Finding a Munch in Rural Areas

February 18, 2024

I hear a lot about a local munch. I live in the Midwest where you have a lots of small towns and a couple bigger towns with all the necessities. Closest city is 2 hrs away. How do I find a munch there in a smaller area or would I probably haver to go to a bigger city?

February 19, 2024

I think there was literally 1 munch in the town where i live in the UK, after that the munches in the city feel weird and predatory on newbies

February 19, 2024

“'Munch' is New York slang meaning to perform oral sex on a woman.

February 19, 2024

4 minutes ago, Master_Gene said:

“'Munch' is New York slang meaning to perform oral sex on a woman.

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Dude, you're here on this site calling yourself "Master" and don't know what a munch is?

February 19, 2024

On 2/18/2024 at 1:52 AM, Cuntrygrl_78 said:

I hear a lot about a local munch. I live in the Midwest where you have a lots of small towns and a couple bigger towns with all the necessities. Closest city is 2 hrs away. How do I find a munch there in a smaller area or would I probably haver to go to a bigger city?

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It's not uncommon to have to travel for a munch. A fair number of munches and community groups have an online presence with chat options too though. Lots have Discord servers and a bunch have groups on Fetlife.

February 19, 2024

read that statement it's not my statement it is from New York slang. finding a local BDSM Gathering is the best anyone can do in small towns. you're so jumpy, which is why lots don't say anything on here. there is so much slang for everything. just trying to get people to state their thoughts on the matter to help her.

February 19, 2024

43 minutes ago, Master_Gene said:

read that statement it's not my statement it is from New York slang. finding a local BDSM Gathering is the best anyone can do in small towns. you're so jumpy, which is why lots don't say anything on here. there is so much slang for everything. just trying to get people to state their thoughts on the matter to help her.

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In that case, I don't see how it was supposed to be useful relative to the op.

February 19, 2024

Probably have to go to a bigger city. You can try looking on Fetlife for events near you. This seems to be where most events post is on there. Closest one to me is 2-hours one-way and I don't have the time to make it there before it's over and too busy anyway for a 4-hour round-trip + however long the munch itself lasts. Sucks.

February 20, 2024

I hate to recommend fetlife - but - I recommend fetlife

there's been stuff I've looked at with different people over the years - and - well - some have been 2 hours drive to the nearest munch. Some, however, had a closer town with one they wouldn't have known about. One person there was like a large city which had one, but the rural towns on the outskirts had a "travelling munch" so each month it was in a different location meaning everyone got somewhere local to them every 3 months - and could attend it elsewhere if they could travel.

So, yeah - in your case it may be the city which is 2 hours away is the closest munch and you can decide what you want to do about that (and, worth finding on fetlife when/where it is) or it may be somewhere closer has *something*

February 20, 2024

Why do you hate to reccomend Fetlife? Other than the obvious that it's (sort of) a competing site to this one and the possible feelings one might have over that. The two sites are still different enough.

IMO when it comes to finding info about local community stuff, workshops, webinars and education there's really not much comparison. Fetlife has Fetish beat by miles in that department. I attribute a lot of that to Fetish's policy on posting outside links. It's just how things are. 🤷🏻‍♀️ In the opposite direction, Fetish is set up for partner searching and finding where fetlife purposely is not.

8 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

the rural towns on the outskirts had a "travelling munch" so each month it was in a different location meaning everyone got somewhere local to them every 3 months - and could attend it elsewhere if they could travel.

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Yes, this is definitely a thing in some areas and I'd forgotten that I've seen this before. I'm not sure if it's still going because it's out of my area so not as of interest to me but in a neighboring state here where I am in the US there's a much that covers 1/3 of the state that moved locations each time.

February 20, 2024

14 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Why do you hate to reccomend Fetlife? Other than the obvious that it's (sort of) a competing site to this one and the possible feelings one might have over that. The two sites are still different enough.

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oh gosh - where to begin - I think partially is that this site has a massively under utilised event section and that perhaps it's something which could be better and more prevalent - but also that there are a lot of munch/event organisers whose promo is fairly lazy and doesn't extend much more above a basic listing on just one website - a lot seem to similarity grow/maintain the 'scene' but not really do much to widen promo. (that said, I've not put the munch I'm involved in back on here post-pandemic... oops, he in glass houses etc)

but also that I feel, while nowhere is perfect - there's a lot fetlife seemingly would be more incentivised to improve with a credible rival and sending everyone there doesn't help grow elsewhere

29 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

where I am in the US there's a much that covers 1/3 of the state that moved locations each time.

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yep - I'd seen one and thought it was great - in logic it means people in those areas have a local munch, that is slightly inflated with people who follow the munch

I guess as an also

I live in a relatively metropolitian area - we have a lot of local munches (can't be arsed to count up, but at the peak - the region had 14 munches per month, mind, only a couple of these were particularly busy) but for example - as we rely on public transport, the two closest ones right now are presently around an hour travel time.

All of the "play" events are in one location, which we're lucky to have - but - especially with the events being kicked out of a Saturday to a Sunday (complete with Sunday bus services) the Sunday events are a 5 hour round trip - and the Thursday events aren't too bad on paper, but would have to leave by 10.30pm in order to get home (although since the house move, 'getting home' could be 11.30pm, at the old house which was geographically closer, leaving at 10.30pm would be to get home for 12.30am)

So, I guess - for a lot of folk - 'be prepared to travel'

February 20, 2024

13 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

oh gosh - where to begin - I think partially is that this site has a massively under utilised event section and that perhaps it's something which could be better and more prevalent - but also that there are a lot of munch/event organisers whose promo is fairly lazy and doesn't extend much more above a basic listing on just one website - a lot seem to similarity grow/maintain the 'scene' but not really do much to widen promo. (that said, I've not put the munch I'm involved in back on here post-pandemic... oops, he in glass houses etc)

but also that I feel, while nowhere is perfect - there's a lot fetlife seemingly would be more incentivised to improve with a credible rival and sending everyone there doesn't help grow elsewhere

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I don't disagree with any of that. Especially about Fetlife having a viable competitor. I *WANT* that, competition means everyone has to work on providing quality product/experience in order to keep people. Unfortunately I feel like how this site is currently, a lot by their own doing, is limiting their own ability to be any actual competition.

20 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, I guess - for a lot of folk - 'be prepared to travel'

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This really applies to so many things. Not only munches, but play parties, dungeons, workshops, education and yes even for partners. The kink community is relatively small and spread thin. I feel it's much more obvious on Fetlife than here because you see it discussed there much more, but it's actually not uncommon at all for partners to not live in the same area and to have to travel, plan visits and if the goal is a LTR and not just play partners many people end up eventually relocating so they can be together.

February 20, 2024

1 hour ago, ThaliaV said:

Unfortunately I feel like how this site is currently, a lot by their own doing, is limiting their own ability to be any actual competition.

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one for another day - but I feel here hasn't made the progress I hoped it would in the years I've been here. That, I go to a lot of events and see sponsors and investment from Fetlife, Joyclub and assorted two bit sites that go nowhere - but there's a lack of real presence here and it feels like such a missed opportunity :/

1 hour ago, ThaliaV said:

This really applies to so many things. Not only munches, but play parties, dungeons, workshops, education and yes even for partners. The kink community is relatively small and spread thin.

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this is very true - and - yep

I think there are people who really don't have the luxury of being able to travel and that, well, unfortunately there's not a lot of options here. I guess it's like going to see a band you like, the bigger bands are not going to play the rural towns it really is too bad.

But, I know there's guys who will set their radius high - and it's like, ok - so you are messaging people from 100+ miles away, if they start chatting and say they want to meet for coffee/date/play/whatever are you able to travel 100+ miles to meet them regularly? If so, you can go to a munch/event - if not, then, why contact em?

February 20, 2024

I set my radius to 120 miles for searching for specifically what I am looking for and only two users fit the bill, but I can't message either of them due to their filters (I'm assuming it's either a distance filter or the fact that I'm not single). But, that's the minimum distance I have to look, that's the closest anyone is even remotely into my kink, and I'm willing to go that far for play, not for a munch though.
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Reason being, there's a lot more potential flexibility in time/date scheduling to play. There's not with a munch—the munch is just that day/time and that's it, no flexibility. Furthermore, I don't personally need or want "community"... I'm not a group kind of person, not with anything. Going to a munch would be pure utility (like, being known by people, being vetted, etc). But, it's a pointless waste of time and *** for me if it doesn't eventually result in a play partner.
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I did used to go out of my way and have to cram everything I have to do into tight scheduling and stress myself out to be able to make it, and it was never worth it. I never had anything in common with anyone with regards to kink or anything outside of kink. So it was a lot of hassle for nothing. Was still perpetually an outsider no matter how often I showed up.
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And I know it sounds and looks bad to say the only reason to go to a munch is to find a play partner, but that really is the only reason I would go, because I don't personally need a group to belong or community.

February 20, 2024

oh, I mean - munches aren't for everyone - absolutely - and if someone's only reason to go to a munch or event is to pick-up, it's really not for them

but I mean, I've seen people complain things are so far away whilst also messaging people potentially further

So, like I get - 2 hours travel for 'a night out' might be less desirable than 2 hours travel for play. And also that the munch might be the Third Thursday, meaning travel after work etc but that you can meet someone on any mutually agreeable date/time

But, ultimately, there's a big difference between someone where a munch isn't for them anyway - and someone who either won't just say that, or bemoan everything is so far.

And totally, if someone lives in a small town with nothing going on and are 2 hours from civilisation - they're going to have to either accept this 2 hours or relocate.

February 20, 2024

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

this is very true - and - yep

I think there are people who really don't have the luxury of being able to travel and that, well, unfortunately there's not a lot of options here. I guess it's like going to see a band you like, the bigger bands are not going to play the rural towns it really is too bad.

But, I know there's guys who will set their radius high - and it's like, ok - so you are messaging people from 100+ miles away, if they start chatting and say they want to meet for coffee/date/play/whatever are you able to travel 100+ miles to meet them regularly? If so, you can go to a munch/event - if not, then, why contact em?

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I totally get not having the luxury or ability to travel but more people need to actually grasp that for *MANY* people it's anywhere from difficult, unlikely, to unrealistic to find a partner within 20-30 minutes. Idk, I guess I'm tired of seeing the tantrums about the challenges that are akin to complaining that water is wet.

And yeah, why contact someone so far away if their interests don't match yours? I'm generally cool with good conversation with people from anywhere but I'm not looking for any sort of online thing or to provide wank material. I kind of wish they'd adopt the pop-up when messaging someone that says what we're NOT looking for like the other place has recently done. Not that it would be a complete solution but it might help a little. 🤷🏻‍♀️

February 20, 2024

6 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

that for *MANY* people it's anywhere from difficult, unlikely, to unrealistic to find a partner within 20-30 minutes. Idk, I guess I'm tired of seeing the tantrums about the challenges that are akin to complaining that water is wet.

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absolutely

specifically on dating and meeting people the first rule is... it's hard, for everyone. And... we gotta deal with that.

February 23, 2024

tbh 2 hours away is quite near, in the early days even the UK scene could be a 3-5 hour train journey to a decent munch. I used to travel from the NE to Birmingham, Manchester, Sheffield, Glasgow etc before I started a local one.

The main rule i had was.....always have a backup plan in case the munch, venue or people made me feel uncomfortable. It does sadly happen cliques etc

My usual backup plan was making sure i knew a fet shop or even a vanilla place i would not usually have time to visit.

March 5, 2024

Hi Ladies & Gents,
I'm sure you've had this question over a thousand times on here, but I've got to ask as I'm getting to My last straw with looking.
I live in Plymouth in the UK, a sizeable City and one that's quite world-renowned, but for the love of it, I can't seem to find a Munch happening anywhere.
It is coming across as a kink-free zone which I refuse to believe, I mean We have one of the biggest naval bases in the country, some of the most exquisite and monumental sites and important historical people have come from here...
... Yet I'm supposed to believe that not one of these people where kinksters who enjoyed getting together and having a good chat with others, come on, it can't be 😆
Anyway, if anyone happens to know of, or has any info about anyone who might know could you please drop Me a DM on My profile, it would be much appreciated.
Or if there's anyone else in the Southwest area who is having the same problem and would like to discuss this drop Me a message.
Cause it is getting to the point where I may just set up a venue and start one.
I'm pretty sure Sir Walter Raleigh would have attended back in the day, and being a Submarine base here helps, Cause everyone knows a Submariner can go down for months without Cumming up for air... 🤣 🤣
I hope to hear from some of you soon.
With All Honour,
Woody,
G.Dominant

March 5, 2024

3 hours ago, Woody3180 said:

I live in Plymouth in the UK, a sizeable City and one that's quite world-renowned, but for the love of it, I can't seem to find a Munch happening anywhere.

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Wednesday 27th March at The Bank
there's also a monthly ***r rope event in Plymouth

Exeter also has a munch (tonight - City Gate Bar) as does Barnstaple (tomorrow) and St Auestell (Sat) and Torbay on the 13th, Bideford on the 20th - a choice of Crediton or Truro on the 27th

May 16, 2024

any munches in vancouver bc

May 16, 2024

6 hours ago, Diaperboy13yrs said:

any munches in vancouver bc
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Hey Diaperboy,
We're chatting about UK Munches in this comment, just thought you should know.
I'd suggest joining Fetlife, not just Fet, if you're looking for more Area Specific Events/Munches.
Hope this helps.

With All Honour,
Woody,
GentDom/Sadist