Safety tips for newbies

[Grit]

I am totally inexperienced both in BDSM lifestyle, and meeting people online generally.
Through a similar site to this, I have met a dominant woman who is absolutely stunning, and who shares similar fetishes to me.
The trouble is, it seems to good to be true. If her photos are to genuine, she could get 99% of men to do 100% of what she wants, anytime.
She says she wants nothing in return, financial or otherwise.
As a newbie sub, I realise I could be putting myself in a very *** position if I don't approach with some caution.
So, answers please.
Am I just being paranoid, or should alarm bells be ringing?
What steps can I take to protect myself and my privacy?
Any other general advice about meeting online contacts 'in the flesh'?
Thank you

 

[mo****]

to begin, for a 1st meet you should always arrange to meet in a public place and as an added precaution I make my own way there and back. dont give out too many personal details straight away, use kik or some other messenger where you dont need to share phone numbers. as for alarm bells, yeah a lot of times things are too good to be true - thats where skype, etc can help. its something I dont use for play but am happy to have a quick cam chat to see the person your talking to matches the pics they use.

[Grit]

Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate that I will need to take risks at some point, and indeed that is part of the enjoyment, but I want to approach all scenarios with my eyes wide open...

[Robustlove]

Moi03xxx has given you some great tips around your first meeting with any new acquaintance that you’ve met online, whether this is a D/s situation and BDSM or kink driven or not. How long have you and your new Mistress been in touch for? In my experience Mistresses are usually far more cautious than male Dom’s and Masters when it comes to meeting up for the first time and as such they will understand your nervousness and hesitation. The general rule in the BDSM world is that any Dom of any sex takes time to get to know their potential new subs before meeting them and builds up trust by taking their time to be open, honest and most importantly understanding the needs of their sub. If your hesitant at all about meeting up so soon, then be open and honest and discuss your ***s with her and if she is any kind of Dom she will reassure you and help you to overcome them.  

[Grit]

I received another message, with a d/s contract attached. This seemed fairly sensible as it set out guidelines etc.

However, the £400 retainer ( although apparently refundable) made my mind up to walk away swiftly. Whether genuine or not, I do not have £400 down the back of my sofa...

 

[Robustlove]

Oh wow Grit, it sound's like a bit of a honey trap you were being set up into there and your definitely best walking away from all that. It's people like that who give the genuine folks in the kink community a bad name. I have nothing against Findom's, but that kinda thing has to be agreed upfront and explicit limits and boundaries set before any financial demands are made. Unfortunately I think there are a few scammers who use this site (and many others) like that, and it's a shame that they often put people off or waste peoples time and effort.

 

I can tell you that there are plenty of genuine Dom Mistresses on the site and it's just a case of finding one one who can take you under her wing and take care of you. Juts keep looking and I have no doubt you'll find someone ideal for you.

[mo****]

£400 retainer - nope, not a chance.  you haven't even met yet to see if she 'real' never mind trustworthy!

i've only ever had one contract and it was only after we knew each other for a few months and had established a connection.  even then it was a work I progress for a few weeks till we worked out what suited us both.  

[Grit]

Thanks.

Good to know my bullshit detector is more powerful than my cloak of gullibility