br**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 I have a sub that is new to things and has some trauma around wrist restraining. I was wondering about alternatives for now and for a while until we work through it… does anyone have any ideas? I had considering having her hold something in each hand that she can’t let go of, and I had thought there was probably something that I could buy that restrains at the elbows rather than the wrists although I haven’t found anything. All ideas are welcome!!!!! Thanks.
da**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 You could buy rope to just restrain her arms to her body and or tie her ankles too
Ps**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 Search chest or waist restraints. They secure around the mattress of the bed. We use them in healthcare, but could easily be turned into something kinky. Would be perfect for anyone with wrist restraint trauma! Good luck! xx
Ti**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 Having your sub hold something is the right idea. Ropes or straps can still be tied to the bed or table, but securing to the wrist is replaced by her doing the holding. You just need to add the right rewards for holding on when told to, and have punishments in place if she lets go. Or however you two play best. Just make sure to have a safeword even if there isn’t full restraint. Past trauma can sneak up out of nowhere and it’s a Dom’s job to be responsible and prepared. This approach gives your submissive the CHOICE to keep her hands out of the way and remain *** to you, which can be even more enticing than actually tying.
Rubensdame90 Posted June 3 Posted June 3 I like the suggestions of the others . You could try some scrunchies or nice soft wristbands or choose some soft material with her and make something she likes , to start getting used to something on the wrist when you play, ! when she's ready to try out ! . Not using as a restraint, just loose , just to have it there . And then you can start getting it slowly from soft and just there to something more restraining.
ov**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 You could just wrap her up. Just leave the areas of interrests exposed. Good luck.
DarkArts1066 Posted June 3 Posted June 3 Again, I would agree with Tiger Shark here. Also, if your subs’ only issue with being restrained is based around her wrists, you could try using body weight techniques to restrain her. In the uk some of these techniques are taught to workers in the psychiatric care industry as safe methods of physical restraint. I had a sub about seven years ago, who could not be tied or mechanically restrained in any way due to past trauma… but she wanted to work through that, and experience the denial of movement - and escape. So we came up with the idea of her being pinned - initially while she was standing, against objects. We started with simple soft furniture, like sofas, then on to tables, walls… and then finally beds…. the floor, even ground outside in woods. It would take a little research - and practice, but it definitely worked for her. Good luck.
my**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 You can buy 2” Velcro by the roll. Get a couple of rolls of that and experiment. You could band her arms to her sides at the forearm make sure she exhales before attaching it to limit the wriggling potential.
Hezzair Posted June 3 Posted June 3 As the sub here who has trauma in the past, lemme also chime in. Restraining elbows might work, but may also be an issue. I know elbows create a bad angle for me and the way you have to pull them together to get a good restraint tends to be pretty dramatic. In her case, she may just be better with being restrained with her hands in front of her, that way you could use something easily removable like velcro or nonstick tape at the wrists, and she can SEE that she can easily get to it with her mouth if she needed to in order to take the restraint off. I wouldn't recommend combining that with any type of gag until you know that she is comfortable. If she is definitely a no go for a hand/wrist restraint, then maybe she would like something like a body Harness with an upper arm tie, saran wrap, or simple body pinning. I'd honestly go with the pinning or rope body harness without arms. Obviously any TPE takes a lot of trust, and any time you enter bandage into that, it goes up a level. Add a other level of there is a history of trauma. Ask of your sub is willing/able to divulge any of that history with you.
br**** Posted June 3 Author Posted June 3 I know a lot of the history. I think what remains is a physical trigger tied to sensation at the wrists. I think just lightly grabbing them would also trigger the reaction. Even if she was grabbing them. Even in public. I like the idea of putting scrunchies on her wrists unbound a lot, just during the day (as like the minimum trigger in exposure therapy) and then maybe later during play. I like the pinning and body harness stuff too although I’ve never upped my rope skills. She thinks she wants to go pretty far with this over time, but she’s new and doesn’t know her limits yet, so we will go very slow and try to work through the trigger. Thanks for all the suggestions!
Th**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 49 minutes ago, Hezzair said: As the sub here who has trauma in the past, I'm confused by your first sentence here and the rest of your comment. Are you the submissive in question? @brooklyn232970 more information is needed really, is the issue being restrained at all or specifically by the wrists? Do they even want to or have interest in working through this? Some of the previous suggestions are decent but @Tiger-shark's suggestion of punishment for non compliance is worrisome at best and alarming at worst. Punishment here is most likely to be counterproductive and even very likely to cause further emotional and psychological harm. Op, w/o knowing a lot more of the specifics, I'm not going to guess or make assumptions on what the two of you might or might not have already done or worked on and going with the worst case scenario of any physical restraint at all is an issue. I'd suggest not thinking about any physical restrictions at all just yet and starting with activities that are specifically for relationship and trust building with it being clear and obvious this is what you're doing. As in actually discuss it openly with each other, not just you having it in your head that's what's going on with what you're doing. Specifically work with something where you practice using check ins, the traffic light system and them using their safeword and you responding accordingly and/or also using simple language and communication before even introducing a safeword at this point. Simply communicating and using stop, wait, I need a sec and such. It's also important for you to practice learning to read them, making adjustments and/or pausing before they even need to say anything. Then once a level of trust has been established using verbal restraints, simply telling them to stay put with positive rein***ment for doing so. Next you can work on figuring out some type of symbolic restraint type thing that mimics the sensation of wearing restraints but isn't actually restricting and can easily be broken. I can go into a lot more detail, but I feel this has already been a reasonable amount to share. Working with trauma isn't something that can be rushed, it takes the time that it takes and it's always better to go slower than necessary rather than too fast and end up exacerbating the issue or creating a seperate one. There are resources available so you're not out there willy nilly, flying by the seat if your pants. If you go to fetlife dot com and search the profile for xSolaris they teach trauma informed kink classes and have loads of links and resources available in the writings section of their account.
Hezzair Posted June 4 Posted June 4 oh no I am NOT the sub in question in the above scenario. I was just offering a suggestion as to what he or others could possibly do in place of a wrist restraint.
Indyjim67 Posted June 5 Posted June 5 I would start with restraining the bicep area and then working down the arm as your sub gets use to the area of restraint.
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