What drives a sub?

[Ju****]

I often wonder what it is about a person that motivates them to be a sub or a domme, for that matter. More particularly is the act of submission more for physical/sexual gratification or mental/psychological gratification?

Edited September 16, 2023 by Justdirk

[An****]

Physical/mental/psychological.

[Pu****]

In my increasingly stressful life full of responsibility, it’s a release to be able to let someone else take the reigns. Mental and sexual.

[ac****]

I’m not sure! pretty sure single parenting is involved..just an observational point from a sub 🤷‍♂️

[Deleted Member]

Individuals will weigh the physical v mental balance differently ... For me, personally it can be hard to express succinctly but my desire to submit is heavily weighted to a psychological/spiritual dimension

[ac****]

Ok..let me tell you there is no spiritual or dimensional thing about it! U like to be in control or you’d rather be controlled..it’s a simple bottom line….where does it originate from? It’s a psychological worm hole my friend

[Ju****]

Not saying that you’re not correct but applying your theory then how do you account for switchers?

[De****]

I’m a very type A perfectionist. I have so much on my plate- school, motherhood, family, career. I’m always thinking, planing, worrying. Submission is the only way I can get free of my endless running mind. It’s freedom from my worries and responsibilities.

[Deleted Member]

Simplistic .... Why do you like being in control or being controlled. There is a whole sense of meaning wrapped around that concept ... That's why it can be hard to find that elusive connection that elevates the experience

[Ca****]

As a switch, I say all of the above. (In reply to the OP.)

[Ch****]

Personally theres no 'motivation' to do it, I'm just wired this way and have been always. I had to seek out what all the feelings were and then it all made sense x

[TheBookCollector]

  4 hours ago, Justdirk said:

Not saying that you’re not correct but applying your theory then how do you account for switchers?

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Switches can be situational,

[TheBookCollector]

Eg a woman may be dominant with other women but submissive with men or visa versa.

[Ky****]

mental for me, for years I had to repress my trans gender identity, under those circumstances submission was a great relief, kink was the only place that would accept Kymberly as who she is, so it was a real lifesaver

[Mi****]

  2 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

Eg a woman may be dominant with other women but submissive with men or visa versa.

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I am a switch and I switch with the same partner. It’s not situational for me.

[TheBookCollector]

  1 hour ago, MinnesotaMinx said:

I am a switch and I switch with the same partner. It’s not situational for me.

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I did say it can be situational,.i hit enter by mistake half way a reoly.

That was one example and one of.the common ones ive come across. There are other reasons and everyone is different.

[QXX666]

Submission is more than a gratification, that so lame

[Ju****]

I couldn’t think of a better word. Please enlighten me.

[Ky****]

  13 minutes ago, Justdirk said:

I couldn’t think of a better word. Please enlighten me.

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maybe necessity for some of us, I'm never sure how much to believe the Goreans but their concept of slave needs does strike a cord with me in terms of needing submission, yes its gratifying but its far deeper than that

[Ma****]

It’s a good idea as a dom to find the ability,even if only once, to switch to a bottom to experience it yourself. When your heart is throbbing but your so excitedly calm.. you’ll get an idea.

[KinkyChef-69]

I think it’s the bond and connection that drives any relationship, but when a Dom and a sub have that kind of connection, it’s mind blowing.  Testing limits and finding out more and more about each other. She knows what triggers you and you literally are like putty in her hands. The feeling of utter love as you submit and obey her every command, but also the support that both Dom and and Sub provide to each other. 

[Deleted Member]

I’m not entirely sure why I’m a sub, but I know that I often have to be in control at work and with my family. That can be very stressful at times. So being able to let go and turn over all control to someone else for a while allows me to forget about the stress for a while. It becomes someone else’s problem. I just wish I could move it out of the virtual world and have some real-world in-person domination. But, being quite submissive, it’s very difficult for me to push for such a thing. As a result, thus far, it remains a fantasy for me, with an occasional online experience that gives me a bit of a feeling of another person controlling me, but probably not as convincing as if it were in person, where a Dom or Domme (I don’t really care which gender!) could do more physically to control me. For example, with bondage, or locking hoods, or some other ways to physically control me. I keep hoping it’ll happen someday, but at least I have my fantasies!

[SubofMissRose]

For me it's definitely more mental. When I think about submitting to my beautiful wife (Miss Rose) I don't think about how big an orgasm am I going to have. I am constantly aroused thinking of the things that she might do to me, how much *** she might inflict on me and how far she might push my limits. Also how much she'll get off doing it to me. She is beautiful inside and out and she deserves it. I love being tied up and punished by her for hours to prolong the mental high for both of us.

[Exe2]

1. I have to make decisions, take responsibility 24/7. I like that one place where I'm in someone else's hands.
2. I was always attracted to strong women since childhood. 

[Deleted Member]

Switches are a whole other topic. As a domme I can’t ever see myself switching. Being vanilla and having vanilla sex yes but switching is never going to happen. Being a domme is who I am through and though. It is not just something I turn on for my sub or in the dungeon. So I would say it is highly mental and psychological which then leads to a stronger more powerful physical gratification.