But, it is your version of submission?

[CopperKnob]

Is it?
.
Or, re you acting out someone else’s definition of submission because you read what submission is in romance novel?
.
Are you imitating someone else's version of submission because it's what they want?
.
Are you kneeling because that’s what other people do? Or, does it mean something to you?
.
Why do you want that collar? What purpose does it serve? What meaning does it have for you?
.
What does that honorific mean? Why was it chosen, is it just something that they've used before? Are you comfortable with it?
.
Are you as happy to do those 'tasks' as it makes the person giving them to you?
.
It’s okay to be meek, subservient, and follow along if that’s what moves you.
My question is, does it?
.
Are you too frightened to live out your own version of D/s in case you lose the person you love?
.
Are you too scared of setting and upholding your boundaries in case you miss out on 'the one'?
.
Is this a version of submission that is meeting your desires and needs?
Or, are you living up to someone else’s expectations because you think that’s what you have to do to call yourself a sub?
.
If it’s the latter, this will not end well for you. Believe me. I’ve been there. I think most of us have when its new to us. Coerced D/s requires you to give up more than just your body. You end up giving up your identity as well. How do you think that that plays out when the relationship ends? Because it will.
.
Does your submission feel oppressive?
Or, do you feel free?
.
Are you unapologetically you?
Or, are you simply central to someone else’s desires?
.
Have you agreed to all elements of your relationship? Or, is it more of a dictatorship?
.
Are your needs, wants and desires being met? Or, are the needs, wants and desires of the other person more important?
.
Do you see someone you no longer recognise when looking in the mirror? If so, it's not your version of submission.

[in****]

Absolutely phenomenally said bravo ans Thank you

[DeviantInside]

This isn’t meant to be confrontational because I actually agree that we should try to be as aware as possible in all aspects of our lives but there is no possible way we could ever know every possible “input” into the decisions we make. However, we should always question, both ourselves and others, so I think I still agree… wait… that may be my parents speaking.

[do****]

Well written 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[TheBookCollector]

This is also true of Dominants too often people fail to be theirselves instead becoming some pastiche of what they think a dominant is in order to capture a submissive.

[CopperKnob]

  7 hours ago, DeviantInside said:

This isn’t meant to be confrontational because I actually agree that we should try to be as aware as possible in all aspects of our lives but there is no possible way we could ever know every possible “input” into the decisions we make. However, we should always question, both ourselves and others, so I think I still agree… wait… that may be my parents speaking.

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🤣
Absolutely, I agree.
Though, I see many posts here by those that either romanticise D/s or people who've gone along with whatever has been said to them in messages (specifically) without any thought before feelings are hurt and often simply due to naivety.
We all need to think before we act or deal with the consequences.

[CopperKnob]

  2 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

This is also true of Dominants too often people fail to be theirselves instead becoming some pastiche of what they think a dominant is in order to capture a submissive.

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So many times I've said, Doms should be posting here too, not just about their woes or desires, but offering guidance
It's telling that the most 'popular' threads of late aren't really kink related but simply about sex.

[Ar****]

  1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

It's telling that the most 'popular' threads of late aren't really kink related but simply about sex.

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^^ this ^^

[TheBookCollector]

  4 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

So many times I've said, Doms should be posting here too, not just about their woes or desires, but offering guidance
It's telling that the most 'popular' threads of late aren't really kink related but simply about sex.

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I agree there should be more males posting and not just about kinks amd fetishes but about how people can check someone is safe, how to spot red flags, basic first meeting etiquette etc.

[CopperKnob]

  Wednesday at 08:39 AM, Aranhis said:

^^ this ^^

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Not only that they're now being used as a means to slide into people's DM's 🤣

[TheAntlerKing]

Definitely TPE. I've never found anything that's come close. Yet!

[Puppy6411]

  On 2/19/2024 at 9:17 PM, CopperKnob said:

It’s okay to be meek, subservient, and follow along if that’s what moves you.
My question is, does it?

Expand  

 

  On 2/19/2024 at 9:17 PM, CopperKnob said:

Is this a version of submission that is meeting your desires and needs?
Or, are you living up to someone else’s expectations because you think that’s what you have to do to call yourself a sub?

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[I think this applies to both sides of the /]

  On 2/19/2024 at 9:17 PM, CopperKnob said:

Does your submission feel oppressive?
Or, do you feel free?
.
Are you unapologetically you?
Or, are you simply central to someone else’s desires?

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These are the big questions for any relationship, and life in general.

Are you ***ting-by-numbers, or experiencing the joy of ***ting - Bob Ross style

We all need a space where we feel nurtured, cared for and able to grow into our best version of ourselves - and not have to worry, or make justifications to anyone who cares about us, for our actions. 

[CopperKnob]

  Yesterday at 11:49 AM, Puppy6411 said:

These are the big questions for any relationship, and life in general.

Are you ***ting-by-numbers, or experiencing the joy of ***ting - Bob Ross style

We all need a space where we feel nurtured, cared for and able to grow into our best version of ourselves - and not have to worry, or make justifications to anyone who cares about us, for our actions. 

Expand  

I like the ***t by numbers metaphor. Sometimes life can feel that way, ticking off achievements that society/cultural norms says you should.

[Th****]

  On 2/21/2024 at 6:51 AM, TheBookCollector said:

I agree there should be more males posting and not just about kinks amd fetishes but about how people can check someone is safe, how to spot red flags, basic first meeting etiquette etc.

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 Those are good topic recommendations, however she said Doms not men. Not all Dominants are men 

[TheBookCollector]

  5 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

 Those are good topic recommendations, however she said Doms not men. Not all Dominants are men 

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Very true, i phrased my response incorrectly however, statistically speaking the majority of dominants are men.

[An****]

As someone new to this lifestyle, I find what you discuss interesting. I can see how a sub who is not confident in who they are, could easily be lost. As someone who generally is confident, I still find that I rely on my Dom to be sure I am true to myself. 

[CopperKnob]

  19 hours ago, Anne4fun said:

As someone new to this lifestyle, I find what you discuss interesting. I can see how a sub who is not confident in who they are, could easily be lost. As someone who generally is confident, I still find that I rely on my Dom to be sure I am true to myself. 

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I think that all of us can fall foul of it, it's easy to become someone that others see, believe, or want us to be. We all need to take a breath sometimes and think about who we are, what we need and what we want.

[Deleted Member]

you acting out someone else’s definition of submission because you read what submission is in romance novel?
 

- Everyone has their own opinion, feelings, and perspective when it comes to submission. I’ve never read any romance novels or novels that had submission in it. I’m acting on my feelings an not anyone else’s definition.

Are you imitating someone else's version of submission because it's what they want? 
 

- Yes if the Dom has certain expectations on how his submissive is to behave or dress is certain settings or situations. Certain rules, protocols, and rituals are set in place for that purpose. How I behave is a reflection on the Dom, if I look back it makes the Dom look bad. 
 

Are you kneeling because that’s what other people do? Or, does it mean something to you?

 

- I kneel because the Dom commands me to, it’s a sign of respect, it’s a sign of submission for me at least. 
 

Why do you want that collar? What purpose does it serve? What meaning does it have for you?

- It symbolizes being owned, it’s symbolizes my commitment to my Dom. It’s just like being married an wearing a wedding ring. 

Are you as happy to do those 'tasks' as it makes the person giving them to you?

- I am happy doing any task given to me. Acts of service is one of my love languages. If my Dom gets busy and will be away from me for a certain amount of time. I want tasks that will help to better myself and stand on my own two feet when he’s not around. So that I’m not totally reliant on the Dominant. It shows my obedience even when the Dominant is absent.

It’s okay to be meek, subservient, and follow along if that’s what moves you.
My question is, does it?

- For me I accept my role as the weaker sex. I trust my Dom will keep me safe, to lead me and guide me, an make the right choices for me. I don’t go along with what moves me, my first responsibility is making sure I’m safe. If I don’t feel safe I can say no that’s why boundaries are discussed before hand. Being subservient for me is including in the deal. It’s ok to be meek and subservient it’s ok if you want to be a mouthy brat. Being a brat isn’t something I like doing on purpose but everyone likes what they like. If I’m submitting I’m giving up my control I’m giving up my voice to the Dominant. 
 

Are you too frightened to live out your own version of D/s in case you lose the person you love?

- Im too scared to live out my version is D/s because a lot of inexperienced Doms out there. Trusting the wrong person to push my boundaries, and don’t have my best interests at heart.

Does your submission feel oppressive? 
Or, do you feel free?

- Submission has never felt oppressive in the right hands it’s freeing.

Are you unapologetically you? 
Or, are you simply central to someone else’s desires?

- I am unapologetically my authentic self, I stand by with what feels right and wrong to me. An because of i become central to someone else’s desires.

Are your needs, wants and desires being met? Or, are the needs, wants and desires of the other person more important?
 

- I’m not in a technically in a D/s relationship, but yes my wants and needs get met. I’m a pleaser an I will put aside my wants aside to make sure he is pleased. Making sure his needs and wants are met pleases me that I my only concern. I earn being called a “good girl”. I do as I’m told with no hesitation , no back talk because that’s my job. In return he gives me what I want and need without making a big announcement. He knows what I want and what I need, because every day I’m teaching how to love me. He don’t ever have to use those words because his actions show it. He is worthy and deserving of my loyalty and submission, an Id follow him blindly.