BigPolly Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Ok this may ruffle a few feathers but it genuinely baffles me each time I see an ad & I wanted to ask opinions as we are all wonderfully different. As a sub I would never dream of advertising/demanding what I wanted from a Dom/me. This is a discussion to be had one on one, their decision what play, punishment, ***, tasks etc we go through with my input. A joint decision that will bring pleasure to us both with me serving in the best way that I can & many females seem to follow that protocol when advertising themselves on here. The Male subs....well you guys are something else lol. Every other advert is ‘I want to be collared, I want to be pegged, I want to be humiliated, I want to be punished, I want to be tied up & used etc etc’ In my previous days as a Domme I would never have accepted any sub laying down the law to me about what they wanted me to do to them & now as a sub I could never imagine having the balls to tell any Dom/me how they were going to play with me. To me personally this would show a huge lack of respect about the position we both hold. Yes I want my pleasures met & discussions need to be held to check we’re on the same page but my role as a sub is to serve & to receive pleasure/*** in return. As I said we are all wonderfully unique but on here there is a definite line that splits Male/Female ads
Mz**** Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 I was going to comment, but I'm biting my tongue so I don't rant, well said @BigPolly
Jed Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Spot on!!!! And like @MzJax I will leave it at that before I vent/rant!
ey**** Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 I think not just sub ads, but male ads in general are often quite lazy and about what they want, rather than who they are what value they could possibly offer. Male Dom ads are often very little thought out above "you will do as I say" with little regard for subs interests and as you say, male subs are often very "I want" Obviously, it's important to raise interests - especially for common ground - but also any skills or really, without breaking into cliche's why would someone want to give you a chance. And then they wonder why they get nowhere.... (not that I always get where I want to be... but... learning)
Ra**** Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 This is weird to me as I never advertised. I can totally see the point you make. I don't tell people what they should do as the whole point for me is to not have to think what to do or whatever. I do state on my profile what I am into. So I guess any Dom that writes to me after actually reading my profile knows what I would like to have included. I wouldn't tell them what to do though, but its weird. You say it shows lack of respect but just because I am a sub I won't sub for just any guy. There is only one person that will get my submissive side - or maybe a few people but you get what I mean. So I guess that in my opinion it's not exactly lack of respect because they are adversiting what they want and subs can say what they are into.. I think it would definitely be lack of respect if they were in a dynamic and did it though. If that makes sense? Maybe it doesn't. Just my thoughts on it..
Deleted Member Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 I find interpretation an interesting occurrence. Everyone has a unique profile, though often with many similarities, so a generalisation of any type of profile will be vague. Most profiles I read (naturally I only look at Submissive females) either do not have profile descriptions at all, or simply say what they enjoy. I do not interpret them as saying what I am to do to them, but what they want to happen to them. If my interests do not match theirs, I move on. It is the same concept for my profile and searching Submissives, though being open-minded; I do see ways to improve my profile
Deleted Member Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 unless you lay out 100 females/males ads and compare its subject to general opinion. Now lets see why there is such differences. main one, well most of men know what they want. they know what reaction they get from such actions. we are not complex. women, most of them don't know yet, its more emotional, tainted also by past life experience, ***, ***, they need connections. both most of the time are newbies, read other profiles, copy paste maybe, and think they will get more success if they write this kind of ads. and this post is also confusing, one day we heard sub got control so they can dictate what they want and next post we ask them to keep quiet and leave the Dom/me decide what will do to them. I only read ads when my eye catch someone near by read their ads then message or not. And sometime they do message me first and we start a conversation. its through this that we really see who's that person is. so we need to look beyond the first layer
ey**** Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 13 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: main one, well most of men know what they want. they know what reaction they get from such actions. we are not complex. I don't really agree. There's a lot of men who write shit like "I will do anything" or "I have no limits" or whatever - and the reaction they will get from that is ignored by all bar the scammers looking for easy prey. So if they know what reaction they get, why do they do it? Also given the post is particularly about *submissive* men then surely they should know "I want" is extremely demanding and off-putting and not really the kind of trait a would be submissive should be putting out. Quote women....tainted also by past life experience, ***, ***, they need connections. wow! and you're the one complaining about sweeping statements! 16 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: sub got control so they can dictate what they want and next post we ask them to keep quiet and leave the Dom/me decide what will do to them. there's a happy medium. The sub does control the boundaries of which the Dominant can play - but it's not about stamping feet and getting wants. 17 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: so we need to look beyond the first layer why? If the first impression isn't positive, why bother
Ra**** Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 I have had so many guys that claim they are Doms that also don't know what the fuck they like or want. "I wanna experiment anything" "I'm up for everything". Guys that have no idea what to do or say. It's not like all MEN know what they want or all WOMEN do not. Also not everyone on this site is a survivor of ***. Some of us are just into our own fetishes for other reasons. Tainted by past experiences - not a great expression. No one here is tainted.
BigPolly Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 29 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: and this post is also confusing, one day we heard sub got control so they can dictate what they want and next post we ask them to keep quiet and leave the Dom/me decide what will do to them. As a sub I can totally dictate what I want however there are ways of discussing things & certain protocols to follow. Im not asking any sub to keep quiet I’m simply asking why males & females advertise themselves differently.
Deleted Member Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 1/ like I said men are not complex, they will try as they will get something out of it regardless, maybe *** or rejection, god knows. 2/ show me a sub who doesn't have scars and I will happily delete my account, I said almost not all of them also I am not complaining did I 3/ we agree on that one lets get medium, then again I cant be bothered to argue as its too long and I am not devil advocate here 4/ someone too shy, or not very good as expressing his/her kink and be a pro at writing an ad. I am sure people made an opinion about you when entering a premises, you would be chocked if you found out, but then you express yourself and they changed their mind or not, depending what you said
BigPolly Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 32 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: women, most of them don't know yet, its more emotional, tainted also by past life experience, ***, ***, they need connections. Wowzers I can honestly say this sweeping statement makes you an absolute bellend imo!
BigPolly Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 16 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: wow! and you're the one complaining about sweeping statements! 😂😂 OMG I hadn’t even read this when I wrote my comment!! Great minds......😂
Deleted Member Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 13 minutes ago, RavenSass said: I have had so many guys that claim they are Doms that also don't know what the fuck they like or want. "I wanna experiment anything" "I'm up for everything". Guys that have no idea what to do or say. It's not like all MEN know what they want or all WOMEN do not. Also not everyone on this site is a survivor of ***. Some of us are just into our own fetishes for other reasons. Tainted by past experiences - not a great expression. No one here is tainted. I said most of, so not all of them. I said tainted as affected by bad, damaged, stigmatised, hurt etc...english not being my mother tongue, explaining something could be confusing for some
BigPolly Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 3 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: 2/ show me a sub who doesn't have scars and I will happily delete my account, I said almost not all of them also I am not complaining did I I don’t have any scars, I haven’t experienced any kind of *** or any unfair treatment from any sexual partner. I was a Domme for many many years, I was offered the chance to retrain as a sub & I took that opportunity. Being a sub has nothing to do with anything other then my own desires & my wish to serve so feel free to delete your account 😁
Ra**** Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 1 minute ago, FabSeverus said: I said most of, so not all of them. I said tainted as affected by bad, damaged, stigmatised, hurt etc...english not being my mother tongue, explaining something could be confusing for some Most in my experience didnt actually know... but that is my experience. I know. English is not my mother language either. But a lot of people have not been through that sort of trauma..
3S**** Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Men tend not to look for compatability, they see something they 'think' is what they want without really checking out what the woman wants. And yes they tend to go on about their fantasies, not just in BDSM but in all sexual online areas. A lot of guys are just dabbling in kink also, they don't take it seriously and want something more akin to a porn scenario (ones that tend to be catered to the guy being satisfied by a woman). Doubt many dominants get off on NSA pleasing a guy? I know i don't.
ey**** Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 I think another common mistake is the "I want to try to be a sub" or anything suggests they want to "give it a go" - especially if they're previously advertised as a Dominant. This suggests they're up for anything and not really understanding. When you think also - any form of "try" or "giving it a go" - for the Dominant this is emotional labour fuelling an experiment - she can spend time and effort only for that to be wasted when it's apparent he's not really into "it" (because among anything else, her style of Dominating might be different to the casual blindfold and rope he wanted) see also : looking for a Dominant to show me the way Which way? Her way might be very different to someone else's....
Jed Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Oh dear....its all gone a little adrift...but I have found in my time on being here that the educated spot the needy and greedy, weed out the *wheat from the chaff* and are happy to educate on matters that make our community a stronger and more tolerant place to evolve. I think the majority of members would say that your profile will be the number one factor in your journey on here..leave the Bullshit and Bravado at the door before you step thro the *purple*door!!!! Honesty, integrity and an openness will serve you well and gain the trust of others whom you may seek. Remember this is a marathon and not a sprint....It Does Not Say **FREE SEX ENTER HERE** on that purple door either!!!!!!! I have ranted now and I said I wouldn't but hey all the above works if you put the effort in , unfortunately it's that simple word Effort that's lacking most of the time!!!!! 😤😤rant over😁😁
BigPolly Posted July 2, 2019 Author Posted July 2, 2019 9 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: This suggests they're up for anything and not really understanding. I love it when people put that, I always think ‘Really....really? You’d really allow someone to blow your balls up with saline whilst piercing your body all over, then branding their initials on your arse, then maybe throwing up on you for good measure’ 😂
ey**** Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 I don't want to go too off topic, but at the same point some of this is important for any guys reading this thread who are genuinely interested in improving. Any form of "I'll do anything" or "I have no limits" suggests - (a) you don't really understand kink at all; this leaves you prey to the chancers. (b) you are actually not 'up' for anything but desperate for anything you can get - which makes it more about having any interaction at all than the person, which is cold and off-putting to most people. (c) you don't really know yourself what you're into - it's much better to admit that (d) you think it makes you sound eager. The problem is that the people most likely to respond or contact... is not going to help you. That, I know Pros tend to disregard contact like this because they know it'll be too many messages backwards and forwards without any certainty of a booking.... or, perhaps one with no regard for your time might reply (i.e. they just churn out a standard set of motions and you don't have a good time because it wasn't in line with interests.) I know the ladies on cam also find this frustrating especially after they attempt to give task after task and it be met with an "except that" I actually know a Lady who any time someone PM'd her saying he'd do anything, she'd send him to donate *** to charity and very few actually would... which is a shame really, because donating to a charity would be a selfless act which also favours a cause she supports, without anyone able to accuse her of "personal gain" (as if that's necessarily a bad thing) Anyway... my point is....... "I'll do anything", "I have no limits" doesn't make you sound keen, or eager, it makes you sound clueless, desperate, and dishonest. No wonder these guys don't get good replies
Deleted Member Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 I'm an adaptive switch, but from my submissive side, I'd never command my domme to do things. I mostly adapt to my partners needs, so I don't really demand anything. I have a really big variety of fetishes and kinks, so it's quite easy for me to accomodate. I just have minor requests on character and personality, and of course, my limits. Most important for me is to get along well. Then we can agree on what to do.
mirandagrey-2818 Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Hmmm, if sub ads aren’t supposed to say what they want, but they’re also not supposed to be a nebulous “I’ll do anything!”, what is left? I haven’t placed an ad, but if I did, I would likely share what I into so any Dom who reads it has a good idea of the kind of sub I would be, and whether we would be a good fit for each other. While one person may define being a sub in traditional terms, such as serving a Dom and being punished when they displease the Dom, another person may “lean sub” but more into bondage, and not into the S&M part. Personal ads are one of the hardest things to write, because we are advertising ourselves, and hoping to find someone, ideally... but we are also setting ourselves up to be ignored, ridiculed or rejected. I applaud the courage of anyone placing an ad. However, one ad that I think will have a difficult time garnering interest is the type that says, “Hi. I’m new and don’t really know what I’m into. Maybe you can help me figure it out. If interested, let me know.” It’s hard to imagine someone being interested in that when there is nothing to grasp onto or connect with. If you’re a sexual being, or have sub or Dom tendencies, there must be something that turns you on,. Something that pulled you to fetish.com in the first place. To me, putting in something/some detail is better than a “I don’t know what I want”. That said, I don’t presume to know what is right or wrong to put in an ad across the board. I only know what does or doesn’t connect with me. Interesting discussion, Big Polly.
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