amount of effort I get back. I'm certainly not carrying a conversation. Now, I know that they believe I feel "slighted" and, that's not it at all, I'm very much indifferent over the whole thing. But, having had that conversation...crickets My point being, it's not always about self sabotage, most often it's about knowing ourselves and what we want and being really content with waiting for it. And, given that ot's been crickets, it looks like I made the right choice for myself
FETMOD-BD Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 I've just tidied up the last few comments on this thread - Play nice or I'll start dishing out penalty points!
4R**** Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 On 4/20/2023 at 2:44 PM, Unholy-Mali said: Don’t like sexy pics on social media if you are in a monogamous relationship. That is a total lack of respect. I disagree. It just screams insecurity and lack of trust in the other person.
4R**** Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 My partner and I are both on this site and we like and comment on other people's profiles (not just on here but on other sites) all the time. She has male friends and I have female friends and we give each other privacy for those friendships because we trust each other. There is no jealousy, no concerns about someone getting between us or stealing the other away. We are open about who we are talking to or spending time with and we never question loyalty as we have no need to. Neither of us will ever lie to the other. As the post says, it come down to insecurity and more-likely a lack of communication. If someone is so insecure that their partner "liking" another person''s picture is enough to end their relationship (or make them walk away from interacting with a potential) - well maybe they've done you both a favour and saved you both a lot of heartache down the line. And perhaps they should probably be focusing on themself to understand and then work on their insecurity rather than going through life constantly being suspicious.
Un**** Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 6 hours ago, 4RCH said: My partner and I are both on this site and we like and comment on other people's profiles (not just on here but on other sites) all the time. She has male friends and I have female friends and we give each other privacy for those friendships because we trust each other. There is no jealousy, no concerns about someone getting between us or stealing the other away. We are open about who we are talking to or spending time with and we never question loyalty as we have no need to. Neither of us will ever lie to the other. As the post says, it come down to insecurity and more-likely a lack of communication. If someone is so insecure that their partner "liking" another person''s picture is enough to end their relationship (or make them walk away from interacting with a potential) - well maybe they've done you both a favour and saved you both a lot of heartache down the line. And perhaps they should probably be focusing on themself to understand and then work on their insecurity rather than going through life constantly being suspicious. In an established long term partnership sure. In a brand new fling? Not so much. Saying boundaries have nothing to do with insecurity. It’s asking for respect, exclusivity. Looking at post/pics online isn’t the same as interacting with them. Interacting opens a door, it shows your interest to the person posting. Saying boundaries isn’t sabotaging. If there is no intentions of relationship/partnership from the person opening doors everywhere, then there is no sabotage either. Therefore no reason to be sad/mad about it.
Gw**** Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 Only reason their looking at others is coz their bored of each other.
ca**** Posted April 23, 2023 Author Posted April 23, 2023 Who's mad 😂.. Who's looking at others.. Post gone way over people's heads I think 🤣
4R**** Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 1 hour ago, Unholy-Mali said: In an established long term partnership sure. In a brand new fling? Not so much. My partner and I discussed this right from the start. So no, it wasn't an established long-term relationship. The rest of what you said I'm assuming is not in response to my comment as nothing you've said relates to it. However I will respond to your additional comments: 1 hour ago, Unholy-Mali said: Saying boundaries have nothing to do with insecurity. It’s asking for respect, exclusivity. "Setting Boundaries" is a lot more than just asking for respect or exclusivity. That said, I'm exclusive with my partner - that doesn't stop me liking or commenting on pictures or chatting to and meeting people online (or in person for that matter). 1 hour ago, Unholy-Mali said: Looking at post/pics online isn’t the same as interacting with them. Interacting opens a door, it shows your interest to the person posting. I'm a sociable person, I'm always interacting with new people both in and out of the lifestyle. That doesn't mean that they are invited to make a move on me anymore than them interacting with me means I could make a move on them. 1 hour ago, Unholy-Mali said: If there is no intentions of relationship/partnership from the person opening doors everywhere, then there is no sabotage either. Therefore no reason to be sad/mad about it. This is an odd thing to say. If I was chatting with someone casually and that person got the wrong impression of me or suddenly cut communication then I'd be disappointed by that. Just because there is no intent on progressing to anything more than chat or possible friendship it doesn't lessen the hurt of someone suddenly cutting you off. It does still all come down to insecurity. If I liked hot pic of a woman in a suspension pose, then I would expect my partner to see it as me showing appreciation for the craftsmanship and the art and the hard work that was put into producing the image. If she was to instantly think that I want to get said woman into bed then that would be her insecurity taking over. Thankfully, we don't have that problem. Of course when it comes to commenting it comes down to context - Take a nude sculpture in a museum as an example, commenting on the pose and the artistry is perfectly acceptable but saying "phwor look at the hair on her" would be somewhat inappropriate. Same goes for pictures online, if you're in a relationship and put the latter comment, you can probably expect some backlash from the other half (unless she's into that kind of thing of course).
4R**** Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 1 hour ago, GwynBlaidd said: Only reason their looking at others is coz their bored of each other. What a great way to add to the topic of insecurity - by reinforcing that insecurity with comments like this.
Setrion Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 1 hour ago, Unholy-Mali said: In an established long term partnership sure. In a brand new fling? Not so much. Saying boundaries have nothing to do with insecurity. It’s asking for respect, exclusivity. No, I will still call this out as insecurity. This is controlling behavior, in a red flag sense, because respect goes both ways. A boundary has to be set. If they wanted me to stop doing this, they need to have talked to me about it in the past. Even in a brand new fling, I'm still going to be me. I will be playing my same videogames, I will be listening to my same music, I will be checking out my same porn. If they want me to stop listening to metal bands, they don't get to assume that I will, and get mad at me when I don't psychically guess this. If I'm the kind of person who likes sexy pictures on Instagram, that's a part of who I am and it's something that I do, and they don't get to assume that I'll stop without asking me to first. They need to be able to respect that I do these things *just as much* as I need to respect it if they don't like it. If they want to set a boundary, and to sit me down for a mature conversation about wants and needs, then sure. We can talk, and we can come to an agreement. But they don't get to dictate. I get to have a say in this too, and I get to voice my needs and desires and have them respected. Even a dom doesn't get to punish me for rules that were not established, and especially a dom doesn't get to set rules without consent.
Gw**** Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 50 minutes ago, 4RCH said: What a great way to add to the topic of insecurity - by reinforcing that insecurity with comments like this. Wouldn't be looking if you were satisfied. Or in control of that primal urge.. just sayin
4R**** Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 2 hours ago, GwynBlaidd said: Wouldn't be looking if you were satisfied. Or in control of that primal urge.. just sayin The post is about insecurity, not infidelity. The OP says nothing about anyone looking anywhere else, it simply says that the person liked a picture. I'm not sure how "liking a picture" and "looking elsewhere" correlate. I like lots of pictures every day, that doesn't mean that I'm unsatisfied in my relationship or looking for someone else!
Gw**** Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 Both are related mate,, one feeds the other in an Obourous circle *
4R**** Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 1 hour ago, GwynBlaidd said: Both are related mate,, one feeds the other in an Obourous circle * That's a very unfortunate viewpoint - I don't see the world that way at all. Nor do I like the allegation that I might be looking elsewhere simply because I like a few pictures. Anyhoo, this is a side discussion and is going off the topic of the OP.
FETMOD-BD Posted April 23, 2023 Posted April 23, 2023 As Arch has said, this thread has gone off topic and is taking up too much MOD time so I'm locking it.
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