Dominant female and submissive males

[MisstressStorm]

5 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Depends how the request is posed really - if there's an expectation for you to buy toys *for them* to use as they please - it's very different from suggesting you might want to provide your own toys to exclusively be used on you.
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Anyone *expecting* anything in terms of *** or gifts would be a red flag for me unless it was a FinDom or ProDomme relationship (which wouldn't be for me anyway).

 

5 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Depends how the request is posed really - if there's an expectation for you to buy toys *for them* to use as they please - it's very different from suggesting you might want to provide your own toys to exclusively be used on you.
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Anyone *expecting* anything in terms of *** or gifts would be a red flag for me unless it was a FinDom or ProDomme relationship (which wouldn't be for me anyway).

I’m sure that other Dommes have a similar experience of a sub turning up, expecting to see Mistress in her corset , heels etc, use of her toys ( and my dungeon ) without a thought to the £££ it costs. Yes it’s my Kink but I don’t see why I should supplement someone else’s kink even as a Lifestyle Domme.  If I’m trialling a sub …. I expect him to do some homework on what toys I might want to use. A bit like turning up the a vanilla date with favourite flowers and chocolates ( yes I’m really that shallow 😇) ⛈

[su****]

If I’m meeting a domme, be more than happy to come with toys. Hard to find a legitimate one though.

[be****]

Understood that's not the problem. but would you have them pay you or order through a trusted source? Would you always give a different PayPal cashapp Zell etc?

[ge****]

18 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

I’m sure that other Dommes have a similar experience of a sub turning up, expecting to see Mistress in her corset , heels etc, use of her toys ( and my dungeon ) without a thought to the £££ it costs. Yes it’s my Kink but I don’t see why I should supplement someone else’s kink even as a Lifestyle Domme.  If I’m trialling a sub …. I expect him to do some homework on what toys I might want to use. A bit like turning up the a vanilla date with favourite flowers and chocolates ( yes I’m really that shallow 😇) ⛈

Absolutely agree - it's a two way thing and wasn't for a second suggesting there should be any expectation on either side, more highlighting the difference between two entirely different possible scenarios as it wasn't clear to me if the person posting the question meant dominants just expecting gifts to add to their personal collection to be used on anyone or suggesting toys are bought to be used by the people concerned.
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I personally always bring my toys with me and would have no issue if a dominant suggested a new toy to be bought to be used when we met.

[MisstressStorm]

10 minutes ago, ILswitchLooking4LTR said:

If I’m meeting a domme, be more than happy to come with toys. Hard to find a legitimate one though.

 

10 minutes ago, ILswitchLooking4LTR said:

If I’m meeting a domme, be more than happy to come with toys. Hard to find a legitimate one though.

Genuine Dominas are few and far between - glad you’re savvy enough to sift through the scammers. On the other hand Mistresses have to wade through the myriad of thirsty men and faux subs that besiege their accounts. Toys aren’t a deal breaker but having a connection on a social level and appreciating her as a human being that may want to play with you…if she sees fit….always a good start ⛈

[gift_of_beli]

3 hours ago, Clarakink said:

I would expect you to buy your own cage, clothing, plugs, etc and probably a hood.
 

if you have ever borrowed a motorcycle helmet, what you say is spot on..and besides...being sent shopping after receiving that list....surely I'm not the only one to find that erotic?

[ey****]

10 hours ago, beardedslaveboy said:

Do mistresses ask of new slaves to get toys? If so what's the norm for non findom? I've always wondered. What's the norm for *** and toys? I believe a redflag is a different PayPal everytime.

I want to divide in two kinda different types of Mistress relationships

So on one hand you might meet someone who is relatively new to the lifestyle - however much they've thought about it or not.

They probably are not going to have any toys, outfits, equipment, etc. etc.

So someone is going to have to buy it.  And there might be different discussions on what you both want to do together - but chances are a lot of the stuff that you end up using together you are going to be buying. I mean, a lot depends on her general income, interests, etc.  

In my house there's a lot where my wife particularly buys their own clothes, etc. but I often end up buying a lot of other bits and pieces.  But, I earn more.   Me going, "Ooh, should we get a CBT table?" and them going, "Sure", and then me going "OK, I need £200-£300" - you can see how that will go.

 

Alternatively.  You might find someone who is not new.  Now realistically, she hasn't being buying clothes and toys, etc. in the hope a perfect sub comes along.  So a lot might come from previous relationships.  How you might feel being pegged with something she'd used on a long term boyfriend or have toys used on you she built up a collection with someone else is, kinda down to you a bit.  

But one of the things a lot of guys are unrealistic on, and why it's "so hard" is they expect to find a partner who has a big collection of toys, outfit, equipment they can just slide on in and use.  A domme friend once said to me, "My collection cost tens of thousands of pounds built up over a long period of time.  No one is sliding in and using it without contributing something" 

 

What I'd generally recommend. If you are a single sub. Start buying things you might like used on you.  You then have things like a dildo the right size. A flogger you like. So on.

If nothing else if you turn up to a fetish club with a small toy bag, and talk to someone you want to play with - she doesn't need to borrow from someone or pull things off the wall - there's a big sitting there waiting.

[su****]

4 hours ago, MisstressStorm said:

Genuine Dominas are few and far between - glad you’re savvy enough to sift through the scammers. On the other hand Mistresses have to wade through the myriad of thirsty men and faux subs that besiege their accounts. Toys aren’t a deal breaker but having a connection on a social level and appreciating her as a human being that may want to play with you…if she sees fit….always a good start ⛈

I am on the older side and treat potential dommes with same respect as I would when trying to date in a vanilla setting.

[MisstressStorm]

Slut bag is an essential in a potential acolyte- love to see their kink displayed . Shows they have thought and not relied on being spoon fed and expect their kink to be funded for by a Domme ⛈

[MasterDarcy1979]

I'm not entirely sure of the demographic, but I'm sure that there are more female slaves and subs than there are Dommes.

It's just the way it is.

Back in the days of a now defunk BDSM site (Collarme.com)* I conducted a poll and if I can remember correctly, around 80% of the female members who contributed to the poll were either subs or slaves, the rest were either switches or Dommes.

The only advice that I can give you is to just keep at it. Be patient. Keep posting here (and other places). Contribute to discussions and offer your honest opinion. And I can't stress that enough, give your honest opinion. Life is too short to mirror opinions and thoughts of others. You have a mind, use it.

If your opinion rocks the apple cart then all the better. No revolutionary thoughts or ideas went without resistance.

Make your face known and sooner or later a Domme is initiate contact.

I'm not a munch kind of a person, as I'm not the most sociable of people and to be honest, I'm misanthropic, but maybe you are? If so, put the feelers our and find out If there's any communities and arranged munches in your neck of the woods.

Also, try to flesh out your profile a wee bit.

The more information you convey the more more chance you give the reader to discover. I mean, let's face it, the more compatible you are with the reader, the more chances of them initiating contact. They will only know if they're compatible with you if you expand your profile.

Just stick at it and be patient.

Good luck.

[ge****]

12 hours ago, beardedslaveboy said:

Understood that's not the problem. but would you have them pay you or order through a trusted source? Would you always give a different PayPal cashapp Zell etc?

Not sure who that response was to - or what "payment" you're referring to? For toys? Or their services?
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Either way, and assuming you're happy to "pay", if someone is providing different PayPal accounts each time, I'd see that as a red flag and suspect a scam of some sort.
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If it was toys, why not suggest you purchase them direct yourself and bring along to any meet - if they push back on that, again I'd have my spidey senses up.

[MisstressStorm]

I Task potentials to get their own insertables. Tells me a few things….

commitment - are they just a fantastist ?

experience - what they’ve done before

ambition - are they are size ‘queen’ ( I’m out 👋_ not 4 me )

attention to detail - have they understood my wants/needs.

willing to learn - or on their own agenda

But when setting ‘homework’ - I appreciate it maybe harder 😈 to play with insertables without the guiding hand(s) of a Domme 🖤⛈

[ey****]

I think also when it comes to buying toys etc

I often feel one of the biggest failures a lot of men have when looking for any sort of F/m arrangement is they put too much on the F.

It's like, "I want to explore kink - but I've bought no toys, outfit, don't go to anything social, haven't really researched much" that the whole "I want someone to show me the ropes lol pun intended" isn't the flex people think it is

and it's not that there is particularly a shortage of Dommes, but that the concept of a sub who is going to be more work than is worth is off-putting, especially if there's been a lack of initiative - but that kinda also that in the subs they want a finished-product Domme while they themselves have been unwilling to put in the basics.

When we talk about studies, some get cited and some get ignored - but the amount of women who've had "Dominant fantasies" is actually pretty high.   And while there is a different between the occasional Dominant fantasy and a lifestyle D/s - certainly those in the former do have potential for a situation that works for everyone. 

[GreyMouse]

On 6/16/2023 at 6:40 PM, sissy_petra_uk_slut said:

Join the queue and make your submissions count. Be polite and give plenty of information about yourself, saying how you can serve, and not a list of what you want.

Please, tell me more about that. I want to find dominant queen too.

[Deleted Member]

I want to learn

[jo****]

Best of luck in your search.

[Deleted Member]

I’m in a strange place right now with this dom /sub thing. I’m married male 45 to a f42 and started off dom in my ***s till about 10 years ago. Now I’m sometimes locked in a chastity cage for weeks at a time and yet dom in every other area of my life. Just not sexual as she chose it and I am ok with it . Lately though I want to play the third in a mfm with a kinky couple that tells me what exactly they like and I play that dom role. Still though I am feeling like I should go right back into chastity after. I can’t figure me out at all.

[ve****]

im a submissive with the woman im with, single at the moment i think women always run a house hold or family better than a man can. i used to have to wear chasity etc but at work or away from the house im pretty dominant with everyday people and im very protective of my loved ones

[un****]

I find there is plenty of dommes out there just from what I've seen since back on FetLife is most just wanna promote there only fans and just want patpigs I'm hoping this app and kinkD will be different good luck in your search just don't give up maybe try munches

[th****]

18 hours ago, kinkypure***87 said:

I find there is plenty of dommes out there just from what I've seen since back on FetLife is most just wanna promote there only fans and just want patpigs I'm hoping this app and kinkD will be different good luck in your search just don't give up maybe try munches

Nope

[Fa****]

I’m a dominant woman I think there are not that many dom women out there to begin with and some who just don’t have the confidence to get the ball rolling. It can be hard to first get to grips but I know for sure I can’t go back. How confident are you in your submission? do you present as a sub right away or make the women have to figure it out? That could be holding you back.

[bi****]

10 hours ago, Faye2009 said:

I’m a dominant woman I think there are not that many dom women out there to begin with and some who just don’t have the confidence to get the ball rolling. It can be hard to first get to grips but I know for sure I can’t go back. How confident are you in your submission? do you present as a sub right away or make the women have to figure it out? That could be holding you back.

I think most of us subs prefer to let the woman find out. Less risk of ruining a relationship that way.

[Dr****]

I totally agree about Fetlife! I'm just looking for friendship and then... if anything! It's been disappointing so far, so I'm hoping this may be different!

[Th****]

i can relate i find that the most common thing is a DOMME who ask for “ tribute” at some point in conversation

[Dr****]

So true!