Submission

[Deleted Member]

I told a kinkster I’ve been hurt before because of my submission and he told me I was damaged goods and blocked me. Is that true? Does that make me damaged goods?
If I need reassurance and time to build mutual trust to fully submit is that unfair?
A lot of men expect my full submission immediately, but it’s not something I give to just anyone.
When I’m seeing someone new and we start off slightly vanilla and build up to more, there’s like a switch that eventually goes off in my head telling me I’m perfectly safe with him and that’s when I completely and fully submit. Is it like that for anyone else?
It’s the same for my Little side. Dominant energy usually ***s me into that head space, but I find that I regress a lot more when I feel safe with a partner.
I’ve just never really talked to anyone else about this, but that kinksters comment just made me feel like I’m being a submissive wrong and now I’m confused.

[jo****]

No wtf . It just means u need to to trust again and build up

[jo****]

Nah u have the right to speak ur mind . Its always double sided in the end of the day. No fun chatting about kinks when only one side is enjoying it

[ki****]

Your definitely not damaged good that’s guys is just an asshole who fiends for pussy don’t let bitch ass niggas like that belittle you cus I bet your a great person 💯

[Pe****]

He sounds like damaged goods, not you at all. You’re doing nothing wrong.

[Deleted Member]

that guy was wrong for what he did an by blocking you it just means he was unable to give u the love and affection that u need

[Du****]

Use of the term “damaged goods” to refer to a woman says a lot about the kind of man you were dealing with - in this case, not in any way a true or experienced dom. You’re fortunate not to have engaged with him any further.

[Deleted Member]

that kinkster isn’t a real kinkster, Meg alone anyone you should waste your breath on. it’s clear they have no real grasp of what it means to *earn* someone’s submission, let alone how violating and hurtful it can be to have your submission used and weaponized. you are being a good submissive by not simply bending to any self proclaimed “dom”’s will, not the other way around. a genuine dominant (and really, a decent person underneath their title) will not only understand and respect, but nurture and honor your need to be reassured. it is up to any Doninant to *prove* why you should trust them with your submission, with your worries and anxieties. any “Dominant” that doesn’t grasp this concept has more reading to do, and frankly, shouldn’t be trusted with long term play. It is one thing to say you are a Dom. it is another thing entirely to be a Dom. you are not damaged goods, and it is not your fault that you got hurt. don’t let anyone on this stupid app attempt to convince you otherwise. xx

[Si****]

Not at all . He was wrong ... he lacked the ability or patience . Youll find your ddy . Chin up .

[Ho****]

Hes the one that's damaged apparently, sounds like he needs spanked. Heck with him. You can do better than that anyways hang in there.

[Deleted Member]

Just remember that 99.9% of the people on here simply want to sext.

Be careful. Patient. And you'll find what you're looking for.

[Ar****]

No, I think if that were true most people - subs and Doms - would be "damaged goods" if they were honest. Plus blocking for that sort of reason is immature. It isn't you, I promise.

[Deleted Member]

Roles come after. We are human beings and the dynamics you just described (yours) are completely fine and understandable. Also, we've all got hurt somewhere along the way. Someone who doesn't recognise others' vulnerability doesn't deserve a single consideration. Good thing he blocked you though, he saved you the energy to do that to him.

[ki****]

I had a guy call me self because I said no sex and their just jerks

[Es****]

Wow, no sweetheart, you are quite the opposite. You are strong and respectful towards yourself by setting these boundaries. Anybody not respecting that is not worth your time. ❤️❤️❤️

[Ca****]

It's called crawl, walk, run...starting out slightly vanilla to learn each other's vibe, rhythms, noises, etc is completely fair, normal, and understandable. You are not alone.

[Ma****]

You said " build mutual trust," that's exactly right, don't be rushed if you're not sure, wait, go at your pace,

[su****]

I think any damage may well lay with him

[Deleted Member]

you are perfect and I would enjoy destroying you and loving you all at once. I am too far but maybe we will cross paths. you are deadly hot and I would absolutly drain you and we can post the pics to homeboy and tell him how happy you are he did that instead of any kinds of sad WOOOOOOOO -Rick Flair

[Deleted Member]

Case in point

[JeepGuyGTA]

You are not wrong.
That kinkster is
Take all the time you need in order to feel safe and comfortable.

[Do****]

What a dick you need someone who respects you for you and has the time to give you the tools to rebuild yourself better so stand tall and forget him as he is not worth any time as he cannot understand communication is the key to kinks

[Subboy90]

You have done everything right, he is just an asshole and doesn't know what he is doing. I know it is difficult to find a good dom. And I hope you will find someone soon who knows your value, respects you and gives you the time you need.

[di****]

Submission is something that needs to be earned. Don’t let any dom make you feel otherwise.

[Su****]

Oh my God thank you ! Most men want me to submit right away or else I’m “not a submissive”. Which real DOMS know that’s not true and you need to work up to it. I’ve noticed a lot of “DOMS” on here aren’t actually DOMS they are controlling and want a woman to control. You do not have to submit to anyone you don’t want to and a real DOM would know that and respect it. You’re not damaged goods. You just had horrible experiences because men like him who think that just because you’re a submissive means they can control you. Which they can’t.