Menopause / manopause

[slavewife]

What is it that you can never find anyone willing to talk about their experiences with menopause and kink. It’s part of life for women but also a lot of men. Has it impacted you in any way ? What’s have you done to overcome the hurdles? Have you had to change your whole mindset? Be great to hear from people who have gone through it or like me piddling from every irrigate and cranky as hell and sex drive has gone like my vibrator non existent

[An****]

One thing that I have intimate personal experience is prostate issues. From ED to Prostatic hypertrophy (slow or difficult urination), it’s a problem for men starting in their mid 40’s to early 50’s. Let me tell you, it’s annoying as fuck!

[Ba****]

I think the main issue is most people active in the kink scene are younger. Not all, but the vast majority. So it’ll be harder to get the answers. I hope you do find them though. They must be out there!

[An****]

They are. I reject the idea that people can be “too old” for kink. Let the young’uns get their kink on, but I’ll take your sweet young thing if I want to, Poindexter! 😘

[Zela]

I am going through perimenopause and my doc told me they avoid hormone replacement therapy due to the increased risk of breast cancer. To deal with my mood swings, he’s put me on a mild dose of antidepressant and it’s done wonders. My sex drive is through the roof and there’s no risk of me Bobettizing a man! 🤣🤭😉 Plus lube is my BFF. I can’t speak to your specific situation but maybe it’s worth chatting with your physician.

[An****]

“My sex drive is through the roof and there’s no risk of me Bobettizing a man!”

Thanks for that! I’m frustrated with my junk sometimes these days, but I don’t want it removed.

It’s a shame that you live so far away, because I could help you with that runaway sex drive. 😬

[LostBabyGirl]

1 hour ago, Zela said:

I am going through perimenopause and my doc told me they avoid hormone replacement therapy due to the increased risk of breast cancer. To deal with my mood swings, he’s put me on a mild dose of antidepressant and it’s done wonders. My sex drive is through the roof and there’s no risk of me Bobettizing a man! 🤣🤭😉 Plus lube is my BFF. I can’t speak to your specific situation but maybe it’s worth chatting with your physician.

I'm the same with the sex drive! Went on HRT and from 0 to 100!!

To the OP, I'd def speak to your doctor, especially if you aren't on HRT. It's not for everyone but it's worth looking into. I'm happy to talk to anyone about it tbh, in public or private cos I think we need to end the secrecy that surrounds it

[Zela]

10 minutes ago, LostBabyGirl said:

I'm the same with the sex drive! Went on HRT and from 0 to 100!!

To the OP, I'd def speak to your doctor, especially if you aren't on HRT. It's not for everyone but it's worth looking into. I'm happy to talk to anyone about it tbh, in public or private cos I think we need to end the secrecy that surrounds it

Maybe more than the secrecy. More along the lines of shame around “the change” 🙄 I’m with you about talking about it publicly: menopause, fertility, periods, the whole gamut!!

[Handyjack2011]

I've been through it twice with the same partner! From a man's view point it's like your partner being slowly dipped into hell!! The complete randomness of the changes that are going on, hot flushes too fully burning up, going from normal to like you've had a serious workout at any point during your day for no apparent reason!
You'll probably try every remedy, oldwives tale some help others are of no use!
'Men and sex you've got to be joking', in no way will your partner fell in anyway sexy, up for it or anything else, the last thing on a woman's mind is your little mate proding her in the small of her back, while you do your best to get her attention with romantic touches and kisses, 'leave her alone' it's probably the first night she has got in bed and feeling like the person she once was and the prospect of a full night of undisturbed sleep is the only bliss she's longing for!!
The mood swings will be evident, don't take it personally but if you leave your crap around you will know that you are an 'utter wanker and cunt!'
We have no comprehension of what is going on or how long it will last, be supportive and caring because that's all you can do! You will grow into your new normal together!

[slavewife]

thank you all some great advice , i never realised it is a topic that is never spoken about but its great to see i will return to normality soon and be kinker than ever ha. i hope it doesnt stay as a taboo subject as many go through it so to finally have an open discussion on it is amazing , thank you all again guys xx

[Shilo66]

I'm Male, and I'm really glad YOU brought this subject up. It's about time it was aired and hopefully, more public talk about it will /could save many relationships just by creating more awareness. 

Sadly, I had to dump my partner of 10 years, because she was in complete denial that she was going through it, even though she was a literal walking Menopause Symptoms Checklist! She even refused to watch or listen to anything or any one that even mentioned the 'M' word. She was a living nightmare.

Davina Mcall did a brilliant TV show about her own journey going through menopause. The presenter Louise Minchin also did another equally brave show about her journey through it as well. Both celebrities were trying to raise public awareness of what happens to women at this stage of their lives. Unfortunately, my partner was having none of it. Like I said before, everyone tried to talk and help her, doctors, nurses, friends who had been on that journey before her... all to no avail. And because she stuck her head in the sand, overnight, she aged 10 years, she lost her great shape, even her memory was affected. What made all this worse, was that she claimed to be "in touch with her body". She was big on women's health and often preached about how more women should be in tune with themselves, yet when it came to herself, she couldn't have been any further away from what she preached and told others to practice.

At the time, in an effort to try and save my relationship and to understand and help her through it, I literally did crash courses about the menopause, its symptoms and effects. As a result of all this studying and researching, I now know more about the menopause than a lot of women!!!... I thought my partner was being idiotic not acknowledging her condition and refusing all help and advise from the various sources previously mentioned, but to my shock and horror, I learnt that her reaction and denial was quite common!.... and that many women, still see it as a taboo subject!!.... which is absolutely crazy in this day and age!... It's because of such silly taboos in the UK, that it took so long to stop VAT being charged on tampons and other period sanitary products.... because no one would talk about them! 

These days, if I get involved with women mid 40s plus, I always test to see if they're open to talking about menopause in general, and if they're not, or they shy away from the subject, I simply walk away. Because, their refusal to engage tells me that not only are they not prepared for it, but they'll most likely NOT recognise the signs and symptoms, worse, they don't want to be or want to know. It's as if they think the menopause will happen to other women but not them! They're ticking time-bombs and woe betide their unfortunate partners or anyone else around them when they go off. 

So again, I applaud you for bringing this subject to discussion and raising awareness. Through this discussion, I can see that some of your contributors have already highlighted the various alternatives to HRT and what does and doesn't work in the treatment of the  menopause. And to those contributors, I also applaud you too for being brave enough to speak up and share your experiences. 

FYI... I've been on these forums now long enough to know I'm gonna catch some heat for what I've written above because some idiot won't have read through this thread or will have totally misconstrued something... so, to them I say... bring it.   

    

Edited July 15, 2023 by Shilo66

[slavewife]

27 minutes ago, Shilo66 said:

I'm Male, and I'm really glad YOU brought this subject up. It's about time it was aired and hopefully, more public talk about it will /could save many relationships just by creating more awareness. 

Sadly, I had to dump my partner of 10 years, because she was in complete denial that she was going through it, even though she was a literal walking Menopause Symptoms Checklist! She even refused to watch or listen to anything or any one that even mentioned the 'M' word. She was a living nightmare.

Davina Mcall did a brilliant TV show about her own journey going through menopause. The presenter Louise Minchin also did another equally brave show about her journey through it as well. Both celebrities were trying to raise public awareness of what happens to women at this stage of their lives. Unfortunately, my partner was having none of it. Like I said before, everyone tried to talk and help her, doctors, nurses, friends who had been on that journey before her... all to no avail. And because she stuck her head in the sand, overnight, she aged 10 years, she lost her great shape, even her memory was affected. What made all this worse, was that she claimed to be "in touch with her body". She was big on women's health and often preached about how more women should be in tune with themselves, yet when it came to herself, she couldn't have been any further away from what she preached and told others to practice.

At the time, in an effort to try and save my relationship and to understand and help her through it, I literally did crash courses about the menopause, it symptoms and effects. As a result of all this studying and researching, I now know more about the menopause than a lot of women!!!... I thought my partner was being idiotic not acknowledging her condition and refusing all help and advise from the various sources previously mentioned, but to my shock and horror, I learnt that her reaction and denial was quite common!.... and that many women, still see it as a taboo subject!!.... which is absolutely crazy in this day and age!... It's because of such silly taboos in the UK, that it took so long to stop VAT being charged on tampons and other period sanitary products.... because no one would talk about them! 

These days, if I get involved with women mid 40s plus, I always test to see if they're open to talking about menopause in general, and if they're not, or they shy away from the subject, I simply walk away. Because, their refusal to engage is telling me that they're not prepared for it, and worse, don't want to be. They're ticking time-bombs and woe betide their unfortunate partners or anyone else around them when they go off. 

So again, I applaud you for bringing this subject to discussion and raising awareness. Through this discussion, I can see that some of your contributors have already highlighted the various alternatives to HRT and what does and doesn't work in the treatment of the  menopause. And to those contributors, I also applaud you too for being brave enough to speak up and share your experiences. 

FYI... I've been on these forums now long enough to know I'm gonna catch some heat for what I've written above because some idiot won't have read through this thread or will have totally misconstrued something... so, to them I say... bring it.   

    

thank you so much for this ma love its so good to hear from another perspective on this taboo subject xx 

[LostBabyGirl]

2 hours ago, Shilo66 said:

I'm Male, and I'm really glad YOU brought this subject up. It's about time it was aired and hopefully, more public talk about it will /could save many relationships just by creating more awareness. 

Sadly, I had to dump my partner of 10 years, because she was in complete denial that she was going through it, even though she was a literal walking Menopause Symptoms Checklist! She even refused to watch or listen to anything or any one that even mentioned the 'M' word. She was a living nightmare.

Davina Mcall did a brilliant TV show about her own journey going through menopause. The presenter Louise Minchin also did another equally brave show about her journey through it as well. Both celebrities were trying to raise public awareness of what happens to women at this stage of their lives. Unfortunately, my partner was having none of it. Like I said before, everyone tried to talk and help her, doctors, nurses, friends who had been on that journey before her... all to no avail. And because she stuck her head in the sand, overnight, she aged 10 years, she lost her great shape, even her memory was affected. What made all this worse, was that she claimed to be "in touch with her body". She was big on women's health and often preached about how more women should be in tune with themselves, yet when it came to herself, she couldn't have been any further away from what she preached and told others to practice.

At the time, in an effort to try and save my relationship and to understand and help her through it, I literally did crash courses about the menopause, its symptoms and effects. As a result of all this studying and researching, I now know more about the menopause than a lot of women!!!... I thought my partner was being idiotic not acknowledging her condition and refusing all help and advise from the various sources previously mentioned, but to my shock and horror, I learnt that her reaction and denial was quite common!.... and that many women, still see it as a taboo subject!!.... which is absolutely crazy in this day and age!... It's because of such silly taboos in the UK, that it took so long to stop VAT being charged on tampons and other period sanitary products.... because no one would talk about them! 

These days, if I get involved with women mid 40s plus, I always test to see if they're open to talking about menopause in general, and if they're not, or they shy away from the subject, I simply walk away. Because, their refusal to engage tells me that not only are they not prepared for it, but they'll most likely NOT recognise the signs and symptoms, worse, they don't want to be or want to know. It's as if they think the menopause will happen to other women but not them! They're ticking time-bombs and woe betide their unfortunate partners or anyone else around them when they go off. 

So again, I applaud you for bringing this subject to discussion and raising awareness. Through this discussion, I can see that some of your contributors have already highlighted the various alternatives to HRT and what does and doesn't work in the treatment of the  menopause. And to those contributors, I also applaud you too for being brave enough to speak up and share your experiences. 

FYI... I've been on these forums now long enough to know I'm gonna catch some heat for what I've written above because some idiot won't have read through this thread or will have totally misconstrued something... so, to them I say... bring it.   

    

I'm so sorry you went through that with your ex. I started with symptoms when I was about 37 but the docs said I was too young. It was only when I had a breakdown aged 40 and got a brilliant doc that it was confirmed. I don't have and don't want kids but when I opened the first box of HRT patches I cried buckets cos it was like a visualisation of the end of my fertility.
It really annoys me that menopause is either joked about or hush hushed. Every single person is affected by it yet its still seen as a taboo subject.
We need to help and support each other. Men need help and support too. Workplaces need better awareness.
Having one conversation could literally save someone's life.

[ki****]

I’m open to talk about it I’m peri-menopausal but still have periods but get hot flushes and my testosterone is high so get high sex drive and hair where I don’t want it. It’s part of life every woman will go through it at some time or some way but it effects women differently. Mood swings are a bitch as is bloating but just like pmt it’s part of who we are. Some people are open about it but some cringe at the mention of it, they need to get over it buy some lube and crack on with the fun 🤩 lol we need openness and kink is one place it should be open, open communication is key to any play.

[CopperKnob]

I didn't realise that it was either taboo or a secret? I mean, females of the older generation within my family didn't speak about it, or did in hushed tones bit I assumed it was because I was a kid?
In an office and friendship circle of 25-60+yrs, we speak about it a lot and openly so. In the UK, it's all over social media as well as being in the press thanks to Davina McCall and the Menopause Mandate.
This issue is, from my perspective, that GP's don't have access to training unless it's a particular interest of theirs. The NHS guidelines state that you can't be perimenopausal until you're aged 45yrs, so obviously that's fact unless you're up for a challenge and prepared to be in the GP Surgery constantly. GP's continue to spout the 'research' linking HRT to ca breast which isn't true unless there are other factors at play with underlying health.
To the partners of peri/menopausal individuals, have heart. A lack of sleep and changing hormone levels (amongst other symptoms that show up for a bit before disappearing randomly) can be catastrophic, know that it isn't 'us'
To the women, dealing with unsympathetic (uneducated) GP's, go private, the long term health issues related to a loss of hormones can be problematic in later life and it isn't worth it when a patch or gel can manage it once doseages are correct.

[DarkArts1066]

I have experience with Menopause and kink - as the Male partner of someone who was going through the menopause. We met when she was about a year into menopause. She was out of a long marriage and looking to experiment with spanking and roleplay, and had a number of very specific ideas which she wanted to experience. We met on the basis that I would facilitate these for her. We progressed with her spanking…. She was able to take progressively harder furnishments, and we were looking to bring others into our play circle.

And then the menopause hit properly, over the Summer. Terrible night (and day) sweats. AirCon in the bedroom was a requirement, not a luxury.
Lack of sleep, brain fog, mood swings-not so much, and I did all I could to help ease her discomfort.
This story doesn’t end well I’m afraid. She decided that she needed space to deal with these issues. We remain friends to this day, but her sex drive was on permanent hold - until she was put on HRT - which took about six months to balance. She now has much reduced symptoms, but they are still there. Her drive to explore and experiment has all but disappeared. Occasionally it rears up … but one day, and it’s gone again. She and I have never really reconnected, and no longer play - which is a real shame.
HRT is not the ‘cure all’ - but it does suppress the symptoms of this horrible event. The woman in question is now six years into menopause - with no sign of it abating. The risks of HRT ?
Seems to depend entirely on Family medical history and your own health issues. The woman I mentioned does have an underlying health issue - which is dermatological, and tHat has massively exacerbated her symptoms - AND determined her particular course of treatment. Be open and honest with your GP… unless they know what the full details are of your symptoms, they will not be able to recommend a suitable course of action.
AND - if your own GP won’t put you on HRT, (and some really do resist!) then seek a second opinion. For several of the women I know, it has been positively life changing.
I hope my comments help.

[slavewife]

On 7/18/2023 at 1:06 PM, DarkArts1066 said:

I have experience with Menopause and kink - as the Male partner of someone who was going through the menopause. We met when she was about a year into menopause. She was out of a long marriage and looking to experiment with spanking and roleplay, and had a number of very specific ideas which she wanted to experience. We met on the basis that I would facilitate these for her. We progressed with her spanking…. She was able to take progressively harder furnishments, and we were looking to bring others into our play circle.

And then the menopause hit properly, over the Summer. Terrible night (and day) sweats. AirCon in the bedroom was a requirement, not a luxury.
Lack of sleep, brain fog, mood swings-not so much, and I did all I could to help ease her discomfort.
This story doesn’t end well I’m afraid. She decided that she needed space to deal with these issues. We remain friends to this day, but her sex drive was on permanent hold - until she was put on HRT - which took about six months to balance. She now has much reduced symptoms, but they are still there. Her drive to explore and experiment has all but disappeared. Occasionally it rears up … but one day, and it’s gone again. She and I have never really reconnected, and no longer play - which is a real shame.
HRT is not the ‘cure all’ - but it does suppress the symptoms of this horrible event. The woman in question is now six years into menopause - with no sign of it abating. The risks of HRT ?
Seems to depend entirely on Family medical history and your own health issues. The woman I mentioned does have an underlying health issue - which is dermatological, and tHat has massively exacerbated her symptoms - AND determined her particular course of treatment. Be open and honest with your GP… unless they know what the full details are of your symptoms, they will not be able to recommend a suitable course of action.
AND - if your own GP won’t put you on HRT, (and some really do resist!) then seek a second opinion. For several of the women I know, it has been positively life changing.
I hope my comments help.

so sorry it never worked out but it is part of life and this is why i have asked the question as im feeling the drive going the lets play going but its so good to here from everyone on this topic of their experiences . its a subject never talked about most comments about women but i know in this taboo world its never spoken about a man having it xx sorry if i brought up hard feelings it was never my intension in posting this yes for women its hard but DO WE EVER THINK ABOUT OUR PARTNERS  in all this and you have said it for them so i THANK YOU XX

[Go****]

I've been going through peri-menopause for years. I've suffered with many of the symptoms, and knew pretty early on that's what it was. I'm a pretty open book, so I have no issues discussing that or anything else with people. I really don't understand the 'taboo' nature of topics like this - most of us suffer it in some way or another, whether directly or indirectly. 

 

Up until the last 12 months or so, I've had real trouble with doctors taking me seriously in regards to it. I now have a pretty good doctor and nurse who actually listen and believe me. Unfortunately, my last appointment didn't give me all of the information I needed, and although I was given hrt, it wasn't explained to me, and I'm yet to take it as I'm worried about the risks but I'll be going back to discuss it.

[Deleted Member]

I have been with a few ladies going through it. Just be open and chat and when you find the right person the sex is better than before. It is always down to trust and being open

[Se****]

On 7/14/2023 at 9:48 PM, slavewife said:

What is it that you can never find anyone willing to talk about their experiences with menopause and kink. It’s part of life for women but also a lot of men. Has it impacted you in any way ? What’s have you done to overcome the hurdles? Have you had to change your whole mindset? Be great to hear from people who have gone through it or like me piddling from every irrigate and cranky as hell and sex drive has gone like my vibrator non existent

Might not be helpful in terms of kink but have you seen Davina McCall’s work and TV programs about this? It’s all very informative and discusses a lot that isn’t normally touched upon. (Sorry if this has been suggested already) x