Approaching-Behaviour Etiquette

[Deleted Member]

(Apologies for the long post)

 

What I mean by ABE is how one talks to a kinkster whom they have never met. When I strike up a conversation with anyone, I always do my best to be polite and respectful. This said, I do not approach a little or Submissive the same way that I would approach a fellow Dominant; the same as I would not approach an elderly person the same as a small child.

 

However, I personally feel that when talking to someone, you should respond or approach in a way that would suit their nature. I am caring and friendly towards littles, mysterious (I try to be) and honourable towards Submissives, and respectful and formal towards Dominants. Once I have become acquainted, the way I converse suits the tone of the relationship, but until then, I try to tailor my language to the kinkster's "type".

 

And yet many kinksters of all types seem to respond to me as a casual "mate" of theirs. I do not demand respect, since that is something I must earn, but would it not be etiquette to be polite and respectful, addressing me as "Sir" and being formal (etc) until an acquaintance-ship is formed? Especially when a Submissive responds to me?

 

This is what I would expect, but I appreciate that I might just sound egotistical, so apologies for that.

 

Basically, is there an etiquette when talking to a kinkster you do not know personally?

[ey****]

there's a lot to me in the nature of the contact and whether protocol is appropriate.

If I was *approaching* a Dominant that I was trying to impress then I would use capital protocol, formalities, and refer to Her preferred honorific.  

But, think of it like this - if a Dominant approached you - and you replied - and then they scolded you for not calling them Sir/Miss/using capital protocol/etc you'd think "what a prick/bitch" 

You can't/shouldn't insist on formalities until that is established as protocol in your relationship/interactions.   

[BigPolly]

Oooooo I definitely agree with what Eyem said! I would never dream of calling someone Mate & would address someone how they have addressed me but I also wouldn’t call a stranger Sir or Miss until I felt I was in the right space to do so, I am sure of who they are & deserved being addressed as such or I felt an instant connection. I certainly wouldn’t call a stranger Sir/Miss just because they hold a Dominant role. I’ve had many on here state they are a Dom & then sent me a dickpic....that certainly doesn’t deserve having me address them as Sir. To hold either a Dom or sub title you must deserve the respect to do so be that to someone you know or a stranger.

[Deleted Member]

38 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

there's a lot to me in the nature of the contact and whether protocol is appropriate.

If I was *approaching* a Dominant that I was trying to impress then I would use capital protocol, formalities, and refer to Her preferred honorific.  

But, think of it like this - if a Dominant approached you - and you replied - and then they scolded you for not calling them Sir/Miss/using capital protocol/etc you'd think "what a prick/bitch" 

You can't/shouldn't insist on formalities until that is established as protocol in your relationship/interactions.   

I appreciate that. Thank you

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

Oooooo I definitely agree with what Eyem said! I would never dream of calling someone Mate & would address someone how they have addressed me but I also wouldn’t call a stranger Sir or Miss until I felt I was in the right space to do so, I am sure of who they are & deserved being addressed as such or I felt an instant connection. I certainly wouldn’t call a stranger Sir/Miss just because they hold a Dominant role. I’ve had many on here state they are a Dom & then sent me a dickpic....that certainly doesn’t deserve having me address them as Sir. To hold either a Dom or sub title you must deserve the respect to do so be that to someone you know or a stranger.

To you to, Polly, I appreciate the advise. Thank you

[BigPolly]

15 minutes ago, DanteReign said:

To you to, Polly, I appreciate the advise. Thank you

That’s no problem, sometimes we have to hear other people’s experiences to understand why they have a difference of opinion.

we are all wonderfully different but then that’s what makes us all amazing.

[KCurious]

Does this include me ? 😂

[KCurious]

I would have thought no.

[Deleted Member]

This is a stage of communications in order to get a connection. It’s not appropriate to call someone pet name or Sir/Mistress as they are nothing else than another person at that stage. If you ask then fine, it’s a sign of respect. But the name protocol start after both agree about it . 

Every time a sub chat with me by starting with the Sir, I have to remind them that I am not into D/s with her! 

In my opinion 

Edited June 26, 2019 by Deleted Member

[CuteHellion]

I think it depends on the situation, like in the chatrooms we have here on the website. In the casual lobby, in the rules, it says it's a casual chat and thus the members in there have said that honorifics aren't used in there when people ask. There are other chats, however, like the kink chat (I forgot what it's actually called) but I believe Sir and Miss are used in there. If two strangers have shown no intent of wanting to engage in a BDSM relationship with one another in the future, then I believe that no Sir or Miss is used. But if it's clear they're just meeting to be friendly, then there is no dynamic growing between them and thus no honorifics are used. I hope that I made sense,, I'm a Dominant, and I've had this rule for myself: do not call me an honorific until a contract is formulated, because I do not like it. I know different Dominants have different rules for that, though. That's just my experience, however.

[Deleted Member]

On 6/26/2019 at 12:24 AM, KCurious said:

Does this include me ? 😂

No, we are well past that. We are friends and we have already discussed this and come to an agreement between the two of us individually

[Deleted Member]

On 6/26/2019 at 11:38 AM, FabSeverus said:

This is a stage of communications in order to get a connection. It’s not appropriate to call someone pet name or Sir/Mistress as they are nothing else than another person at that stage. If you ask then fine, it’s a sign of respect. But the name protocol start after both agree about it . 

Every time a sub chat with me by starting with the Sir, I have to remind them that I am not into D/s with her! 

In my opinion 

I appreciate your feedback. Thank you

[Deleted Member]

On 6/26/2019 at 2:14 PM, CuteHellion said:

I think it depends on the situation, like in the chatrooms we have here on the website. In the casual lobby, in the rules, it says it's a casual chat and thus the members in there have said that honorifics aren't used in there when people ask. There are other chats, however, like the kink chat (I forgot what it's actually called) but I believe Sir and Miss are used in there. If two strangers have shown no intent of wanting to engage in a BDSM relationship with one another in the future, then I believe that no Sir or Miss is used. But if it's clear they're just meeting to be friendly, then there is no dynamic growing between them and thus no honorifics are used. I hope that I made sense,, I'm a Dominant, and I've had this rule for myself: do not call me an honorific until a contract is formulated, because I do not like it. I know different Dominants have different rules for that, though. That's just my experience, however.

I respect that. Thank you for the insight

[3S****]

I like mutual respectful chat also. You don't know if the person you're speaking to is even attracted to you or has any interest other than being polite. I also find it off putting if someone presumesa role in my life straight away, as for jumping in with sexual chat well see my first line again...

There's some people you can just talk to whenever, not sure if it's that click but i can go weeks without talking to some people then just get back into talking with them no problem, i like that kind of interaction as i'm not well so can't always chat for long  or regular periods.

 

Best thing is there are lots of different people to talk to so you can get all aspects of your personality covered by different people.Some appeal to my caring nature, some to my friendly side, etc.Many can appeal to more than one.