Am I at fault here? (Advice needed)

[Je****]

11 hours ago, YourLovingDaddy said:

keep finding myself in these situations because the only girls who text me back seem to be ones like this -_-

So just because they're the only one who messages you back, you go for it anyway, commit to a dynamic within days or weeks and claim to love them? 

If someone texts you back doesn't mean go for it  clearly the ones keen to message back in your case, follow some sort of "crazy" behaviour habits and you still seek to commit 🤦‍♀️

[lolli-leigh]

Yesterday at 10:22 AM, Jeneral_Whore said:

No no no no no. 

Run. 

 

This is not ok. 

No matter what you do or say she's picking a fight being aggressive and making you doubt yourself. Calling you selfish, for using an example of when she was last shouting at you, to explain how you feel to be attacked for it.

No. You have every right to explain your actions, freezing, when she did a thing that you didn't know how to respond. 

 

Her behaviour is not ok. I'd be running fast. 

 

And I don't agree with comments saying or asking for her permission... to put her responses. 

This is a safe place and this man has asked for advice and gave context to why he's needed it. It's his right and if I felt this way due to the behaviour described like hell would I ask permission to see if this is normal for a dynamic. 

Yeh he'd get yelled at and another argument. Which means he will no longer feel he can't reach for help or advice?

Nah. If this was a womans post people be telling her this is abusive and to get out. 

 

 

You need to weigh up if the dynamic and her reactions/behaviour is what you want and can manage. 

If you're having to change yourself, watch what you say and *** her not being happy with your communication,  or Yelling constantly, walking on eggshells etc,  then think it's best you run.

I would be. 

was gonna reply but Jen said it perfectly

[Charms]

2 weeks and she's like this already.

 

If it was awoken asking these questions wed tell her to run.

 

Please just run. You are worth so much more

 

 

[Hy****]

This sounds like borderline or another personality disorder. I’m not going to tell you to run, but she probably needs a therapist, if not, a psychiatrist. If she’s unwilling to do that, you should bail.

[Hy****]

I need to reiterate, borderline usually evens out after a few years, but it’s very tumultuous up until that point. She needs to be putting effort in to self regulate. If she is not doing that, then you are enabling her.

[Cu****]

March 15, TheRigger said:

Seems you have a needy one there and you not going to meet her expectations. Would recommend reading the book "Why men don't listen and woman cat read maps 

Totally disagree with this.

As a woman who has spent the last 15 years with a narcissist, don’t judge me, it seems to be all about her. As a sub, yes, your Dom should be looking out for you and your well being, with that being said, your Dom can not read your mind. I am similar to you in that sometimes my response is a heart or an emoji and there is nothing wrong with that. If you are not asking me a question, I may not have a response to something you said.
As stated from others, if this is only 2 weeks in, you should be learning about each other and how you communicate not breaking each other down for the way you communicate. She has no right to yell at you and should be having a civilized discussion with you.

If it was me, I would bring it up to my Dom that I appreciated the heart but that I need more of a response. I would then explain what I am looking for from them. If they feel like they can’t, then maybe we aren’t suited for each other.

Lastly, she should be getting to know you and understand you also and what you need. To me, a D/s relationship goes both ways. Not only should my Dom take care of me but I should also be taking care of him too. Doms are not robots and when it comes to dating, there is the vanilla aspect thrown in. It sounds to me that you guys are not at all compatible. You should NEVER change who you are for someone because you will resent them and yourself down the road. Also, verbal *** is still *** and you do not have to put up with it.

It may seem like you are never going to find someone but there is someone out there for you and they will also take your feelings and communication to heart and appreciate you!

[Charms]

On 3/24/2024 at 7:00 AM, Cuntrygrl_78 said:

Totally disagree with this.

As a woman who has spent the last 15 years with a narcissist, don’t judge me, it seems to be all about her. As a sub, yes, your Dom should be looking out for you and your well being, with that being said, your Dom can not read your mind. I am similar to you in that sometimes my response is a heart or an emoji and there is nothing wrong with that. If you are not asking me a question, I may not have a response to something you said.
As stated from others, if this is only 2 weeks in, you should be learning about each other and how you communicate not breaking each other down for the way you communicate. She has no right to yell at you and should be having a civilized discussion with you.

If it was me, I would bring it up to my Dom that I appreciated the heart but that I need more of a response. I would then explain what I am looking for from them. If they feel like they can’t, then maybe we aren’t suited for each other.

Lastly, she should be getting to know you and understand you also and what you need. To me, a D/s relationship goes both ways. Not only should my Dom take care of me but I should also be taking care of him too. Doms are not robots and when it comes to dating, there is the vanilla aspect thrown in. It sounds to me that you guys are not at all compatible. You should NEVER change who you are for someone because you will resent them and yourself down the road. Also, verbal *** is still *** and you do not have to put up with it.

It may seem like you are never going to find someone but there is someone out there for you and they will also take your feelings and communication to heart and appreciate you!

I was married to  narcaasist . and im not at all like her. She is being way to clingy after 2 weeks. She's trying control him . she gets angry at the slightest thing

[Charms]

On 3/15/2024 at 5:33 AM, YourLovingDaddy said:

Scenario: my little and girlfriend loses her temper with me constantly. Multiple times now, daily. Yelling and screaming on the phone. I'd like to see some outside perspectives to honestly see if these are my fault as a Daddy or not, or if I just have a sub with anger issues? I'll be as honest and verbatim as memory allows me, please be fully and completely honest with me as well.

Example:
She tags me on Facebook. It's a song, I react to it and comment that "I love it baby!" and she replies that I'm handsome, to which I heart react the comment ❤
She gets upset about that over text. She texts me saying why didn't I reply back, and I said "to me, heart reacts are a reply and an acknowledgement of love. I've always done that for years on every social media."
She was not happy about that and got what I perceived to be angry over text, saying "I would really appreciate it if you took the time to appreciate my gestures of affection for you."
Wait what? Did I not? I did in my own way and I explained it right? Am I in the wrong on that one?

Example 2:
Something bad happened to me in my normal life. She comforted me, and when she said I'm always here for you" I texted "thank you." She said wow, to which I said what's wrong baby?
She said to me something along the lines of "Really? You're just going to say thank you? That's it?"
I keep saying I appreciate you but she said I didn't fully return the effort she gave to me and got really upset for a while. She seems to have this expectation of a perfectly mirrored love language. She is extremely verbal, I'm more action and affectionate based. She gets really REALLY mad when she gives well said verbal gestures to me and I return them in my own words and authentic ways. Usually a thank you baby 🥰 kind of text. I've been having to fully write out sentences that repeat what she said because this keeps happening... I figured that's what she needs so if I'm not used to it, I would adapt and do it anyways for my baby's sake.

Example 3:
On the phone, I'm doing the usual and much beloved by us both, Daddy and little talk. She loves and is comforted by me praising her, and I love it too. I really like doing this and I want to do it forevers 💞
Things take an ugly turn when during our conversation we go into sensitivity and I explain yeah, your daddy is an HSP, highly sensitive person, and I start to give some examples of how it works.
Now this is where I made a mistake.
I used one of our fights as the example(ouch, idiot me).
I said that's why those few times you were yelling at me over the phone and were very angry at what I did, that's why Daddy froze up for a few moments before I replied. It can be a lot to process and my high sensitivity from the intense emptions can kick in strong for a moment or two.
Well, this is where she says "wow, so you decide to use that and make that all about you huh? You take something that YOU did, causing me to react that way, and you now tell me the reaction from me that you caused paralyzes you? Tell me how that makes sense. You are so incredibly selfish, wow." (Almost exactly like that, that's not perfectly verbatim)
I'll admit and be honest, that was a shitty example to use. Which I said yeah, that was a bad example and I apologized on the phone. However, that reply from her felt very condescending and toxic, and its concerning me a lot... Is that how littles talk when Daddy's fail them or make mistakes? What do I make of that in this relationship?

These are some small examples of small and big fights that started with my little sub, and I'm very confused and frankly annoyed at how often they keep happening. Some of these which I won't share here that were 100% honestly my fault, like miscommunications, led to her completely and utterly losing it on me over the phone or text for long ammounts of time as I tried to damage control and actually had to stop everything I was doing to help mediate the situation.

I just need to ask, for all who are here, what are your thoughts on this? Am I at fault on these? I know I'm an asshole, so I'd like outside perspectives to really figure out why this keeps happening.


Most of our time together over the phone is spent romancing, fantasizing, Little playing, and the likes but every now and then, out of left field, I misspeak and my baby tone shifts on me and completely loses her temper on me.

Is this my fault? Where did me as a newer Daddy Dom screw up in these scenarios? Please be fully honest, thank you.

Im more verbale and will often send my master videos and memes or songs tell him how im feeling ect and he will give short answers or i love you . just like your answers to your little are.

 

He's very quite my total opposite. But even his small replies means he cares about me and loves me and i never get angry with him.

 

I will often tell him how hot i find him when im with him.  Witch to me he his. But master hardly ever tells me he thinks im hot. Alhough i know he does think i am. I also know how much he loves am cares for me. But what master and indo we will have at least half hour cuddles on the bed no matter if were at his or mine. Or if were in his living room i will get my full blanket and put my head on his lap and he will hold my hand as we watch tv.

 

Your little doesnt understand that you are not as vocal or give long replies likevshe does to you and she doesn't like it.

 

Yours and her still if communication is totally different. She needs to learn that.you already have

 

 

[BadJokesNRopes]

Reading everything i think you have plenty of good advise already so i'll keep it short. 

At first reading i thought maybe something had happened in her life  and this was new after a while in a relationship. Then reading this is a 2 week old relationship is a big problem. 

I dont really think youre at fault in the examples you mentioned. 

Lastly 2 weeks is pretty short to get to the "love" stage. 

I dont want to put a lot of "i'd do this" in here but in this case i'd leave. Id like to think i deserve better. And i think you do as well. 

I hope you found useful replies from the community here and wish you the best, friend. 

[Chloebear]

Honestly… after 2 weeks I would just ditch it….

 

I do also note though that you use a forum post as a way of communicating and suggesting couples’ therapy. Could you have this conversation with her directly? It seems to me that, ideally, that’s a conversation for you two, not a communication via a forum?

 

Although back to the first point, if you need couples’ therapy after 2 weeks, it’s probably not going to work. You may just be two people that set each other off the wrong way… it happens.

[cautiousswitch]

For examples 1 and 2 I think it's more different internet styles.  As an introvert, I think a heart response or "thank you" is all that needs to be said in some situations.  Other people want more expression.  Then there's the whole idea that just because you have the ability to respond doesn't mean that a conversation has to run on forever.  Other people don't see it that way.  It's rude to not respond or to not spill your heart out when expressing gratitude.

"Fault" is either both or neither of you.  You haven't discussed and/or accepted each other's different communication styles.  There's room for improvement or compromise from both of you.

Example 3 is harder to judge with the information given.  Comparing it to the first two examples, she may be upset that you are saying that you are highly sensitive, but not considering her sensibilities when you reply with a heart instead of typing out your appreciation.  Again, it's more that neither of you understands the other's communication style than one of you being at fault.

[VoodooQueen_]

March 15, Jeneral_Whore said:

No no no no no. 

Run. 

 

This is not ok. 

No matter what you do or say she's picking a fight being aggressive and making you doubt yourself. Calling you selfish, for using an example of when she was last shouting at you, to explain how you feel to be attacked for it.

No. You have every right to explain your actions, freezing, when she did a thing that you didn't know how to respond. 

 

Her behaviour is not ok. I'd be running fast. 

 

And I don't agree with comments saying or asking for her permission... to put her responses. 

This is a safe place and this man has asked for advice and gave context to why he's needed it. It's his right and if I felt this way due to the behaviour described like hell would I ask permission to see if this is normal for a dynamic. 

Yeh he'd get yelled at and another argument. Which means he will no longer feel he can't reach for help or advice?

Nah. If this was a womans post people be telling her this is abusive and to get out. 

 

 

You need to weigh up if the dynamic and her reactions/behaviour is what you want and can manage. 

If you're having to change yourself, watch what you say and *** her not being happy with your communication,  or Yelling constantly, walking on eggshells etc,  then think it's best you run.

I would be. 

I'd run like the wind if someone kept yelling at me. If you've got an issue, communicate it calmly. Don't start telling and screaming. Passive aggression and silent treatment are just as bad.

[VoodooQueen_]

*yelling