Losing virginity...

[Lifeofedge]

Okay, so I'm in my early 30s, and in the past I've had some kinky online relationships, and fooled around with other females in my ***. I've always known my tastes align more with people who are into BDSM, and I like a bit of *** with my pleasure.

Last month I met up with a guy I met online and had sex with him, it was my time. We actually didn't talk about anything BDSM related so I was kinda expecting vanilla type sex. He went hard quickly and kind of shoved in, and was pretty rough. I knew it was going to be sore but I was in tears, and bled after. I guess I just didn't expect it to be more ***ful than pleasurable.

What can I do to prepare for my next time? How do I make sure it's less ***ful and more enjoyable?

[xo****]

Be open with your next partner! Set some boundaries or talk about your likes and dislikes. It’s okay to talk about sex and what your expectations are! If they don’t respect your boundaries, then you shouldn’t be wasting your time with them. Sex is so pleasurable and like you, I love a bit of *** mixed in. You just gotta communicate love.

[Deleted Member]

Honey, that sounds like r*pe. Doesn’t seem like you consented to everything he did, especially if you were crying during and he didn’t acknowledge it. I’m so sorry you had that experience and I’ve been through similar things. Sex can be such a beautiful thing and I know that must’ve been traumatic, but next time definitely set clear boundaries beforehand and agree on a safe word.

[Sq****]

Strawberry she clearly said she consented, met up, was looking for bdsm but it went too hard. Every single part of that by very definition is consensual; yet simply because she wasn't "satisfied" in a way that she expected you're immediately overlooking every single aspect of the entire matter and calling ***.

Immature and loose remarks like that are what turn a honest mistake of expectations into a criminal case where peoples lives get ruined, families get torn apart, careers get ended, people do hard time in prison.

The justice system doesn't recognize bdsm or anything they simply group it into domestic *** and ***. People like you are why the system is headed for a massive overhaul.

I'm not an aggressive person sexually and I absolutely do not and don't *** or non-consensual ***d sexual acts but your personality type and reaction to something like that is exactly why I'm blocking you on FET and I wouldn't associate with you IRL because your remarks are a walking red flag of potential serious problems.

I urge you to actually put your brain in gear before your thumbs next time.

[Deleted Member]

I totally understand ur point !!! I did not mean for it to come off that way, but I have had similar experiences where it started off consensual but my partner did not listen when it no longer was consensual. Just because you consent in the first place doesn’t mean the ENTIRE scene is consensual no matter what

[Deleted Member]

And by the sound of it, is wasn’t that she wasn’t “satisfied” she was BLEEDING and CRYING. She was hurt. I agree that the term shouldn’t be used lightly, but also the actions of the man she described are still NOT okay

[Deleted Member]

And I really hope SquirtTrainer, that if u did not previously discuss boundaries and a safe word with a new partner and she started crying and was in obvious distress during sex, that you would IMMEDIATELY STOP and check on her

[Ja****]

  1 hour ago, SquirtTrainer said:

Strawberry she clearly said she consented, met up, was looking for bdsm but it went too hard. Every single part of that by very definition is consensual; yet simply because she wasn't "satisfied" in a way that she expected you're immediately overlooking every single aspect of the entire matter and calling ***.

Immature and loose remarks like that are what turn a honest mistake of expectations into a criminal case where peoples lives get ruined, families get torn apart, careers get ended, people do hard time in prison.

The justice system doesn't recognize bdsm or anything they simply group it into domestic *** and ***. People like you are why the system is headed for a massive overhaul.

I'm not an aggressive person sexually and I absolutely do not and don't *** or non-consensual ***d sexual acts but your personality type and reaction to something like that is exactly why I'm blocking you on FET and I wouldn't associate with you IRL because your remarks are a walking red flag of potential serious problems.

I urge you to actually put your brain in gear before your thumbs next time.

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She said they DID NOT talk of BDSM.. just that she was interested in it

[ar****]

Communication is key, as is understanding. If you were in *** before, the next time the guy should be considerate about this. He should take things slow and gentle, and make sure YOU above him have your needs met.

[my****]

Never mentioned was her saying, no, or stop. Maybe it was and maybe it wasn’t. Let’s not jump to conclusions.

Op communication is key. Your next time should be with the most loving caring person you can find. There is a place for rough sex, even as rough as you had it. But sex is a spectrum, try the lighter side and know that everything between the two is possible. Foreplay is a must for some people, and pleasurable for the rest of us. I’m sorry you had a horrific experience, don’t give up.

[Ma****]

You expected vanilla sex, so no! It was not okay to „shove“ it in till it starts bleeding. You have to talk about BDSM before practicing it! You asked how to prepare but u can’t prepare for sth like that. I don’t think any smart guy who is into BDSM would act like that. You have to talk about what is going to happen, he has to ask if *** or heavy *** is okay. So if you was not expecting that- it’s not okay, period!

[Lifeofedge]

I know it's kinda confusing because I posted about this here, but there wasn't any discussion of BDSM involved. I did warn him it was my first time having sex with a man, and he said he had been with others when it was their first time too. I know that it wasnt ***, I agreed to him having sex with me, I just wasn't expecting what happened. Tbh I think I kind of ***ed him off because I cried, so he shoved my face into the sofa cushions.

[Deleted Member]

That’s not okay especially since u told him it was your first time. His actions are disgusting. He should have immediately stopped when you started crying. If you truly feel you consented to everything that happened then okay, but it still sounds gross to me. Crying is a pretty clear indication to stop since nothing was previously discussed. Imo

[jm****]

  12 hours ago, SquirtTrainer said:

Strawberry she clearly said she consented, met up, was looking for bdsm but it went too hard. Every single part of that by very definition is consensual; yet simply because she wasn't "satisfied" in a way that she expected you're immediately overlooking every single aspect of the entire matter and calling ***.

Immature and loose remarks like that are what turn a honest mistake of expectations into a criminal case where peoples lives get ruined, families get torn apart, careers get ended, people do hard time in prison.

The justice system doesn't recognize bdsm or anything they simply group it into domestic *** and ***. People like you are why the system is headed for a massive overhaul.

I'm not an aggressive person sexually and I absolutely do not and don't *** or non-consensual ***d sexual acts but your personality type and reaction to something like that is exactly why I'm blocking you on FET and I wouldn't associate with you IRL because your remarks are a walking red flag of potential serious problems.

I urge you to actually put your brain in gear before your thumbs next time.

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squirt I've blocked you as well it's BS that you blame her as the victim in this. Was it r*pe, it depends on who is looking at it and what took place... is she claiming it was? Nope! So don't come at her like that!

First of all I'm so sorry you've now had a bad experience like that with two "men". Neither one of them deserves your time or affection. You clearly stated it was your first time, which means you go slow and easy. Anyone that has respect, compassion, and dignity would know this! There could have been a few things going on that caused it to be so traumatic but you are not at fault for any of it! So please don't blame yourself or feel guilt.

As a first time, if he just shoved it in, then it should have been over immediately. The ***, the crying, would mean that he checks on you and if he didn't he is in the wrong. I would expect some ***, maybe even some ***, but there's ways to mitigate this and the biggest thing is taking it slow and easy. Shoving your head or face down when you were crying could be a few things, but if it was never talked about before and was fine maliciously then he clearly doesn't know what he was doing, or doesn't care.

I'm sorry that you had such a horrible experience, and I truly do hope you're able to give a proper partner chance. Taking it slow, easy, sensual, and checking on you throughout is important. I hope you get to have that experience with a loving and compassionate partner.

[Deleted Member]

I have messaged you away from the conflict between the others arguing

[Pi****]

  Yesterday at 04:10 PM, Lifeofedge said:

I know it's kinda confusing because I posted about this here, but there wasn't any discussion of BDSM involved. I did warn him it was my first time having sex with a man, and he said he had been with others when it was their first time too. I know that it wasnt ***, I agreed to him having sex with me, I just wasn't expecting what happened. Tbh I think I kind of ***ed him off because I cried, so he shoved my face into the sofa cushions.

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Oh no baby girl! I understand why you feel guilty saying so but you were ***d. Not saying you HAVE TO report it- but you should definitely talk to someone - you need care. Just because you agreed to sex does not mean he gets to just do whatever! OMG IM SO ANGRY FOR YOu!!

[ar****]

  Monday at 06:10 PM, Lifeofedge said:

I know it's kinda confusing because I posted about this here, but there wasn't any discussion of BDSM involved. I did warn him it was my first time having sex with a man, and he said he had been with others when it was their first time too. I know that it wasnt ***, I agreed to him having sex with me, I just wasn't expecting what happened. Tbh I think I kind of ***ed him off because I cried, so he shoved my face into the sofa cushions.

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It may not have been your definition of ***, but please don't think it's normal for someone to hear you crying from being in distress & respond by muffling your cries to still have their way with you.

You may be inexperienced, and that's fine. But don't ever think that it makes you anything lesser of a person. Saying you ***ed him off because you cried sounds like you feel ashamed for crying. Really, do not beat yourself up for what this bastard did. You were wronged, but it's not your fault.

[Deleted Member]

To be honest based on how it reads..

 

Meet up for a hook up .. partner becomes used and distressed with no care given? Sounds like rough unconcerned for partner in distress so *** as even in the heat of the moment you as a human being have obligation to check the person is OK and does not want to stop....

 

Anyways.. to answer the main question of how to prevent "this happening again" ?

Spend a bit more time getting to know the person better whilst being able to work into the conversation things you do or don't want.

Also don't be afraid of telling them that you don't have alot of experience so could they be willing to move slowly with things once you feel comfortable enough that they can be trusted.

Anyone serious about you as a person should be more than willing to help you get used to the sensation making it almost ***less if done correctly.

This way you are free to enjoy yourselves together in a safer environment together.

If they do it as it truly should then you would be left wanting alot more than just once