Gi**** Posted March 24 Posted March 24 Hi guys, new here and this thread/discussion is helpful for me. I think in my profit I’m going to occasionally update. So far I have asked that people be respectful and kind. And so hopefully that helps a bit. And then I do agree that being direct is probably the best approach. We don’t owe anyone anything, including information about ourselves that we aren’t ready to share. I also want to get to people and be friendly, so I need to find my comfort zone, balance.
Sa**** Posted March 24 Posted March 24 Your profile says you're looking for NSA and cyber. For those things, there's no reason to share personal info at all and, if asked, treat it as you would the same sort of questions in a vanilla context. Your profile also mentions kinky dates and BDSM lovers. If it's something you'd share or discuss on a vanilla date or with a vanilla lover, why would kink make any difference? Being kinky doesn't change the norms of social interaction so much as add to them. We still expect each other to be courteous and respectful in social situations and, unless being otherwise is part of the scene, when we play. We're kinky people, but that doesn't make us any less people. It means that we discuss frankly things that most vanilla people don't, but outside of that, the best guideline is to treat kinky people the same as anyone else.
Wh**** Posted March 24 Posted March 24 22 hours ago, ThaliaV said: If it's simply information I either don't want to share or am not ready to share vs an actual inappropriate question I'll simply say so. Generic example... Them: "Do you have siblings, of so how many?" Me: "That's not something I want to share or discuss (yet)." I don't get weird or slow to respond, I'm direct. I generally tell people of they say something I don't like or ask something that I don't want to share I'll simply say so. Depending on circumstances if someone asks or says something that *is* inappropriate, I'll often inform them of that too. 100% agree there. I always say that people can ask me anything and I mean it. We are all adults here and IF someone really asks something I don‘t feel vomfortable with, I will just tell them that I will talk about that later but never hold it against them. Questions about me are never something that is a deambreaker simply from asking and I feel peopel in BDSM and elsewhere would be much more open if that *** of just asking the wrong thing and being ghosted online or rejected instantly over it irl were not a thing.
Lo**** Posted March 25 Posted March 25 They probably want to know you better. The connection matters and it’s difficult to form a connection if you only talk bdsm or sexual stuff. That’s just me
Princess2250 Posted March 25 Posted March 25 I tell everyone up front especially when it comes to my mental health. I'm very open minded, trustworthy,and honest
Deleted Member Posted March 25 Posted March 25 It’s all about communication and consent. Though, I generally find that kink is built on trust. If people feel like you’re only there for one thing, it’s hard to learn to trust somebody when they don’t give you anything to work with. Though, everybody should move things their comfort level. I personally need to get to know somebody before I ever even think about doing anything kinky with them. It’s about safety and building that level of trust. Communication, consent, and comprehension are important.
Ta**** Posted March 26 Posted March 26 Are you talking in person or online? There’s a big difference. I think it’s best to cover basics and then meet n public. If you’re talking in person, that’s where you use that little voice inside of you. It’s usually right. The more you can share, the more you can learn about the other person, so open up as much as you can. If you just can’t then it’s probably not the right person for you. Trust your inner voice. Even if you have a tendency to withhold or withdraw, you get better at it.
ma**** Posted March 26 Posted March 26 I will not play neither enter a D/s dynamic with someone who isn't willing to share their personal details such as their name, address etc. I can't fully trust them without those.
si**** Posted March 29 Posted March 29 I think it's fine to tell people up front. Some people prefer pick up play and others want to get to know someone on a more serious level, and if you want different things it's good to know early
Ta**** Posted March 29 Posted March 29 15 hours ago, PopcanJohn said: I just want sex why is it sooooo taboo LOL! It’s not, it’s not when that’s what both people want, but what’s that got to do with the OP’s post? 😂😂😂 It’s also got nothing to do with BDSM. That’s called a f**k buddy or FWB. Plenty available on Tinder. 😂😂😂
Mi**** Posted March 31 Posted March 31 Communicate , kingsmen👍. This is a big tent. You define yourself, you will alway be able to find compatibility😊
Mi**** Posted March 31 Posted March 31 I think also guys may be a little unsure of going right into a certain level of “ sexpectation “, hey guys look it up a feel like if nobody’s done yet🙄 I coined a term. Being direct well surly get them on the topic of sex.
Jt**** Posted April 2 Posted April 2 Just say what you want to get to, guys will always appreciate a direct woman, or they aren't worth your time
We**** Posted April 3 Posted April 3 Life is too short to beat around the bush, be upfront and honest with what you want and what turns you off.
Deleted Member Posted April 5 Author Posted April 5 As long as you communicate this with them and are upfront about it. When Sir and I where first talking he thought I was stuck up, I have anxiety and am very closed off/hard to get to know and it took him a long time of talking to me here and there before he broke down those barriers and I let him get to know me
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