Dominant female and submissive males

[Th****]

6 hours ago, ComradeCarpenter said:

There's a big difference between what someone identifies as, and what they actually enjoy.

I would definitely agree with this. Too many men are fixated on a role they feel they're "supposed" to be and I'd argue that *many* who identify as Doms are more likely tops, and many of those even service tops. I bet if many of them would get past the labels and just explore and experiment they could be quite happy as a versatile submissive. 

[Sw****]

On 6/16/2023 at 11:01 AM, johnslc said:

I’ve noticed that there is a lack of dominant females and an excess of submissive males. This makes it harder to fulfill my fantasy and kink. Anyone have any suggestions?

I'm a switch leaning Domme. The very idea that there are so many variables to an individual, it's appropriate to approach them respectfully and get to know them. Part of vetting requires a deep, inner patience and knowledge that, as much as you want to play, choosing a partner needs to be selective. Not just anyone will do. It's important to slow down and logically think about your safety/desires and instead of just looking for a certain role...look for the individual. 

I find I am more willing to try new things with an person I respect and admire than just hook up with someone who has the same kinks. Then again, to each their own. My method may not work for everyone. You have to decide what's right for you. 

 

[Ch****]

I would say the ratio is not that bad when you factor in the number of submissive who are looking for kink dispensers in their Domme. Part of submission and being controlled is... submitting lol. You as the sub may share common kinks with your partner but as the dominant in the power exchange dynamic it's up to them what ends up happening at that time, and how they want to do it. All within both partners' limits and with consent. If you found the right person it's about serving their needs and they will guide and take care of you. That's my view at least😅

[ey****]

11 hours ago, ChastityUser said:

I would say the ratio is not that bad when you factor in the number of submissive who are looking for kink dispensers in their Domme.

that's a major part a lot of folk overlook

also interestingly.  A N Other site got datasc***d and the ratio of submissive men to Dominant women was between 1.65 and 2.8 to 1 (depending on where you placed some definitions!) which is a lot narrower than some would suggest

[sm****]

April 14, SweetDragonFire said:

I'm a switch leaning Domme. The very idea that there are so many variables to an individual, it's appropriate to approach them respectfully and get to know them. Part of vetting requires a deep, inner patience and knowledge that, as much as you want to play, choosing a partner needs to be selective. Not just anyone will do. It's important to slow down and logically think about your safety/desires and instead of just looking for a certain role...look for the individual. 

I find I am more willing to try new things with an person I respect and admire than just hook up with someone who has the same kinks. Then again, to each their own. My method may not work for everyone. You have to decide what's right for you. 

 

So I've never even got to talk about stuff before your gorgeous and it's hard to find I guess light Dom female....I need to be bond and teased by an assertive confident fun flirty female....it's like impossible to find

[Sw****]

6 hours ago, smith-mills433011 said:

So I've never even got to talk about stuff before your gorgeous and it's hard to find I guess light Dom female....I need to be bond and teased by an assertive confident fun flirty female....it's like impossible to find

Thank you. Try making friends at your local dungeon or events. 

[Harpsichord]

My experience is that there are too many timewasters here. And cowards that chicken out last minute. 

Also, people wanting a Professional Domme, but I am a woman who is also expecting an O and because I am not pro, I don't have a wardrobe full of expensive PVC or latex outfits.  

Its also a shame everyone seems to find discipline so boring these days, as I love administering it.  

I am not surprised dominant women go professional, because so many are clearly just messaging me for w*nk fodder.  They have no intention of meeting up.  No intention of phone calls.

[ge****]

9 hours ago, Harpsichord said:

My experience is that there are too many timewasters here. And cowards that chicken out last minute. 

Also, people wanting a Professional Domme, but I am a woman who is also expecting an O and because I am not pro, I don't have a wardrobe full of expensive PVC or latex outfits.  

Its also a shame everyone seems to find discipline so boring these days, as I love administering it.  

I am not surprised dominant women go professional, because so many are clearly just messaging me for w*nk fodder.  They have no intention of meeting up.  No intention of phone calls.

You make some very valid points - and ones that are very relevant to the on-line D/s world
.
Having recently stepped out into the munch/kink event side of things, the experience is markedly different and the people that attend them are, based on my experience, a lot more genuine about their intents.
.
I also think your post highlights perfectly that we all, regardless of which side of the slash we sit, have problems of differing kinds when it comes to finding potentials partners in this lifestyle, and more specifically ones that are well matched.

[ey****]

there's the eternal balance

that I've seen guys say that some women are not Dominant because they don't have the wardrobe/toys/home-dungeon/whatever

and the SAME guys say that some women are not Dominant because they DO have some/all of those - BUT are Pro 

and it's like... how the hell do people afford it otherwise?  

[Sw****]

So yea, in the same boat as you.Tired of being the Dom all the time. where are the real women at

[Harpsichord]

2 hours ago, Switch4You79 said:

So yea, in the same boat as you.Tired of being the Dom all the time. where are the real women at

7 pages of this now honey, we here.

[Th****]

22 hours ago, Switch4You79 said:

So yea, in the same boat as you.Tired of being the Dom all the time. where are the real women at

Hiding from attitudes like this. 

[Br****]

As someone new to this, I hope this is not the case.

[ey****]

On 4/30/2024 at 7:49 PM, Switch4You79 said:

So yea, in the same boat as you.Tired of being the Dom all the time. where are the real women at

before we start with where they are, there's the questions on where they aren't (and that's before we get into the side note of 'real women' which suggests you're falling into the 'No True Scotsman Fallacy' - but still - we'll assume you meant 'Dominant Women')

So where they aren't : replying to bait posts, at least not on mass.

they also aren't sitting in PVC, leather, or latex in a home dungeon waiting for a rando to "show them the way"

Where they are:

They are on sites like this, but while some are visible a lot are observing

they're at your local munch. At your local fetish event.

But that's just the ones easy to see.

But, they're in your workplace, in your family, in your street and your town, in your community - but often in a lot of cases the Dominant aspect of them is hidden in a box in their brain for all the times they've been told they're 'bossy', suggested they're "on their time of month" when expressing a firm opinion, being talked over, saying something and being waived over - but then a man says the same thing and it's suddenly a good idea (which, by irony - I'm saying here a lot of stuff women on this thread and others have been saying) and that's a box you have to make them comfortable in opening.

[de****]

I wish one would step up to the plate and start her dominate life at any s***d or as private as she needs until she becomes more comfortable in her new adventure and as she does I'll become more use to being her sub in front of others until we get to where we dream of being .

[ho****]

My desire is to please the Mistress, her pleasure is something I take very seriously. Never stop until she says it. One day she went to town, came back with a few bags. She proceeded to rip off my lingerie, then dressed me up in pinque tights and tutu, with ribbons. Then with leash in hand, she secured me to the tree out front, on Halloween night. Yeah! I actually became turned on by it. Not long, she came a walked me around the neighborhood and made me give head to her friends, then home .

[Bb****]

I have some suggestions the nsa and helping me fill my holes on your profile doesn't typically grab the attention of a woman who is Dominant outside of sexy time or one looking for more than a quick hookup. Your profile should be tailored to the kind of "woman" you are wanting to attract. What you say and what your profile is says should match.

[ai****]

Good topic 🧐

[Cu****]

1 hour ago, aishiriii said:

Good topic 🧐

So what seems to be the biggest challenge that you have? I found myself about 75% of the time being dominant. I do enjoy the 25% of being dominated. I’m open for that number to move around I just haven’t found the right one to push that needle is my guess.

Also to replied to one of your other posts.
Wearing panties is hot, but it’s hot as f**k if it’s tied directly to you. Like you have me pick up matching pairs but different colors. But the best ones are the ones that are earned. When you get her so wet they’re dripping and you’re rewarded with them shoved in your mouth. And then to put them on once you’ve gotten every delicious drop first.

[Co****]

There is always a surplus of kinky males. Dominant males outnumber kinky submissive females and submissive males outnumber dominant women. However, you only need one. My advice would be to focus on what you have to offer that sets you apart from other male subs. A dominant woman has a lot of options. Why should she spend time with you?

[ey****]

12 hours ago, ColoShark said:

My advice would be to focus on what you have to offer that sets you apart from other male subs. A dominant woman has a lot of options. Why should she spend time with

the good ole ration isn't as wide as people think.  That's not to say it doesn't exist, it's just narrower than people think 

The main option you have to look at women having isn't potential subs.  It's a peaceful life

It's not just "what makes me stand out against other subs" it's "what makes me someone she'd want to spend time with" (just as men should ask the same question - i.e. why would I wish to spend time with her) 

[Mi****]

As a switch, I will have a conversation with a sub who interests me. If he can't or won't follow some basic submissive orders I cut him loose. It's a waste of my time and I get nothing out of someone who won't start playing correctly.

[Cu****]

6 hours ago, ServiceMistress said:

As a switch, I will have a conversation with a sub who interests me. If he can't or won't follow some basic submissive orders I cut him loose. It's a waste of my time and I get nothing out of someone who won't start playing correctly.

Personally, never gotten super deep into the scenario just some role-play stuff with the X. But I would fit the definition of the switch because I do enjoy both.
So for future information, I’m curious as to what are the basics that you would require and then also switching scenarios what are the basics that you’d be willing to submit to and how does the TP exchange get initiated? Or is that not something you would do with the same person

[Th****]

On 9/5/2024 at 3:15 PM, ColoShark said:

My advice would be to focus on what you have to offer that sets you apart from other male subs. A dominant woman has a lot of options. Why should she spend time with you?

While you're correct that Dominant women (and women in general) do have a lot of options, you're wrong about the competition part. Men aren't up against other men, it's not a matter of choosing one over another, they're up against a woman's peace without them.

[Mi****]

So for future information, I’m curious as to what are the basics that you would require and then also switching scenarios what are the basics that you’d be willing to submit to and how does the TP exchange get initiated? Or is that not something you would do with the same person

One of the beautiful things about this lifestyle is there are so many variations. Each person decides their limits, and a good Dom understands the sub is gifting their submission and it is based on trust.

I start online chatting with a vetting mindset. I am not the stereotypical "Dominatrix" I am about getting MY needs met. Devotion, adoration and rule following gets rewarded. Rewards are tailored to the sub and how much joy I know they will get. Displease me and the punishment may be lashes with a flogger, being ignored, being denied pleasure, etc.

Power transfer for me is a predetermined set of cues. For instance, after my sub has completed his task to my satisfaction, I will tap him with my crop and say, "I am yours, Sir. Use me." The understanding has been that the exchange of power roles is also a turn on and so, ultimately he is still following orders by taking control.