Issues for men trying to find women partners

[FetishKing69]

 

Since I started swinging over 15 years ago there has been a huge paradigm shift in the way the swinging/fetish world operates. It used to be easy to meet new ladies or organise a meet but now as a man it is nearly impossible to get any traction at all. There is no trust and such a disproportionate number of men to women that it is nearly impossible to find/meet anyone, no matter how genuine you are or what site you are on. Women have such a huge pool of guys to choose from making it a really unbalanced fetish scene.

So many fake accounts and with the advent of being able to make a quick buck from selling content online has also meant that hardly anyone is doing stuff for the actual love of doing it. It's all about making *** and hits on social media rather than physical connections offline and enjoying new experiences. You only need to look at how many hits womens photos get over mens to see there is a major issue for guys actually trying to meet anyone. 

From doing meets with partners over the years and organising events I have seen the gradual demise of etiquette online and the awful messages women get sent. I'm not surprised women get fed up with all the pestering as they get bombarded daily. It makes it even harder for us genuine guys who are prepared to make an effort and treat women with respect. It creates an atmosphere where no decent guy is ever going to get a look in.

I have been looking for 2 years for a female to meet with and understand the fetish/swinging world. It's become so difficult to find a women that it actually takes all the fun out of the experience. 

Who else feels frustrated as a guy?

Edited August 2, 2023 by FetishKing69

[BacknBoise]

Preach Brother! Lol Frustrating indeed. I too have been looking for someone local to connect with for about the same amount of time. Its tough but this is the way it is now. Social media has erased social etiquette. I do believe when it’s meant to happen, it will happen.

[FetishKing69]

Just now, BacknBoise said:

Preach Brother! Lol Frustrating indeed. I too have been looking for someone local to connect with for about the same amount of time. Its tough but this is the way it is now. Social media has erased social etiquette. I do believe when it’s meant to happen, it will happen.

I agree completely...a connected yet never more social isolated world where no effort needs to be made. We shall persevere and the right lady will come along. 

[Deleted Member]

I feel you on this. It is an absolute shame what had happened. Women trying to promote themselves for their OF’s or just selling something’s on their own. More power to you if that’s what you want but I believe there are other sites for that and this isn’t one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I have met some great people here and have become friends with a few of them.

[BacknBoise]

I too should definitely point out, ive met some good people along my journey…

[ey****]

I've been continuously active on online sites like this for the past decade, and I used to dabble much further back when I was at College, so we're talking around 20 years ago.

There are changes I've seen over these time - while things that have very much been the same.  So arguments about 'ratio' has always come up - and I think with a lot with kink being a little bit more accepting, and mainstream in places, that the amount of women on sites like this have increased, even before we consider things like sellers. However, where the numbers really have swung differently over the years have been in kink spaces.

Munches, Fetish Events, Swing Events, etc.

Online is difficult for many reasons, a lot down to the lack of tone, body language, and you simply don't know if the person you are messaging has had 3 really good messages you have to stand out in, or 300 which they've took one look at and hit "delete"

The other thing is while there are ladies with OF at munches, fetishes events, swing events, etc. they're not their to sell - they're there cos they're otherwise interested in the community.

[FetishKing69]

10 minutes ago, ZX6-R said:

I feel you on this. It is an absolute shame what had happened. Women trying to promote themselves for their OF’s or just selling something’s on their own. More power to you if that’s what you want but I believe there are other sites for that and this isn’t one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I have met some great people here and have become friends with a few of them.

Completely agree.....Deffo I have met some lovely ***ps over the year like yourself...it's just got so damn hard now to find any women. 

[FetishKing69]

2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I've been continuously active on online sites like this for the past decade, and I used to dabble much further back when I was at College, so we're talking around 20 years ago.

There are changes I've seen over these time - while things that have very much been the same.  So arguments about 'ratio' has always come up - and I think with a lot with kink being a little bit more accepting, and mainstream in places, that the amount of women on sites like this have increased, even before we consider things like sellers. However, where the numbers really have swung differently over the years have been in kink spaces.

Munches, Fetish Events, Swing Events, etc.

Online is difficult for many reasons, a lot down to the lack of tone, body language, and you simply don't know if the person you are messaging has had 3 really good messages you have to stand out in, or 300 which they've took one look at and hit "delete"

The other thing is while there are ladies with OF at munches, fetishes events, swing events, etc. they're not their to sell - they're there cos they're otherwise interested in the community.

Completely agree with you.

[FetishKing69]

Side note.....I used to and have been to several clubs and events over the years. Thats fine if you don't mind spending *** or going with friends. I have been to so many though where you end up spending a bunch of *** and there's not one person you would want to connect with. Personally I would much prefer to speak to someone, meet socially and take it from there so at least know you are meeting someone you like. 

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, FetishKing69 said:

Side note.....I used to and have been to several clubs and events over the years. Thats fine if you don't mind spending *** or going with friends. I have been to so many though where you end up spending a bunch of *** and there's not one person you would want to connect with. Personally I would much prefer to speak to someone, meet socially and take it from there so at least know you are meeting someone you like. 

I've never been asked to pay at a munch, just buy a drink or two at the bar to support the business giving us the space. Always more women than men at the munches I've been to.

[FetishKing69]

6 minutes ago, Char__ said:

I've never been asked to pay at a munch, just buy a drink or two at the bar to support the business giving us the space. Always more women than men at the munches I've been to.

It might be different where you are.....It's never been like that at anything I'v been to in the UK. Might be in big cities where there are more people who attend? In the UK you find women get in free and men have to pay quite often. I'm sure if you were going I'd make an effort....great pics/style X

Edited August 2, 2023 by FetishKing69

[Mr-Brown]

Yes this!!! 🙏

[Mr-Brown]

After lockdown and COVID it's become even harder to meet anyone!

[FetishKing69]

35 minutes ago, BacknBoise said:

I too should definitely point out, ive met some good people along my journey…

Deffo.....

[FetishKing69]

Just now, Mr-Brown said:

After lockdown and COVID it's become even harder to meet anyone!

It sure did....It all went very strange for sure 

[Mr-Brown]

Just now, FetishKing69 said:

It sure did....It all went very strange for sure 

I had a lovely sub before lockdown and met a few people before her. After It seems over saturated with fakes and only crap/I sell content etc. 

Or if I do talk to females here they disappear after a few days as they get bombarded with messages from thirsty men which drives them away. Which leaves us with a site full of guys! 

 

[FetishKing69]

Just now, Mr-Brown said:

I had a lovely sub before lockdown and met a few people before her. After It seems over saturated with fakes and only crap/I sell content etc. 

Or if I do talk to females here they disappear after a few days as they get bombarded with messages from thirsty men which drives them away. Which leaves us with a site full of guys! 

 

Yep would have to agree with that 100%. 

[ge****]

Can honestly say I'm not in the slightest bit frustrated by anything around either here or any of the other similar sites I've been using for 8 or so years now, and have met plenty of lovely people both socially and beyond socially.
.
It all comes down to several factors that can be summarised into five key areas:
.
Expectations - set these right and don't expect to get meets just for signing up to a site
.
Attitude - maintain a positive one at all times remaining respectful, considerate etc and gracefully accepting a polite no thank you
.
Approach - find the one that works for you, remember sending blind messages to profiles you've not had interaction with isn't the only way to approach the site. Make any messages you do send interesting and polite and don't expect a response, or react badly when you don't get one, or get one that politely says no thank you.
.
Profile - Make sure you have a decent well written profile that tells people about you and what you are hoping to find here.
.
Pics - have a decent selection that show you off well and avoid cock pics at all costs.
.
Get all those things right and it won't guarantee a thing, but it will improve your experience and minimise the frustration.
.
Also remember it's not just men who have it "difficult" - women, couples etc all face their own problems with finding what they hope to find on sites like this.

[Mr-Brown]

Should have to pay to use the site I think. Weed out the fakes and content sellers! And the fake guys behind these 18 year girl pics!

[FetishKing69]

7 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Can honestly say I'm not in the slightest bit frustrated by anything around either here or any of the other similar sites I've been using for 8 or so years now, and have met plenty of lovely people both socially and beyond socially.
.
It all comes down to several factors that can be summarised into five key areas:
.
Expectations - set these right and don't expect to get meets just for signing up to a site
.
Attitude - maintain a positive one at all times remaining respectful, considerate etc and gracefully accepting a polite no thank you
.
Approach - find the one that works for you, remember sending blind messages to profiles you've not had interaction with isn't the only way to approach the site. Make any messages you do send interesting and polite and don't expect a response, or react badly when you don't get one, or get one that politely says no thank you.
.
Profile - Make sure you have a decent well written profile that tells people about you and what you are hoping to find here.
.
Pics - have a decent selection that show you off well and avoid cock pics at all costs.
.
Get all those things right and it won't guarantee a thing, but it will improve your experience and minimise the frustration.
.
Also remember it's not just men who have it "difficult" - women, couples etc all face their own problems with finding what they hope to find on sites like this.

I agree with all your points and agree thats how guys should do it. I have had a partner who I have done stuff with for 15 years so have had couples profiles and singles profiles on pretty much every site. Get how it all works as seen it from both sides on a daily basis. We have had loads of success and done tons of meets together/separately over the years so thats not the issue..... My point is that even following those steps for guys it has become nearly impossible the last 2 years in particular to find ladies for meets. Might be different where you are but not for lot of people. 

[MisstressStorm]

14 minutes ago, Mr-Brown said:

Should have to pay to use the site I think. Weed out the fakes and content sellers! And the fake guys behind these 18 year girl pics!

14 minutes ago, Mr-Brown said:

Should have to pay to use the site I think. Weed out the fakes and content sellers! And the fake guys behind these 18 year girl pics!

I’m not sure the ‘pay to use’ is going to work for the genuine Women on site. I’m sure that I wouldn’t pay to give free content and be besieged by thirsty men how don’t share my kink , just want w@nk fodder, free sex line, free kink dispenser for any Random that rocks up on my account demanding I be a free kink dispenser cause they’ve paid their subscription ⛈

[FetishKing69]

Just now, MisstressStorm said:

 

Ye its a tough one....I do think everyone should have to go through some kind of face verification to sign up on sites. Have suggested that on Fab Swingers too over the years.

[MisstressStorm]

19 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Can honestly say I'm not in the slightest bit frustrated by anything around either here or any of the other similar sites I've been using for 8 or so years now, and have met plenty of lovely people both socially and beyond socially.
.
It all comes down to several factors that can be summarised into five key areas:
.
Expectations - set these right and don't expect to get meets just for signing up to a site
.
Attitude - maintain a positive one at all times remaining respectful, considerate etc and gracefully accepting a polite no thank you
.
Approach - find the one that works for you, remember sending blind messages to profiles you've not had interaction with isn't the only way to approach the site. Make any messages you do send interesting and polite and don't expect a response, or react badly when you don't get one, or get one that politely says no thank you.
.
Profile - Make sure you have a decent well written profile that tells people about you and what you are hoping to find here.
.
Pics - have a decent selection that show you off well and avoid cock pics at all costs.
.
Get all those things right and it won't guarantee a thing, but it will improve your experience and minimise the frustration.
.
Also remember it's not just men who have it "difficult" - women, couples etc all face their own problems with finding what they hope to find on sites like this.

Mr GM is the voice of reason. Take note of his truths. Biased as he is my personal favourite because he is a decent, respectful human being …. and my  wing man.

Be more GM 

Mistress Storm ⛈

[ey****]

1 minute ago, FetishKing69 said:

Ye its a tough one....I do think everyone should have to go through some kind of face verification to sign up on sites. Have suggested that on Fab Swingers too over the years.

face verification is easy to manipulate.  It also becomes off putting to a lot of people; particularly the women sites always wish to attract

[ey****]

35 minutes ago, FetishKing69 said:

It might be different where you are.....It's never been like that at anything I'v been to in the UK. Might be in big cities where there are more people who attend? In the UK you find women get in free and men have to pay quite often. I'm sure if you were going I'd make an effort....great pics/style X

In the UK...

Munches are pretty much always free. For everyone.  The size of them can fluctuate a little bit - but they're usually in a mainstream bar.  And while there is usually an expectancy to buy a drink, no one is frowned at for nursing a pint all night or taking advantage of the free hot drink refills.

Fetish nights also tend to be flat pricing for entry.

Some swing, femdom or other clubs do have a tiered entry which often charges single males more, though this is a practice being less common cos of the problems it causes.