How do you talk to a dom

[ma****]

I am 18 very shy person when it comes to talk to Doms and even switches. I get nervous but will still respond to their messages and signals. I can’t even look them in the eyes.

[jc****]

Until they are your Dom, they are just people. No need to be nervous.

[Deleted Member]

What you have to remember is they may identify as a Dominant however they are not YOUR Dominant. They are a person first and foremost. Treat them like you would any other person

[lu****]

Im 7 months into our arrangement and im still petrified of talking to her and establishing what I want, I embrace my shyness now, I just told her to take control. It might be better to communicate via text, i personally find it easier

[Deleted Member]

It's just a case of building up trust in them. You'll be nervous. As time goes on it'll get easier

[yo****]

All about communication and setting boundaries

[Je****]

People first, kink and roles second. Speak to them how you would speak to literally anyone else, or how you would appreciate being spoken to.

[Th****]

2 hours ago, magssexy said:

I am 18 very shy person when it comes to talk to Doms and even switches. I get nervous but will still respond to their messages and signals. I can’t even look them in the eyes.

Just like you would any other person. They may be *a* Dom but they aren't *your* Dom. I'd strongly reccomend you befriend other submissives or people who aren't at all the type you'd be interested in and learn from them and build a support system. Many of the local community groups that host events and munches host groups and gatherings for younger people *only*. I foorget the general cut off age (thanksadhd) it's either 25 or 35, maybe someone else will chime in and say. 

 

Visit and read the forums and chat rooms and befriend ***rs here as well. Educate yourself as much as possible so you aren't as *** to those who may have less than good intentions. If you'd like, you're welcome to reach out to me via DM and I'd be happy to point you toward a few resources that I'd recommend. 

Edited July 26, 2023 by ThaliaVirago
Typos

[Th****]

13 minutes ago, luciferx666 said:

Im 7 months into our arrangement and im still petrified of talking to her and establishing what I want, I embrace my shyness now, I just told her to take control. It might be better to communicate via text, i personally find it easier

This concerns me as those sorts of things should be established and negotiated before agreeing to a dynamic. What is she doing to make you more comfortable discussing important things with her? If a person isn't comfortable discussing a thing they really aren't ready to be *doing* a thing and a Dominant should know this because otherwise there are possible ethical and consent issues. 

[fr****]

Well first off like most on here are saying you should get to know them first and don’t rush into anything. Secondly you should always have open communication with any partner no matter if they are Dom, switch or submissive, if you you communicate then neither side knows what to do and some may push you farther than you are ready. Also be upfront with yourself and your partner as they may not be the right fit as your dom. I do hope you have good luck and find the right person for you.

[st****]

Talk to them how you would any relationship, they should treat you with respect and love anyway and if they don't, then they are just abusing you.

[Deleted Member]

Communicate clearly what your needs are, take your time and don't feel like there's pressure. A good Dom will understand

[Deleted Member]

Most people want to be treated with respect. If you ask them how they want to be treated that helps

[be****]

If you're a brat that likes to be punished and put in your place, then however you want 😉

[Ki****]

It really doesn't matter how you act until you give them your submission so I wouldn't be nervous brat it up until you find that one 😅😅😅 ... right?

[ge****]

Is it just dominants/switches you are shy around OP, or are you generally shy with everyone?
.
If the former, then try to see dominants/submissives as just regular people, which first and foremost they are, and treat them the same way as you would anyone else you encounter in life.
.
If you're more generally a shy person, then that's OK, many of us are, and have developed our own ways of coping - just apply those coping mechanisms when talking to dominants etc
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Either way, as others have said, at the point of initial contact they're not *your* dominant, they're just a regular person.
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I'm generally quite introverted with people at first, especially in the flesh, and find it easier talking to people through messages etc and getting to know them that way, as it gives me the time to think of what to say, so that may be a way to look at it yourself.

[Ri****]

DM them. Say Hi. Let them do the rest!

[Hermetic]

That is the joy of being a (female) submissive. You can trust any Dom worth your time to sort that out for you.

Pick a favorite honorific and just use it until told otherwise.

"I'm a little shy, but may I call you 'Sir'?"

[Js****]

Lead with exactly that. A real dom will walk through stuff with you. There needs to be trust built for kink to function properly.

[Je****]

2 hours ago, Hermetic said:

That is the joy of being a (female) submissive. You can trust any Dom worth your time to sort that out for you.

Pick a favorite honorific and just use it until told otherwise.

"I'm a little shy, but may I call you 'Sir'?"

This is NOT a good way for any one to open a brand new message with someone new. 

I'm praying this isn't want you mean...

[Ta****]

I feel each sub has a different approach to this. Honestly, don't send anything inappropriate until you KNOW it feels right. That conversation will look different with each Doms approach. As I was searching, I had some that you could tell had NO clue what they were doing, then some that knew exactly but couldn't keep my attention. After you discuss exactly what you want outta this, you need to ask them how a day would look if you choose them. Firstly though you need to know what you are looking for! You don't have to know your limits, just what you want outta the relationship, short term/ long term, kinky dates only, emotional connection, ect.

[Su****]

I'm the same way, my shyness is almost debilitating 😅

[Al****]

Wow, Savag3 you opened my eyes to something I’d hardly ever thought of even though I can be that shy at times too.

[ge****]

19 hours ago, ThaliaVirago said:

Just like you would any other person. They may be *a* Dom but they aren't *your* Dom. I'd strongly reccomend you befriend other submissives or people who aren't at all the type you'd be interested in and learn from them and build a support system. Many of the local community groups that host events and munches host groups and gatherings for younger people *only*. I foorget the general cut off age (thanksadhd) it's either 25 or 35, maybe someone else will chime in and say. 

 

Visit and read the forums and chat rooms and befriend ***rs here as well. Educate yourself as much as possible so you aren't as *** to those who may have less than good intentions. If you'd like, you're welcome to reach out to me via DM and I'd be happy to point you toward a few resources that I'd recommend. 

This all the way - talking to other submissive and those who hold no interest for you is a good idea, though you need to be wary to pick the right knowledgeable ones which isn't always easy.
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The forums are a great resource too, not only because of the wealth of information they hold but because they are good ways to spark conversations with others

[Th****]

10 hours ago, Hermetic said:

That is the joy of being a (female) submissive. You can trust any Dom worth your time to sort that out for you.

Pick a favorite honorific and just use it until told otherwise.

"I'm a little shy, but may I call you 'Sir'?"

This is very poor advice and I'd be inclined to say unsafe even. 🚩