Feminism and submission

June 12, 2023

I was having a conversation with someone not too long ago who asked me how I was able to justify being a feminist and a submissive.
It wasn't something I'd ever really thought about mainly because IMO it isn't something I need to justify, nor do I believe that you can be just one or the other.
Thinking back on that conversation I'm now wondering... does being submissive mean you can't also believe in equality for all genders?
I always thought that the point of feminism was that it allowed women to have the same rights and men, and the ability to be able to choose how you lived your life instead of having no choices.
So what's the general consensus, can we have it all?

June 12, 2023

Of course you can. I'm a feminist and a Dom. Both parties are making a choice about their roles. That's equality.

June 12, 2023

Being a feminist and submissive kinda contradict... But then again, not so much.

As a movement it looks out for the females rights as a whole, trying to elevate females position in the public, and around the globe...

HOWEVER

Being individually submissive does not mean that you do not want the best for the women in Africa or China, and in fact, as a free woman, it is entirely upon the individual as to how they practice their freedom, including the freedom to give up your freedom :)

June 12, 2023

I've always been dominant, not by choice, by nature. women have always been my equal, even in the bedroom as they allow me to be who I am. What I'm saying is that you have every right to be who you are .

June 12, 2023

You absolutely can have it all. Having a fetish has nothing to do with standing up for women's rights.

June 12, 2023

Thanks for the post Sparkles, that's an interesting one. I'd be off the same mind as yourself regarding feminism, or maybe would have been but I prefer equalityism for more inclusivity!..... But then I think most isms can and will unfortunately be bastardized by some.
I look forward to hearing more female perspectives on this or if your/our attitude is the pervasive

June 12, 2023

Whilst I can see how it might be seen that the two would jar against each other when looked at as purely a woman giving up control to a man - but that's looking at it from a very superficial level.
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For me submission is something that is given from a place of equality and strength and should be taken in the same vein by a dominant and when you look at it that way any gender biases or isms don't come into it.
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Looking at it another way, would you say that a male submissive is giving in to misandry? Same thing really, but of course he isn't

June 12, 2023

I absolutely believe you can be both. There’s a difference between being submissive against your will, and being submissive because that’s what you enjoy. As you mentioned, feminism is about empowering women, and who’s to say what does and does not empower each individual. Perhaps the person you were speaking to doesn’t fully understand submissiveness or BDSM as a whole.

June 12, 2023

I'm a Dom and life long feminist. This is again something that is based on the person and their value system. To me, submission is empowerment and taking control over your life by making the decision to give up control. And I treat it as such. I empower my submissives to be all and the best they can be in whatever they choose to do. I receive my pleasure in observing their growth and knowing that they allowed me to be a part of that and protect it. So yes you can be a feminist and a submissive imo. Because you are submissive does not necessarily mean you are treated unfairly, unequal, or less than. The respect as a person should never leave the dynamic unless it is consented to (CNC) but imo even that has limits and respect that should be given

June 12, 2023

the attitude that you can't be feminist and submissive is a complete misunderstanding. not being free to be who you are sexually, would be repressed and 'un-feminist'. just because I'm male and more dominant inclined sexually does not mean I'm not a feminist. too many people believe feminism is 'anti-men'. feminism is anti-patriarchy and is about equality and equity for all.

June 12, 2023

there's a lot of good posts on the wider web on feminism and kink

but some of the core principles of feminism apply to kink - so for example sexual freedom, consent, etc.

June 12, 2023

I think BDSM, like anything else, has been tainted by decades of a misogynistic view attached to it by popular media. End of the day, BDSM for many people is a form of therapy for victims of *** and such. I do see where the concern comes from, but I think the more you get to know real D/s relationships and such, you get to see how it has nothing to do with oppression. If anything, it can be the entire opposite. It is a freeing form of sexual expression for a lot of people who can’t find pleasure otherwise.

June 12, 2023

This is from something I posted here (paraphrased)...
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D/s has absolutely nothing to do with gender or societal norms. I'm not a sub because I'm a woman. BDSM doesn’t give a damn about the Y chromosome. A community which is notorious for enabling us to be free, to be who we want to be and is accepting of that, insists that we all choose our sexualities freely. It does not give a single duck to heteronormative ideas. What is more consistent with feminist ideology than that?
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I choose submission, I don't see it as a loss of power, but as something that gives me power.
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As counterintuitive as it may seem, equality is necessary in a power exchange dynamic, empowerment is the very thing that allows me to give up power.
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Feminism and submission are symbiotic, they can absolutely live alongside each other in perfect harmony in a D/s relationship.

June 12, 2023

There are people constantly trying to take power from women against their will. On the other hand submission is a woman making the choice to give up their power. That choice is, in and of itself, powerful. In other words, they are two totally different things and not contradictory.

June 12, 2023

Feminism is a wide concept and we have the right to explore all our femininity. We just want the same social political and economic equality it doesn't mean that we trust no man.

If you trust your partner to the point to completely deliver yourself and let yourself be cared for is not a weakness but a power to chose who has the right to see and access the most *** part of you

A big percentage of male and female submissives are people in power. In the the bedroom is the only moment they can let themselves go and be led. For a man is not a shame to be a submissive (as is for no one) inside the bedroom there is no morals or social constructs, only trust and pleasure :)

June 12, 2023

As a male perspective, I had 2 feminist subs. I enjoyed asking them to tell me that while gagging on my 🍆 and spank their ass for being a good feminist.
As mentioned by others comments, being a feminist or not got nothing to do with bdsm submission unless of course it’s a 1950s type or M/s relationship….

June 12, 2023

the attitude that you can't be feminist and submissive is a complete misunderstanding. We all live to learn

June 13, 2023

A kink is a kink and a political position is a political position. Simple as that.

June 14, 2023

Monday at 01:35 PM, CopperKnob said:

This is from something I posted here (paraphrased)...
.
D/s has absolutely nothing to do with gender or societal norms. I'm not a sub because I'm a woman. BDSM doesn’t give a damn about the Y chromosome. A community which is notorious for enabling us to be free, to be who we want to be and is accepting of that, insists that we all choose our sexualities freely. It does not give a single duck to heteronormative ideas. What is more consistent with feminist ideology than that?
.
I choose submission, I don't see it as a loss of power, but as something that gives me power.
.
As counterintuitive as it may seem, equality is necessary in a power exchange dynamic, empowerment is the very thing that allows me to give up power.
.
Feminism and submission are symbiotic, they can absolutely live alongside each other in perfect harmony in a D/s relationship.
Expand

Absolutely this. I second all of this.

June 14, 2023

I'm both a feminist and a sub, and others here already explained it exactly as I would have. The whole premise of the BDSM lifestyle/community is about consent and choice. Feminism teaches the importance of consent and choice as well. They fit together pretty perfectly. Even in the M/s dynamic, it's still compatible with feminism because it's about consent (CNC is still consensual) and choosing the role of the slave sub.

It's the vanilla world that has the concept of submission all backwards and wrong. Human history of the Patriarchy, and repression in religion, have both contributed to warping and twisting the concept of submission into something it should never have been twisted into. The church (and other religious groups) have *especially* been responsible for warping the concept of submission. Because "submission" that is ***d on someone against their will not only disrespects that person and their free will, but also isn't true submission. TRUE submission is freely given, by choice. It can never truly be taken from someone, only received by the one it's being given to. Yes, you can *** someone to "submit" in body and practice, but you can't make them submit in their minds/hearts/soul. Without true consent and freedom of choice, that "submission" means nothing and is worthless. True submission starts in the mind and heart first with that complete freedom of choice. Yes, you can manipulate and brainwash someone into believing they are "choosing" it, but even that is still non-consensual and therefore never truly chosen (*** and forcing someone under duress is not consensual ofc).

That's one of the things that I as a feminist greatly admire about the BDSM community and lifestyle - it has and teaches what true submission is all about, and what true dominance is all about. Consent and choice. This is why we have warnings about anyone who claims to be a Dom yet tries to take/demand submission without consent. Anyone who does that is basically defeating the whole purpose of submission, and will only ever get a fake, worthless "submission" until they learn this lesson and change accordingly.

June 14, 2023

Hi Folks , I don't normally chip into these discussions however I feel drawn to over the female submissive / feminist debate. I've been openly living BDSM lifestyle (as a Sexual Dominant) since I was 19yrs of age, which is about 37yrs. I firmly believe being a natural sub or Dom within play can NOT be reasonably equated to being a feminist or male chovenist in life outside of BDSM by anyone with any intelligence, understanding, insight or experience with the multiple realms of BDSM. I am 100% a Sexual Dominant and have been since I remember, even before I was sexually aware. I'm a committed feminist as is my ultra submissive partner. I personally believe every female, should she so desire has the right to access consentual, quality, BDSM kink without judgement or social ridicule. It's a right of choice.
I hope that makes sense folks x

June 14, 2023

No it doesn't mean you can't believe in equality.
Yes you can be a sub and also be equal.
Being a dom doesn't mean a person is better than a sub.
A s/d couple can be a happy team who respect and enjoy eachother.

June 14, 2023

Exactly to some of the other posts. Just because you asked me to slap the snot out of you and I agree to it does not make me greater than or a sub less than. Technically, it's shows the sub has more power because she got me to consent to do it. And that goes both ways. The power of the equality lies in the consent. For those not in the know, equality is not 50/50. Equality is ensuring that someone has what they need, want, and deserve. Whatever it is. A solid D/s relationship is a continuous and harmonious push/pull, yin/yang.

July 7, 2023

That person is extremely rude and obviously just wanted an excuse to tear you down. Whatever you like sexually has nothing to do with what you believe in. I am a female Dominant but I know if I was a submissive that I would still be exactly myself no matter what. No one should ever try to shame you for any part of you. You enjoy what you enjoy and it doesn’t make you anymore or any less that who you are. Hope this helps.

November 17, 2023

I am submissive in the bedroom also. But, we keep that aspect of our life in the bedroom. I think of it like would you prefer tomatoes or oranges. But a lot more fun