Deleted Member Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 So I’m new to actually embracing all this. When looking for A dom I’ve wanted it within a relationship as for me to give myself I need trust a deep connection the need to feel i am someone’s everything as much as I am there’s. It might be that I’m looking for something that just doesn’t exist. i appreciate everyone has different needs and there are plenty that have a regular play mate but if I say from the start I’m not into that .... why pretend they want what I do but then not want to give that . also in another experience what dies anyone think of “ a d/s relationship is a relationship without all the fluffy stuff “ ??? I have so so many questions , how does anyone find their way ?
Deleted Member Posted August 10, 2019 Author Posted August 10, 2019 Patience, communication, and faith. I have been on this site for over a year, yet in that time, my only successful Submissive lasted only four months
Ar**** Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 I hope it exists. I couldn't disagree more that a D/s relationship is automatically a relationship without the fluffy stuff, although it certainly can be. I want the best of both worlds too, although perhaps I'm also too much of an idealist? I did think I had found it once, although unfortunately she lived in another country and we never met in person. We grew very close though and planned to meet. Yet one morning I woke to find that I had been blocked, along with a message apologising and wishing me well but explaining that our relationship was too intense and distracting her from her studies/work. Probably for the best but still a disappointingly abrupt (and cowardly?) ending to something which had been both darkly submissive on her part but deeply connecting with a strong caring friendship when not engaged in play. It is my wish to find that again with somebody closer and irl, and I am sure that eventually you will find it too. Don't give up.
ey**** Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 I think one of the things that can be difficult at times - is, well, it actually really is difficult to find a partner that works. A lot will take time - but sometimes that's something to appreciate within yourself. That you might get involved via different websites, social media, or local munches/events and there'll be people with the right kind of attitude but just not quite for you - or are a little more appealing but there ideas on how-things-work don't match yours. Just see how things ride. 1 hour ago, Tay458 said: also in another experience what dies anyone think of “ a d/s relationship is a relationship without all the fluffy stuff “ ??? I think that's a very dismissive thing some try to say. Different folk like different stuff for sure - but there's a slight waryness towards someone saying they don't want to give support or show affection
Ghetto-DOM Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 Hello Tay.. very interesting if you would like to chat and know a new friend pm :) have a nice day
Deleted Member Posted August 10, 2019 Author Posted August 10, 2019 I have also often wondered this. I havr had numerous people wanting a D/S relationship with me, yet I always find myself rejecting them because I never want to be in a position, where I have grown feelings for someone and it's not mirrored back. I would rather safe from the start I would like a proper relationship, at the same time that doesn't mean I'm wanting to enter a relationship straight away, it just means I'd like the opportunity to see if something Would build into it. My ideal world would be to find someone that im day-to-day life treats me like a princess ( not by buying gifts all the time) then once we have our own personal time it's like a whole different world, because we've entered the world of BDSM. I am losing hope to think this was ever likely to happen.
Deleted Member Posted August 10, 2019 Author Posted August 10, 2019 I would like to add my two pence if I may. I usually don’t comment as the comments below answer it. With all online dating, there’s people searching for different things. Just like in vanilla life how you can get fwb or those seeking companionship. You can also find similar spectrums in D/s too. There’s people here that want vanilla and D/s, those that want just D/s, those that want just the one off experiences when their horny and those that only want it in the bedroom. All possibilities exist in all walks of life. It’s a case of not giving up and looking for what you want or waiting for what you want to come into your life. If you ask yourself why can’t D/s include the fluffy stuff or why can’t D/s involve vanilla aspects like a relationship then I’m sure you will never come to a definitive answer. As they both exist as much as they don’t exist. Hope this helps. Never give up on what you’re searching for.
Jaim-e13 Posted August 11, 2019 Posted August 11, 2019 14 hours ago, Firmbutkind said: There’s people here that want vanilla and D/s, those that want just D/s, those that want just the one off experiences when their horny and those that only want it in the bedroom. I think that's one of the big problems. It's respectable that you just want to play and that's it, but I think it makes real sense for me to have a BDSM relationship when it's complete and there aren't just games in the bedroom. Unfortunately a lot of people are just looking for that, and it's hard to find people who first want to get to know you as a person and then move on to play. A lot of people mostly doms (as far as I can see) are only interested in sex and not in the rest of aspects. I think you have to be patient and keep trying to meet people until you find the right one. Sometimes it gets tough, but you have to stay calm and think you're on the right track and sooner or later you'll get what you want.
Deleted Member Posted August 11, 2019 Author Posted August 11, 2019 I agree with you, it can be very difficult to find an honest partner that works with you. When it comes to this lifestyle, it can be even tougher. Do not give up though! As with any relationship, you have to weed out the bad ones to finally find a good one. Even after say 10 years of being with someone, you can find out maybe they were really not what you needed after all because people change all the time. Now towards the pretending, a lot of people will pretend because of many reasons. They are either fake, trying to impress you, or of course they think they can handle it when they really can't. It's a mixture of things. You'll find your way, it's like anything. If it's worth doing it's not easy but once you find them never let them go because you may not get another chance.
Deleted Member Posted August 11, 2019 Author Posted August 11, 2019 You tend to find that in any type of relationship, though. From a one night stand to a long term commitment. Most people will, although maybe not always lie, but bolster their repetoire and make themselves more appealing to gain an initial trust bond, after that it just trails away into their normal selves. A D/S relationship CAN have fluffy stuff too. But it depends on the relationship you have with that person. Everyone is different and has very different likes and dislikes. Most relationships of any kind are built on compromises. The more you like or love someone, the more you'll make. It all depends on how you feel about a person and how they feel about you as to what relationship you will have with them. One thing though, you should never compromise who you are as a person to gain someone's trust. Saying you like something when you're unsure is one thing but outright lying is another. Hope this helps 🙂
Joe1967-2355 Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 I would love to chat to a Dom mistress so she could tell me the ways and train me .As you can tell I’m new to this and don’t know where to start .HELP
Deleted Member Posted August 16, 2019 Author Posted August 16, 2019 Nothing wrong with you wanting what you want Tay. It may take you a while to find it. If your adament about the type of relationship you want then just keep looking. You can learn a lot here on this site but don't be bullied or intimidated by anyone you are having a private chat with.
ey**** Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 6 hours ago, Joe1967 said: I would love to chat to a Dom mistress so she could tell me the ways and train me .As you can tell I’m new to this and don’t know where to start .HELP lesson one : don't hijack others' threads lesson two : get away from silly ideas like "show me the way" because there is no one way and you'd sharp complain if someone came along and you didn't like their way lesson three : there is no incentive for anyone to train you. this is on you to prove you're worth spending time with. where to start : educate yourself. Read articles, books, the forum - see what others say, strengthen your knowledge - consider going to munches and meeting people and finding out about the lifestyle.
Deleted Member Posted August 19, 2019 Author Posted August 19, 2019 Extremely difficult tho matter what any 1 says for subs find doms or Visa versa, findings not the issue, its finding two ppl that connect, trust and are true to their word, it's not a lifestyle choice, it's an infliction, I've had several subs over 20 odd yrs, possibly 12 ish, I could lie and say more but why, 3 long term, well worth having, others just ok and fizzled out, I, btw, count my self lucky, 1 was really long term and well worth it for both.
newbie1966 Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 On 8/10/2019 at 2:37 PM, DanteReign said: Patience, communication, and faith. I have been on this site for over a year, yet in that time, my only successful Submissive lasted only four months why four months
Deleted Member Posted August 30, 2019 Author Posted August 30, 2019 35 minutes ago, newbie1966 said: why four months She had personal issues that prevented her from remaining with me. Why do you ask?
newbie1966 Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 It was just your paragraph - when first reading it you didn't get the sense that you would have ended it with "only lasted four month" Any way sorry about that.
newbie1966 Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 It was just your paragraph - when first reading it you didn't get the sense that you would have ended it with "only lasted four month" Any way sorry about that. In addition as a newbie my self when S/D say they are looking for a relationship would you say as a 1-2-1 or would it just depend on what that individual defines as a relationship.
Bororob1963 Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 All about trust, building trust. Between your dom and you.
Deleted Member Posted September 1, 2019 Author Posted September 1, 2019 will be hard to find a Dom if your profile says "Not interested in meeting up or engaging in play."??
Mollysdailykiss Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 Hi @Tay458 please do drop me a DM if you would like to talk about any of your questions a bit more. But this “ a d/s relationship is a relationship without all the fluffy stuff “ I think is fundamentally untrue. For some people it can be the case but for nearly everyone I know in a D/s relationship it is loving and intense and involves all the fluff with all the dirty naughty kink that they like too.
Deleted Member Posted September 6, 2019 Author Posted September 6, 2019 Thank you, my thoughts exactly. But that was said to me and I’ve been questioning myself
Deleted Member Posted September 6, 2019 Author Posted September 6, 2019 On 9/1/2019 at 8:30 AM, FabSeverus said: will be hard to find a Dom if your profile says "Not interested in meeting up or engaging in play."?? Says that as I’ve withdrawn from looking on here . I’m not interested in just kink meet ups which is what I was trying to say
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