Help me if I understand this right

[St****]

Hi, I'm trying to understand something, so if someone can enlighten me on this question of mine: If I'm willingly and allowing my husband to pin me down and *** orgasms on me without a fiber of me fighting back or disagreeing, then it not Consenting No-Consent right?

Out of my own willingness and choosing, I refused to resist him or fight him back in any way. Then it won't work, as "The premise behind Consensual, Non-consensual, it's in essence a role play activity." Correct?

And sorry, English is not my native language.

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My husband whom I'm 12 years married to and I absolutely trust him 100%, and we wouldn't be married this long if we not sexually compatible.

My husband, how do I say this, he likes sex based on his impulse, like spontaneous like out of no where he just stare and stare at me and pin me down the bed and fuck me till I throb all over and can't take the multiple vaginal orgasms anymore and BEG him to stop.

He can be a bit rough. Rough here I mean he will use his body *** to pin me down the bed, one hand pin my wrist down, one hand pin my shoulder or has his hand on my neck (not in any way *** me or anything). He can be hard with pin my wrist and ***ful with his body restraint me, but never in any way rough with my neck, he knows what to do.

And don't get me wrong, I enjoy it (as I said in my first sentence, I fully consent it without a fiber of me fighting back), I'm not complaining as without him I wouldn't know the pleasure of multiple vaginal orgasms.

Overtime in our marriage, I developed two BDSM kinks (kinks can develope based on what you exposed to right?) I want him to tie my wrists with cloth to the bed (light bondage), and let try Consensual No-Consent.

After our talk his response was:

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He said he not a BDSM man, and he just a normal sex person who likes to be dominant in bed want to please his wife.

He said he will NOT tie my hand to the bed, as he said that way it is the cloth/rope that restrain me, not him. What he wants is himself use his body to restraint me with his body, pin my wrist down, etc.. he said he does not want rope/cloth to restraint his wife, he can do it. If you get his dominant mindset?

Basically, he wants to be the one physically keeping me restrained, not ropes. He said if he tie me up that would be the ropes keeping me submit, not him. I guess he just doesn't ride his high that way.

And Consensual Non-Consent which I give him an article I printed out for him to read. He said if that is what I want he will do it. (I guess he ok with it as it not effecting his dominant way, he still be the one does 100% of the work in bed like his usual style).

I told him I don't want it (sex) to be a chore, he said it won't be as he always has been the one that does 100% of initiating sex, if he the one that initiaate 100% then it not a chore.

He said he has no problem of (go by his spontaneous/impulse) out of no where pin me against the wall, or push me down the bed, or pin me down the carpet, etc.. and fuck me, that is his styles/his ways. Just tell him to stop when my body can't take it anymore.

Or I can tell I can tell him how I want it, my way.

I'm here still confuse, he won't give me light bondage, will not tie me up in any way, as he only want him to restraint me. And he has no he has no problem of spontaneously pin me against the wall or the carpet and fuck me while I'm lay on the carpet.

He however give me a choice, let him does it 'his' ways, or just tell him 'my way' how I want it.

I keep thinking about it, and I don't think Consensual Non-Consent is going to work for our dynamic. If I refused to resist him or fight him back in any way, then how it gonna work as "The premise behind Consensual, Non-consensual, it's in essence a role play activity." Correct?

[ItzDaxx]

CNC is essentially you are giving permission to be ***d typically at an unknown time or very limited scope of when and where. For safety - best to always use safe words, have clear rules and boundaries specified by a discussion and agreement BEFORE the engagement occurs. I’d also be sure you trust the person. Women who like CNC I often find want to struggle and resist for the record. Your first paragraph describes what I would do to any of the willing submissives I’ve worked with in life

[cr****]

Tell him to try it ONCE. If you two trust each other then he should be able to at least give it a try I think🤷🏻‍♂️ And as for the CNC, it’s also in YOUR mindset. People go into fight or flight mode. Maybe think about going into flight mode and think about freezing up instead of the “fighting” aspect of CNC. But also, if you’re not fighting then I’d say try THAT once and see what happens🤷🏻‍♂️👍🤗 hope that helps!❤️❤️❤️

[ey****]

2 hours ago, ItzDaxx said:

CNC is essentially you are giving permission to be ***d typically at an unknown time or very limited scope of when and where.

No.   CNC and *** Play are different things.   

[ey****]

7 hours ago, StayAtHomeWife said:

I keep thinking about it, and I don't think Consensual Non-Consent is going to work for our dynamic. If I refused to resist him or fight him back in any way, then how it gonna work as "The premise behind Consensual, Non-consensual, it's in essence a role play activity." Correct?

A lot of people misunderstand CNC.   That, any form of ***d/rough/etc sex can be part of it, but it's a bigger picture.    So if I had a CNC sub here right now then yes I could fuck her whether she 'wanted' to or not - or I could have her clean my toilet (after I've been, without flushing) and that 'no' wouldn't really be an option.  That if she protested I could do it to her anyway.

If however, it was limited to just fucking her when, where and how I wanted that would be more likely 'free use' especially if she was unlikely to fight back 

[GreyHog]

CNC is based on the premise that you consent to things you "don't want to happen". In my opinion, you are a willing victim to his urges, and you get off on it. If you want things other than how he does it, or how you tell him to do it, then you will probably need to reach out to others. Maybe try watching CNC porn together and using it as foreplay.

[St****]

Thank you so much for the replies help me understand more about CNC.

I do want to ask this to the Doms in here since men understand men, based on my OP post would you say my husband is a Dom or Primal? Or he simply just a normal man that dominant in bed.

Edited November 26, 2023 by StayAtHomeWife

[Deleted Member]

It's all about discussion and trust, you have to set boundaries. I knew a girl once that had a *** fantasy and would ask me to do it on occasions. I did feel a little uncomfortable the first time and but it made her happy. But would never do it unless I got a signal that that's what she wanted