Issues for men trying to find women partners

[ge****]

55 minutes ago, Bennydnr said:

dont know how to quote @gemini_mannah I'm fine on here and am back on the scene. However just after a long time in the military , 2 tours in war zones and a long time in prison  ive a low tolerance for predators and sex offenders. Thats whats getting my back up. I am looking, I dont see any issues in that.

Oh I know and yes they are a *** but apart from reporting them when you come across them there's not a great deal to stop them - they're easily spotted and swatted away most of the time.
.
What is sad is that they prey on those who are desperate and *** and craving attention and become easily taken in as a result but all we as regular users is try and educate others to keep their guard up and to report any suspicious profiles

[deleteplease]

5 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Oh I know and yes they are a *** but apart from reporting them when you come across them there's not a great deal to stop them - they're easily spotted and swatted away most of the time.
.
What is sad is that they prey on those who are desperate and *** and craving attention and become easily taken in as a result but all we as regular users is try and educate others to keep their guard up and to report any suspicious profiles

Ive advised a few to chat to other old school women first. 

[deleteplease]

Then this morning a total match comes along on every level... crazy

[Ae****]

If you're having trouble meeting women and are feeling frustrated be the women who are scared of you because they are fed up of men bombarding them:

1. Level yourself up. You're not attractive enough.

Once you do that, you'll meet a better quality of women. Jaded, bitter women are scared of men. When your more centered and more attractive, you'll now start meeting women who are smart and stable enough themselves to trust their own ability to pick good men from bad. These women are not scared of men, and love them, welcome them, they celebrate men.

Lastly - love yourself. To the point you don't care about seeking a relationship. At that time, relationships will flow to you like crazy. And they'll be fun, not needed, just enjoyed and shared with the women that you're with.

[Ae****]

Oh, yeah, sorry - yes it's very very frustrating to have to do this. It's hard and unfair.
But you can do it. And you're in good company. ❤️

[deleteplease]

43 minutes ago, Aeonova said:

If you're having trouble meeting women and are feeling frustrated be the women who are scared of you because they are fed up of men bombarding them:

1. Level yourself up. You're not attractive enough.

Once you do that, you'll meet a better quality of women. Jaded, bitter women are scared of men. When your more centered and more attractive, you'll now start meeting women who are smart and stable enough themselves to trust their own ability to pick good men from bad. These women are not scared of men, and love them, welcome them, they celebrate men.

Lastly - love yourself. To the point you don't care about seeking a relationship. At that time, relationships will flow to you like crazy. And they'll be fun, not needed, just enjoyed and shared with the women that you're with.

theres a good code at the club I go to and its 'dont be a dick'. and 'leave your ego at the door' its that simple. I train, go to the gym, am an elite runner, ex army ect doing that dont make me not a dick. theres some right ego centric dicks in gyms. I like to think i'm not one of them but ive been a dick at times. what do people find atractive? whos to say, atractive people arnt dicks or egocentric arse holes, only nieve people think thats atractive.

working on yourself is good but for what reason are you doing it? how can you be atractive on the net? you cant. maybe a few filterd pics, a couple tenced mussels. nah thats just being a dick. yes i have a gym pic. i rely on being real and having a laugh and self confidence.

we can all go to the gym

[CopperKnob]

4 hours ago, Bennydnr said:

theres a good code at the club I go to and its 'dont be a dick'. and 'leave your ego at the door' its that simple. I train, go to the gym, am an elite runner, ex army ect doing that dont make me not a dick. theres some right ego centric dicks in gyms. I like to think i'm not one of them but ive been a dick at times. what do people find atractive? whos to say, atractive people arnt dicks or egocentric arse holes, only nieve people think thats atractive.

working on yourself is good but for what reason are you doing it? how can you be atractive on the net? you cant. maybe a few filterd pics, a couple tenced mussels. nah thats just being a dick. yes i have a gym pic. i rely on being real and having a laugh and self confidence.

we can all go to the gym

Attractiveness isn't just the aesthetics, it's the personality and character etc that far outweighs someone's looks and that can come across online, it's just harder to do

[Ae****]

7 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Attractiveness isn't just the aesthetics, it's the personality and character etc that far outweighs someone's looks and that can come across online, it's just harder to do

This 👆 ❤️

[ey****]

8 hours ago, Bennydnr said:

thats the way of the web now storm, on vanilla sites there there in a diffrent form. its an ugly place. wolfs amongst sheep....

See, I still don't feel much has changed.

When I was at college I was on sites like Alt, Adult Friendfinder, MasterSlave, GothicMatch - a mixture of kink and vanilla.  And, honestly, myself I didn't always get everything right - but I was 18/19  - we're talking 22 years ago.  I was somewhat fortunate - that a young lady on my course was very much into the fetish lifestyle and on those sites and there was a lot she told and warned me about

That women, in general, get a lot of messages - many of which are inappropriate/unappealing

But also that men had assorted frustration, feeling that they were outnumbered, that odds were stacked, so on.  While also warning me that there were men posing as women for whatever aim (at the time, a lot of erotic message/story exchange was common - which people would use as wank fodder) 

By admission. Following her advice I did end up with a little bit more in terms of positive response.  

I guess one of the take aways a little was to "be interested" - that spending time messaging multiple people on one site was laborious.  Taking time to only contact people who seemed interesting to me, and presenting myself to them respectfully made a lot of difference.

[deleteplease]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

See, I still don't feel much has changed.

When I was at college I was on sites like Alt, Adult Friendfinder, MasterSlave, GothicMatch - a mixture of kink and vanilla.  And, honestly, myself I didn't always get everything right - but I was 18/19  - we're talking 22 years ago.  I was somewhat fortunate - that a young lady on my course was very much into the fetish lifestyle and on those sites and there was a lot she told and warned me about

That women, in general, get a lot of messages - many of which are inappropriate/unappealing

But also that men had assorted frustration, feeling that they were outnumbered, that odds were stacked, so on.  While also warning me that there were men posing as women for whatever aim (at the time, a lot of erotic message/story exchange was common - which people would use as wank fodder) 

By admission. Following her advice I did end up with a little bit more in terms of positive response.  

I guess one of the take aways a little was to "be interested" - that spending time messaging multiple people on one site was laborious.  Taking time to only contact people who seemed interesting to me, and presenting myself to them respectfully made a lot of difference.

yea your old school like me, i just look alot younger than I am. the web wasnt a think when I was in my 20s and active. I was part of a 24/7 bdsm comune back then. I left the scene in 2001. i went vanilla and moved overseas. upon coming back on the scene and the sites, i find it abit sad. theres lots of guys who are just pretend doms here for sex its not scene people but a perv meat market. some are one step away from sex ofenders...

[Kentishlady]

I totally agree with you

[MasterDarcy1979]

It's nuanced.

In all my years of looking I only started getting luck when I sat down and put some thought and time on my profile/ad/post.

From an online perspective, the net (pardon the pun) is a lot wider than it used to be. I remember back in the day the only real choice was "collarme.com" and that was it.

I met a couple of subs from collarme.com but to be honest I met more subs from "Plenty of fish".

I wrote my profile on OKcupid and was banned quite sharpish. They don't allow BDSM content (text) on OKcupid, who knew? Not me.

I've had the most success on Reddit. In the past couple of years I've met a lot of business women. A lady who worked for NASA for a couple of decades and is now a business owner. Plus a CEO who was... rich.

They haven't all been gold standard, though. There's been a few stinkers from Reddit.

I've been here for a few weeks and I've mostly been contacted by subs that are in relationships, etc. The rest were put off by Watersports.

Ho-hum.

My recommendation is to take time and effort to flesh out your profile/ad.

Be patient.

Never settle.

Compatibility is the key. The more compatible you are with a person, the more chance that you'll have a healthy and a happy dynamic with them.

Communication, honesty, respect and mutuality are cornerstones of a great dynamic.

Edited August 7, 2023 by MasterDarcy1979

[deleteplease]

On 8/7/2023 at 9:33 PM, MasterDarcy1979 said:

It's nuanced.

In all my years of looking I only started getting luck when I sat down and put some thought and time on my profile/ad/post.

From an online perspective, the net (pardon the pun) is a lot wider than it used to be. I remember back in the day the only real choice was "collarme.com" and that was it.

I met a couple of subs from collarme.com but to be honest I met more subs from "Plenty of fish".

I wrote my profile on OKcupid and was banned quite sharpish. They don't allow BDSM content (text) on OKcupid, who knew? Not me.

I've had the most success on Reddit. In the past couple of years I've met a lot of business women. A lady who worked for NASA for a couple of decades and is now a business owner. Plus a CEO who was... rich.

They haven't all been gold standard, though. There's been a few stinkers from Reddit.

I've been here for a few weeks and I've mostly been contacted by subs that are in relationships, etc. The rest were put off by Watersports.

Ho-hum.

My recommendation is to take time and effort to flesh out your profile/ad.

Be patient.

Never settle.

Compatibility is the key. The more compatible you are with a person, the more chance that you'll have a healthy and a happy dynamic with them.

Communication, honesty, respect and mutuality are cornerstones of a great dynamic.

Or just give up kink and get a nice decent girl like Ive done. I'm now not an ***r or ***e.

[TheDaddinator]

Have really been wanting to experience having a sub. I really want to dom. Any tips on how to find someone?

[ge****]

6 hours ago, TheDaddinator said:

Have really been wanting to experience having a sub. I really want to dom. Any tips on how to find someone?

There are some good tips in this and many other threads if you look for them.
.
In a nutshell though they can be summed up as follows:
.
Have a good profile and pics on sites like this.
.
Be respectful, considerate etc at all times, and set your expectations, attitude and approach right.
.
Demonstrate both with words and actions that you have a good knowledge of BDSM and why you think you would make good dominant, and make it not about what you want but what you can offer.
.
Attend local munches and kink events not in the hope of any play but to interact with others and observe.
.
There's a whole lot more but those are the basics - they don't guarantee a thing of course but will at least serve as a guide.

[TheDaddinator]

Thank you bubba. I appreciate it. 

 

[MisstressStorm]

7 hours ago, gemini_man said:

There are some good tips in this and many other threads if you look for them.
.
In a nutshell though they can be summed up as follows:
.
Have a good profile and pics on sites like this.
.
Be respectful, considerate etc at all times, and set your expectations, attitude and approach right.
.
Demonstrate both with words and actions that you have a good knowledge of BDSM and why you think you would make good dominant, and make it not about what you want but what you can offer.
.
Attend local munches and kink events not in the hope of any play but to interact with others and observe.
.
There's a whole lot more but those are the basics - they don't guarantee a thing of course but will at least serve as a guide.

I love the way you walk the talk , Goosie 🖤⛈

[Jimmmy]

I’ve been meeting up with people through various media over the last 30 plus years. I’d agree that there are a much lower proportion of meetable women on sites like this now. I used to have a big choice of females to pursue a meet with, but now there really are very few.

One problem is the sense of entitlement that persists. This never used to exist, or at least it was rare. Many players now have such an entitled attitude and get nasty when consent is not forthcoming.

And then you get those that have “post meet regret”. And they then ghost you. Or turn nasty. Either way, it’s not nice.

I have to say that although I’ve had some of the best conversations with folk on here, my best and most memorable physical encounters and experiences have not been with those I’ve met through this site. Paradoxically and unexpectedly, it’s been people I’ve met through a couple of well known hookup apps that have made for the best kinky encounters. Possibly because I’ve found ways to post very detailed profiles of myself, which effectively vets potential playmates very well: most are frightened off!

This means that those that I do meet with are usually already very well informed of where I’m at and they know their own needs well enough to know that they’ll be getting pretty much what they want. This works well for me, but then I do have very extreme kinks by many people’s standards.

Many folk on this site are here to “heal” or “recover” from something. Many have “issues” or “triggers” that need “therapy” involving BDSM practices, apparently. And all that is fine.

But it’s not for me. I don’t want to be a shrink, a therapist, a mentor, a Daddy, a Dom or any other label apart from “playmate”. Fun is what I do this for. That’s all. And my experience has been that there are a lot more people, including those of the female of our species, who share my view, on other vehicles than this one.

So everyone has a choice. If this site works well for you, happy days. If not, consider moving on!

[cl****]

This topic is wildly misogynistic. I get it. It’s fucking frustrating! But, blaming women for doing whatever they want when we men have had it like that for 10000 years (some more so than others, but that’s a different rant) sounds so petty. I love women. I’d fuck them all if they let me, but I’m not going to sulk if they don’t.