Lying about your kinks?

[Bo****]

Yes they Said WE have absolutely the Same kinks and when we where about to meet they Said OK but i dont Like (90% ) of that . They nearly Not int BDSM at all

[Ny****]

10 hours ago, gemini_man said:

I think more context is needed here - there could be various reasons someone might do.
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For example it's not unheard of to try and fit themselves to profiles of those they are trying to meet, and will then backtrack if they successfully get that meet.
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Or conversely someone might have something on their profile they will do with the right person but not all people - some seeing their profile may think that's a checklist to be done and the profile owner may say it's not for them (with that person).
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In the first instance it's definitely lying but in the second the "lie" is the perception of the person that assumed a checklist.

I don’t understand why you need more information. If somebody tells you they’re into something and then turns around and tells you they’re not into that how is that a misunderstanding? If I tell you I like apples and then we go out on a date and I tell you I hate apples. This is the exact same thing. If somebody tells you that they are into a specific activity, but then later tells you that they are not into that specific activity they lied. It is one thing to say I want to try ____ or I think I’m interested in ____ but it’s another thing to say I enjoy _____. I’ve had a Dom who said he was into primal and liked brats and a whole bunch of other things all of which are listed in great detail on my profile, but then when it came down to it, he didn’t like any of it at all he just wanted somebody he could control And then told me that I couldn’t like any of my kinks. I’ve also had submissive brats tell me that they are Doms and then try to brat me into dominating them because I do have a more dominant personality than other people… The original poster is just asking if other people have had experiences like this and if they have what they did.

[Hy****]

Men do this a lot for access, especially sub men. We dunk on them for being dishonest for pussy, but prospects for sub me are pretty dismal, and people tend to het manipulative to get their needs met.

Navigating kink is a messy process, and even the best of us will commit to something not realizing we’re putting in a surrogate for a needs we don’t even know needs addressing, or go along with something bad for is because the surrounding interactions is what we need.

They might have been lying about it, but they also may just not know any better. Worry more about your needs and see if there’s common ground anymore.

[Th****]

6 hours ago, petitefitgirl said:

No because any dishonesty is grounds for the dynamic to end. I spend many many months vetting for a dynamic. All of these things are discussed at length. Any inconsistencies during the vetting process means i stop and end the vetting process. I absolutely do not put up with dishonesty in a dynamic. However, if you aren't taking an efficient amount of time to vet them properly and you jump right in too quickly, then you will end up with deception, dishonesty and above all disappointment.

💯👏👏👏

[Jo****]

I had someone lie about being into multiples because she didn't think I'd be with her otherwise. 12 years later it was easily my worst mistake.

[Si****]

Are you sure it wasn't a misunderstanding? Sometimes people have different kinks with different people but are too inexperienced to realize it at first. Sometimes people lose kinks. Sometimes a kink might mean one thing to one person but different to another. Something as basic as being a masochist can mean very very different things to two different people ie how big of a masochist are they. Communication before during and after are really critical.

[Ha****]

Back when I was in a relationship, I asked my gf of the time if she would be happy in being the dominant one as I’m a sub. She initially said yes she would as she loves to be in control then later on she started to call me weird and said that she hates the idea. It was a big moment for me as if not experienced someone putting me down in such a way. So we changed the dynamic and stopped it completely then later on we broke up. But it’s sort of your own personal way of dealing with it and what you seem to be right in the situation.

[ge****]

6 hours ago, NyahAngelBaby said:

I don’t understand why you need more information. If somebody tells you they’re into something and then turns around and tells you they’re not into that how is that a misunderstanding? If I tell you I like apples and then we go out on a date and I tell you I hate apples. This is the exact same thing. If somebody tells you that they are into a specific activity, but then later tells you that they are not into that specific activity they lied. It is one thing to say I want to try ____ or I think I’m interested in ____ but it’s another thing to say I enjoy _____. I’ve had a Dom who said he was into primal and liked brats and a whole bunch of other things all of which are listed in great detail on my profile, but then when it came down to it, he didn’t like any of it at all he just wanted somebody he could control And then told me that I couldn’t like any of my kinks. I’ve also had submissive brats tell me that they are Doms and then try to brat me into dominating them because I do have a more dominant personality than other people… The original poster is just asking if other people have had experiences like this and if they have what they did.

I gave two very specific examples to show why more context was needed - one of which was definitely lying, the other which was not necessarily so - whilst in some cases it is as black and white as you suggest, in others it's a little more grey....

[Deleted Member]

I could see if someone THINKS they like something to just not in the end of decide not. Otherwise just be honest. Makes no sense to lie.

[my****]

Yesterday at 06:04 AM, edz21 said:

Idk never really happened and often they're not really lying they just constantly change their mind cos most of the time people think they're into said kinks cos of how it sounds or is described but when they experience it it doesn't seem right and so they move on and the cycle repeats , sorts like people doing uni subjects sounds great on the outside but actually doing it or how it's done just isn't right for that person

Very accurate 👌

[Ny****]

8 hours ago, gemini_man said:

I gave two very specific examples to show why more context was needed - one of which was definitely lying, the other which was not necessarily so - whilst in some cases it is as black and white as you suggest, in others it's a little more grey....

They are not asking for advice on a specific situation they are asking if anyone has experienced someone lying about their kinks…

[Deleted Member]

I experienced this. Wasted over a year on a fake little. Talked a good game, but in the end was just an age regressor.

[se****]

You need to leave and avoid that person that’s someone who’s setting you up and purposely putting you in position where they could flip it easily and you’d be in a f**ked place due to the trouble that’d cause they’re playing with your freedom at that point and someone like that will get you in other ways as well kinks aren’t something to lie about and someone who lies about that had no good intentions to begin with

[Deleted Member]

Yes guy lied about giving oral. He would not do it and I dumped him.

[ol****]

Gosh this has provoked a lot of opinion.

People lie all of the time for all sorts of reasons.

The reson people might lie here is to try to get close to somebody that they find attractive.

...and yes that might mean men do it more as men are far more visual creatures. Women are far more analytical in their approach.

[Deleted Member]

The point is that no one should be lying to obtain a partner or sex. Can’t build trust on lies.

[Et****]

I do it all the time. I lure them in my dungeon for "Netflix and chill" and instead I lock the door and *** them to play Fallguys co-op in fluffy pajamas.

[Ms****]

IMO Not enough people are aware of who they are. Nor do they have the communication skills to properly adhere to the commonalities and norms that come with this life. Embarrassed to say they saw something and don't know if they like it or not, but they felt things. Everyone is a pro. Too much ego. Not enough honest self reflection.

[Jo****]

Lying isn't the same as just poorly communicating. When someone lies about who they are, including Lying about kinks, they're not giving you their authentic self. It's an act of ***, but by itself doesn't constitute ***

[de****]

The closest I came was withhold my kinks from my s.o. because I didn’t know how they would react. So it stayed hidden for a while.

[Sh****]

Some people, it might not necessarily be ego, but a stigma, they associate with particular kinks for any number of reasons. Hey Sandpoint, it has taken me years to admit, I have a submissive side, let alone want to start exploring it because I was raised in the stereotypical. “ Real men act like…” type mentality.

[ir****]

Agreed

[De****]

Two spring to mind for me, one of them was just comedy gold (I'm stil friends with her 15 years on), but the other was scary.

The funny one was someone who claimed she was a "a cum pm guzzler" and loved seeing it on her tits, but she reacted like i had emptied a festival porta loo over her when I cum on her.


The other meet wasn't so funny. We had been chatting for 3 weeks & been on two dates tbefore a play date was organised. The second entry claimed she loved wearing riding jodhpurs & being put over my knee and spanked with a variety of things. I pulled her jodhpurs down and spanked her once with my hands which resulted in her crying hysterically and calling the police saying she been attacked

[Ro****]

Sometimes people like the idea of something , romaticsizing it. Then faced with reality, they realize they like something else entirely. It happens but communication and checking in with them to ensure they are good is something the better ones do. Learn to read someone in the process and feel free to work up to something that has potential to cause issues if you are unsure.

[St****]

It happens often with inesperienced people who fantasize about a link but then realize it's not their cup of tea.