KingKaibosh Posted November 5, 2019 Posted November 5, 2019 I'm part of a polyamorous triad where one of my partners (K) is super into bdsm, but my other partner (M) and I are quite clueless and mostly vanilla. K is super super into being submissive so naturally M and I take the dom role. Thing is tho, neither of us have much experience. When we do things one-on-one with K we seem to do pretty well, but then when we try to do things as a trio we run out of steam real fast. Most of this is done over text because our relationship is currently long distance so there isn't the option of being physical. My guess is that when it's just one of us and K there's a bit more pressure to keep things moving because we're the dom in the scenario so we're in control of the scene and all that. So we get to focus on K and let out all the mean and possessive dom energy that they really like. But then when we do it with all three of us, the aggressively possessive angle is a bit harder to play because we have to share K and then our politeness impulse kicks in and the scene goes nowhere. M and I are also rather easily distracted (we've both got adhd lmao) so we try to start something but we're both letting the other talk first out of politeness/silently hoping the other has some idea on what to say and in waiting for the other to respond, we get distracted and the horny energy fizzles out. I think we can pretty easily solve this with some practice but practice doesn't eliminate the problem of not having ideas for how to handle the scene. You can't really improve if you're coming at the problem the exact same way every single time. So if anyone has any ideas for ways M and I could be better at piloting this dom-jaeger together, we would both super super appreciate it.
ey**** Posted November 5, 2019 Posted November 5, 2019 It doesn't sound to me like you're clueless - just obviously new and finding feet. If you're doing pretty well one-on-one build on that a lot. Ask K for feedback, what do they think you could do to improve? A lot in term of double stuff will improve with practice.
Deleted Member Posted November 5, 2019 Posted November 5, 2019 I like the Pacific Rim reference, but to repeat the same thing and expect a different outcome, is the definition of insanity. In any wild *** pack, there is only one leader. You can have multiple aggressive members, but ultimately one member has the final say. Your first task needs to be deciding who that is going to be. Decide on an Alpha, and that way you remove the need to be "polite"
Nikki_Hexy Posted November 5, 2019 Posted November 5, 2019 https://www.fetish.com/magazine/bdsm/tips-building-confidence-as-new-dom/ I hope this helps, it helped me a ton. There is loads of info in the E-Magazine about all kinds of topics too. But a lot of BDSM boils down to 4 things, Comunication, Trust, Respect and Honesty. A good place to start is to sit down and talk as equals regardless of your rolls in the relatuonships dynamic and have a good old chin wag about each of your needs and requirements. Its good to get it all out on the table and maybe even write notes together.
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