FWB

[lo****]

Why it is very difficult to find a FWB as a married man while it is not as hard if you were a married woman??
My wife is no longer interested in intimacy in anyway shape or form after 20+ years of marriage.
I can’t leave her just for that reason.. but in the other hand I need to feel intimate and have physical affection and explore my kink.
Any advise!!!

[Iamthedriver20]

It's all but impossible bro to be brutally honest. It's just the way society is right now. A hundred or so years ago, it'd have been easy (and almost even expected) for someone in your situation to look for intimacy elsewhere....I wish you luck and I understand what you're feeling man

[Deleted Member]

Because most women don't mind if men get cheated on but they feel it's distasteful if a woman gets cheated on

[Yo****]

Did you work this out? Then got into spaces where you can find intimacy with other people. Maybe go to a swinger club or kinky parties?

[JT****]

Bc most women don’t want to be the other woman.

[Sp****]

Women tend to focus on the F part where men are only interested in the B.

[Ri****]

Because your game sucks

[Sa****]

I used to think that all a woman needed to do was stop saying no. Whereas the more a man wanted the less desirable he became. (Which was the second reason that rationalised polyam for me: arrange your next partner 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 you need them.) Now I think that we "see" this discrepancy is the mirage of, "I desire her, all she has to do is stop saying no." Which totally fails to see many things, from the woman in the corner that does want you, but has the self-esteem to not be your second choice, to ignoring your target's autonomy, to the testosterone fueled over confidence and comparable lack of effort - do you know how much cost and practice makeup takes to not look terrible? (It takes somewhere from years to decades.) TL;DR it's heteronormativity.

[Deleted Member]

Lol cuz they have what we want vs we have what they can get anywhere

[Ri****]

Because your game sucks

[sm****]

Going to 2nd what another said... most women do not want to be the other woman. I have been FWB/dated 4 married men... the right woman for you, that is comfortable with the dynamic you want, is out there, but the emotional/mental aspects of women are challenging to balance knowing she is not the only one in your life. The feeling of being 2nd is difficult for us. Have grace.

[ey****]

one of the reasons men tend to struggle with finding "friends with benefits" is they focus too much on the "with benefits" and not enough on the "friends"

to ask whether women "have it easier" - in these hetro spaces it's with men - so no real difference - no greater amounts of opportunities.

 

also - cheating with no intention of leaving your partner is rarely a good deal for the other person, this ends up favouring when you are available, bored, horny - rather than what works for them.  

your choices here are

- accept your relationship with your wife and look to improve sexual intimacy together - what would benefit her?

- leave your wife then anyone you do approach is going to at least be your number one, but, don't expect women to fawn at your feet 

- pay someone.   you then get sexual satisfaction, the other person doesn't need to care you don't really care for them and just want your end away, cos they're getting paid 

and honestly, I'd recommend the first one.

(NB: if you don't want your marriage to end, be assured it has a big chance of ending and you losing a lot if you do find some form of FWB and are caught) 

[Yo****]

These advices here are so pathetic. I only see entitled bitches, whining that you can't get along with women the way they like. Seriously. 
Here is a human being asking for some advice on their desires and all they get is toxic masculine bullshit. 
Y'all should check your state of mind and stop seeing women that one dimensional. there is lots of women out there looking for affairs and intimacy. They just don't like you all. 

[Yo****]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

one of the reasons men tend to struggle with finding "friends with benefits" is they focus too much on the "with benefits" and not enough on the "friends"

to ask whether women "have it easier" - in these hetro spaces it's with men - so no real difference - no greater amounts of opportunities.

 

also - cheating with no intention of leaving your partner is rarely a good deal for the other person, this ends up favouring when you are available, bored, horny - rather than what works for them.  

your choices here are

- accept your relationship with your wife and look to improve sexual intimacy together - what would benefit her?

- leave your wife then anyone you do approach is going to at least be your number one, but, don't expect women to fawn at your feet 

- pay someone.   you then get sexual satisfaction, the other person doesn't need to care you don't really care for them and just want your end away, cos they're getting paid 

and honestly, I'd recommend the first one.

(NB: if you don't want your marriage to end, be assured it has a big chance of ending and you losing a lot if you do find some form of FWB and are caught) 

I'd add that you also can have an intimate relationship without sex and be able to get your desires met. Polyamoric relationships exist and are as valid as anything else. Communication is key. It's either you have to work on your existing relationship or you find new ones with consent of your partner or you leave her.

[Ha****]

My ex left after 20 years also to shag other men, shes an alcoholic.
Iv been single now for 5 years and cannot for the life of me find a decent girl who doesnt expect the earth.
Im done with owning homes and nice cars and furniture, i just want to love and be loved thats it...i feel your *** mate and it hurts

[ca****]

Unless you have very particular needs or interests that's cutting down your options then you need to work on how you're going about it, dating women is not difficult, there are less of them out there compared to the number of men looking for the same thing (hence why it's easier for women) but if you go about it the right way you'll meet people, if your not meeting anyone then your doing it wrong. Blaming the women or blaming the *game" is not the one

[Missy45]

Because most men don't tell their wives that their on a dating site looking for sex. And most of the time when a woman asks if your wife know, the men are lying. These days and time people are crazy and they don't need the extra drama.

[Deleted Member]

49 minutes ago, smbliss said:

Going to 2nd what another said... most women do not want to be the other woman. I have been FWB/dated 4 married men... the right woman for you, that is comfortable with the dynamic you want, is out there, but the emotional/mental aspects of women are challenging to balance knowing she is not the only one in your life. The feeling of being 2nd is difficult for us. Have grace.

Question, but why should we be put 2nd sometimes and it's brushed off? Just curious. I like intellectual debates

[Deleted Member]

Supply and demand i believe can be a problem here

[Deleted Member]

men always approaching women and women usually don't approach men.

[Deleted Member]

80/20 rule

[Deleted Member]

80percent of men get 20percent of the action. You can hire an escort to outsource the intimacy missing in your relationship, but you won't feel validated, so the experience may feel empty

[Deleted Member]

Married men experiencing a dead bedroom is common, but potentially getting caught having an affair can potentially lead to a divorce, so you seem to be trapped in a damned if you do damned if you don't situation

[Bo****]

As a woman who is asked to be in this position often, I’ll share my thoughts.
1. I always ask if “she” knows. ENM is perfectly fine with me but I don’t want the guilt around being the other woman when your SO has no clue.
2. I have plenty of FWB offers from single men without the guilt of being the other woman
3. When you’re cheating, even if the FWB is ok with it, it’s often far more cumbersome to coordinate with you because you’re having to come up with reasonable excuses to carve out the time. I’d rather FWB with someone who can make time more easily. My time is valuable.
4. Have you even asked your SO if they would be open to an ENM relationship or want to experiment together? Many times when men are out here looking for FWB because their “wife is boring”, it’s because you tools never bothered to try to spice it up WITH her. When is the last time you truly seduced her? Try harder.

[Se****]

Try what we have since 2015, agree to have an open relationship, you'll be surprised how many women and men will make themselves available.