Proper etiquette for OnS, NSA, FWB

[ju****]

What would you say is the proper etiquette for ONS, NSA, FWB... What would you say are the top do's and don'ts for these types of meet ups?

[Th****]

Basic human decency and kindness *always*. Explicitly discuss and negotiate specifics ahead of time so there's no assumed expectations. 

For FWB specifically I'm finding that a lot of men ignore and neglect the friendship part. If you don't want to actually have authentic friendship, don't say you want or agree to "FWB". Call it something else like a regular hookup or something. 

[Ca****]

ONS and nsa are close to being the same thing, whereas a fwb should be on going to where you continue seeing the person not just for play but also build a friendship. Not sure how those get mixed up when then have different meanings. Like previous said, be honest with your intentions and use proper terminology.

[ju****]

40 minutes ago, CaramelLatte said:

ONS and nsa are close to being the same thing, whereas a fwb should be on going to where you continue seeing the person not just for play but also build a friendship. Not sure how those get mixed up when then have different meanings. Like previous said, be honest with your intentions and use proper terminology.

I kinda think ONS and NSA are pretty different considering one you will never see each other again where as NSA could mean more than once but without any strings .... Ya know friendship being one of them...

[ge****]

In terms of etiquette, apply anything you would to *any* other relationship - just because they're short term (in the case of ONS or possibly NSA) doesn't mean all the usual things of respect, consideration and decency go out the window which is a mistake a lot of guys make

[ey****]

Like any other arrangement - communication with the other person about what you both want and expect from this is important

I'd say also for any of the above there's also how you interpret

I'd say ONS - is literally one night, and that's it - there is no obligation for either of you to get in touch with the other afterwards - and if you do "Hey, thanks for the other night" then you wouldn't pressure for another meet.

FWB - a lot of people seem to forget about the F part - that you're supposed to be friends, while this maybe isn't a pre-requisite for NSA - although despite the name, there are always strings attached - even if one or both of you thinks there isn't 

Otherwise ettiquette.  

Unless otherwise agreed...   arrive clean and presentable.   Do not outstay your welcome. Do not push for anything that wasn't agreed.  Assume you will be wearing protection.

If you (or they) are sleeping around then get tested regularly - if you have any positive results, then don't cause drama but make sure any relevant partners are notified. 

Accept these are all timelimited arrangements, even if no one knows what the limit is.  And sometimes when a friend withdraws the 'with benefits' it can sometimes lead to the end of the friendship.   

[lo****]

On 5/19/2024 at 7:31 PM, ThaliaV said:

Basic human decency and kindness *always*. Explicitly discuss and negotiate specifics ahead of time so there's no assumed expectations. 

For FWB specifically I'm finding that a lot of men ignore and neglect the friendship part. If you don't want to actually have authentic friendship, don't say you want or agree to "FWB". Call it something else like a regular hookup or something. 

They want a "fuck buddy" but either don't know the term or are being dishonest.

[Th****]

4 hours ago, locketheart said:

They want a "fuck buddy" but either don't know the term or are being dishonest.

Agreed. It's seriously frustrating when you realize your time and energy has been wasted because of it. 

Edited May 23 by ThaliaV

[ey****]

yeah; I think the issue is a lot of people say they want 'friends with benefits' but are very much focused on the 'benefits' rather than the 'friends'

over the years I've known a few people with FWB type relationships (and have probably been in a couple of situations myself, even if we didn't necessarily call it that) and in most cases it was people who were already friends deciding they wanted some form of sex together (or, play, in the kink world) or in some cases it was maybe what was expected to be a one-off, but there was a driver to maybe become friends/spend more time/etc without a formalised relationship

I think if someone is specifically looking for 'friends with benefits' then it's a bit harder than happening organically - but - if this is an arrangement you want then, what does the friendship look like? what do the benefits look like?

[Deleted Member]

I’ve been in several versions of the FWB type relationships… and none of them began with FWB being on our minds from the beginning.
I was friends with a girl for several years, and we ended up messing around… and the friendship did not suffer because neither of us wanted to be in a relationship, but a lot of fun was shared.
Another time, I was dating a girl and, after a while, we realized that we were not a good “couple” but we enjoyed hanging out as friends… and we both really enjoyed the sex, so we remained friends with benefits.
And the last example I have is a girl that I had a no strings attached hookup with, and we both enjoyed each other so much, we became regular partners and a fantastic friendship grew from it.

[Th****]

On 5/23/2024 at 1:53 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

yeah; I think the issue is a lot of people say they want 'friends with benefits' but are very much focused on the 'benefits' rather than the 'friends'

over the years I've known a few people with FWB type relationships (and have probably been in a couple of situations myself, even if we didn't necessarily call it that) and in most cases it was people who were already friends deciding they wanted some form of sex together (or, play, in the kink world) or in some cases it was maybe what was expected to be a one-off, but there was a driver to maybe become friends/spend more time/etc without a formalised relationship

I think if someone is specifically looking for 'friends with benefits' then it's a bit harder than happening organically - but - if this is an arrangement you want then, what does the friendship look like? what do the benefits look like?

I really don't think it has to be any more difficult and shouldn't be.

I think the only real separation of what you've described is the difference between a more organic progression or addition to an existing friendship or friendly acquaintance and someone actively seeking a FWB relationship either from someone you already know or someone new.

For me the benefits portion when actively seeking is a priority with friendship being a required element. I have no judgement against ONS, NSA and fuck buddy arrangements, they simply don't work for me even though there have been times it would be cool if they did.

As for what the friendship/benefits look like that's something that should be openly discussed between the individuals involved so they know if they're wanting the same things and on the same page. That really should happen a lot more in all relationships really. 

[ey****]

3 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

As for what the friendship/benefits look like that's something that should be openly discussed between the individuals involved so they know if they're wanting the same things and on the same page. That really should happen a lot more in all relationships really. 

Oh absolutely.

And that's easier when organic.   

I think that is the issue mind, that there are folk (particularly guys) who say they're looking for FWB (or NSA/etc) but don't know themselves how they'd like it to work.  Which is probably why too many kinda then are "I want FWB, when we fucking" 

[Th****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Oh absolutely.

And that's easier when organic.   

I think that is the issue mind, that there are folk (particularly guys) who say they're looking for FWB (or NSA/etc) but don't know themselves how they'd like it to work.  Which is probably why too many kinda then are "I want FWB, when we fucking" 

I feel like you're being overly generous with the men here. If they aren't flat lying to get to the fucking the best I can offer is I think they don't have any actual clue what it means to be a friend or to have a friend and that's just sad. 

[ey****]

7 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

I feel like you're being overly generous with the men here. If they aren't flat lying to get to the fucking the best I can offer is I think they don't have any actual clue what it means to be a friend or to have a friend and that's just sad. 

yeah; I think I am giving a little bit too much benefit of the doubt

[lesdevon]

I  thinl honesty is the key as a lot of guys say  yes to a fwb to get there willy wet but just want an ons.  Be honest with the lady stop leading them along

[Re****]

My thing with a FWB is the friend part. A friendship is still a relationship you have to maintain. Even with your guy friends. What’ll happen if you stop coming around to hang out? They’re going to say this guy is full of it. Same with a FWB. You have the benefits but you still have to focus on all the friend stuff. With my last FWB there were plenty of days and nights where we only did platonic stuff. Plenty of nights where we just talked on the phone for hours, listening to everything important to her about that day. It wasn’t just texting at midnight for some booty.