Cuddling is not very dominant.

[Nocturne]

I see a lot of mentions of aftercare, but besides that, touch is one of the basic human needs, almost everyone will desire it at some point, whether with someone with whom they are in a D/s dynamic with or otherwise.

This kind of obsession with making each action somehow inherently Dominant or submissive is ridiculous, regardless of our roles we are all people. I think seeing cuddling as something more submissive also ties into how people view Dominance and submission as archetypes in a way that is directly parallel to masculinity and femininity. I think both of those things should be deconstructed, each person might experience dominance, submission, masculinity, femininity, so on and so forth in their own personal way, there shouldn't be a wrong or right about that.

To go back to cuddling, which some see as a submissive need, I think that in a good D/s dynamic both people treat each other as just that; people. Allow both parties to have needs and wishes, see each other as more than the roles they have.

[Je****]

58 minutes ago, arnhem961 said:

That's interesting. I often consider cuddling a form of aftercare, to make sure any possible (mental or physical) 'damage' inflicted by rough actions does not linger after play and mess up the person involved.
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There, cuddling is used to comfort and put the other at peace. But for you, it's basically doing the opposite because cuddling takes you out of comfort. Do you normally have some other form of aftercare?

In my case I session a lot with non professional dominant women, many who are new to the lifestyle and often not understanding their own capabilities or having had the opportunity to explore their desires of total dominance. As such they are exploring and pushing their boundaries. Often during these sessions there is a wide range of emotions which occur such as anger and embarrassment which comes out of the goddesses I serve. Frankly some of their experiences prior in their vanilla lives are heartbreaking. Most have been conditioned to suppress their psychological and physical desires and needs to fall in line with a patriarchal society requiring female submission. As an example I have a young 23 year old goddess who was convinced she had sexual problems because the men her age told her that she didn’t enjoy sex because she did not cum when they did. I need to explain to her with me serving her that she has to expect her needs to be fulfilled and also explained that what she experienced has nothing to do with being broken but rather the inexperience of her vanilla lovers not understanding female anatomy and that it can take up to 4x as long for a woman to reach orgasm then a man and the intensity can be as much as 10x more powerful and that she should expect multiple orgasms.
When this happened she experienced a wide range of emotions as you can imagine. Anger over letting herself believe what her ex-vanilla partner told her and the time she wasted with him was one of those emotions. To help her heal I showed her how to use a paddle on me release that rage. It was an intense but highly rewarding session. My ultimate joy and reward is being able to participate in the transformation of a woman into a goddess.

[Do****]

I have noticed people saying this too, in a lot of website about being a Domme. Personally I enjoy stroking, holding and snuggling with a sub. It’s nurturing and caring. They look after me and in return I look after them.

[Wo****]

4 hours ago, DarkArts1066 said:

Different people need different things from a D/s relationship. I have known women who wish to be flogged mercilessly for half an hour, and then held and cuddled for two, while they release the well of emotions which the *** and punishment has stirred.

Equally, I know some subs who need to be kept at arms length, and treated coldly and objectively, without any real intimacy -in the true sense. They need to reflect in a different way.

No two stories are the same… and this is yet another reason why good communication, right from the start, and throughout is key.

Also, sometimes during a D/s relationship, needs change. We must always be mindful of this, lest we miss our cue……….

absolutely this.

Aftercare is an agreed upon part of a scene.

If you do not consent to this and discuss, it is your own fault for partaking if you need it.

I too know both types…some have *** ties to aftercare, some want to be alone with their own emotions and some it takes them out of the scene.

I love aftercare with a partner I connect with.

But I have also had sessions and the agreement was once session is done, goodbye. That may not work for everyone and 100% fine and you don’t have to play.

Communication. Never assume.

[Wi****]

12 hours ago, ncraze said:

Absolutely. But I wasn’t going to go into that on Facebook. I don’t suppose the members in that group would know much about it. I joined the group purely out of amusement. Lol

That's one reason I left FB behind years ago.  This, FetLife and TheCage are about the only social networks I even bother with anymore. 
So many people on FB are just wannabe's that only know what they read/saw with 50 shades of bullshit.  ;) 

[ar****]

1 hour ago, JerseyDmat said:

In my case I session a lot with non professional dominant women, many who are new to the lifestyle and often not understanding their own capabilities or having had the opportunity to explore their desires of total dominance. As such they are exploring and pushing their boundaries. Often during these sessions there is a wide range of emotions which occur such as anger and embarrassment which comes out of the goddesses I serve. Frankly some of their experiences prior in their vanilla lives are heartbreaking. Most have been conditioned to suppress their psychological and physical desires and needs to fall in line with a patriarchal society requiring female submission. As an example I have a young 23 year old goddess who was convinced she had sexual problems because the men her age told her that she didn’t enjoy sex because she did not cum when they did. I need to explain to her with me serving her that she has to expect her needs to be fulfilled and also explained that what she experienced has nothing to do with being broken but rather the inexperience of her vanilla lovers not understanding female anatomy and that it can take up to 4x as long for a woman to reach orgasm then a man and the intensity can be as much as 10x more powerful and that she should expect multiple orgasms.
When this happened she experienced a wide range of emotions as you can imagine. Anger over letting herself believe what her ex-vanilla partner told her and the time she wasted with him was one of those emotions. To help her heal I showed her how to use a paddle on me release that rage. It was an intense but highly rewarding session. My ultimate joy and reward is being able to participate in the transformation of a woman into a goddess.

That's really wholesome, pretty the***utic! As for aftercare, I guess that goes both ways. I focused on the goddess taking care of you after a session. But instead, if the sessions instead have the goddess going on an emotional rollercoaster, _she_ might need the aftercare more.
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I see cuddling as a reciprocal act performed by 2 individuals on the same equal level (without D or s roles getting involved). As such, I reckoned it would be the basis for any mutual understanding to let the parties involved know it's alright and there are no hard feelings. But your sessions may treat aftercare in a different way then.

[Je****]

1 hour ago, arnhem961 said:

That's really wholesome, pretty the***utic! As for aftercare, I guess that goes both ways. I focused on the goddess taking care of you after a session. But instead, if the sessions instead have the goddess going on an emotional rollercoaster, _she_ might need the aftercare more.
.
I see cuddling as a reciprocal act performed by 2 individuals on the same equal level (without D or s roles getting involved). As such, I reckoned it would be the basis for any mutual understanding to let the parties involved know it's alright and there are no hard feelings. But your sessions may treat aftercare in a different way then.

I totally agree the cuddling should be a neutral place in my opinion but the reality is it sometimes isn’t. The ***, ***, and loss of power taken away by a goddess during the session is what I require to balance my soul. That small window of time I’m free of my BS vanilla Alpha life where my decisions are literally responsible for everything and no one challenges or disrespects me. Having a goddess crush my face with the dirty heel of her boot while watching tic Toc vids without a care in the world is a pleasure.
Cuddling diminishes that experience for me but it’s not about me so I do it when asked

[Mi****]

I cuddled with my sub for the first time last week and it was, in both of our views, our best session yet. I then got up and as is My routine, made us a late night supper. While I cooked she fell asleep in my bed for the first time and nothing has made me happier. It indicated to Me that she feels safe and comfortable with Me. And if anyone feels any of this “isn’t very dom of me” that’s fine. She knows who is in charge and I know she feels comfortable with the gift of control she has given Me, and that’s all that matters to Me.

[Deleted Member]

Cuddling is definitely a nice way to show a bond between you and your sub. I always want to give a sort of aftercare or cuddling after a session to let them know how much I care.

[Deleted Member]

Aftercare is very important in any BDSM dynamic, in whichever form that may be. I personally feel very *** after submitting to someone, and the reassurance that none of their actions were done in anger is very comforting, especially when limits have been pushed to the edge.

[Ol****]

I’m a Dom and I like it. I like nursing my wounded. Haha

[1V****]

Cuddling is always good to have.

[Deleted Member]

Those who say cuddling isn't very Dominant have no idea what they are talking about , so I wouldn't take the opinion * to heart. Personally I think affection is essential in this kind of relationship. I fail to see how affection can mean someone is less Dominant, I disagree with that statement completely and if anything I think it makes them a BETTER Dominant to their sub for knowing that affection as well as everything else IS needed.

[do****]

11 minutes ago, Rorakittenxx said:

Those who say cuddling isn't very Dominant have no idea what they are talking about , so I wouldn't take the opinion * to heart. Personally I think affection is essential in this kind of relationship. I fail to see how affection can mean someone is less Dominant, I disagree with that statement completely and if anything I think it makes them a BETTER Dominant to their sub for knowing that affection as well as everything else IS needed.

Preach 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[Da****]

Saturday at 09:24 AM, Muso83 said:

As a submissive I need to feel held and if I’m feeling dominant I want hold of my submissive usually and I it’s not often guys like to be a little spoon it’s a very dominating thing for a guy to get them to rest in a little spoon position.

We have meet before message me

[Deleted Member]

Cuddling as a dominant is an act of possession. You are holding the submissive captive within reach. Who’s to say there is nothing dominant within that aspect? Also regardless of the matter, the relationship between a master and sub is that of its title. A RELATIONSHIP. 🤣. People over complicate this!

[ju****]

Buys a form of feeling the warmth and the sensation of that can stimulate the mind and the body

[BruiseWayne]

On 4/21/2023 at 4:41 PM, ncraze said:

‘Dominant’ Facebook group

I think I see the problem right here, lol...

[nc****]

21 minutes ago, BruiseWayne said:

I think I see the problem right here, lol...

You do, Dark Knight! 😄 ‘’

[Xa****]

Honestly cuddling can be VERY dominant depending on positioning. I mean the whole arms w***d possessivly around your partner while nude and them being in a position of vulnerability basically just screams trust and ownership.

[br****]

I can find myself in a really deep sometimes dangerous headspace after playing and need a dom that will provide that sense of security and safety. In all honesty, I don’t think I could play with anyone that didn’t see the value of touch and grounding afterwards— I want you to wrap your arms around me. Make sure I’m okay and maybe check my *** sugar on that rare occasion.

[Deleted Member]

Are we talking after care? If so, a Dom should be comforting and supportive of his/her sub session. It demonstrates security and dependability.

[Bi****]

Being the “big spoon” will have both of you feeling like that’s the dominate one in a sense

[ph****]

There are few things that put me in a more dominant mindset than her head on my chest, snuggled into me, running my fingers through her hair after…
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F*ck whatcha heard, you do you, you do your partner, you play how you play, not how someone else says is this, that, or a third.

[Deleted Member]

Some people happen to have a very narrowminded view of what dominant means, and sure the term is subjective and can mean different things to different minds, but nobody should be able to tell someone else what dominant should look like for them. In my eyes, a  dominant partner is someone strong and manly who can take control and take the lead and make me WANT TO submit with no question. Acting cold and non affectionate doesn't make me want to submit, it makes me feel unsafe and confused so there is no way on Earth I'm gonna let such man "dominate" me. A dominant partner who makes his sub feel 100% safe is likely to get way more out of them because many of us can only truly let go if we feel safe.