BDSM AND POLYAMORY

[br****]

Time to delve into the BDSM dynamics within polyamorous relationships. How to reconcile desires, boundaries, and harmony? 💜

[Ma****]

Like anything else in life with communication, negotiation and seeing what everyone wants. The dynamics are flowing. It is normal to have feelings, strong emotions, and jealousy. but everything is worked on and talked about. and you can enjoy excellent dynamics with different connections.

[st****]

Explore to understand, limits are just territories demanding attention and deep connection. Abore to the safe guides, experience and evolve.

[RaymondWise]

Jelousy is the first negative most people think of. A first step is to agree, when someone feels jealous, they should say they are jealous, without the expectation that there will be some sort of resolution. Just getting it out there, often, takes care of the issue in our experience.

All but one of my relationships are with people who specifically insist on polyamory.

 

The second time I met her, at a play party, I was already interested in her an planned on asking her out.  Turns out she was interested too. She felt jealous about the woman I was playing with and did something that was out of character for her as she is very shy.

 

We were sitting and talking, and she stuck her tounge down my throat and put her hand on my erection. 12 years later, the smallest kiss from her brings me back to that intense moment. 

 

Jealousy started our relationship and gave it a memorable start.

 

 

 

[Turnmeover]

I struggle with the idea that a polyamorous relationship can last long term. Maybe with long periods of monogamy it would work. I see danger in that bonds will form between partners that jeopardise the main relationship.

[RaymondWise]

Turnmeover, when I think of polyamory, forming bonds is the point, compared to say, swinging.

 

Swinging deliberately avoids the bonds, and that's the right way to go for some.

 

My wife and I just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. I have another partner of 12 years, another of 8. There have been others, sometimes they just don't work out, or sometimes they were just for fun.

 

You're  point though might be, poly would be more complicated. More to go wrong.

 

I don't think poly is the more common way to go for most people, but it's been right for us.

[Je****]

2 hours ago, Turnmeover said:

I struggle with the idea that a polyamorous relationship can last long term. Maybe with long periods of monogamy it would work. I see danger in that bonds will form between partners that jeopardise the main relationship.

I think that depends on the type of polyamory people are practising. 

Some people date seperately. 

So each is its own little mono relationship if you will. Just them two, in that specific relationship. Both can do this with others or however many and keep themselves to their own couple. 

 

There is the unicorn polyamory, where people bring in a woman (for talk sake) to play with. This can just be fun and sex and play etc however at some or any stage if all parties got along and a "formal" connection developed then they would form a throuple. All three in the relationship. All as equal as the other. No primaries and no longer a "main" relationship. 

 

Some couples are mono in a relationship sense, but often bring in bulls, unicorns,  dragons and maybe even regular play partners, who do not want to be in a relationship with the original couple, and all parties are happy with this relationship/dynamic. 

 

In throuples they can all be equal as I mentioned, and all date as a 3. Or can on occasion hang out with just one or the other, say if one is working a lot and hasn't time to hang out. And this works for all 3 in all ways. 

 

Some people are married and have their  'primary' and wish it to stay that way, and yet have dates, however many or however regular as time allows, and even share time with that other person in a dating/play sense, but who will not come into the actual marriage in any way.

 

Some polyamory can be a mono couple who simply have an "open" relationship,  where they have no strings attached sex with others without intent to form a relationship.  No emotional connection,  sometimes for variety or something different or exploration. 

Some even swing together with other regular couples or at clubs.

Some have harems,  which I am less knowledgeable about, but I believe to be a "main" person who dates/sleeps with/plays with multiple others at once, but they don't don't involved with each other. 

 

No matter the set up, it's all about the communication. It's about the trust, and belief in your relationship.  Being honest on thoughts and feelings. 

I can be a jealous person at times. More so protective and territorial. I know what I need to work on. But I communicate with my partner, who offers me guidance and reassurance, as he should. Setting limits and boundaries and so on really helps also. Doing what all have agreed on, and standing by that for respect and decency. 

 

It's a very complex Web so to speak but can be done right providing those who are "intrigued" by it, do so for the right reasons. 

Not to just sleep about and toy with people and whatever else. 

Polyamory is multiple loves. By name. So emotions and feelings are usually, but not always involved. If someone thinks they can just use "I'm poly" as a means to score, conceal how many secual partners they have and doesn't make each aware of the other/next... they are not genuine in the lifestyle/relationship.  

 

My 2 cents anyway. 

[Deleted Member]

My experience of polyamory is that women will suggest it or declare themselves polyamorous and will be ok with it until you do the same. Then it's suddenly not acceptable 🤷‍♂️

[Pt****]

Very interested..
I've been Polyamorus for almost 4 years now..
But just exploring my kink side

[An****]

I have a lady, she has a fiance, and he considers me a man of respect. We all agreed on the dynamic, but certain people she knows fight it. Advice? I said if there was no resolution... Also, it seems their wedding&romance won't work w/out me long-term.

[An****]

5 hours ago, Andro*** said:

I have a lady, she has a fiance, and he considers me a man of respect. We all agreed on the dynamic, but certain people she knows fight it. Advice? I said if there was no resolution... Also, it seems their wedding&romance won't work w/out me long-term.

We had some trysts, w/me having to reach for his zipper to unleash the beast while she tasted my lollipop, but my input is about as comparable as her family's.... Too old for this shit. 

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Turnmeover said:

I struggle with the idea that a polyamorous relationship can last long term. Maybe with long periods of monogamy it would work. I see danger in that bonds will form between partners that jeopardise the main relationship.

If you cannot handle your partner having deeper connections with other partners you really should not be practicing polyamory anyway for your own sake it think. It’s an unnecessary stress for anyone who’s primarily monogamous.

[Deleted Member]

I find the hardest thing is establishing emotional connection when you are finding partners thru a sex charged site such as this one. Jealousy has not been an issue but finding someone who wants to truly get to know you and see you long term is difficult. We all want to skip to the sexy stuff.

[Mr****]

I am struggling with this at the moment as well as I am now part of a poly relationship where I have a “Vee” relationship (husband-wife-me) while there is also a Tryad or throuple with the husband,wife, and another woman. Additionally, the husband is Dom to both women, his wife in a DD/lg dynamic and the other woman in an Owner/pet dynamic. The addition of the pet has happened very recently, and the product of some unfortunate events. I have been involved in the Vee for about a year.

[Deleted Member]

Be honest with yourself and be honest with your partners. Communicate how you feel and don’t assume that one of your partners actions diminishes the way they feel towards you. Often, when you do something, you feel completely fine about it because you know that it didn’t affect the way you feel about your other partners at all. But if someone else does the exact same thing and you think that means they might not like you as much as they did you can *** losing them and become jealous. It’s completely fine to have many partners that you deeply care about. It’s similar to having lost of friends and remaining that same quality level of friendship with them all regardless of what you do with any one of them. Equally, loving my mum doesn’t make me love my dad less.

[EmilyDDD]

I find that when you can be open and honest with all of your partners, it works incredibly well. BDSM allows you to delve into the desires of your sexuality on a basis of kinks but also trust. Polyamory allows you to find fulfillment in your relationships that one partner may not be able to provide, but another can.

For those who are new or unsure of how it could possibly work, I explain it like having siblings or friends. You love them, one doesn't replace the other. Do you love them differently? Of course, because they ate different people. Buy we have the capacity to love in a romantic way more than one person without betraying the romantic love of another.

It took me a long time to accept this part of who I am. And I understand how it might take others a long time as well.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, EmilyDDD said:

I find that when you can be open and honest with all of your partners, it works incredibly well. BDSM allows you to delve into the desires of your sexuality on a basis of kinks but also trust. Polyamory allows you to find fulfillment in your relationships that one partner may not be able to provide, but another can.

For those who are new or unsure of how it could possibly work, I explain it like having siblings or friends. You love them, one doesn't replace the other. Do you love them differently? Of course, because they ate different people. Buy we have the capacity to love in a romantic way more than one person without betraying the romantic love of another.

It took me a long time to accept this part of who I am. And I understand how it might take others a long time as well.

You touched on something really important here. Each partner does provide something a little bit different and the entire relationship dynamic needs everybody to be complete. A monogamous relationship may have many ‘holes’ where one person doesn’t perfectly tick every box of another person. When you look at it this way a person in a polygamous relationship is probably more satisfied overall by the relationship compared to a relationship with only one partner. When something is missing, people look for it elsewhere. That’s when a frustrated partner ends up cheating or breaking up because they have an unfulfilled need. To step back and see all members in the relationship as pieces in a jigsaw puzzle that fits together perfectly makes you value each piece, because if you remove one, the jigsaw isn’t complete.

[Deleted Member]

I am poly amourous, ( or as a lovely guy once called it bein a slapper 🤣🤣) but I all seriousness …Trust, Honesty, respect and communication are needed to make it work… I am Bi sexual so monogamy would never work for me. My current life partner I met surprisingly in really life through friends not online kinky or dating site, comes from monogamous marriage and widower. Is very accepting of who/ what I am.

[Je****]

5 hours ago, Andro*** said:

Also, it seems their wedding&romance won't work w/out me long-term.

This is a serious problem..  they are not a strong compatible couple if their marriage would fall apart without a 3rd party. Assuming you're the additional party there... sounds like they have issues to over come and probably shouldn't have involved anyone else until they sorted their own problems. 

How I am reading it anyway.. 

[Ky****]

MsMaree when he called you a slapper I hope you replied no a flogger or similar, 

[Ky****]

for some it is fully compatible, since for some one of their kinks is to be involved in, as participant or owner, things like harem play this almost by definition requires some level of polyamoury

[Hy****]

You really gotta find the right people for this, and those people gotta have a strong enough sense of self that the can figure out a version of themselves that the relationship serves.

Everyone here talking about good communication skills, less about understanding of power and social dynamics and mental health practices (also important), but none of that matters if the people involved are possessive. Jealousy can be worked through, but possessiveness will kill it.

[Deleted Member]

I am not a jealous or passive person. I do have polyandry/ harem fantasies maybe I am wired different. But it can be amazing when it works 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Kymi said:

MsMaree when he called you a slapper I hope you replied no a flogger or similar, 

Lol he just joking with me lol

[Hy****]

The best place to start when it comes to recruiting BDSM and Poly dynamics, is when a problem crops up, you need to be able to differentiate between Whether it is a power problem, or whether it is a poly problem. Poly problems and BDSM problems are talked about using different ethical apparati, Even though they both typically originate from some trauma or insecurity. Because so many people are not necessarily literate with one or the other, sometimes either, “good communication” won’t happen if the participants haven’t put language to their problem.

If your partner, D or s, isn’t interested in spending time and energy building that language, run bro.