Sadists: are you hot tempered? Does doing bdsm calms down your nerves?

[ur****]

Recently I've been finding myself more of a sado. My last 2 play partners were very into ***, and both of them made go beyond my normal threshold of strength

I didn't really realize til now that for the past weeks I've been on a short fuse. Little things would trigger me, and make me feel like shit when I was rude and dry to people I care. I also have been riding my chopper more aggressively and recklessly, not only putting myself in danger, but also picking fights with bad drivers (not proud of this btw)

I had a session last Tuesday and it was pretty awesome, it made me notice how I get turned on when hitting people. And for the past days I've walking on a dream somehow, like it was a Sunday drive. My bad mood went away

I do have therapy next week, but I was wondering if other sadists had similar experiences

[Deleted Member]

In my experience, sadists should not bring their temper into play. There's a difference between hurting someone and damaging someone and if you bring temper into the equation it's too easy to cross that line. Besides, you should never take out your issues on your subs/playmate.

[Deleted Member]

Not a sadist but masochists personal opinion, you have found a healthy way in consensual relations to channel your emotions and aggression. Now, if you don’t have access to that outlet it builds up more. I know personally if I don’t have impact regularly to reset, I get angry, aggressive, moody, etc.

That being said, it’s also possible you are experiencing Dom Space and dom drop. The happy relaxed feeling you get after could be a level of dom space (just like sub space) then the longer you go in between sessions you have drop (again, just like sub drop).

[Sc****]

Idk honestly I look at it like I’m proving a service or performing. At no point does anger ever pour into me when I’m “hurting” my partner. We are both trusting each other with our bodies, even inside the kink I’m not going to lose control so to speak. That’s kinda the point I’m in control. Everything that is happening is because I want it to, not because I can’t control myself. Hope this helps. Just giving a different point of view

[no****]

When you lose your temper you're no longer in control, and just out of safety you need that control and be clear minded. It seems like you need to sort out your anger issues (which you are doing and is great) before getting into kink.

[Deleted Member]

A sadist shouldn't get satisfaction from hurting a sub/masochist, they should get satisfaction from the pleasure that *** gives the sub/masochist.

Being a sadist shouldn't come from a place of anger or loss of control, a sadist should be in control physically, mentally & emotionally at all times.

Engaging in sadomasochism shouldn't leave you angry, shouldn't leave you feeling aggressive, it shouldn't give you a short fuse, it should leave you content & fulfilled, in the mutual pleasure - after a sadomachochist session I feel a peace, not an anger or aggression.

If you are feeling & acting like you say you are after a session then I suggest you don't have those kind of sessions because they are clearly triggering underlying issues & leaving you in a state of feeling aggressive & directing that aggression at anyone in gets in your way.

[Deleted Member]

  31 minutes ago, notanumber said:

When you lose your temper you're no longer in control, and just out of safety you need that control and be clear minded. It seems like you need to sort out your anger issues (which you are doing and is great) before getting into kink.

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I totally agree. It sounds like the anger issues are a deeper seeded issue and should be addressed and taken care of before getting into/more into this fetish. It may be an underlying issue that isn’t even a fetish but something else.
For example with me, I don’t like using the term “daddy” because I know I actually have issues with my father. Yes, some can argue that you can separate the two. But if I know that phrase is a “trigger” for me, I just avoid it all together unless I have a full communication with a partner and they understand why I am the way I am. And why I choose what I choose. That’s part of the community is it’s STRONGLY based on communication and understanding and limits.

[QXX666]

Another opinion with the same tune. Anger or *** behaviour during a session is not really acceptable unless the submissive agreed and enjoy it. But it’s not a good mind set. I am not a very patient person and also have no tolerance for bad drivers or bad behaviour in normal life but I don’t bring into play.
My roughness and sadist side is measured, assessed and in control.

[Deleted Member]

I do not hit or hurt angry.

[Deleted Member]

Maybe I read the original post wrong, but the way I read it was he feels the aggression and anger in his regular life not necessarily that he brings the anger or aggression into play. Just, that the play helps with his anger in every day life. I could be completely off base.

[QXX666]

  9 minutes ago, Firefox_red said:

Maybe I read the original post wrong, but the way I read it was he feels the aggression and anger in his regular life not necessarily that he brings the anger or aggression into play. Just, that the play helps with his anger in every day life. I could be completely off base.

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If the play help his anger that’s because he brings into the equation. Hence our responses against it or not recommended. He also said consequently he enjoyed inflicting *** because of his anger mind set. 
but then again I might be wrong too, only the Op can clarify his post… 

[Deleted Member]

  22 minutes ago, QXX666 said:

If the play help his anger that’s because he brings into the equation. Hence our responses against it or not recommended. He also said consequently he enjoyed inflicting *** because of his anger mind set. 
but then again I might be wrong too, only the Op can clarify his post… 

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Thank you for your kind response. I have preformed very light impact on subs before but I mostly only know the masochist side. I know how the *** helps me to be grounded and centered. I automatically assumed that there needed to be some kind of anger or push to cause ***. I need to educate myself further on the sadism side of things. Thank you.

[Ma****]

It definitely puts me in a zen mode too. But I do need to clarify that I’ll never let a *** session get fueled by anger. Because I need that care in the middle of an intense *** session with my masochist too. The care and love that you have while relentlessly pushing every single one of their *** buttons is a high that no drug can ever achieve. So it definitely puts me in a much calmer mood for the rest of the week. However, I’m generally not really an easily aggravated person. That being sad… people in traffic lately have been getting on my nerves. 😂

[ur****]

  2 hours ago, borgbug said:

In my experience, sadists should not bring their temper into play. There's a difference between hurting someone and damaging someone and if you bring temper into the equation it's too easy to cross that line. Besides, you should never take out your issues on your subs/playmate.

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Oh gee, never. Sorry if it sounded like that. Wouldn't ever be confortavel bringing that to a session. It's a recipe for disaster

[ur****]

  2 hours ago, Firefox_red said:

Not a sadist but masochists personal opinion, you have found a healthy way in consensual relations to channel your emotions and aggression. Now, if you don’t have access to that outlet it builds up more. I know personally if I don’t have impact regularly to reset, I get angry, aggressive, moody, etc.

That being said, it’s also possible you are experiencing Dom Space and dom drop. The happy relaxed feeling you get after could be a level of dom space (just like sub space) then the longer you go in between sessions you have drop (again, just like sub drop).

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Interesting take! Will Def. Read more about this

[ur****]

  1 hour ago, BrumDomSir said:

A sadist shouldn't get satisfaction from hurting a sub/masochist, they should get satisfaction from the pleasure that *** gives the sub/masochist.

Being a sadist shouldn't come from a place of anger or loss of control, a sadist should be in control physically, mentally & emotionally at all times.

Engaging in sadomasochism shouldn't leave you angry, shouldn't leave you feeling aggressive, it shouldn't give you a short fuse, it should leave you content & fulfilled, in the mutual pleasure - after a sadomachochist session I feel a peace, not an anger or aggression.

If you are feeling & acting like you say you are after a session then I suggest you don't have those kind of sessions because they are clearly triggering underlying issues & leaving you in a state of feeling aggressive & directing that aggression at anyone in gets in your way.

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Oh, no. I meant that since I started acting out my sadist side in sessions, my anger has been more present in my life. It doesn't seems directed at something after a session, on the contrary, I felt super satisfied and calm after the sessions. It was this period between sessions that I noticed this anger coming back.

[ur****]

  1 hour ago, Firefox_red said:

Maybe I read the original post wrong, but the way I read it was he feels the aggression and anger in his regular life not necessarily that he brings the anger or aggression into play. Just, that the play helps with his anger in every day life. I could be completely off base.

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Yes. This was my point 😅 I guess my communication in a second language is that clear

[ur****]

  1 hour ago, QXX666 said:

If the play help his anger that’s because he brings into the equation. Hence our responses against it or not recommended. He also said consequently he enjoyed inflicting *** because of his anger mind set. 
but then again I might be wrong too, only the Op can clarify his post… 

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I noticed that it helped. But I never topped someone while angry. Just noticed my anger was much calmer after a session

[ur****]

  1 hour ago, BrumDomSir said:

A sadist shouldn't get satisfaction from hurting a sub/masochist, they should get satisfaction from the pleasure that *** gives the sub/masochist.

Being a sadist shouldn't come from a place of anger or loss of control, a sadist should be in control physically, mentally & emotionally at all times.

Engaging in sadomasochism shouldn't leave you angry, shouldn't leave you feeling aggressive, it shouldn't give you a short fuse, it should leave you content & fulfilled, in the mutual pleasure - after a sadomachochist session I feel a peace, not an anger or aggression.

If you are feeling & acting like you say you are after a session then I suggest you don't have those kind of sessions because they are clearly triggering underlying issues & leaving you in a state of feeling aggressive & directing that aggression at anyone in gets in your way.

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I'm kinda confused on the first part. I'm not sure if I get turned on by hitting people in general, or if it's related to giving pleasure to a sub
It's like saying you don't get pleasure by the things you do, only by the pleasure the sub gets. Which seems more of a service top?

My sadism doesn't come from anger or loss of control, that would be something too risk that I wouldn't be comfortable at the moment

[QXX666]

  40 minutes ago, Firefox_red said:

Thank you for your kind response. I have preformed very light impact on subs before but I mostly only know the masochist side. I know how the *** helps me to be grounded and centered. I automatically assumed that there needed to be some kind of anger or push to cause ***. I need to educate myself further on the sadism side of things. Thank you.

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There is no right or wrong tbh. It’s about how it’s done and the agreement between the parties. 
Sadism is very peculiar kind where there is thin line between *** and coordinated inflicted ***. I know there are submissive who enjoy an angry violent sadist, but it’s rarely beginners . Saying I don’t enjoy, at some point , inflicting *** to my sub would be lying. But it’s within reasonable emotion. Not Hannibal lector type 😂 or maybe 😈

[Ma****]

  7 minutes ago, ursoputodf420 said:

I'm kinda confused on the first part. I'm not sure if I get turned on by hitting people in general, or if it's related to giving pleasure to a sub
It's like saying you don't get pleasure by the things you do, only by the pleasure the sub gets. Which seems more of a service top?

My sadism doesn't come from anger or loss of control, that would be something too risk that I wouldn't be comfortable at the moment

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I’m very confused about this too… definition of a Sadist is “person who derives pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting *** or *** on others.” How are you a Sadist without enjoying it yourself? I LOVE LOVE LOVE the reactions and pleasure my submissive gets from it. But I’d never do it if I didn’t get turned on by it myself too.

[ki****]

I’ve found that as I’ve engaged my sadist side in scenes, it’s given me a better perception or “resolution” of any aggressive/primal impulses that I get in my day to day.

Releasing those urges in a controlled setting with someone who understands and can help me track myself, what a gift

[de****]

Not my case. I'm a very calmed person most of the time... When I do lose myself and fall into anger is just a bad mood that will pass, I've never felt that I take these things with me to a scene.
Now, with that said, I do feel more chilled after a good session but who doesn't?
I do enjoy inflicting ***, it is definitely exciting for me but it is also a big part that the other person enjoys it too.

[Deleted Member]

  31 minutes ago, ursoputodf420 said:

I'm kinda confused on the first part. I'm not sure if I get turned on by hitting people in general, or if it's related to giving pleasure to a sub
It's like saying you don't get pleasure by the things you do, only by the pleasure the sub gets. Which seems more of a service top?

My sadism doesn't come from anger or loss of control, that would be something too risk that I wouldn't be comfortable at the moment

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I made a mistake & should of said -

A sadist shouldn't just get satisfaction from hurting a sub/masochist, they should get satisfaction from the pleasure that *** gives the sub/masochist. 

But I couldn't edit it after I realised my mistake as I'd logged out. 

[Ma****]

  12 minutes ago, BrumDomSir said:

I made a mistake & should of said -

A sadist shouldn't just get satisfaction from hurting a sub/masochist, they should get satisfaction from the pleasure that *** gives the sub/masochist. 

But I couldn't edit it after I realised my mistake as I'd logged out. 

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Hehe. That satisfied my brain a bit more. I was genuinely a bit confused. Lol. Thanks for clarifying!