98**** Posted December 8, 2023 Posted December 8, 2023 Hi everyone so I’m starting to be a switch and I was really excited about it. I have been a dom for a while at least 5 year’s of experience. I thought it might be fun to play the other role I’m big on aftercare but it seems that when I try to be submissive I’m fine but when I need aftercare the Dommes just don’t care; and they just leave. Which is making me not want to be a switch anymore. What are your thoughts?
Lu**** Posted December 8, 2023 Posted December 8, 2023 I feel you should start vetting the people you play with. You can ask all the big questions that are important to you such as; how do you feel about aftercare, what’s your definition of aftercare, why is aftercare SO important? Things of that nature because it can leave you ***.
Ho**** Posted December 8, 2023 Posted December 8, 2023 Aftercare should be negotiated at the same time as all the rest is being negotiated. Not everyone needs or wants (or can give) the same kinds of aftercare, so it's just another way of being compatible or incompatible.
Th**** Posted December 8, 2023 Posted December 8, 2023 What others have said, make sure you're vetting partners thoroughly and aftercare discussions should be part of that and negotiating *before* any play happens amd not just "do you do aftercare" with the response being "yes." You need to discuss details, tell them what you need or dont like in aftercare, because not everyone needs or wants the same things. Without knowing specifics it could also be a case of incompatibility. It's always possible that perhaps your idea of what aftercare is isn't the same as many other people's. What does aftercare look like **for you** or what would you like as part of aftercare? (Not the general definition of what aftercare is, I'm aware of that) if you give more details we can help give more specific advice.
Th**** Posted December 8, 2023 Posted December 8, 2023 4 hours ago, LittleOddBall said: Define after care, please. Are you asking what is aftercare because you dont know or are you asking the OP what aftercare is to them? It's unclear to me with your wording.
al**** Posted December 8, 2023 Posted December 8, 2023 Need to make it clear upfront regarding after care during your negotiation
Pi**** Posted December 9, 2023 Posted December 9, 2023 Stop hooking up. If you want someone to care about you find someone you care about.
QueenNiah Posted December 12, 2023 Posted December 12, 2023 Friday at 09:56 PM, silverdale93959 said: Need to make it clear upfront regarding after care during your negotiation Exactly
sillysub Posted December 16, 2023 Posted December 16, 2023 talk first and ask any questions you may have to see how you feel about them and see if they do aftercare. if not, move on.
LadyV Posted January 4 Posted January 4 Are they random hookups or people who actually care about you? Did you actually negotiate about aftercare prior to playing? Are they pros you paid to play but didn't bring up aftercare til the paid hour was up? Is your idea of "aftercare" unreasonable or unrealistic? (Like paying a pro for an hour of play and expecting an extra freebie hour of cuddles? Or like getting some one-off impact play at a dungeon and then expecting that random woman to have sex with you now as "afrercare?"). There's context missing here to be useful to you. What exactly are you doing (ie, unrealistic expectations) or not doing (ie, negotiating properly about aftercare in advance) to be having this experience consistently? 🤔 Can't very well help you fix shit if we don't know what you're doing. Cause we sure as fuck can't fix random strangers you keep meeting and playing with, so let's talk about you cause your behavior is the only thing that can be changed here.
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