me**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 Ok, so I’ve heard a lot of stuff from friends and others about a woman “spoiling” their partner and it’s been negative! I LOVE spoiling my partner. Giving a 45-60 min massage with massage oil. I love physical touch and I feel like this is something a woman should want to do for her hard working partner and she shouldn’t be asked to do it she should want to! Now, it doesn’t have to be a massage, it could be back scratches for them, head/hair rubs, showers together and each one wash each other, cook together etc. I feel like so many women in todays age and society EXPECT a man to spoil them but they don’t give anything in return (in the since of affection towards their man). I know men LOVE all of these things. But men won’t ask for them. Same as women expect for men to buy them flowers, plan dates etc but won’t ask for them. Maybe I’m just different but I love surprising my man with different things like a home cooked meal, a nice massage after a hard workout/work day, lots of physical touching, proud of them/encouraging them to continue reaching for their dreams and goals, and doing simple things with them (grocery shopping, watch them play their game on Xbox or ps5, tell them positive things etc). Men need to know they are loved, appreciated and know they are doing a good job protecting you (physically and mentally). What are yalls opinions? Women and men please let me know! 
ge**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 Why the need to genderise it? It comes across as a very 1950s view because you have - and I honestly don't think some of the expectations you have expressed are as widespread as you suggest. . For me doing all those things is great but it should apply equally regardless of gender, and should be what we *ALL* try to do for our partners or whatever. . Likewise the notion of men "protecting" women is very dated - yes I look out for my partners, but do so just the same as they do me, again gender doesn't come into it.
kimutu72 Posted March 28 Posted March 28 If I am in a LRT relationship it works both ways, I was with a guy for about 6months, we would meet a couple times a week one session would be all about him, massages, hot baths meal, drinks, then the next session would be all about me, then the next would be a fun battle of attention which we always ended up in a pile on the floor laughing. If you have that connection with someone wether it be male or female its all about making the other person your king or queen
me**** Posted March 28 Author Posted March 28 27 minutes ago, kimutu72 said: If I am in a LRT relationship it works both ways, I was with a guy for about 6months, we would meet a couple times a week one session would be all about him, massages, hot baths meal, drinks, then the next session would be all about me, then the next would be a fun battle of attention which we always ended up in a pile on the floor laughing. If you have that connection with someone wether it be male or female its all about making the other person your king or queen Yes!!! I love how you stated this!
me**** Posted March 28 Author Posted March 28 1 hour ago, gemini_man said: Why the need to genderise it? It comes across as a very 1950s view because you have - and I honestly don't think some of the expectations you have expressed are as widespread as you suggest. . For me doing all those things is great but it should apply equally regardless of gender, and should be what we *ALL* try to do for our partners or whatever. . Likewise the notion of men "protecting" women is very dated - yes I look out for my partners, but do so just the same as they do me, again gender doesn't come into it. I def didn’t mean it to be gendered like that so I apologize coming across like that. Mostly why I was asking for so about women was because I know so many who do nothing to show any kind of affection to their man/partner. All of my girlfriends (who I personally see in person and have known for many years) have stated they do nothing for their partner but they expect princess treatment for themselves. Mostly I don’t understand how ANYONE who is in a relationship, wouldn’t want to please and show their partner how important they are to them. Sorry for coming across in that wrong view
Ca**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 1 hour ago, gemini_man said: Why the need to genderise it? It comes across as a very 1950s view because you have - and I honestly don't think some of the expectations you have expressed are as widespread as you suggest. . For me doing all those things is great but it should apply equally regardless of gender, and should be what we *ALL* try to do for our partners or whatever. . Likewise the notion of men "protecting" women is very dated - yes I look out for my partners, but do so just the same as they do me, again gender doesn't come into it. How many post on here have been gendered. It’s not that serious to come for OP about THEIR post. You can either comment from your view and your partner or keep moving. OP doesn’t need to apologize to you. Maybe she’s referring to that specific audience. Always someone who feels the need to high jack a post like it always needs to be about them. (Make your own post)
Ca**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 I LOVE pleasing my partner! Especially if I know what they like. Like you mentioned, head rubs back scratches, words of affirmation or encouragement, acts of services etc. I enjoy seeing the smile on their face whether it from something sexual or not. Don’t get me wrong I love the princess treatment but I still find ways to give to my partner. I want my partner to feel secure, enjoyed, satisfied and happy.
MK**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 34 minutes ago, mermaidkat1990 said: I def didn’t mean it to be gendered like that so I apologize coming across like that. Mostly why I was asking for so about women was because I know so many who do nothing to show any kind of affection to their man/partner. All of my girlfriends (who I personally see in person and have known for many years) have stated they do nothing for their partner but they expect princess treatment for themselves. Mostly I don’t understand how ANYONE who is in a relationship, wouldn’t want to please and show their partner how important they are to them. Sorry for coming across in that wrong view No need to apologize. You are simply speaking to what you know, and there is no harm in that.
Th**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 24 minutes ago, CaramelLatte said: How many post on here have been gendered. It’s not that serious to come for OP about THEIR post. You can either comment from your view and your partner or keep moving. OP doesn’t need to apologize to you. Maybe she’s referring to that specific audience. Always someone who feels the need to high jack a post like it always needs to be about them. (Make your own post) There's no need to get so defensive their comment wasn't accusatory in any way but it seems to have brought up some strong feelings for you. The point was that all partners in a relationship should want to care for and about each other.
me**** Posted March 28 Author Posted March 28 Thank you everyone! I’m honestly posting things on here to get opinions. I LOVE positive and negative opinions honestly! A lot of times, someone opinion can either influence or make you think about it in a different stance and I love that! I’m not offended by anyone’s opinions! Everyone has one and please, entertain me so I can use my brain and break down things that I didn’t view in that certain way before!
ge**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 42 minutes ago, CaramelLatte said: How many post on here have been gendered. It’s not that serious to come for OP about THEIR post. You can either comment from your view and your partner or keep moving. OP doesn’t need to apologize to you. Maybe she’s referring to that specific audience. Always someone who feels the need to high jack a post like it always needs to be about them. (Make your own post) I stand by and make no apologies for my post and absolutely it was not about hi-jacking anything - it was an observation based on my read of the OP and nothing more. . It certainly wasn't me "coming for the OP" either or making it about me. . I shall leave it at that to stop this from going further off track but as I said stand by my initial observations.
CopperKnob Posted March 28 Posted March 28 1 hour ago, mermaidkat1990 said: I def didn’t mean it to be gendered like that so I apologize coming across like that. Mostly why I was asking for so about women was because I know so many who do nothing to show any kind of affection to their man/partner. All of my girlfriends (who I personally see in person and have known for many years) have stated they do nothing for their partner but they expect princess treatment for themselves. Mostly I don’t understand how ANYONE who is in a relationship, wouldn’t want to please and show their partner how important they are to them. Sorry for coming across in that wrong view Question, do all of you girlfriends (who state that do nothing for theor partner) work full time jobs, have kids and complete the majority of the household tasks? Because, I would suggest that that's not only doing something for them but, probably the lions share of the work.
Ho**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 53 minutes ago, gemini_man said: I stand by and make no apologies for my post and absolutely it was not about hi-jacking anything - it was an observation based on my read of the OP and nothing more. . It certainly wasn't me "coming for the OP" either or making it about me. . I shall leave it at that to stop this from going further off track but as I said stand by my initial observations. I read the OP the exact same way. Generalisations about attitude and character differing (on average) according to whether someone's male or female, to anything else, surprise me in vanilla society nowadays, let alone here where there's generally so much less stereotyping and more understanding that what we're like needn't correlate with X or Y chromosomes. I have no comment to add, now I think about it... I just thought it must have felt horrible getting shot down for making a very valid point.
Ju**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 54 minutes ago, gemini_man said: I stand by and make no apologies for my post and absolutely it was not about hi-jacking anything - it was an observation based on my read of the OP and nothing more. . It certainly wasn't me "coming for the OP" either or making it about me. . I shall leave it at that to stop this from going further off track but as I said stand by my initial observations. There is such a thing on here as 1950’s household dynamic. And her post was about HER and HER situation. For me, I am into men, so if I were to ask/comment about a need for feeling protected by my male dominant partner that is MY thing. She was posting about HER thing. I don’t think she was projecting anything on to you or anyone else. And yes, anything in any relationship should be reciprocated. Unless both parties consent to it being otherwise.
CopperKnob Posted March 28 Posted March 28 3 minutes ago, Just_Jen said: There is such a thing on here as 1950’s household dynamic. And her post was about HER and HER situation. For me, I am into men, so if I were to ask/comment about a need for feeling protected by my male dominant partner that is MY thing. She was posting about HER thing. I don’t think she was projecting anything on to you or anyone else. And yes, anything in any relationship should be reciprocated. Unless both parties consent to it being otherwise. Correct, it was about her but, it can also be read as rather condescending towards people who choose to show their love towards their partners in other ways.
Ju**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 10 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: Correct, it was about her but, it can also be read as rather condescending towards people who choose to show their love towards their partners in other ways. It isn’t her fault though that people read it that way. I read it as, in addition to, whatever other ways there are in a relationship. And thank you for clarifying your thought on it.
Th**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 8 minutes ago, Just_Jen said: There is such a thing on here as 1950’s household dynamic. And her post was about HER and HER situation. For me, I am into men, so if I were to ask/comment about a need for feeling protected by my male dominant partner that is MY thing. She was posting about HER thing. I don’t think she was projecting anything on to you or anyone else. And yes, anything in any relationship should be reciprocated. Unless both parties consent to it being otherwise. Except if you read the entire thread she also speaks about people in general and her friends. It certainly reads as a commentary on people in general. She said nothing about "in a dynamic..." There are a few people in the comments here who appear to be experiencing some very strong feelings from a civil and valid comment. If anyone spends a reasonable amount of time in the forums you'll see that @gemini_man is one of the most consistently patient and diplomatic commenters on the site. He and the OP have both managed to behave like civil adults so there's no need to get up in arms over it.
Th**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 2 minutes ago, Just_Jen said: It isn’t her fault though that people read it that way. I read it as, in addition to, whatever other ways there are in a relationship. And thank you for clarifying your thought on it. The words we choose to express thoughts and feelings have a direct impact on how people will read them. If people respond in a way that is incongruous with one's intended message all anyone has to do is clarify.
Ju**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 5 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: The words we choose to express thoughts and feelings have a direct impact on how people will read them. If people respond in a way that is incongruous with one's intended message all anyone has to do is clarify. Alright.
CopperKnob Posted March 28 Posted March 28 13 minutes ago, Just_Jen said: It isn’t her fault though that people read it that way. I read it as, in addition to, whatever other ways there are in a relationship. And thank you for clarifying your thought on it. Did you find that in my profile 🤣 I'm very well aware of the various lens' that people read the written word through. Clarity though helps the reader in their understanding of what you're, as the OP, are trying to get across. . The OP makes a lot of assumptions and judgements. In relation to my assumption of the purpose of this post, of course I have one, but I'll keep it to myself. . Not all relationships are the same. What works for the OP, how she wants to be treated or treat her own partner is fine, but to tell others how they should behave in their own relationships ("this is something a woman should want to do for her hard working husband") is very, very different.
Ju**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 3 minutes ago, Just_Jen said: Alright. Why come back at me twice? I genuinely want to know so that I can correct how I word things as to not be offensive to anyone.
Ju**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 3 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: Did you find that in my profile 🤣 I'm very well aware of the various lens' that people read the written word through. Clarity though helps the reader in their understanding of what you're, as the OP, are trying to get across. . The OP makes a lot of assumptions and judgements. In relation to my assumption of the purpose of this post, of course I have one, but I'll keep it to myself. . Not all relationships are the same. What works for the OP, how she wants to be treated or treat her own partner is fine, but to tell others how they should behave in their own relationships ("this is something a woman should want to do for her hard working husband") is very, very different. Thank you. For clarifying.
Th**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 6 minutes ago, Just_Jen said: Why come back at me twice? I genuinely want to know so that I can correct how I word things as to not be offensive to anyone. She's not "coming back at you" it's a discussion. Someone explaining something isn't an attack, if it feels like one maybe sit with it and think about why that might be. I'm not being snarky saying this either.
Ju**** Posted March 28 Posted March 28 4 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: She's not "coming back at you" it's a discussion. Someone explaining something isn't an attack, if it feels like one maybe sit with it and think about why that might be. I'm not being snarky saying this either. My comment was meant for you actually.
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