BbwSub93 Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 I have been invited for a 1st meet with a dom. I don't have much experience as a Sub but they want sexual contact on this 1st meet. Is this normal on 1st meets? I had the impression a 1st meet was to get to know one another and see if connect 1st.
ch**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Hello Bbw Sub just remember you are the one in complete control. If you don't want sexual contact on the first meet then simply tell them straight. To obtain a subs full submission should be treated with care, dignity and respect. Weather we are in kink world or vanilla mode No means just that. As long as you discuss this with your dom prior to playtime then you should be fine. Good luck with your meeting I wish you a fantastic playtime.
Lo**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 If first meet is sexual and you don’t want it then don’t do it. The submissive makes the rules for the dom to follow. He’s not your dom without your rules. Always meet somewhere in public, then go from there. I follow the 1 month rule, it’s where I will not meet anyone for 1 month so you can get past the lust. Then set a real idea of what you both need at first meeting. You should also have your own set of rules things you are ok with and not ok with and things you might want to try with more trust.
Lu**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Honestly, i had this talk with someone else today as well. I’m surprised (healthy???) doms go for sexual activities straight before knowing who/what they’re dealing with and what the rules to their play are?
4R**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 No, it is not usual for any kind of play (especially sexual contact) on a first meet. You would normally meet in a public place and see how you get on. Some opt for coffee or food, others opt for a walk or something else to allow you to spend time together without any risk. If they are pushing you, take that as a sign that they are not receptive to the word “no” and don’t take any chances.
lolli-leigh Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 absolutely not, read some of the forum posts to get tips on keeping safe.
Deleted Member Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 16 minutes ago, cheekysqueaky said: Hello Bbw Sub just remember you are the one in complete control. If you don't want sexual contact on the first meet then simply tell them straight. To obtain a subs full submission should be treated with care, dignity and respect. Weather we are in kink world or vanilla mode No means just that. As long as you discuss this with your dom prior to playtime then you should be fine. Good luck with your meeting I wish you a fantastic playtime. I tend to agree with Cheeky here. If you are not ok with sexual contact the first meeting, communicate that along with other limits and establish clear parameters and expectations. If this Dom is not ok with it, it’s probably not a match for you. If he gets upset, 🚩. . To answer your first question, yes it is normal to get physical on a first meeting so long as that is established. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a slut if that’s what worries you. After all, you are meeting up for that purpose eventually. If you are into it, go for it and see what’s what. Would you rather spend weeks getting to know someone only to find out they are a fake Dom? . Otherwise, have a casual 30 min meeting in public. If planned correctly, things might progress from there. . BDSM hookups have the element of bondage potentially. So physical contact on the first meeting requires a lot of trust and comfort. And that can be hard to establish, so make sure that comfort level is there especially if you intend to push boundaries. . Do not ever do anything you are not comfortable with. Be safe 🍑👋
Th**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 I would suggest coffee first, nothing more and CERTAINLY NO EXPECTATIONS! I think your impression was right and this dom is a red flag
ro**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Hi BBWSub. I make my first meetings in a public place. Meet up for dessert or ice cream. This way you are safe and can determine if you are compatible. Respect and safety are the most important things for me. If you are not comfortable with anything you can walk away. Good luck.
th**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Insisting on play is not normal. Insisting on anything isn’t how this is done.
Su**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Safety Rule #1 - 1st meet is always in public. No sex on the first meeting. As the sub you should be allowed to make the rules here. If he is not ok with that, then red flag - BYE! A Dom needs to respect your vanilla and safety expectations and boundaries. If they can’t handle a vanilla boundary I wouldn’t trust them in the bedroom.
Deleted Member Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 A first meet is to get to know each other to make sure you are who you say you are and vice versa, if there's any RL connection/chemistry if he is infact a Dom then he should know this already, too many men using a Dom title to get quick sex! If you just want casual sex then fine but if your truly looking for a Dom then that takes time.
x2**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Exactly what the rest of yeh comments say. There is very few exceptions for first meet sex but we all know it can happen especially if contact and communication has been mostly online prior to meet. But to demand or insist on it defo big red flag .
Nikki_Hexy Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Everyone is different, I've put out on a few first dates personally, but this isn't me we are talking about. If you don't want to play on a first date then no one can make you
do**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Imo, looking for sex on a "first meet" is a red flag whether Dom or sub. Tends to show a lack of self control and just looking for instant gratification. Be safe. Those looking for longevity then to want to Q/A and just get a vibe of what out of the bedroom time feels like around you. Maybe it's just me
BbwSub93 Posted August 17, 2023 Author Posted August 17, 2023 1 hour ago, cheekysqueaky said: Hello Bbw Sub just remember you are the one in complete control. If you don't want sexual contact on the first meet then simply tell them straight. To obtain a subs full submission should be treated with care, dignity and respect. Weather we are in kink world or vanilla mode No means just that. As long as you discuss this with your dom prior to playtime then you should be fine. Good luck with your meeting I wish you a fantastic playtime. Thank you 🙂
fiend_13 Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 Speaking as a Dom and only my own opinion of what works for me I would never want physical contact on a first meet. As others have said, coffee or a walk in public, get to know the things about them that you can't see from online chat or texts. And this doesn't mean you jump into bed or get roped up on a 2nd meet either. Take as many meet-ups or dates as you are comfortable with. Just like vanilla dating. This goes both ways too. A Dom could be walking into trouble if a sub turns out to be an axe ***er (extreme example, I know). I've had first meet-ups where prospective partners have got excited and invited me to play right away and I've had to explain to them the potential pitfalls of rushing in without first establishing desires, limits and expectations. There then follows a period of more in-depth back and forth communication including things like kink check lists to establish what they want to experience and to what extent. And importantly what they don't want to experience. And only then, informed with this knowledge, and if they're happy to go ahead would we consider a first-time play or physical "interaction". And first-time play, for me, means going easy and being gentle and just tentatively trying things out as trust becomes established. It's important to get used to each other. So... rushing in on a first meet? Not for me. Get to know the person first. If they're the right person for you they will feel the same and respect that safety trumps impatience.
Deleted Member Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 No, it's not normal. Take a closer look at who is offering you this.
ge**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 1 hour ago, AnyoneForRealHere said: . Would you rather spend weeks getting to know someone only to find out they are a fake Dom?safe 🍑👋 Better to spend weeks getting to know someone only to find they're not all they seemed before meeting than diving into play on a first meet and finding out that way though
BbwSub93 Posted August 17, 2023 Author Posted August 17, 2023 I completely agree with you all, thank you 😊. I wasn't sure if it was just me thinking wrong. As we had only chatted a couple of days, I assumed we would meet for a coffee or such, but his plan was different. I may have understood him wanting to progress things after meeting and if the mood was there. But when I said I wasn't sure and wasn't comfortable, his response was "you will be". When I queried this evening that I didn't feel it was usual to suddenly meet and be intimate straight away when we hadn't been speaking long, his response felt like he was trying to make me feel bad. So I've told him he's definitely not for me x
Wa**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 In short you should outline the agenda for this meet if this is ignored/resisted simpky avoid as it doesnt promise a good future
do**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 2 minutes ago, BbwSub93 said: I completely agree with you all, thank you 😊. I wasn't sure if it was just me thinking wrong. As we had only chatted a couple of days, I assumed we would meet for a coffee or such, but his plan was different. I may have understood him wanting to progress things after meeting and if the mood was there. But when I said I wasn't sure and wasn't comfortable, his response was "you will be". When I queried this evening that I didn't feel it was usual to suddenly meet and be intimate straight away when we hadn't been speaking long, his response felt like he was trying to make me feel bad. So I've told him he's definitely not for me x That's the spirit soldier 💪🏽
ge**** Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 5 minutes ago, BbwSub93 said: I completely agree with you all, thank you 😊. I wasn't sure if it was just me thinking wrong. As we had only chatted a couple of days, I assumed we would meet for a coffee or such, but his plan was different. I may have understood him wanting to progress things after meeting and if the mood was there. But when I said I wasn't sure and wasn't comfortable, his response was "you will be". When I queried this evening that I didn't feel it was usual to suddenly meet and be intimate straight away when we hadn't been speaking long, his response felt like he was trying to make me feel bad. So I've told him he's definitely not for me x You've done absolutely the right thing - if he genuinely understood he would never have suggested play in the first place, or even having done so if you said you weren't comfortable with it, would have accepted that and agreed to go at your pace. . You've done nothing wrong at all, he on the other hand has done everything wrong.
MisstressStorm Posted August 17, 2023 Posted August 17, 2023 I get this on the other side of the slash. ‘Subs’ wanting to meet ( I insist always in public, with cctv preferably - and a call safe mate to confirm you’re ok ). Still they want to progress to ‘audition’ or want some sort of kink content ( cock cage 🙄etc) on meet. Don’t waste your valuable time on such ‘Doms’ - check out their timelines and friends (if they have any) lists . Best of luck, be safe 🖤⛈
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