Mental health and dating

[Deleted Member]

The thing I crave the most I am think I am destined to be starved of it. I feel like tantalus on my quest to snuff out my singledom, and enter coupledom where cwtches (cuddles for you none Welsh speakers) hand holding and frantic kinky fuckery abound, where trying to reach things from the top shelf is no longer flirting with a trip to a and e, where hoodies are pilfered and cosy, and my good moisturizer is stolen to soothe freshly shaven skin, and I make someone laugh so hard they almost wee. 

 

This probably sounds like the writing of a desperate spinster, and yeah I am desperate...to be wanted for how I am. I am Borderline here me self destruct. 

 

When it comes to mental health nowadays people are eager to be accepting and be empathetic, to be fine with it, which is great for us, because we feel seen and we take comfort in that acceptance, our hearts throws a party because we can stop wearing a mask and attempting to conceal our symptoms and just be free to be ourselves, until our negative symptoms show, and our worst ***s come true and the very thing we *** the most comes true. They leave. 

 

Most of the time I can't make it to the first date because of my symptoms, some people are direct and up front about it, which I prefer. Others ghost or tell a white lie so as to soften the blow. Give me pure unadulterated honesty any day of the week over some sugar coated shit biscuit, or ghosting. After that rejection we're then left shattered, and feeling bereft because yet again we're unwanted and abandoned. 

I am Borderline hear me shatter. 

 

The longevity of the interaction doesn't make one iota of difference either, to the emotional response. 

Some of you might be reading this and thinking 'that's a bit intense' right. And you'd be right, intensity is kind of our thing, and abandonment issues real or perceived is one of the top 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD diagnosies. Personally for me it's not just being ditched because of my diagnosis/symptoms...it's feeling like I simply don't measure up, that I'm not worthy of someone, that because of my illness and the damage that led me to having it that I deserve to be alone, that I don't deserve to be wanted or liked let alone loved. 

 

I'm not writing this saying it's not fair and people have to like me. That would be ridiculous. I'm writing this to see if other Borderlines can relate, I want to know you're experiences when telling someone that you have BPD, how do they react, at what point do you tell them you have it. Has it effected your D/s dynamic in any way, whether that's enriching it or otherwise. I want to know about the experiencs of people that don't have it and have dated someone with it.

 

I also wrote it to challenge the fact that people's attitudes are completely different and variable depending on what mental illness you're afflicted with. It's sad but it's true.

 

Also mods if there's anything that needs editing out can you please let me know as this piece is important to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[No****]

That’s amazingly powerful, I commend you and thank you for writing this. I have never been diagnosed or gone for testing. I’ve had abandonment issues all my life go through not very big highs but lows often. I have felt a lot of your emotions often through my life. Thank you again. I’m not far from you just over the bridge Bristol if you ever want a meet and drink!?

[sc****]

I know exactly how u feel, I feel the same way when I’m rejected or not given the chance n just blocked for no reason, ur inner voice switches over n tells u ur not worthy of anyone that u don’t deserve anything that no one will look twice at you, ur not worth acknowledgement, but when some one is intrested your switches over and your excited that someone likes you n possibly wants you but u over do things n instead of them bein honest they ghost or block you n u wend up switch over to the other voice, it’s like in the old cartoons when the character has a angel on 1 side and the devil on the other, the angel is ur happy voice n goes ott, and the devil is the one who makes u see that ur this thing

[Muso83]

Really powerful I too am borderline I think the big push on mental health is over the latest line I hear is I’ll do me you do you even my kid said it to me. The world is locking themselves in linely boxes, Community is lost. I get some comfort from the swinging community there is a lot of borderline in there and people are quite open and friendly and very cuddly.

[sc****]

Muso83 I havnt found that tbh it just feels if your face fits ur accepted if it Dosnt then your an outsider and will be treated like it

[Wolf_Eyes]

Completely understand where you're coming from with this, I find it hard even talking to people I don't know or aren't familiar with cause of how bad my social anxiety has gotten, let alone trying to explain it to people I want to try making a connection with 😞

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for you kind comments. I'm sorry to hear that you've had it tough too. If you're struggling go and see your GP and ask about getting an assessment too. Also if things are bad there's 111 service that has an option to talk to someone about mental health. I don't know if it's the same in England though. Hope you're ok.

[Deleted Member]

I get the whole overcompensating thing. I do it all the time, trying to twist myself into all of these shapes to get people to like you.

[sc****]

Yes daddy yes
The problem is there is a very long waiting list for anything todo with mental health, I’ve seen gp I’m in a mental health group n I’m on a wait list to be assed but I’ve been on there for nearly a year

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, wolfmanjap said:

That’s amazingly powerful, I commend you and thank you for writing this. I have never been diagnosed or gone for testing. I’ve had abandonment issues all my life go through not very big highs but lows often. I have felt a lot of your emotions often through my life. Thank you again. I’m not far from you just over the bridge Bristol if you ever want a meet and drink!?

 

7 hours ago, sci-fimarvelgeek4 said:

I know exactly how u feel, I feel the same way when I’m rejected or not given the chance n just blocked for no reason, ur inner voice switches over n tells u ur not worthy of anyone that u don’t deserve anything that no one will look twice at you, ur not worth acknowledgement, but when some one is intrested your switches over and your excited that someone likes you n possibly wants you but u over do things n instead of them bein honest they ghost or block you n u wend up switch over to the other voice, it’s like in the old cartoons when the character has a angel on 1 side and the devil on the other, the angel is ur happy voice n goes ott, and the devil is the one who makes u see that ur this thing

 

1 hour ago, Muso83 said:

Really powerful I too am borderline I think the big push on mental health is over the latest line I hear is I’ll do me you do you even my kid said it to me. The world is locking themselves in linely boxes, Community is lost. I get some comfort from the swinging community there is a lot of borderline in there and people are quite open and friendly and very cuddly.

Thanks for your comment too. Isn't it a nightmare to deal with. Aw that's great that people are open and friendly and that you have a good support network there too. 💖

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, sci-fimarvelgeek4 said:

Yes daddy yes
The problem is there is a very long waiting list for anything todo with mental health, I’ve seen gp I’m in a mental health group n I’m on a wait list to be assed but I’ve been on there for nearly a year

If you're symptoms are worsening going back to your GP and asking them to expedite it might get you seen sooner if you're struggling.

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, Wolf_Eyes said:

Completely understand where you're coming from with this, I find it hard even talking to people I don't know or aren't familiar with cause of how bad my social anxiety has gotten, let alone trying to explain it to people I want to try making a connection with 😞

I'm sorry to hear you struggle too. I relate to that. I'm off to a munch with my bestie and I'm dreading it to be honest 😂 Have you had any help for it? Is there anything you find that helps with your symptoms? 

[Wolf_Eyes]

7 minutes ago, YesDaddyYes said:

I'm sorry to hear you struggle too. I relate to that. I'm off to a munch with my bestie and I'm dreading it to be honest 😂 Have you had any help for it? Is there anything you find that helps with your symptoms? 

I used to drink a fair bit, and was using a variety of *** for a number of years that helped, but stopped the *** which was a few years before I found out I had it and tryna get the drs to give me anything to help that doesn't just make me sleep all the time is useless, so just had to deal with it tbh, makes life extremely lonely sometimes though

[Deleted Member]

Congrats on stopping ***. That's awesome. Do you feel better for it? Could you not take the meds before bed? I take mine at night and it helps me sleep, I don't really get groggy in the mornings anymore. 

Have you tried mindfulness? There's things like body scans or leaves on a stream is good too. You'll find that on YouTube.x

[Deleted Member]

27 minutes ago, sci-fimarvelgeek4 said:

Yes daddy yes
The problem is there is a very long waiting list for anything todo with mental health, I’ve seen gp I’m in a mental health group n I’m on a wait list to be assed but I’ve been on there for nearly a year

Also sorry you're struggling too. Hang on in there. If things are getting bad, see your GP.

[Wolf_Eyes]

20 minutes ago, YesDaddyYes said:

Congrats on stopping ***. That's awesome. Do you feel better for it? Could you not take the meds before bed? I take mine at night and it helps me sleep, I don't really get groggy in the mornings anymore. 

Have you tried mindfulness? There's things like body scans or leaves on a stream is good too. You'll find that on YouTube.x

Tbh not really the *** kinda helped keep everything atrt bay, but at the same time physically Im not as bad. Problem I have with meds is I work nights part time and can't take them at a consistent time, which then screws my sleep pattern an my moods

[De****]

I admire your bravery in opening up like that and I can certainly empathize with some of the emotional struggles and strain that dating can have on the I'll mental health. I've never dated anyone with diagnosed BPD but I would suspect there are just as many if not more out there undiagnosed and I have dated a few with, let's say stronger than average mental health struggles. Personally I would tend to think that you, and all the rest of us, are all integral parts of the wonderfully rich and messy and endlessly intriguing spectrum of humanity..... And try to keep in mind how fiercely boring it would be if we all had it together and thought the same way.
Stay beautiful 🌹

[Ca****]

They say I have PTSD, depression and some shit called a adjustment disorder. Tried my on all kinds of meds. Non worked and often left me feeling worse. I found that through good friends and the excitement of exploring new alternative life/relationship styles helps keep my mind under my own control mostly. @YesDaddyYes Please don't give up on your search for what you desire. Look, I haven't been with a woman in over a decade because of my issues which is what had lead me here to find a way past them. Given my past history I should have ever reason to give up on relationships. But being alone sucks. So let's not give up okay.

[De****]

4 minutes ago, Cain88m said:

They say I have PTSD, depression and some shit called a adjustment disorder. Tried my on all kinds of meds. Non worked and often left me feeling worse. I found that through good friends and the excitement of exploring new alternative life/relationship styles helps keep my mind under my own control mostly. @YesDaddyYes Please don't give up on your search for what you desire. Look, I haven't been with a woman in over a decade because of my issues which is what had lead me here to find a way past them. Given my past history I should have ever reason to give up on relationships. But being alone sucks. So let's not give up okay.

Some interesting research and trials happening, in the States I believe, with mushrooms as treatment for PTSD and associated symptoms if that's something you might be interested in looking into

[xLittle_Lady_of_Lotx]

@YesDaddyYes I too have BPD and what you wrote is me too. I am open about my BPD and in true BPD style, I over explain it and the therapy I had to become more stable. On one hand, I keep thinking it's the adult and grown up thing to do to declare it like we should be on some register with warning sirens. Not only is that one of symptoms but also the battle to thwart the sensationalised social media's take on people with personality disorder. On the other hand, I personally believe that I should let a potential partner know about it so they can make their own informed decisions about whether they wish to continue with me. Also, note, I expect as a bare minumum, the same respect in return.

Some have been overwhelmed by my intensity and some have seen it as part of something I deal with repeatedly throughout the day, all day.

With regards, to dating or dynamic (or both), learn to embrace it as part of you, love yourself inspite of it and if someone doesn't appreciate you as you are, BPD and all, it's good and bad times, then are they really someone you want to invest in when you could have spent that time on loving yourself? All of this is just my opinion and if you want someone to talk to a bit more about it, then please message me. I may be in England but I do love cwtches too!

[Bo****]

Thank you for your bravery to discuss candidly and openly your heart ❤️

[Deleted Member]

That sounds really tough. Check out Leaves on a stream or some other mindfulness techniques, they might help you.

[Deleted Member]

That sounds really tough. Check out Leaves on a stream or some other mindfulness techniques, they might help you.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, eoinexploring said:

I admire your bravery in opening up like that and I can certainly empathize with some of the emotional struggles and strain that dating can have on the I'll mental health. I've never dated anyone with diagnosed BPD but I would suspect there are just as many if not more out there undiagnosed and I have dated a few with, let's say stronger than average mental health struggles. Personally I would tend to think that you, and all the rest of us, are all integral parts of the wonderfully rich and messy and endlessly intriguing spectrum of humanity..... And try to keep in mind how fiercely boring it would be if we all had it together and thought the same way.
Stay beautiful 🌹

Thank you and thank you to everyone that has validated my experiences and been brave enough to share theirs. I would do anything for boring. BPD is exhausting, on top of the abandonment issues, the incessant mood swings, the dramatic highs a lows, dissociation, depersonalisation, paranoid ideation, *** ideation (mods sorry if that's not allowed, I can edit it needs on order to post it) and an unstable sense of self, it's exhausting as in could sleep for a week exhausting.

 

Do you suffer too? 

[Bo****]

No but have tremendous empathy for those seeking love and attention in all the right ways yet still struggle to find that satisfying sweet spot.