Am I turning asexual ?

[Em****]

It all started an 1-1.5 years ago…there was this guy opposite my building who showed interest in me. Initially, I told him that am not interested in him as he is more than 10 years younger than me and I don’t feel it right. He kept on pursuing me for almost 1.5 year and we chatted on daily basis, knowing more about each other … he told me that he likes my fem side and I don’t have to be ashamed of my fem side. That was something I never heard from any guy ever before… I have always been made fun of and have been ashamed of my fem side but this guy gave me confidence and for once in my life, I was willing to be sub to him.

After a long period of chatting and discussing what we want in our roles as sub and dom… we finally met… and of course the whole experience was great. After our first meeting, he just started distancing himself… never told me the reason and when I asked him the reason, he just said it was all my fault and I don’t even know what my fault was.

Ever since I moved to Canada, I have been having lot of mental health issues like anxiety, panic attacks as I don’t have any family or closest friends here. His saying that it was all my fault when I don’t even know what did I do wrong sent me into a spiral of anxiety because it rarely happens that I open myself to anyone. All of this brought all my previous memories back where I was ridiculed and blamed for everything wrong coz I was fem. I had few panic attacks, lost my job even coz I couldn’t focus… and ever since then… while I m on this website and have tried to move on and meet people… I always feel that I m doing something wrong … I have lost the zeal to meet people, become short tempered and I feel I am slowly turning into aromantic asexual. I don’t feel attracted to anyone or even aroused by seeing the hottest guys naked. Is it possible that I am probably right???

[Deleted Member]

Hi you did nothing wrong do not let that affect you it will be him that is wrong as i bet he was playing dom and realised he had no idea of what he was doing so he blamed you. You are a wonderful person and you must tell yourself that everyday if you need a friend to chat with my inbox is always open stay strong

[He****]

Hell no, you are not right, you are in ***, that guy should not of said those things. I feel for you that you take things to heart, I do too, and it hurts when you've tried your best, but someone says that something is your fault for it not working out. It's his problem and his alone. Sorry he's a dick he's not a Doms arse. Don't let his stupid words bring you down, you can do better.

[Az****]

You are beautiful and nothing was your fault, he obviously can't fill the role he chose and is pushing his inadequacies onto blaming you. Straighten your fem crown, raise yourself up to your full height, put on your favourite heels and show him you are the queen he can't have, bring the storm 😉

[ar****]

If someone says it's you, but can't elaborate, then who is the one at fault here?
.
You can't control what people say, but you can control how you allow yourself to feel about something. His inability to be specific really weakens his "blame game", so chances are it's him. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

[Do****]

Rejection is always ***ful, the deeper your feelings the greater the ***. Be assured that it was not your fault that this guy does not know what he wants. You should wholly focus on your needs for a time and hopefully you will meet someone who will want to fulfil them, as his needs will match yours. Someone wanting to experiment is not what you need.

[Ja****]

For him to say it’s your fault and not explain is really unfair and I can see how you’d feel clearly upset and confused by that. I’m sorry to hear you went through that. I couldn’t comment on the asexual element as I have no idea to be honest but if I were to make a guess I would probably say just give it time and perhaps you’ll start to feel differently with time and when you can start to trust again. It might be a long road but it’s one you can travel with time. Keep being true to yourself and things will improve, time is the greatest healer.

[Pr****]

Wherever your journey takes you there is no wrong expression of your sexuality. Love yourself and the rest will sort itself by and by

[Matttster]

I agree with the others, you are not at fault. Perhaps the guy was just about the conquest, he chased, the harder you ran the more he wanted to conquer. Once he got you, his interest was gone.

One possible thought. Regardless, even if you did something wrong, if he were a mature individual he would at least discuss what he did not approve of.

I understand it is difficult putting trust in someone, spending over a year getting to know him, than to have him *** your trust so quickly. Just believe in yourself, learn from the experience and although it will make trusting someone harder in the future, you will have to. Be honest and true to yourself.

[Deleted Member]

You were betrayed in a relationship where you felt comfortable enough to open yourself in. I’m familiar with anxiety difficulties, and when that happens it’s trauma and will take time to heal. Feeling like a sexual person requires feeling safe and comfortable. And there’s nothing wrong with that sliding back and forth a little bit. It’s okay for you to be what you feel, don’t push or punish yourself for it. I might suggest talking with a therapist, I have been and it helps. Canada I think has decent healthcare for that. (Sorry if this was preachy)

[lo****]

You are allowed to feel what you feel. As someone said you let someone in, and were betrayed. That takes time to get over, and if you are anything like me, you won't want to let anyone close for a while, and that too will turn me dry as the Savannah. I need the trust and emotional connection even tho I like some eye candy once in a while, that's a "safe" fantasy because I know it will never happen. kwim?

Maybe you weren't initially attracted to the guy, and your brain logic'd it was his age, and not that your intuition was telling you something felt "off." The over a year of pursuit kinda wore you down. Work on yourself, loving yourself and accepting yourself for who you are. There are people out there who will love you as you are, but first you need to work on you a bit so you aren't constantly kicking yourself when you are down. It's hard, trust me I know. It's worth it when you see yourself start to heal.

I offer gentle hugs to you.

[Sh****]

Get your *** work done. You might have a nutritional deficiency or hormonal imbalance

[Em****]

Yesterday at 02:06 PM, Shwn_TnA said:

Get your *** work done. You might have a nutritional deficiency or hormonal imbalance

What do u mean ??? If you cannot say anything nice… then don’t say anything at all… !!!

[lo****]

15 hours ago, EmmGee0714 said:

What do u mean ??? If you cannot say anything nice… then don’t say anything at all… !!!

I am going to give the benefit of the doubt here that they are trying to be genuinely helpful. You may have a deficiency in some nutrient, or even some hormonal imbalance that could be causing the issue. And not all hormones are say estrogen or testosterone. Thyroid is a hormone as well, and it LITERALLY makes EVERYTHING in your body work.. or not if you don't have enough. That's just one of the MANY hormones most don't even think about.
Getting a *** panel done to make sure everything is where it's supposed to be really isn't that bad of advice.

[Sh****]

Thyroid imbalance can kill you. Vitamin D deficiency can kill you. When something is wrong in your body some initial signs are physical such as thin hair and brittle nails. Some mental symptoms are anxiety some emotional symptoms can be depression lack of motivation and no sex drive. It’s good to rule that out. Also I have had relationships end and I wasn’t Asexual per se, I just lost interest in sex for months. I also almost died one winter from vitamin D deficiency. Humans are sexual. If you’re born asexual I wouldn’t be concerned for you. You asked “am I becoming asexual?” I am very concerned for you.

[lo****]

14 minutes ago, Shwn_TnA said:

Thyroid imbalance can kill you. Vitamin D deficiency can kill you.

With it being winter months in many parts of the world, even if you ARE getting outside, you may not be getting enough sun for your body to make the vitamin D as well. This is what causes SAD(Seasonal Affective Disorder).

And he is 10000% right about thyroid deficiency being a killer. If your thyroid is too low for too long, you will enter a coma and never wake up.

[ey****]

I had to get *** tests many years ago and I had an underactive thyroid.  I've been on medication ever since and while I'm not perfect, there's a massive difference

it's definitely worth going for *** tests

and yep, I half feel almost everyone would benefit from vitamin d supplements in the winter.  

[MasterDarcy1979]

On 11/28/2023 at 2:06 PM, Shwn_TnA said:

Get your *** work done. You might have a nutritional deficiency or hormonal imbalance

What does that even mean?

The girl was rejected by a man claiming to be a Dominant. He has the communication skills of a tree stump and you're blaming her?

Yikes.

[MasterDarcy1979]

He said that it was all your fault and you don’t even know what your fault was?

Well, at least he wasn't cryptic...

I'm not even sure what that means. I'm not sure he does, either.

If he is unable to articulate his thoughts and feelings like an adult with a semi-functional brain then he's really not worthy of your time. He's sure as hell not worth you getting stressed over.

My guess is that he's scared to get into a D/s dynamic and he's making it all about you and blaming you.

If it was a you problem then he would be able to articulate it. Unless he has the communication skills of a chimp with bad communication skills.

It's not you. It's him.

Also, you can't turn asexual. You're born that way. If I were to guess, your reluctance to show interest In anyone is because you have underlying trust issues. And chances are that they've been exacerbate by Mr Communication.

You're hot and you're beautiful and I'm sure you're smart and sweet to go with it.

Do not give this man the power to make you feel bad. He doesn't deserve it.

[lo****]

4 hours ago, MasterDarcy1979 said:

What does that even mean?

The girl was rejected by a man claiming to be a Dominant. He has the communication skills of a tree stump and you're blaming her?

Yikes.

He absolutely was NOT blaming her! If you read the comments following that comment, you will see the clarification both he and I put in. He WAS trying to help, but didn't express himself well in that comment.

[lo****]

On 12/1/2023 at 2:27 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

I had to get *** tests many years ago and I had an underactive thyroid.  I've been on medication ever since and while I'm not perfect, there's a massive difference

it's definitely worth going for *** tests

and yep, I half feel almost everyone would benefit from vitamin d supplements in the winter.  

Take Vitamin K with the vitamin D. It will help your body absorb it better. I absolutely agree! Especially if you are inside all the time as well.

Edited December 3, 2023 by locketheart
Needed to add more