Had the scene changed?

March 28, 2024

I started on the scene in 2004 and attend munches, BBB and parties. I’ve been away from the scene from about 2011 and having returned to a few places have been pretty disappointed with how many folks are on the scene purely to monetise. Is it just me or has this development been slow or just rapid ?

March 28, 2024

I’ve only been actively on the scene for a few years, but im aware a lot of people have monetised it. I know a fair few people who started that path during lockdown to make a bit of extra cash. This has been through *that* spicy fan site, or making toys, or full blown SW. Some will have stopped, others will have enjoyed it and continued. So long as they are content with their choices, I don’t think it’s an issue. Other people’s actions and choices certainly haven’t negatively impacted my experiences.

Im not sure whether it was a poor choice of phrase or what, but why would you be disappointed by what other people do?

March 28, 2024

Whilst there are those that have sought to make a living from the scene - I think it's always been thus - whether it be postcards in phone boxes of the 80s and 90s, or various sex sites with the rise of the Internet, or people making toys to sell (which they were doing at the London Fetish Fair when I first went in the 90s and probably for a lot longer beforehand).
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So personally no I don't think anything has changed in that respect in the slightest.
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What I do think has changed is that the scene has become more accessible and that is a double edged sword - on the positive side it means it's more open for those with genuine interests in all things kink and there's a wealth of resources and options available to those people - on the negative side it attracts people I'd rather it didn't such as the ***rs, scammers and those who see it as a means to get easy sex.

March 28, 2024

Cause some times they lead u on thinking they want either a sexual relationship … but after having several dates or conversations u find out that all they want is $$$$ and there is a bunch of them here … nothing wrong with it their choice like u said but if thats what they want say it upfront … personal expereince

March 28, 2024

20 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Whilst there are those that have sought to make a living from the scene - I think it's always been thus - whether it be postcards in phone boxes of the 80s and 90s, or various sex sites with the rise of the Internet, or people making toys to sell (which they were doing at the London Fetish Fair when I first went in the 90s and probably for a lot longer beforehand).
.
So personally no I don't think anything has changed in that respect in the slightest.
.
What I do think has changed is that the scene has become more accessible and that is a double edged sword - on the positive side it means it's more open for those with genuine interests in all things kink and there's a wealth of resources and options available to those people - on the negative side it attracts people I'd rather it didn't such as the ***rs, scammers and those who see it as a means to get easy sex.

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It'd be cool if the tourists went somewhere else for their sight seeing

March 29, 2024

Even in this website I have used it for over a year and I have noticed that a lot of people who message me are not actually looking for BDSM but rather just sex. Also there are a lot of fake Doms out here…. I have had guys who pretend to be Doms so they can try to *** me to dominate them… even when I have gone to munches I have had guys who didn’t want to observe any vetting protocol and just wanted to have sex. I personally do make BDSM related jewelry and paddles but I keep it separate from my profile and stuff. I think things like Fifty Shades of Grey have probably both helped and hurt the community. It has made people more curious about the community, but it also has brought a lot of negative people to it. And people don’t understand the difference between BDSM and sex. I also find it annoying that I get a lot of messages from people who obviously have not read my profile or if they did they think that they can just push past what I say I want need and don’t want.

March 29, 2024

9 minutes ago, NyahAngelBaby said:

Even in this website I have used it for over a year and I have noticed that a lot of people who message me are not actually looking for BDSM but rather just sex. Also there are a lot of fake Doms out here…. I have had guys who pretend to be Doms so they can try to *** me to dominate them… even when I have gone to munches I have had guys who didn’t want to observe any vetting protocol and just wanted to have sex. I personally do make BDSM related jewelry and paddles but I keep it separate from my profile and stuff. I think things like Fifty Shades of Grey have probably both helped and hurt the community. It has made people more curious about the community, but it also has brought a lot of negative people to it. And people don’t understand the difference between BDSM and sex. I also find it annoying that I get a lot of messages from people who obviously have not read my profile or if they did they think that they can just push past what I say I want need and don’t want.
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Completely relate and agree with the sex. There’s a debate for whether swinging is kink and under the bdsm umbrella or not, but that’s for another thread. If it’s allowed, would you please send me a link to your creations? I love supporting small businesses (but I’m also uk and hate customs charges!)

March 29, 2024

36 minutes ago, indyindyindy said:

Completely relate and agree with the sex. There’s a debate for whether swinging is kink and under the bdsm umbrella or not, but that’s for another thread. If it’s allowed, would you please send me a link to your creations? I love supporting small businesses (but I’m also uk and hate customs charges!)

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Sure I can. But I only ship in the US for now. I’ll pm you. And yeah I agree with you

March 29, 2024

6 hours ago, NyahAngelBaby said:

Even in this website I have used it for over a year and I have noticed that a lot of people who message me are not actually looking for BDSM but rather just sex. Also there are a lot of fake Doms out here…. I have had guys who pretend to be Doms so they can try to *** me to dominate them… even when I have gone to munches I have had guys who didn’t want to observe any vetting protocol and just wanted to have sex. I personally do make BDSM related jewelry and paddles but I keep it separate from my profile and stuff. I think things like Fifty Shades of Grey have probably both helped and hurt the community. It has made people more curious about the community, but it also has brought a lot of negative people to it. And people don’t understand the difference between BDSM and sex. I also find it annoying that I get a lot of messages from people who obviously have not read my profile or if they did they think that they can just push past what I say I want need and don’t want.
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I've had a similar experience the other way. With women just wanting sex on here.
Honestly for me sex is not that important, dont get me wrong I enjoy it, however for me its not a main reason for a relationship, and one night stands have never appealed to me. I've had multiple fwb/play partners where sex has not come into it at all and everyone involved was happy with that.
Dont get me wrong, if I'm in an ltr and start having sex, I kind of want it alot, but for just play/fwb I can totally live without it, now if boob play was taken off the table, that would be another matter :p
However back to this site, I do find it seems to be used more as a hook up site, or that is the impression I get.

March 29, 2024

So I was active around 2001-2002 : I was then away a bit and came back 2013 and have been back ever since.

Fetish clubs and munches aren't really all that different to they were in 01/02. I guess one change has been a little bit that kink/fetish/BDSM/etc is not just Ds and has moved a little bit away from that.

In terms of ***, no, no one has ever asked me for *** at a munch, fetish event, kink date - whatever - in fact I've probably been on more kink dates where the other person offered half than twenty years ago

online might feel a different kettle of fish, but online is not "the scene"

March 29, 2024

14 hours ago, indyindyindy said:

Completely relate and agree with the sex. There’s a debate for whether swinging is kink and under the bdsm umbrella or not, but that’s for another thread. If it’s allowed, would you please send me a link to your creations? I love supporting small businesses (but I’m also uk and hate customs charges!)

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Swinging is in of itself a kink, but I even think that most swingers would say that they are not kinksters.

One not need self justifying or diatribe to know that they are more often mutually exclusive than not.

March 29, 2024

15 hours ago, indyindyindy said:

There’s a debate for whether swinging is kink and under the bdsm umbrella or not, but that’s for another thread.

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I don't think it's too complex

swinging is probably a kink - in the sense that - well, you couldn't sit down in a day job on a Monday morning and someone ask "what did you do at the weekend" "Oh, I went swinging"

But not everything that is a kink, or even a fetish, comes under BDSM - and this is not being gatekeepy but to a sense that - there's more to BDSM than Ds and more to kink than BDSM

April 2, 2024

I think it’s changed but not necessarily because of ***. I think a lot of the respectfulness has gone out the window and it’s becoming more of a challenge to find a Ds that honors what used to be the norm. I miss the old ways.