Help from subs on degrading and triggers

[Da****]

I would really like to hear from female Subs who have been psychologically ***d in the past but now enjoy being degraded by their Doms and experience little to no triggers.

I was systematically  degraded as a child by

my parent and as result I am very sensitive to the way I am spoken to, tone , words used etc. As it is, I would find it hard to participate in anything with a slight element of degrading. I am putting in the same bracket giving a blow job. I know that may sound odd, but it feels like a power exchange in which I have none of the power. In most scenarios I’ve seen, the blowjob is used as a degrading tool, not an act of purely giving pleasure. 
 

So, I would be really grateful if there are any subs there with a take on this, especially if anyone has managed to overcome any or most triggers.

[Deleted Member]

I was literally just talking to my mom about why I want to be degraded and beaten. She thinks I need more therapy. I blame myself for my brothers friend molesting me and other sexual *** in my early ***age years

[Wo****]

  8 hours ago, DarkerShadow said:

I would really like to hear from female Subs who have been psychologically ***d in the past but now enjoy being degraded by their Doms and experience little to no triggers.

I was systematically  degraded as a child by

my parent and as result I am very sensitive to the way I am spoken to, tone , words used etc. As it is, I would find it hard to participate in anything with a slight element of degrading. I am putting in the same bracket giving a blow job. I know that may sound odd, but it feels like a power exchange in which I have none of the power. In most scenarios I’ve seen, the blowjob is used as a degrading tool, not an act of purely giving pleasure. 
 

So, I would be really grateful if there are any subs there with a take on this, especially if anyone has managed to overcome any or most triggers.

Expand  

Patience, trust and communication...

 

I was ***d at 17, my first sexual experience. Anal was a trigger. Time and a very understanding Dom helped me through that.

*** is pretty much a hard limit for me, because of my past, so I can't comment on that but I think most things can be overcome with someone you trust. Talk, and talk some more. 

The blow job thing? I used to loathe them too, again it just took good communication and trust. Now, I love them...  it is one of the most intimate, loving things you can share.

[Tig82]

I think as a male sub who has had bad times in care, it maybe a need to fit in and be cared for I'm not sure. But things are different now so it's hard to say, as I don't put up with agro

[Deleted Member]

Hi i no you said female subs but let me tell you about my experience in this i was degraded and ***d by a so called parent i was beaten, burned with cigarettes regularly but i learned to enjoy my lifestyle it was easy i was told what to do if i got it wrong i was punished i loved the *** and would do things wrong to be punished because this aroused her and led to other things which were pleasurable i no now it was wrong but i wish i could go back it's the life i crave from a woman tthanks

[Kittenboxxing]

Pretty much what lazypiratesbounty said. Also, you can absolutely be a sub without being outright degraded, so it's not something you necessarily need to get over if you don't want to. A Dom can speak to you as a treasure he keeps. 

As for certain actions you perceive to be degrading, there are a few things you can do:

A) Try to shift your mindset. Focus on it from a point of service. It's not something degrading for you, but a useful skill; a kind thing you can do for your Dom. Remember, you don't HAVE to submit to this person. You don't HAVE to give them blowjobs, but you are CHOOSING to. They are lucky to have you.

B) This should probably be "A)" but every D/s relationship should be deeply discussed. Sit down with your Dom and talk about things he likes to do or say and figure out how you feel about it, and whether or not you want to make it a goal to change your perspective. Also, this will definitely give your Dom some insight into what you don't like in general. They can be prepared for if something they do causes an emotional reaction. You can both also form a plan for what to do if they upset you during play. Communication goes both ways. Just make sure to let them know what you're feeling and if they aren't a shitheel, they'll support you all the way.

C) After that, you can work with your Dom to help shift any views you would no longer like to hold. They can heavily praise you for doing activities you don't like but would like to like, they can have you associate the activities with pleasure (for example having you orgasm while giving them a blowjob), and they can give you a big reward for going through things you currently dislike.

D) take some time to really meditate on why you feel the way you do about certain things. You can try to free yourself of the negative associations of certain actions or words. Why do you view blowjobs as degrading? What aspects of them could you try to view in a different light? 

As for my qualifications, I'm a female sub who has severe depression and was been molested by an older cousin for several years. I thoroughly enjoy being used and degraded. Even though my brain tells me constantly that I truly am worthless, in sub space, I know that this isn't true, no matter what my Dom says. They're putting a lot of work into me and want me to service them, so I know that I have worth. That I'm valued. Pleasing my master is one of my favorite things to do. 

I hope this helps! And I hope you get to have lots of kinky fun! ♥️

 

 

 

 

 

[Da****]

@Kittenboxxing thank you for that long and extremely helpful reply! This is so useful to me, you have no idea. I do believe perceptions can be shifted, just wasn’t sure after mental *** that it’s something that realistically can be tackled successfully. Point C does sound a bit like training a dog , but hey if it works, why not 😂

 

thank you so much again x

[Da****]

Thanks for all your replies fellow fetishers - it’s been really good to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel x

[Kittenboxxing]

Not a problem @DarkerShadow ! 

I agree about point C but to be honest thats just how you make your brain chemicals work in your favor. Humans are still ***s after all and unfortunately therefore not super hard to train lol

[Deleted Member]

A real experienced Dom with time could make you get over most trauma and past life ***. 
It’s  about comms and connection, continuous assessment of your progress that you will be eventually free from them.