The 2 Degrees of Separation

[CopperKnob]

You can get away with all kinds of shitty behaviour if you’re dating in Vanilla Land. That world has biospheres the size of Russia, so it's easy to hide. The Doctor you met on Plenty of Fish probably won’t know the  electrician from Tinder you took out on the night you stood her up because your car “broke down.” they also wouldn't know about the misogynistic comments you make on various posts on social media.
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This is not Vanilla Land however. This is Kink County, and it’s the size of Monaco. Everyone knows everyone. Even if your local events attract a few hundred people, we talk to one another. The blonde who thinks you’re a self-supporting bachelor is friends with the brunette who knows you’re nothing of the kind. In Vanilla Land, there are 3 degrees of separation. In Kink County, that decreases to 2. We all know someone who knows someone no matter where they are in the world. That's how we know the man you cheated on and the one you’re hoping to convince of your true submissive ethical heart.

In this micro habitat, the caves and crevices where you hide your true self will be stumbled on accidentally five times before breakfast. We know your shitty behaviour because we share our lives with one another. We talk when we meet a promising person, and when they show us classic douchecanoe behaviour, we share it even faster.
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The worse your actions, the faster and further the news will travel. We tend to annihilate the hiding places of predators and consent violators eventually. We sometimes take years, but we get there sooner or later. We’re the MeToo generation, and when you’re outed, it can be on a grand scale.
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But it all starts somewhere. Here on Fet, it'll often start in the forums. The comments you make are read and noted by other members who, if they don't call you out publicly, the message will be send far and wide via our inboxes so we all know who to shun.
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The kink community is one that typically welcomes people with no judgement, so there's no need to act like a douchebag. Behave like a decent human. It’s not particularly difficult, and honestly, it's a pretty effective dating tool. We won’t forgive your dishonesty, CV's or predation, but most of us will appreciate it if you share your true self.

[Bi****]

This… and your profile… are the most considered and thoughtful things I’ve read in a LONG time. I am quite inspired by your dismantling of the norms of convenience and superficiality, and this forthrightness to delve with passion and fervour into the detail of infinitely-nuanced the world of hedonism.

Conversations and my pursuit of true connection had left me with a sense that my philosophical ruminations were freakishly anomalistic. And yet here you are, someone I never thought existed.

Thank you. ☺️

[ge****]

Oh how I've missed you and posts like this CK!! 😊

[kok1069]

@CopperKnob can I inbox you please?

[Ri****]

Well thought out and well written. Thank you for sharing.

[Deviant_Ric]

Lovely to see your insightful words again. A truly welcome sight, and so very well said.

[Deleted Member]

Well said!!! 🖤

[Deleted Member]

Well said!! 🖤

[GB****]

I agree with your sentiment, but if I may it seems slighted more twords the male gender. I’d like to add this applies too everyone. If I misunderstood, my apologies.

[GB****]

Well I can’t fix my typo, it should be to, not too

[LustAndLogic]

I have always been honest about my cheating over here. It is part of my kink after all. Everyone is free to judge, but you can't say that there is no honesty in my dishonesty.

[CopperKnob]

5 hours ago, BigJon_ said:

This… and your profile… are the most considered and thoughtful things I’ve read in a LONG time. I am quite inspired by your dismantling of the norms of convenience and superficiality, and this forthrightness to delve with passion and fervour into the detail of infinitely-nuanced the world of hedonism.

Conversations and my pursuit of true connection had left me with a sense that my philosophical ruminations were freakishly anomalistic. And yet here you are, someone I never thought existed.

Thank you. ☺️

Gosh, those are some awfully long words!

[CopperKnob]

4 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Oh how I've missed you and posts like this CK!! 😊

The phone shop can't get anything off of my old phone where all my stuff was, gutted!!

[Bi****]

1 minute ago, CopperKnob said:

Gosh, those are some awfully long words!

☺️

[CopperKnob]

4 hours ago, kok1069 said:

@CopperKnob can I inbox you please?

If you keep it clean and respectful

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, GBirdie said:

I agree with your sentiment, but if I may it seems slighted more twords the male gender. I’d like to add this applies too everyone. If I misunderstood, my apologies.

I tried to give examples for both women and men. Sometimes we read through our own lens I guess

[gi****]

I'm often amazed at how few degrees of separation there are in many aspects of my life. Such a good reminder for all of us that what we think is done in the shadows does, and will, see the light of day. Thanks, as always, for such an intriguing and insightful post.

[Ar****]

2 hours ago, GBirdie said:

I agree with your sentiment, but if I may it seems slighted more twords the male gender.

Not sure how you reached that conclusion?

 

23 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

That's how we know the man you cheated on and the one you’re hoping to convince of your true submissive ethical heart.

I thought this was the most ***hing takedown of the piece, and it isn't reaaaallllly fellas its directed at 🤷‍♂️

[kok1069]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

If you keep it clean and respectful

Yes ma'am.

[4R****]

Ah CK, one of my all-time favourites! I love your writings! 

[CopperKnob]

11 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

Ah CK, one of my all-time favourites! I love your writings! 

From you? Appreciated

[Th****]

Excellent as usual. So glad to see you back. 

[Se****]

3 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

The phone shop can't get anything off of my old phone where all my stuff was, gutted!!

What happened to the phone??

 And ps I’ve missed your writings x

[Da****]

I think we talked and got on once but sadly I deleted my acc. You were a little green then if you're the same person. And if so - Wow! You've grown. Sat here in awe reading your posts lately.
You're right of course. More people should come with openness, radical honesty and maybe a little old-school protocol too. ID/vetting and securities. Hell even references are a thing of the past now. 🤦🏻‍♂️ sad times.

I'll add one thought tho:
People are a collection of the stories we tell ourselves and those we tell about others. They can be manipulated by some to be bigger than they ever ahould be about themselves and they can be blown out of porportion and taken in all kind of wierd and shitty ways by keyboard warriors who dont know all the facts. The internet should come with a health warning and guidance on how to act in k8nky company. And yes - there is nowhere to hide.
All said... people should also be allowed to make and learn from their mistakes too. That still comes with a huge helping of humility and maturity to stand tall again and hold yourself accountable. A good (insert role) will have made mistakes and should own them well like swimming certificates on their proverbial fridge.

I really do believe that we all started somewhere here. And it's up to people who are more learned and wiser to help those who's douchcanoe ways (my new fave word btw!) is something they did purely through poor decision making and bad judgement.
Lies are inexcusable.
And so too are manipulative people or cheats and actual predators.
But a lot of the people I've heared about lately have been people just not aware of or willing to follow basic old school decent protocol.
Getting to know someone.
Sharing and owning all of their truth and even your mistakes.
Allowing a meeting as equals before finding the power imbalance that fits.
Just being there for the person you're casually fucking around with.
Kink isn't about getting your end away, it's about connecting with something way deeper and more precious but people have really gotta learn how to keep themselves safe and dig deeper to satisfy their flags.

Really love reading your stuff... Keep fighting the good fight lady!

[YorkshireBiker]

I’ve been a bit quiet on here in recent months while I focused on figuring out where I sit in this new (to me) world. It’s always a pleasure to read some of your thoughts. 
 

I’ll say too that my initial reaction was this was aimed more towards the men on here, but the reason I came to that conclusion, for me, seems pretty simply  - the behaviour of some of the men on here recently. if you feel like this was actually aimed at men, there’s probably a reason, and I’d hazard a guess you associate bad behaviour with men.