Calling the Female Submissives to Weigh In

[Se****]

1 hour ago, Velicious said:

It felt cruel, too. Complete opposite vibe I was hoping get on here. I don’t let men on this app talk to me like that, that’s for sure.

The poster you’re referring to has a track record for such things

[Ve****]

13 minutes ago, Devon286 said:

Not specific to any kind of "dynamic". If there is a genuine red flag, don't test... walk. He may just sc*** through the test (or you may want to believe he did) but an ***r now has a weapon to use against you: you didn't trust or love him enough, so now you have poisoned the relationship and every bad thing that comes after will be your fault.

This advice comes from experience. Do not try to persuade yourself it'll all work out.

Personally, I would see your wish to "test" as a red flag, and if I were him, I would leave.

You’re right. Wanting to test is a red flag. Next time I may not need to test. But this time I wanted to be sure I was not projecting my past. And your advice is sound. Anything we can do to protect ourselves from ***rs, especially if you are empathic, is good but nothing beats running away and staying away. Other red flags for me have been:
noticing that he always says the right thing
noticing that he contradicts things he has said
Beginning to have nightmares
Periods of being absent
Having a panic attack during sex
Hiding his phone
Protecting his phone
Refusing to let me see his phone

What red flags have you experienced?

[Ve****]

18 minutes ago, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

I guess what I do could be called testing, but I would consider it along the lines of conducting a class. If someone, whether it be a dom or sub, wants to get into paddling, we would follow a list:

1. First, discuss the positive and negative impacts of padding.
2. Figure out which fabric/materials both people are sensitive to.
3. Balance and weight.
4. Train Ds on positioning and how to alternate different positions on a subs body, so they aren't striking the same place too often.
5. Inform the S/Ds they need to take things slow and step-by-step first work on:

A. S***d
B. Strength
C. How much *** the partner can take.
D. How many hits are in one place

6. Figure out what is considered the sweet spot ( enough *** that causes pleasure, but not enough with cause emotional, mental, or physical stress)

Quite a lot of ppl just want to dive into the fun, but forget that theirs a human on each side and the cause/effect of the fun.

While , I appreciate your positive responses in this thread I would like to point out to you that I addressed it specifically to females. I did that for a reason. You may be gentle and empathetic and understanding about issues that females deal with, you don’t have the same understanding. And I seek to appeal to that inherently, female wisdom here. We need each other. Especially in this space so dominated by men. There are plenty of opportunities further you to share and guide. I’m asking you to not do it here.

[Se****]

1 hour ago, inconceivable said:

It's an opinion. I'm free to post it. You're free to disagree! I don't think the OP's views of D/s are irrelevant.

My comment re relevance was pertaining to you thinking the OP “tops from the bottom” (a bl**dy awful phrase at the best of times). Your comment in this regard was not relevant to the OP’s post and ergo unnecessary as it brought nothing to the conversation. If, by reading the OP you believe that they top from the bottom then I would suggest you possibly don’t understand the meaning of the phrase - I could be wrong, however  there is nothing in what was written that suggests this is the case.

I don’t feel we need to discuss this further as it is de-railing the actual purpose of the post.

Additionally, the OP was not calling you a b*tch per se. It’s more of a “phrase” (I can’t quite think of the right words at this moment in time) - not necessarily directed at one individual. 

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, Velicious said:

While , I appreciate your positive responses in this thread I would like to point out to you that I addressed it specifically to females. I did that for a reason. You may be gentle and empathetic and understanding about issues that females deal with, you don’t have the same understanding. And I seek to appeal to that inherently, female wisdom here. We need each other. Especially in this space so dominated by men. There are plenty of opportunities further you to share and guide. I’m asking you to not do it here.

I'm a 46xx biological female with karotype 47xxy. I was born DSD. I take no injections, and I've had 0 surgeries.
I naturally produce estrogen and progesterone, I have 0 testosterone production. I have birthing hipbone, cervix, uterus, ovotesties, & penis.

[Ve****]

3 minutes ago, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

I'm a 46xx biological female with karotype 47xxy. I was born DSD. I take no injections, and I've had 0 surgeries.
I naturally produce estrogen and progesterone, I have 0 testosterone production. I have birthing hipbone, cervix, uterus, ovotesties, & penis.

I don’t fully understand but I think you’re saying that you belong here. (?)

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Velicious said:

I don’t fully understand but I think you’re saying that you belong here. (?)

Your post calls for females. My birth gender is infact female with a DSD. Only selected male for verification since my last profile was banned for putting female and they saw my picture and denied my existence.

[Ka****]

The biggest red flag is if the Domme is being pushy to get me to do things before I've consented. I look for someone that shows General concern for my safety and well being. If they don't bring up the subject of safe word, aftercare, triggers, or limits and just start to go right into what they are planning for the scene, that's a huge red flag. I look for the concern for me first. If that doesn't happen, then it's a no go.

[Je****]

1 hour ago, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

Your post calls for females. My birth gender is infact female with a DSD. Only selected male for verification since my last profile was banned for putting female and they saw my picture and denied my existence.

I think this is a tricky one and perhaps needs mod intervention.  For the sake of the post and your issues with verification and photos etc. 

 

However my issue with you is, being in my inbox, offering yourself up as a guide. Which is also stated on your profile.

You say to teach people in the community and stop them falling into traps of fake doms.

 

Are you a professional? Do you have references and merits as a teacher? What experience do you have?

What's a fake dom? How can you stop someone from finding a fake dom, from the USA, with someone in the UK perhaps? 

Are you employed by or a member of the Fetish team here? And have permission to guide and teach members on here? 

Have you done research as you have gave me a mini lecture about my dms and the layout of the settings on this site, and how to filter out men. 

Which is ironic as your profile wouldn't have came through. 

I keep my dms and filters open as I have male friends. 

I depend on male interest reading my profile and using common sense to not message me expressing said interest. I won't block my male friends from messaging me. 

I have also been here for over 3.5yr. (Yourself here 3 months as per your profile).

I am a daily user and I am very familiar of the site, its settings and all sorts relating to this site and its purpose. 

Forgive me if you are indeed a member of admin, a mod or management. 

If you are not, please do answer all of the above. 

Because if you are *not*, you are delivering right into the purpose of this post.

Red flags, gut feelings and so on. 

I feel very gut churned about you in general, since you hopped into my inbox. Otherwise I'd probably not have.

Many people I know of in the past who offer "guidance" so they don't "fall prey" to "fake doms" have generally offered so, to new and young people, mostly women. They kinda say all the right things to sway them from other guys and keep them very much feeling safe under a trusted wing. Manipulation at its finest.

Which,  if you are staff here I will not assume of you. 

I am not testing you but outright asking. Again il apologise if you are admin on here but nothing on profile identifying you as such. 

Edited January 10 by Jeneral_Whore
Typos

[Je****]

1 hour ago, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

Your post calls for females. My birth gender is infact female with a DSD. Only selected male for verification since my last profile was banned for putting female and they saw my picture and denied my existence.

This person has now BLOCKED ME. 

 

I had already referred to a moderator. 

 

Ladies please see this prime example and trust your gut the second a flag appears. 

The blocking has solidified my doubts and I have obtained what was said and referred to a mod. Can never be too careful here. 

And in the case of this being innocent, I still stand by my taking the precautionary action. 🤷‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

I block you because you're rude. You wonder why helpful people don't take, it's because rube ones make them uncomfortable. You stated a guide requires physical evidence like Like a certificate or license or a degree in order to guide, assist, or help others. Then, with that statement, every Dom in here is fake unless they can provide documentation. I never stated I was a moderator, nor did I state I was an admin. You're putting nonexistent words in my mouth.

I'm just someone willing to help others. I have far too many friends who ended up with fake daddy's, and they are forever reminded of it with emotional, mental, and physical scars. I do my best to prevent that from happening with newer members.

[Je****]

1 minute ago, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

I block you because you're rude. You wonder why helpful people don't take, it's because rube ones make them uncomfortable. You stated a guide requires physical evidence like Like a certificate or license or a degree in order to guide, assist, or help others. Then, with that statement, every Dom in here is fake unless they can provide documentation. I never stated I was a moderator, nor did I state I was an admin. You're putting nonexistent words in my mouth.

I'm just someone willing to help others. I have far too many friends who ended up with fake daddy's, and they are forever reminded of it with emotional, mental, and physical scars. I do my best to prevent that from happening with newer members.

I have not been rude. 

You entered my inbox offering me guidance to THIS site and its settings. 

That's why I have asked if you have any right to be guiding people here, via inbox or otherwise. 

I asked you publicly and instead, you outright blocked me. 

Every alarm bell I have in my body is ringing massively. 

Not every dom is fake, but I am asking what makes you entitled to guide people here, unless you have some creditials, or authority from the site? 

At face value you have been on here for 3 months. So it is a bit bizarre you messaging people here for years, on how to use the settings. You've obviously came across my profile via this thread, and read my profile (Thank you) enough to know I don't want male profiles messaging me... yet you went and messaged anyway. 

It doesn't add up. But the fact you offered yourself as a guide and upon reading your own profile seeing you want to prevent people stopping falling into a fake dom trap... who are you, or any of us to say who is or is not a fake dom? 

Do you have more extensive knowledge of every human who portrays a dominant role to know if its fake or not? You must have lived every experience to know this?! 

 

All I was doing was asking if you were of admin or site team to offer assistance and instead of a no you block me. 

Fine do as you wish but you're forever baring flag signals for me now 🤷‍♀️

[Je****]

7 minutes ago, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

I have far too many friends who ended up with fake daddy's, and they are forever reminded of it with emotional, mental, and physical scars. I do my best to prevent that from happening with newer members.

It is not your job to prevent new members from meeting unsuitable dominants. 

 

From the sounds of it, your friends haven't a clue on what they're doing, or any vetting process or identifying red flag and gut feelings, so maybe start there than with random people online? 

Heck they even fit the criteria of this post. Maybe tag them and they can learn from some of the sound advice here? 

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

I have not been rude. 

You entered my inbox offering me guidance to THIS site and its settings. 

That's why I have asked if you have any right to be guiding people here, via inbox or otherwise. 

I asked you publicly and instead, you outright blocked me. 

Every alarm bell I have in my body is ringing massively. 

Not every dom is fake, but I am asking what makes you entitled to guide people here, unless you have some creditials, or authority from the site? 

At face value you have been on here for 3 months. So it is a bit bizarre you messaging people here for years, on how to use the settings. You've obviously came across my profile via this thread, and read my profile (Thank you) enough to know I don't want male profiles messaging me... yet you went and messaged anyway. 

It doesn't add up. But the fact you offered yourself as a guide and upon reading your own profile seeing you want to prevent people stopping falling into a fake dom trap... who are you, or any of us to say who is or is not a fake dom? 

Do you have more extensive knowledge of every human who portrays a dominant role to know if its fake or not? You must have lived every experience to know this?! 

 

All I was doing was asking if you were of admin or site team to offer assistance and instead of a no you block me. 

Fine do as you wish but you're forever baring flag signals for me now 🤷‍♀️

What makes you entitled to do this openly? I have every right to ignore your questions, just like you had the right to openly ask them, but it would have been more humane to block me or ask me in pm rather publicly.

With 15 years of experience listening to people's stories, going to workshops, classes, being a victim myself, the belief that helping others is a good thing, and much more make me feel if I have a right to help others if they choose they would like the help, and if they don't want the help they ignore me.

[Ve****]

5 minutes ago, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

What makes you entitled to do this openly? I have every right to ignore your questions, just like you had the right to openly ask them, but it would have been more humane to block me or ask me in pm rather publicly.

With 15 years of experience listening to people's stories, going to workshops, classes, being a victim myself, the belief that helping others is a good thing, and much more make me feel if I have a right to help others if they choose they would like the help, and if they don't want the help they ignore me.

The trouble with this is that I’ve asked you not to come here and do this. And I’ve clearly stated multiple times throughout the thread that I’m trying to create a place to bond with other females so we can support each other. I’ve also privately given you the reasons why I created this thread, hoping that you would be respectful of my wishes and my intentions. it seems that is not what you are going to do. It’s not about you. Youre very presence here is stirring up feelings of not being safe for some. Soon there will be males up in here mucking up things with their stuff.

[Je****]

Just now, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

What makes you entitled to do this openly? I have every right to ignore your questions, just like you had the right to openly ask them, but it would have been more humane to block me or ask me in pm rather publicly.

With 15 years of experience listening to people's stories, going to workshops, classes, being a victim myself, the belief that helping others is a good thing, and much more make me feel if I have a right to help others if they choose they would like the help, and if they don't want the help they ignore me.

I did this openly as I am speaking to you on the same thread openly and publicly. My gut winced when you stated about the female vs male things then I thought hm it's not like mods to ignore that. So checked your dm to me then your profile and none of it made me feel any easier, infact worse. 

Yeh you've every right to ignore my questions but with such questions challenging your motives or authority or lack there of, to be met with an outright block doesn't look good. 

Anyone could say they have X amount of years of history and learning, everyone is a victim of something  and yes we can all help people. That's great. But you're offering to help people on a site they've been on longer than you, in ways that mods and support do. It is just not adding up. 

 

And a guide and teacher, when questioned no matter how difficult it is, would remain calm and have a decent response to challenges and controversial things. 

Bdsm isn't easy. 

So me asking about your credits to this site was rude and worth a block. 

What would happen if I was a submissive girl confiding in you, as you've stated you do, and a problem arose with how I felt you'd analysed someone I was talking to. Would you have blocked me then? 

Probably. 

Even if someone confronts me on these forums, I answer or argue or dismiss it. I don't block them. I've nothing to hide and I'm adult enough to engage in conversation, provoke thoughts and learn soemthing. 

I can hold my hands up when wrong and I can guide someone PUBLICLY when they ask need and want help. 

I do not lure people into a false safety setting on a site I have no commitment to,  or right to, and promise il teach them what a bad man another guy is. That's not how it works. 

[Deleted Member]

15 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

It is not your job to prevent new members from meeting unsuitable dominants. 

 

From the sounds of it, your friends haven't a clue on what they're doing, or any vetting process or identifying red flag and gut feelings, so maybe start there than with random people online? 

Heck they even fit the criteria of this post. Maybe tag them and they can learn from some of the sound advice here? 

Let's say you're a new member and where you offered help, but you choose to ignore it. Now, you have picked out everything you thought you wanted or needed in life to be happy. Then you found yourself a Dom whom you thought showed zero red flags, and your gut was telling you everything was fine. 1 year later, everything still seems perfect. By the 2nd year, things are not looking up to par for you. Archetypes you originally thought you wanted are nowhere near what you expected or wanted, and the Dom your with doest care and has manipulated you into thinking you have no rights.

All of this may or may not have been prevented if you accepted the assistance when you first started off. I'm not stating that me or anyone else can prevent it from happening, but maybe, and just maybe, it could have gone a different way with the help.

[Je****]

2 minutes ago, Velicious said:

I’ve also privately given you the reasons why I created this thread, hoping that you would be respectful of my wishes and my intentions. it seems that is not what you are going to do. It’s not about you. Youre very presence here is stirring up feelings of not being safe for some. Soon there will be males up in here mucking up things with their stuff.

You've already stated to them xyz. A guide would listen and support that. Respect that. 

This is the opposite. And I am aware I have challenged them and though they've blocked me, they've the right to respond. 

The block solidified my right to feel uneasy. 

This is just bizarre. 

 

And please note, its not all males, infact a good lot if not most who use these forums are fantastic, even though I disagree with them often, they are very unbiased, reasonable and sympathetic.  A lot to learn from some men here, but I get it, on this occasion you seek female intuition basically 

[Je****]

2 minutes ago, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

Let's say you're a new member and where you offered help, but you choose to ignore it. Now, you have picked out everything you thought you wanted or needed in life to be happy. Then you found yourself a Dom whom you thought showed zero red flags, and your gut was telling you everything was fine. 1 year later, everything still seems perfect. By the 2nd year, things are not looking up to par for you. Archetypes you originally thought you wanted are nowhere near what you expected or wanted, and the Dom your with doest care and has manipulated you into thinking you have no rights.

All of this may or may not have been prevented if you accepted the assistance when you first started off. I'm not stating that me or anyone else can prevent it from happening, but maybe, and just maybe, it could have gone a different way with the help.

So people changing over a year, is something you could have prevented had they listened to you? 

You can see a year down the line? 

 

How do you know that dom wasn't EXACTLY who he said he was. That they spent a fab year together,  but over time their goals and dreams changed and they were no longer compatible. And they argued and things went sour. 

You can tell all that a year in advance can you? 

What if they went to therapy and worked their differences? And it all got back on track?

 

What if your advice prevented someone from meeting their perfect match? 

 

Cmon now you're so high on that horse you're in the clouds!

[Deleted Member]

Example: someone I recently helped had prey, masochist, and pet as their bdsm roles. I explained in full detail what each role was and not of them were what they thought they were. Then, I had them retake the test with a set of directions, and all of the results were different from the first time they took the test. I explained in detail what each archetype was, their soft limits, and hard no. After I explained everything, they informed me that what I explained was definitely more them. I feel like that's a win for them.

[Je****]

3 minutes ago, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

Example: someone I recently helped had prey, masochist, and pet as their bdsm roles. I explained in full detail what each role was and not of them were what they thought they were. Then, I had them retake the test with a set of directions, and all of the results were different from the first time they took the test. I explained in detail what each archetype was, their soft limits, and hard no. After I explained everything, they informed me that what I explained was definitely more them. I feel like that's a win for them.

ok.

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

So people changing over a year, is something you could have prevented had they listened to you? 

You can see a year down the line? 

 

How do you know that dom wasn't EXACTLY who he said he was. That they spent a fab year together,  but over time their goals and dreams changed and they were no longer compatible. And they argued and things went sour. 

You can tell all that a year in advance can you? 

What if they went to therapy and worked their differences? And it all got back on track?

 

What if your advice prevented someone from meeting their perfect match? 

 

Cmon now you're so high on that horse you're in the clouds!

The above was a reconstruction of a story that was previously provided to me from someone who was victimized in a previous dynamic. I was trying to have you place yourself in those shoes, but you decided to create your own thoughts and duplications. Once again, I have never stated I know everything, I clearly stated, "may or may not," and nothing is definitive. I can only make suggestions it's still up to the primary user whether or not to make choices.

[Je****]

Just now, Gentle_RaveDaddy said:

The above was a reconstruction of a story that was previously provided to me from someone who was victimized in a previous dynamic. I was trying to have you place yourself in those shoes, but you decided to create your own thoughts and duplications. Once again, I have never stated I know everything, I clearly stated, "may or may not," and nothing is definitive. I can only make suggestions it's still up to the primary user whether or not to make choices.

It's not your place.  But you do you. The life has now drained out of me with this point and its taken away from the OP's topic. 

 

Apologies OP, I am saying nothing more to allow this thread to get back on track.8

[Ve****]

12 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

You've already stated to them xyz. A guide would listen and support that. Respect that. 

This is the opposite. And I am aware I have challenged them and though they've blocked me, they've the right to respond. 

The block solidified my right to feel uneasy. 

This is just bizarre. 

 

And please note, its not all males, infact a good lot if not most who use these forums are fantastic, even though I disagree with them often, they are very unbiased, reasonable and sympathetic.  A lot to learn from some men here, but I get it, on this occasion you seek female intuition basically 

I agree. It’s the pushing to be here despite the gentle requests I’ve given that alarm me. But we cannot stop speaking into the issue. Let this be another lesson. When you are a new to BDSM sub or a young, naive, inexperienced female the wolves will sniff you out. They will disregard your feelings and insist on their right to you. If you do not see the flags, you will become captured. Where there is confusion, lack of clarity there will also be chaos. Where there is a pressing into your boundaries there will be devotion and betrayal potentially even ***. We should not have to justify our feelings of wanting to exclude anyone who makes us uncomfortable. Any healthy and nurturing individual would immediately honor that, just as I attempted to do with Gentle Rave Daddy. That presence here is disruptive. I again ask that person to go.

[Ve****]

Just now, Velicious said:

I agree. It’s the pushing to be here despite the gentle requests I’ve given that alarm me. But we cannot stop speaking into the issue. Let this be another lesson. When you are a new to BDSM sub or a young, naive, inexperienced female the wolves will sniff you out. They will disregard your feelings and insist on their right to you. If you do not see the flags, you will become captured. Where there is confusion, lack of clarity there will also be chaos. Where there is a pressing into your boundaries there will be devotion and betrayal potentially even ***. We should not have to justify our feelings of wanting to exclude anyone who makes us uncomfortable. Any healthy and nurturing individual would immediately honor that, just as I attempted to do with Gentle Rave Daddy. That presence here is disruptive. I again ask that person to go.

Deception not devotion