Need new moves for a newbie

September 14, 2017

About two years ago my husband came forward asking that I "dominate" him. We have been getting much more kinky since he told me that, although we always have been in our own way, and have dabbled in Sub/dom sex switching but he has a clear preference for being a sub.

Now at this point I'm kind of stuck in a rut. My creativity isn't there and I don't know where to take this next.

where we are: it's pretty much always the same. Tie him up, put on the nip clams, do a little scorching biting and or spanking, most of the time with the blind fold and candle wax. That's pretty much the extent of it. I will *** him during sex a little but those are my only moves.

so I read stories and look in forums and find things that I bring up to him and he's put off by it. I can tell him to shut up and if the mood is right call him a b**** but anything more he loses interest. Same with the physical stuff. He says he doesn't want the "extreme" stuff. He says it not like he would or would not like it but that it is completely out of the question because it's "too far". Moral code or society standards idk.

so I'm kind of stuck. I feel like I have done all of the beginner things and maybe there's a whole lot I don't know in the beginner world but I'm looking for more to add. Maybe move on to intermediate or just add more beginner but all I ever find is extreme. Does everyone just start balls to the ball??

so I'm here for help to spice up and enhance these moments with my husband.

thanks ?

September 14, 2017

So things have been the same for 2 years & he doesn't want to change?

September 14, 2017

Pretty much.

we have been together almost 10 years. We started this new stuff two years ago and it's been the same since.

I bring up new ideas and they are laughed off or "too far". He is very vague with what he wants. All I have to go by is me "in charge" "teaching him a lesson" and a little *** and bondage. That's literally all he will give me. So that's all we do. It's great and all but I feel like it has become too routine

September 14, 2017

Try pegging.

September 14, 2017

12 minutes ago, Rambo325 said:

Try pegging.

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He says Pegging is too far for him

September 14, 2017

You can start small with a fing and work your way up.

September 14, 2017

48 minutes ago, Rambo325 said:

You can start small with a fing and work your way up.

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We have and I tried to introduce a new instrument and even though it wasn't large at all there were some difficulties that left him pretty scared with anything but finger. Oops ?

It is not often that I do this though

September 14, 2017

So he wants you to be in charge then be in charge, tie him up as normal and peg him! When he complains tell him you're in charge! Unless he tells you what he wants he gets what he's given!! I have a few other things that maybe useful or interesting for you if you wish pm me.

September 14, 2017

33 minutes ago, Midlands_Dom said:

So he wants you to be in charge then be in charge, tie him up as normal and peg him! When he complains tell him you're in charge! Unless he tells you what he wants he gets what he's given!! I have a few other things that maybe useful or interesting for you if you wish pm me.

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But shouldn't I get his permission outside of sex before taking that step? I can ask again but I doubt he will say yes

September 14, 2017

Ask him does he want you to be in charge yes or no?

If no say great you're in charge then you dominate me!

If he says yes, then ask what there is that he would be willing to try, then tell him if he doesn't come up with something you will and you will be in charge & he will accept it.

September 14, 2017

11 minutes ago, Fireant99 said:

But shouldn't I get his permission outside of sex before taking that step? I can ask again but I doubt he will say yes

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There is possibly more to this than just the sexual level.

September 14, 2017

6 minutes ago, Midlands_Dom said:

There is possibly more to this than just the sexual level.

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i wouldn't even know where to begin...

September 14, 2017

3 minutes ago, Fireant99 said:

i wouldn't even know where to begin...

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Pm me

September 14, 2017

You need more information from him, try a submissive activity checklist and let him rate (No to 5) what he's okay with, just google " Submissive Checklist". Then you'll have some information about his preferences.

If it is more than sexual, which can be more fun for both of you, try developing a role play together, like your the teacher and he's the student.

September 15, 2017

Why don't you try chastity and maybe some sissification too? But I think this checklist idea can work well?

September 15, 2017

We discussed some things last night. I was surprised with what he was willing to "consider" with just a little encouragement from me. We now have a shopping cart with some new things (one being a cage).

i don't know if it was the discussion we had before or the ropes though but last night I tied and blind folded him and almost right away he started to feel uncomfortable. Claustrophobic he says. So I took it all off as soon as he said the word and it got awkward for a bit but once he was feeling more comfortable we went back to it, only I skipped the rope and used cuffs instead. He says he feels like a "little b****" for having to take a breather. I tried to encourage him but used that when we actually got back to it and now the awkwardness is gone.

we are going to introduce a cage, non sexual dominance And a couple other new things. He has told me where he wants to draw the line and I'm alright with that, I might just get really close to that line sometimes!😂

Anyways...

when it is non sexual dominance what is a good beginning? How long do you play out the role, in public too? What are some subtle ways we can go about that?

when non sexual dominance was brought up it reminded me of a couple I barely knew a couple years ago. I was always confused by their relationship but now I think I get it. They were mid 30s and he called he "Ma" or "Ma'am" every time. When they would eat he would serve her everything and would never sit down. We all made assumptions why he wouldn't sit down but now I think it's a dominance thing when I think back on how they were together.

i don't want to humiliate my husband but I do get really excited at the thought of control!