Sk**** Posted June 15, 2023 Posted June 15, 2023 I have a Master that I've been in a deep relationship with for many years. We've even fallen in love with the other person. However, a few nights ago he pushed my limits and I had to safeword. The only problem is...he kept going. At the time I was also in sub-space so it was hard for me to stop him after I had safe worded. He apologized extensively and promised me that it won't happen again but since he took that safety net from me, I'm scared to submit. I don't want to abandon our relationship after everything we've been through but I don't know how to go back either. Can anyone help me?
Ke**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 I wouldn't say abandon the relationship if that is something you absolutely don't want to do, But. if you have an open dialogue with him then I would at least have a sit down chat with him about how you feel about what happened and try to work with him to fix it, Which if he apologized extensively then having that conversation with him shouldn't be hard. you just. need honestly, trust and safety in any kind of relationship and if you don't feel safe then you should try to change that and by talking to him about what happened is a step you can take and I would recommend it.
Deleted Member Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 It will take some time to earn to trust again
Deleted Member Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 That is something you will have to have a conversation about. In all honesty ignoring someone’s safe word is unforgivable and it’s even more so when it’s done while that person is in sub-space. Once that is done is how can you trust that person again? The simple answer is you can’t. If you can’t trust them then a relationship is impossible.
Bu**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 That’s a tough one. Once that trust is broken, it’s never quite the same. Did they do aftercare with you and talk about what happened? That’s incredibly important. Humans make mistakes. If they are being radically honest about what they did and you believe them: That’s a good start. If you decide to try again—take it slow.
Lu**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 If I am honest I don't like the sound of pushing your limits... especially if he already knew these limits? I understand sub space can be something else and get really into it BUT your limits shouldn't be tested. It is such a shame if I'm honest and must be very difficult for you especially being intimate with this person for a long time and falling in love? I can understand why you don't feel safe, I know I wouldn't. Of course I am on the outside looking in but you're clearly uncomfortable and trust has been broken and if I'm honest trust should never be broken, and it kinda makes me worry for you in a way as I'm not sure if you're into more err extreme things? So you're even more ***? It's going to take time for you to be comfortable again, and it really does depend what he did and if it spooked you, if you do stay as this persons sub please be very careful.. I know for sure I wouldn't want to be tied up for some time with them. I am really sorry your trust has been broken and you're uncomfortable 🫂xx
Se**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 Safe word, is a gift of trust given to a Dom. By the sub. You have to decide now is your safe word important to you or not. In 42 years of playing out scenes, I have had many safe words called, I have never ignored a safe word, to do so, is basically tell the sun that their feeling really doesn't matter.
Deleted Member Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 I'm sorry but I would say that's unforgivable.
Ma**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 Obviously this over someone’s limit but nothing wrong going over a little too much but not way over too much to the point of serious harm also depends on the intention they had when they broke seems they made a genuine mistake here but it’s up to u to see that but u can forgive them and move one but give them a chance strike 2-3x then better separate than to stay despite going thru stuff together because what if it kills/hospitalises u, how would u feel about that then better so end it before then
De**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 Honestly, ignoring your safe-word is unforgivable. It means you were no longer consenting. It would be akin to someone in a vanilla relationship forcing sex on their partner. I don’t see how that’s fixable.
Ta**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 If you feel like the underlying relationship is worth holding onto, take a break from the dynamic and reconnect on a fundamental level. Make him understand he violated your sense of safety and he’s got to earn that back. Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s ultimately up to you whether or not you’re comfortable giving him a second chance.
Bu**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 33 minutes ago, TallBastard said: If you feel like the underlying relationship is worth holding onto, take a break from the dynamic and reconnect on a fundamental level. Make him understand he violated your sense of safety and he’s got to earn that back. Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s ultimately up to you whether or not you’re comfortable giving him a second chance. I feel like you read my thoughts. All that I can add is that you are not currently in that power dynamic where your safety word can be ignored. Reconnect and rediscover your boundaries with your dom before you enter into that dynamic situation again. He broke trust and made the mistake if you are willing to forgive he must be willing to be patient and earn it back
polycouple_69 Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 Ignoring a safe word is not acceptable - a sub is *** and the number one duty of a dom is to protect the sub. Only you can determine how you proceed - in both aspects of your life
Deleted Member Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 Respectfully move on love x, don’t feel bad for his untrust
My**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 2 hours ago, BusyLizzy said: I feel like you read my thoughts. All that I can add is that you are not currently in that power dynamic where your safety word can be ignored. Reconnect and rediscover your boundaries with your dom before you enter into that dynamic situation again. He broke trust and made the mistake if you are willing to forgive he must be willing to be patient and earn it back Well said! I second that motion. You need to sit down with your dom, and go over safety and safe works. Talk about your boundaries and your hard limits. Patitence and trust is the keys to a promising happy dom/sub relationship
Deleted Member Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 He crossed the line into *** when he didn’t stop. Not sure how you fix that.
ma**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 I agree with the other commenter. Once u used your safeword and he didn’t immediately stop and start aftercare that’s a big issue and needs to be addressed.
VILKDUJA Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 Ignoring a safe word is completely unacceptable & inexcusable in any situation. The moment that is done, it ceases being play or a dynamic, it is outright ***, plain & simple as that. I don't like having to state this, but it does also demonstrate his complete lack of underlying care, concern or consideration for you, no matter what he has done, said or shown previously. The fact that he broke your trust, showed no considered or care for your feelings by violating & abusing you in this way, shows what sort of a person he truly is inside. Apologizing means nothing, neither do his promises. And whatever he claims to feel is certainly not love, it's not even respect or care. If it was, he would have ceased the moment you said your safe word. The fact he didn't shows him to be a selfish, ignorant dangerous bully, with no concern for you whatsoever. There is no guarantee that he won't do it again, that will always be in the back of your mind, or that he will even stop at all next time. I don't see how there can be anyway back after what he did, or indeed why you would even want to put yourself at risk again. As hard as it is, realise the full extent & implications of what he did, & leave well alone.
Wi**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 I recommend both of u discuss how u feel about it because I doubt he trusts himself too so discuss it, but first process your emotions and talk about it when you are ready. Also stopping takes self discipline and when stuff like this happens you need to block out emotions and what your feeling because your stimulated but expect him not to hear the first time so be ready to say it again 3 times after that yell it if he doesn't stop.... I feel like im saying what u already know and it's so much more complicated but in a sense you need to field a right mindset that fits u in that moment but stop listening to any sexual desires
Co**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 Ohh Im so Sad this has happened to you SkyaWolf....... Please take time to process. I am yet to find my partner, nor been totally in Subspace, but have had someone push me past my limits early on and it ***y hurt.!! As I understand it, besides being trusted to totally stop if a Sub uses their Safeword........shouldn't the Dom/ Master be ESPECIALLY focused once a Sub is in Subspace? Reading body language, and pulling back before a Safe Word is needed. Playing, manipulating with someones body, for pleasure and ***, is intriguing........but if it crosses that boundary.......be ***........ Because of your obvious deep bond with him , I de say have a Heart to Heart. Guage his answers and reactions with a clear head.......non emotional ( once you have processed and cleared them) But it ll take a while before you can fully trust again, to go into Subspace. Completely let go. Allowing him to do what he wants........that Trust is Ultimate. Lots of Love to You Xxx💕🙏
QXX666 Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 You know him better that everyone here, regardless what they says. Was it a genuine “overstepped”? Was he sincere when he apologised? You have been years together so maybe just a reassessment about your dynamic should happen. Have a good long talk, take a break with any sessions. Sometime taking a step back from the situation give a better perceptive about how you are going to carry on.
sw**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 That's a trust barrier, the trust has been broken , I wouldn't let him again.
co**** Posted June 16, 2023 Posted June 16, 2023 Hi, at first please take some time to be away from this person. Just time to understand your feelings. Second, speak with him, explain you feelings, and look his reaction. If the reaction will be, "ok, I'm sorry but nothing worse happened" or ok ok, dont be dramatic, etc. Please run away.
Sk**** Posted June 16, 2023 Author Posted June 16, 2023 I made a post yesterday asking people for help and I got a lot of feedback. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who gave me their opinion and advise. I've made the decision to take time away as his slave but not completely leave the bdsm relationship. We talked and I laid out the rules: that he won't use the tool he overstepped with anymore, different punishments, doesn't restrain me fully, and more aftercare. Thank you again for everyone who helped me figure out what I needed to do
Recommended Posts