new Dom, facing unexpected issues

[GspotGuru]

OP, being a DOM has many demands as a result of being in control, responsible for planning play, accountable for respecting consent and hard limits, being firm in discipline and sensitive in aftercare,  beyond bringing Dominant energy with mental and physical pleasurable results , to name a few of the most common expectations. First off, starting out without a plan, is basically a plan to fail, and I mean fail in one of the many categories above and more. For new relationships and or this new to BDSM and D/s dynamics, my lessons learned from over 3 decades of DOM experience is that communication and identification of the primary elements of D/s , is essential for mutual satisfaction. I recommend newb DOMs and subs to develop and negotiate a D/s contract that details the rules and roles for both DOM and sub,  identification of safe words, and signals if gagged , hard limits, as well as disclosure of any health issues , and to your need the pleasure expectations and a list of sexual and sensual acts for both DOM and sub . In addition to a D/s contract ( many are available in template on line via search ) , I have always and recommend during after care to review the play and the likes, any challenges and identify how the play could be improved thet includes sub pleasing the DOM, as well as the sub’s expression satisfaction of the sexual and mental Domination, so again there is communication as the key to DOM success and sub growth . D/s is a complex and dynamic power exchange that requires multi tasking during play , so u must plan and lead actions that please you, otherwise you are not really in total control of the scene. It takes confidence and knowing many techniques to be able to physically and mentally Dominate wether you are a pleasure DOM, affectionate DOM or traditional DOM, and this ability only comes from experience, so take control of your play and plan it to make sure your needs are met every skin to skin connection. True submissives want to please their DOM and yearn to be told just what to do to please you, and get deep pleasure from knowing they satisfied you. Use this passion to find your pleasure. Enjoy! 

[John54]

ampd - I recommend you both read 'Decoding your kink' by Galen Fous. He refers in some depth to people discovering kink aspects of themselves while combating the tendency society has to make something perverse or dirty out of it.

[Deleted Member]

  14 minutes ago, John54 said:

ampd - I recommend you both read 'Decoding your kink' by Galen Fous. He refers in some depth to people discovering kink aspects of themselves while combating the tendency society has to make something perverse or dirty out of it.

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Thank you for your recommendation!

[Deleted Member]

Your needs are not being met you need to communicate this with her. It's wonderful you're meeting hers but you need to make sure yours are being met or it becomes one sided and then well it's not a dynamic worth keeping with the wrong person