Tips for people who want to meet kink minded partners

[Ki****]

I just read my message and I left on this and my talk to text really sucks. It makes hardly no sense at all but anyways, my point was that. I wonder if I ever will meet special person that’s meant for me I’ve been single for 25 years I raised my son all of my own. I didn’t drag men in and out of the house, boyfriend after boyfriend, I didn’t want to confuse him. and I didn’t want him to ever think he was a mistake or a *** in my ass because he never was he was the joy of my life. I loved raising him to be the fine young man that he is he’s a very hard-working carpenter in the Carpenters union. and I’m so proud of him. so now he’s 22 and on his own doing his thing and I raised him to do and now it’s my time I came online hoping to find that special person but unfortunately it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. Anyways, I’m a glutton for punishment I like men and I like chatting with men and I like taking pictures of myself and I like sharing them so that’s me if you feel like chatting hit me up with a

[Deleted Member]

I’m in the same boat. Wife keyholder and I male chastity cage are thinking that there has to be some other couples with this dynamic. She wants to have some Gil friends to chat with about it and have get together a or go out or the beach with couples. Not exactly into swinging or sharing but exhibition stuff or drunk dare games. Free to say how hot anyone is there and flirt. Just at that level until it goes where it wants to.

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, beachfuntimes said:

I’m in the same boat. Wife keyholder and I male chastity cage are thinking that there has to be some other couples with this dynamic. She wants to have some Gil friends to chat with about it and have get together a or go out or the beach with couples. Not exactly into swinging or sharing but exhibition stuff or drunk dare games. Free to say how hot anyone is there and flirt. Just at that level until it goes where it wants to.

You if you are in the same boat lmk. We live in plant city Kathleen area. And go to Tampa or Orlando often. Find stuff to do. Hell grill out and make drinks. Bars. Beaches. Fishing at the coast. Dinner. Sxs riding. (Going to Ocala cause wife want to sxs ride and then go naked in the woods

[Deleted Member]

Monday at 01:40 PM, Kimber469ing said:

I just read my message and I left on this and my talk to text really sucks. It makes hardly no sense at all but anyways, my point was that. I wonder if I ever will meet special person that’s meant for me I’ve been single for 25 years I raised my son all of my own. I didn’t drag men in and out of the house, boyfriend after boyfriend, I didn’t want to confuse him. and I didn’t want him to ever think he was a mistake or a *** in my ass because he never was he was the joy of my life. I loved raising him to be the fine young man that he is he’s a very hard-working carpenter in the Carpenters union. and I’m so proud of him. so now he’s 22 and on his own doing his thing and I raised him to do and now it’s my time I came online hoping to find that special person but unfortunately it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. Anyways, I’m a glutton for punishment I like men and I like chatting with men and I like taking pictures of myself and I like sharing them so that’s me if you feel like chatting hit me up with a

This is honest and helpful to know. It’s not easy at any adult age. And tougher as you get older. Not say what you should do but if you can connect irl with a community. It would be a big next step. Older women usually can get a play partner easier than a long term companion. Either way you seem lovely and kudos on being a solid single mom. I wish you the best. 😁

[MasterDarcy1979]

Tips? The only real tip that i can give Is to place your fate in the "law of attraction."

Essentially, positive energy manifests itself in attractive positive energy. (And negative energy attracts negative energy)

Meaning, fill out your profile. Fill it out an an honest and thorough manner. Detailing your strengths, weaknesses as well as finding a fine balance between revealing as much vanilla information as kink information.

A profile is akin to a first date. It's a window to your soul. If your profile is read by a like minded soul then they will get in touch and there will be a very good chance of a match being made.

If, however, if a profile is left blank, why should anyone initiate contact?

There's really no excuse for an empty profile. You registered, so you can work the net and you can fill in your name, etc. If you can climb that mountain then you can link a few words together in your profile.

If privacy is the issue. It's no a issue. You can write tons and still main a high level of security. My profile is around a thousand words long and yet I haven't shared one semblance of information that could make me ***.

Personally, if I happen upon am empty profile I just skip it entirely. I'm sure as hell not initiating contact with someone who might be the polar opposite of me. How am to know if the profile is blank?

If they're beautiful and they have gorgeous photographs? It doesn't cut any ice with me.

I have high standards.

Technically, I don't initiate contact with anyone. Ever. But that's just because I don't think it's becoming of a Dom to make the first move.

Also, women receive thousands of messages on a daily basis. I don't fancy my message being sandwiched between them.

If a profile is blank it says that the person behind the profile doesn't care who contacts then.

Also, if you're a person who initiates contact with a person who has a blank profile It means you'll contact anyone.

 

Edited December 3, 2023 by MasterDarcy1979

[Deleted Member]

I've met a few people that believed in the law of attraction and NLP. One Girl talked about her success of owning and running her own gym at 25. I was a very impressive  gym but turned out she sold memerships!

Another guy who did some minor acting work and ran a wrestling promotion for a short time in the UK. He went to the USA to fullfill his dreams of writing and directing his idea for a TV show. Claimed the show was due on TV soon (for 10 years) In reality he was a night DJ in a hospital, the actors he claimed were in the show had never heard of him and the show never existed.

He died last year

Maybe people in believe it in their own heads but I don't believe it anymore than  I believe that God exists

[RaymondWise]

On 8/8/2023 at 1:52 PM, frontman23 said:

An online friend of mine once told me that most women are open to kink if you introduce them to it. That might be true so I wouldn't disregard vanillas or greenies as you call them. At least two of my exes were. Sometimes it can be easier to "corrupt" a woman than to find a kinky one

I've found that to be true. Before the internet, after getting some of the basic relationship stuff down with a woman, I would introduce her to kink a little at a time. 

I think it's easier today in the sense that you can find people with similar interests before you even meet. The downside is that  you can end up focusing too much on the kink and not the other aspects of the relationship. 

I've found that socializing with kinky people regardless of whether I feel they are a match for me, making friends and networking have worked the best for me.  By not focusing so much on finding a partner, the partners seem to show up.

[eR****]

Very helpful. Thank you all.

[Deleted Member]

As somebody that is new to this, reading all of this has really given me a better perspective. Im a new mom and I take a while to defrost so I tend to be on the quiet side. But I'm an experimentalist, I love go try things before I rule them one but the thing in most scared of is not finding a good match. Coming across somebody that will exploit me rather than guide me but in the same breath, what if I find somebody real. What do I then do with that? Being a new mom, I protect me and mine. 

 

[Cacti]

 Heyo,

I can't say much about online dating platforms. I'm Ace-Aro so the whole "see an image and decide you want to be with them" thing doesn't work for me. But I totally agree with everyone who suggested that you focus on building yourself up by following your kink interests and being seen in spaces associated with those interests so that you have something to connect over, rather than diving into relationship territory. 

In my experiences, I found community first before I found intimate partners to build enough trust with to do some more risky kinks like heavy impact or suspension. All my relationships began with a mutual interest in the activity, scene specific negotiations, aftercare discussions, boundary setting, and nothing more. I wasn’t looking for relationships, just a friend to do an activity together that we're mutually interested in. For context, I may be approaching things from very different perspective since I don't feel the kind of drive that allosexuals and amantonormative folks feel. And I'm neurodivergent. But if success means having kinky relationships where we actually give a shit about each other and consistently make time to show up for each other even outside of kink, then I guess it somehow works for me. I'm poly (RA) and am currently with two stable partners relationships, and have several kink friends that I see regularly, whether it's for a pick up scene or at a board game night or for rope classes/workshops or just emotional support. And I met every single one of them at in person events (mostly rope spaces or munches), or a friend introduce me to their other friend because they thought I'd hit it off with them.

The only issues I run into is finding enough time to be present, and kink alignment outside of the mutual interest that we started out with. That, and having people assume that just because I don't feel sexual attraction, I would be offended by sex or sexual interest or natural libido based responses in general. That unfortunately gets annoying at times takes a lot of conversation and educating. Communication is sooo important because everyone's own experiences and identity are nuanced! 

[Jo****]

I don't know where to begin. Have the wheels fallen off, or can I still recover my mojo? Spring chicken no more, never was!

I am a 73 years old, semi-retired widower, gender fluid male, cross dressing, pansexual submissive service bottom/switch with a profile  on Fetlife. I'm looking for pickup play to establish connections and possibly build further relationships. I've been around the SF bay area kink community since 2011 when I eagerly plunged in. I've watched it wax and wain through the pandemic. Connections/scenes that I had established disappeared. I've attended two large organized SF bay area bdsm events/play parties recently, and I'm not making any social connections nor connecting with any play partners. I do check the profiles of attendees who've RSVP'd for the event, but I wonder if that's too much like lurking. I don't personally know anybody attending these events before I show up. I wonder is it my age, approaching senility, a lack of social skills or something else holding me back from connecting with folks. I have attended much smaller parties where I know the host, other attendees, and happily engaged in some bdsm and/or sex play. Maybe I need to reach out more?

Joan   

[earthyangel]

It doesn't matter where you start talking to possible partner. if it is on the net or munch of anywhere else. what is important is if you want to keep your own safety and don't want to enter to too dangerous adventure, learn to know enough  the person before you meet. when meeting, first do that in public place where there are people around and you can leave. in the first private date, tell this person that you are expecting important call, and ask from a friend to check on you while in the meeting and after. let that friend know where you are. if you are into BDSM or bondage.. make sure that you are not tied in the first meeting or tied in a way you cannot untie yourself. also make sure that what you agreed on is clear and that you can pull back your consent in any moment.

[12play]

I'm just never going to find anyone that likes my kink

[Bull-1139]

I am looking for this 

[Ka****]

January 8, 12play said:

I'm just never going to find anyone that likes my kink

What exactly is your kink 12play? Golden showers?

[SHADOWBOND57]

Though my kink is Abduction play I understand two things it is risky play because of those that claim it to do harm. I do not. I want each person I play with to feel safe but at the same time get the rush they are seeking. Still have not meet anyone that sincerely want that.

[No****]

January 8, Joan-1332 said:

I don't know where to begin. Have the wheels fallen off, or can I still recover my mojo? Spring chicken no more, never was!

I am a 73 years old, semi-retired widower, gender fluid male, cross dressing, pansexual submissive service bottom/switch with a profile  on Fetlife. I'm looking for pickup play to establish connections and possibly build further relationships. I've been around the SF bay area kink community since 2011 when I eagerly plunged in. I've watched it wax and wain through the pandemic. Connections/scenes that I had established disappeared. I've attended two large organized SF bay area bdsm events/play parties recently, and I'm not making any social connections nor connecting with any play partners. I do check the profiles of attendees who've RSVP'd for the event, but I wonder if that's too much like lurking. I don't personally know anybody attending these events before I show up. I wonder is it my age, approaching senility, a lack of social skills or something else holding me back from connecting with folks. I have attended much smaller parties where I know the host, other attendees, and happily engaged in some bdsm and/or sex play. Maybe I need to reach out more?

Joan   

Joan-1332 I understand your frustration. I am an older individual (67) and get the sense that seniors don’t warrant any interest. Granted, I haven’t been on the site long, but it’s like being a ghost. As evidenced by no one responding or commenting on your concerns, I rest my case. My perception is once age climbs to a certain level, no one wants to be with ‘grandpa / grandma’. I do send DMs instead of just liking a comment or photo, but that doesn’t work either. I don’t think people are deliberately being ageist; my opinion is we are hardwired to be attracted to younger men and/or women. I’m not throwing in the towel yet, because it’s a fascinating community of like-minded people; and I’m always learning something. However, at the end if the day it boils down to it’s hell getting old.

[John54]

Notdeadyet - Good for you. I appreciate your sharing. Stick at it. I'm 70

[Horny-Bisexual-89]

Still yet to find not even 1 person to physically  be with seems I have better luck online if I can ever get a reply bavk witch even that seems to be wayyy to far and few between  dont understand exactly im doing wrong or if I even am??? Idk maybe someone could help me out on the subject I'm all open at this point... and that's given the fact I'm on dam near almost every app group and or site that I no of anyway grindr,fetlife(2),pof,I'm on a handful of fb groups,squirt.org.... so it's not like I'm not trying and words spread out to some of the rong ppl to as well.... 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 this has been a nightmare 😳 

[Mr****]

I would say lots of good advice here but I don't really know subs I've had little luck so far, but it all SEEMS like good, practical advice. I think diversification and honesty are really key. Don't tweak what you say you're after just because you think you'll have more luck. Be sincere, regardless of your kink(s) or experience.

I'm in my mid 50s, sadomasochist Top, had a few dates in the 90s, then married someone who has indulged my idiosyncrasies over the years but really is pretty vanilla. After over two decades of marriage and we've realized neither one of us is probably going anywhere, she suggested I branch out and "find my people." So I have many years of very occasional experience, am ENM, and dipping my toe into the online -- and now in person -- community.

Been going to munches since January, good people, good group, I'm definitely at the older end of them, but certainly not the oldest. Also here in the Fet app, Reddit, fetlife (which isn't a dating site so mostly for the articles haha), and tried alt.com and Feeld (which was great for about a month until an upgrade that wasn't). No luck actually meeting active or having an opportunity to start talking/vetting. A couple ghostings, a slew of pros looking for business and scammers. Maybe I'm in denial and overly optimistic, but I'm sticking with it.

Like I said, it's about diversification and honesty. Be open about what and who you are, but get that openness out to as many people as possible. Cast a wide net because you can be sure you're not the only one with your set of kinks, nor are you the only one with a personality that can stand you. Eventually someone will stumble on you, and you'll stumble on them.

[Ashleytrapghy]

Need a femdom/misstress but not really sure where to start

[Ki****]

Following

[SerenityNight]

I'm new to the kink scene and I'm hoping to find a LTR that leads to marriage. I tried many of the vanilla dating sites and they were terrible. I tried a goth dating site but it didn't work out the guy I chatted with wanted different things than I do. At least he was honest with me about it. After all the alternative, kink, bdsm communities should be one of the most honest and transparent ones around.

[SHADOWBOND57]

I agree but they are not often. Each person should be honest but so many have alternate ideas

[Re****]

I think online is a nice option but it’s too easy to dismiss people. I’m not good at writing profiles, so my personality never really shines through. I also don’t take the best pictures. I’m not photogenic like that. I get likes and replies, but I can go a year without anything. On Feeld I had my first chat since last August. In person is a totally different story. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with the attention. I think it’s best to have multiple outlets. Treat everything online like a fishing net that you use to take time finding a partner. Also go to social events to meet people. And while you’re there, take pictures to add to your profile, which shows that you have a life someone may want to join in on.