Rules for your subs

[Se****]

49 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Hello kettle, I'm pot.
.
Where does it say that this isn't a 'task' hrs given her?
Where does it say that they won't discuss them after she has the ideas?
Where does it say that she'll cherrypick only the ones she likes and disregard those she doesn't?
.
I'm sticking up for people who choose to live their own relationship as opposed to those that follow something set in stone or the same old ashit everyone else does 👍

🍿🍿🍿

[do****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

Hello kettle, I'm pot.
.
Where does it say that this isn't a 'task' hrs given her?
Where does it say that they won't discuss them after she has the ideas?
Where does it say that she'll cherrypick only the ones she likes and disregard those she doesn't?
.
I'm sticking up for people who choose to live their own relationship as opposed to those that follow something set in stone or the same old ashit everyone else does 👍

Pot you are intellectually funny as shit 😂. I'm in total agreement 👌🏾

[Da****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

Hello kettle, I'm pot.
.
Where does it say that this isn't a 'task' hrs given her?
Where does it say that they won't discuss them after she has the ideas?
Where does it say that she'll cherrypick only the ones she likes and disregard those she doesn't?
.
I'm sticking up for people who choose to live their own relationship as opposed to those that follow something set in stone or the same old ashit everyone else does 👍

Doesn’t matter if it’s a “task “ given her. Its still simply being a lazy dom. Most subs if they knew rules they wouldn’t need a dom in the first place. Truthfully most subs or at least the ones I know are powerful, bad asses in real life and wanna come home and just be told what to do, allowing their brain and the rest to be free. So how is it beneficial for them to make their own rules! Tasks absolutely can and should be given…
But what gets lost is in these D/s relationships there is an equality here that I am mentioning to make sure that this sub understands she deserves to know she can expect a certain level of involvement from her dom. Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals etc all should be considered by the dom in the making of rules and punishments and rewards…
In taking the time to do all these things it shows that the dom cares, that he wants this. This life isn’t about doms getting what they want while the sub does most the work! There are trade offs! Truth is we have no idea how experienced this sub is, if she’s new, and this dom is what it appears to be then it could ruin her journey or at least derail it before she even gets to enjoy it to its full potential.
Of course everyone has the right to do their dynamic as they please…
It has been my experience that doms that don’t invest the time to even come up with simple rules for their subs, are fake, wannabes and ***rs!
Far be it from me to just go about my day without making sure she’s not being suckered into something and sold a bad bill of goods!
Hopefully you’re right and she’s experienced, and he’s more involved.
Me personally I’d rather err on the side of caution as a protector than consign on possible BS…
But you do you!

[Ar****]

15 minutes ago, DaddysHere2please said:

Truth is we have no idea how experienced this sub is, if she’s new, and this dom is what it appears to be then it could ruin her journey or at least derail it before she even gets to enjoy it to its full potential.

The OP makes it clear beyond doubt in her first reply in this thread that both herself and her Dom are very much experienced.

[ma****]

48 minutes ago, DaddysHere2please said:

Doesn’t matter if it’s a “task “ given her. Its still simply being a lazy dom. Most subs if they knew rules they wouldn’t need a dom in the first place. Truthfully most subs or at least the ones I know are powerful, bad asses in real life and wanna come home and just be told what to do, allowing their brain and the rest to be free. So how is it beneficial for them to make their own rules! Tasks absolutely can and should be given…
But what gets lost is in these D/s relationships there is an equality here that I am mentioning to make sure that this sub understands she deserves to know she can expect a certain level of involvement from her dom. Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals etc all should be considered by the dom in the making of rules and punishments and rewards…
In taking the time to do all these things it shows that the dom cares, that he wants this. This life isn’t about doms getting what they want while the sub does most the work! There are trade offs! Truth is we have no idea how experienced this sub is, if she’s new, and this dom is what it appears to be then it could ruin her journey or at least derail it before she even gets to enjoy it to its full potential.
Of course everyone has the right to do their dynamic as they please…
It has been my experience that doms that don’t invest the time to even come up with simple rules for their subs, are fake, wannabes and ***rs!
Far be it from me to just go about my day without making sure she’s not being suckered into something and sold a bad bill of goods!
Hopefully you’re right and she’s experienced, and he’s more involved.
Me personally I’d rather err on the side of caution as a protector than consign on possible BS…
But you do you!

"Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals" - when have Doms became mind readers? The reason why communication is one of the four pillars of D/s is exactly for this purpose: for people addressing their wants, needs etc. A submissive can very well know what rules they need, but they might need their Dominant's help in implementing those rules and sticking to those rules. Why on earth would communication be so important if the sub couldn't communicate those things?

[CopperKnob]

1 minute ago, maryioni said:

"Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals" - when have Doms became mind readers? The reason why communication is one of the four pillars of D/s is exactly for this purpose: for people addressing their wants, needs etc. A submissive can very well know what rules they need, but they might need their Dominant's help in implementing those rules and sticking to those rules. Why on earth would communication be so important if the sub couldn't communicate those things?

I don't know, maybe some D's refer dictatorship as opposed to dominance?
*sarcasm!

[ma****]

56 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I don't know, maybe some D's refer dictatorship as opposed to dominance?
*sarcasm!

Yes, possibly that haha

[Pe****]

2 hours ago, DaddysHere2please said:

Doesn’t matter if it’s a “task “ given her. Its still simply being a lazy dom. Most subs if they knew rules they wouldn’t need a dom in the first place. Truthfully most subs or at least the ones I know are powerful, bad asses in real life and wanna come home and just be told what to do, allowing their brain and the rest to be free. So how is it beneficial for them to make their own rules! Tasks absolutely can and should be given…
But what gets lost is in these D/s relationships there is an equality here that I am mentioning to make sure that this sub understands she deserves to know she can expect a certain level of involvement from her dom. Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals etc all should be considered by the dom in the making of rules and punishments and rewards…
In taking the time to do all these things it shows that the dom cares, that he wants this. This life isn’t about doms getting what they want while the sub does most the work! There are trade offs! Truth is we have no idea how experienced this sub is, if she’s new, and this dom is what it appears to be then it could ruin her journey or at least derail it before she even gets to enjoy it to its full potential.
Of course everyone has the right to do their dynamic as they please…
It has been my experience that doms that don’t invest the time to even come up with simple rules for their subs, are fake, wannabes and ***rs!
Far be it from me to just go about my day without making sure she’s not being suckered into something and sold a bad bill of goods!
Hopefully you’re right and she’s experienced, and he’s more involved.
Me personally I’d rather err on the side of caution as a protector than consign on possible BS…
But you do you!

I do get what you mean contrary to other’s opinions, I’m in the mindset that rules should come from the Dom/me.
Like you said, it shows that the dom is putting in the effort to care for their sub.
I had a sub that I had to make rules for that was spending too much *** on scratch cards, I limited him to one a week.
I personally don’t understand how a Dom can ask his sub to ask opinions on rules from other people that know absolutely nothing about their dynamic.
The OP has given no information about their dynamic, so how can people suggest rules???

[Pe****]

Aren’t rules given in a dynamic that suits both parties?? For example, rules that benefit the submissive to be her or his best?? How can people give opinions on rules when they don’t know the personal dynamic???

She could be doing something that doesn’t benefit her and her Dom would set rules for it to make her a better person in herself.
Like, she doesn’t drink enough water in the day, etc. No one knows the dynamic so the Dom should set the rules without being lazy and getting his sub to ask other people

[Pe****]

1 hour ago, maryioni said:

"Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals" - when have Doms became mind readers? The reason why communication is one of the four pillars of D/s is exactly for this purpose: for people addressing their wants, needs etc. A submissive can very well know what rules they need, but they might need their Dominant's help in implementing those rules and sticking to those rules. Why on earth would communication be so important if the sub couldn't communicate those things?

He should get to know his sub to know what’s best for her benefit and then set the rules so she can be the best she can be.

[Da****]

57 minutes ago, PervyPenelope said:

I do get what you mean contrary to other’s opinions, I’m in the mindset that rules should come from the Dom/me.
Like you said, it shows that the dom is putting in the effort to care for their sub.
I had a sub that I had to make rules for that was spending too much *** on scratch cards, I limited him to one a week.
I personally don’t understand how a Dom can ask his sub to ask opinions on rules from other people that know absolutely nothing about their dynamic.
The OP has given no information about their dynamic, so how can people suggest rules???

Truth is some just wanna argue so they can have their opinion heard. As if I have the time to read everyone’s response when the truth is I was trying to be helpful, I’ve been in this lifestyle 2 decades have many friends in as well and have never heard a dom tasking a sub with other’s opinions on rules for a dynamic they knew nothing about.
Instantly that threw up red newbie flags so I did instinctively do what daddy’s do and went into protect mode. I hear later on after the fact she claims they are very established but that’s not what her initial sentence said….
But yes certain people have argued about opposite ends of the spectrum just to try and be heard, as if I ever implied individualism in dynamics is something I’m opposed to.
Some just wanna be snarky and try to sound intelligent and interesting just by taking an opposing viewpoint…
I will never feel bad for doing my part to help people become comfortable in this lifestyle and helping if and when i can in their self discovery journey!
As far as having time to bicker and pick apart other views as if there has to be a winner and a loser…
Missed me with that

[Pe****]

5 minutes ago, DaddysHere2please said:

Truth is some just wanna argue so they can have their opinion heard. As if I have the time to read everyone’s response when the truth is I was trying to be helpful, I’ve been in this lifestyle 2 decades have many friends in as well and have never heard a dom tasking a sub with other’s opinions on rules for a dynamic they knew nothing about.
Instantly that threw up red newbie flags so I did instinctively do what daddy’s do and went into protect mode. I hear later on after the fact she claims they are very established but that’s not what her initial sentence said….
But yes certain people have argued about opposite ends of the spectrum just to try and be heard, as if I ever implied individualism in dynamics is something I’m opposed to.
Some just wanna be snarky and try to sound intelligent and interesting just by taking an opposing viewpoint…
I will never feel bad for doing my part to help people become comfortable in this lifestyle and helping if and when i can in their self discovery journey!
As far as having time to bicker and pick apart other views as if there has to be a winner and a loser…
Missed me with that

I’ve also never heard of a Dom/me asking a sub to set rules or get opinions. How can they if the dynamic is between 2 people intimately?

How can rules be set by asking opinions of others? It’s just lazy on the part of the Dom

[Th****]

3 hours ago, DaddysHere2please said:

Doesn’t matter if it’s a “task “ given her. Its still simply being a lazy dom. Most subs if they knew rules they wouldn’t need a dom in the first place. Truthfully most subs or at least the ones I know are powerful, bad asses in real life and wanna come home and just be told what to do, allowing their brain and the rest to be free. So how is it beneficial for them to make their own rules! Tasks absolutely can and should be given…
But what gets lost is in these D/s relationships there is an equality here that I am mentioning to make sure that this sub understands she deserves to know she can expect a certain level of involvement from her dom. Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals etc all should be considered by the dom in the making of rules and punishments and rewards…
In taking the time to do all these things it shows that the dom cares, that he wants this. This life isn’t about doms getting what they want while the sub does most the work! There are trade offs! Truth is we have no idea how experienced this sub is, if she’s new, and this dom is what it appears to be then it could ruin her journey or at least derail it before she even gets to enjoy it to its full potential.
Of course everyone has the right to do their dynamic as they please…
It has been my experience that doms that don’t invest the time to even come up with simple rules for their subs, are fake, wannabes and ***rs!
Far be it from me to just go about my day without making sure she’s not being suckered into something and sold a bad bill of goods!
Hopefully you’re right and she’s experienced, and he’s more involved.
Me personally I’d rather err on the side of caution as a protector than consign on possible BS…
But you do you!

You're making a lot of assumptions and forming opinions on something you have next to zero actual knowledge or information on. 

When there's limited information it's best to ask for more as well as be neutral when giving advice. Give many possible options and explain in what case one would advise each of the options offered so that the other person has more information to make their own choices. 

[ma****]

2 hours ago, PervyPenelope said:

Aren’t rules given in a dynamic that suits both parties?? For example, rules that benefit the submissive to be her or his best?? How can people give opinions on rules when they don’t know the personal dynamic???

She could be doing something that doesn’t benefit her and her Dom would set rules for it to make her a better person in herself.
Like, she doesn’t drink enough water in the day, etc. No one knows the dynamic so the Dom should set the rules without being lazy and getting his sub to ask other people

The OP was looking for rule ideas so that's what people came up with. Just because people have given rule suggestions, it doesn't mean that the rules would fit the OP's dynamic. The OP and their Dom could choose whatever rules are needed in their dynamic.

[ma****]

2 hours ago, PervyPenelope said:

He should get to know his sub to know what’s best for her benefit and then set the rules so she can be the best she can be.

So you say that the Dom should get to know his sub and therefore he's a mind reader and there's no need for the submissive to address their needs, wants etc anymore since the Dom "should" magically know them?

So what would the purpose of communication be in that case if the Dom knows it all?

[Th****]

1 minute ago, maryioni said:

So you say that the Dom should get to know his sub and therefore he's a mind reader and there's no need for the submissive to address their needs, wants etc anymore since the Dom "should" magically know them?

So what would the purpose of communication be in that case if the Dom knows it all?

Where does it say that communication *isn't* a huge part of getting to know each other? 

[ma****]

9 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Where does it say that communication *isn't* a huge part of getting to know each other? 

In an earlier comment there was that statement: "Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals" which implies that the submissive doesn't need to communicate anymore since the Dominant spend "the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals". How can a Dominant know what a submissive needs, wants, desires if the submissive doesn't communicate those in the first place? So for rules to be created, the submissive must first communicate what they need or what their goals are etc. It doesn't happen magically or because the Dom should know the sub. It happens because the submissive communicated... because both choose to communicate.

[CopperKnob]

3 minutes ago, maryioni said:

In an earlier comment there was that statement: "Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals" which implies that the submissive doesn't need to communicate anymore since the Dominant spend "the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals". How can a Dominant know what a submissive needs, wants, desires if the submissive doesn't communicate those in the first place? So for rules to be created, the submissive must first communicate what they need or what their goals are etc. It doesn't happen magically or because the Dom should know the sub. It happens because the submissive communicated... because both choose to communicate.

Otherwise we're simply back to the same generic rules that all D/s relationships have failing to take into account individualism.

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, DaddysHere2please said:

Truth is some just wanna argue so they can have their opinion heard. As if I have the time to read everyone’s response when the truth is I was trying to be helpful, I’ve been in this lifestyle 2 decades have many friends in as well and have never heard a dom tasking a sub with other’s opinions on rules for a dynamic they knew nothing about.
Instantly that threw up red newbie flags so I did instinctively do what daddy’s do and went into protect mode. I hear later on after the fact she claims they are very established but that’s not what her initial sentence said….
But yes certain people have argued about opposite ends of the spectrum just to try and be heard, as if I ever implied individualism in dynamics is something I’m opposed to.
Some just wanna be snarky and try to sound intelligent and interesting just by taking an opposing viewpoint…
I will never feel bad for doing my part to help people become comfortable in this lifestyle and helping if and when i can in their self discovery journey!
As far as having time to bicker and pick apart other views as if there has to be a winner and a loser…
Missed me with that

Well, considering the passive *** comment, it seems that you've heard me.
Again, simply because you've not been aware of a situation before doesn't mean it doesn't happen/it's incorrect/shouldn't happen. There is no one twue way.
No one asked you to protect or help them feel comfortable. The OP has said that she's an experienced sub in an established relationship and that they are looking for examples of rules that she and her partner could consider implementing in their own relationship. That's all. Not judgement as to whether or not her relationship was abusive. Not judgement on whether her Dom is acting appropriately.
Individuals can have conflicting viewpoints. I can believe that a couple should look to themselves for their own rules whilst also supporting someone asking for advice on a that same matter. is Isn't that what we all do, as humans, in all walks of life and, for the record, I can do all of that without belittling someone by calling into question their intelligence.

[Da****]

11 minutes ago, maryioni said:

In an earlier comment there was that statement: "Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals" which implies that the submissive doesn't need to communicate anymore since the Dominant spend "the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals". How can a Dominant know what a submissive needs, wants, desires if the submissive doesn't communicate those in the first place? So for rules to be created, the submissive must first communicate what they need or what their goals are etc. It doesn't happen magically or because the Dom should know the sub. It happens because the submissive communicated... because both choose to communicate.

That’s not what that implies at all! It says the dom SHOULD know his sub better than he knows himself which is clearly done through quality time and communication. My original point was having random people who
Know nothing of your dynamic to suggest rules is being a lazy dom when a dom who cares is invested, knows because they have talked her wants, desires, hopes ***s…..YOUR making a ridiculous assumption the dom hasn’t learned all those things FROM the sub…of course in any dynamic I have communication was key but I still created the rules, again talked and agreed upon by my submissive and geared towards her best interest…
Assuming I just know what’s best is beyond idiotic honestly I was saying him having her ask strangers was lazy yet I wouldn’t learn from her????
Sad you have to explain obvious things to people who claim to be in the lifestyle

[Th****]

13 minutes ago, maryioni said:

In an earlier comment there was that statement: "Him spending the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals" which implies that the submissive doesn't need to communicate anymore since the Dominant spend "the time to think what she needs, wants and desires as well as goals". How can a Dominant know what a submissive needs, wants, desires if the submissive doesn't communicate those in the first place? So for rules to be created, the submissive must first communicate what they need or what their goals are etc. It doesn't happen magically or because the Dom should know the sub. It happens because the submissive communicated... because both choose to communicate.

Someone else made that comment, though, not Penelope 

[ma****]

3 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Someone else made that comment, though, not Penelope 

That's absolutely correct. And Penelope tried correcting me for replying to that comment? Or did I miss something?

[ma****]

8 minutes ago, DaddysHere2please said:

That’s not what that implies at all! It says the dom SHOULD know his sub better than he knows himself which is clearly done through quality time and communication. My original point was having random people who
Know nothing of your dynamic to suggest rules is being a lazy dom when a dom who cares is invested, knows because they have talked her wants, desires, hopes ***s…..YOUR making a ridiculous assumption the dom hasn’t learned all those things FROM the sub…of course in any dynamic I have communication was key but I still created the rules, again talked and agreed upon by my submissive and geared towards her best interest…
Assuming I just know what’s best is beyond idiotic honestly I was saying him having her ask strangers was lazy yet I wouldn’t learn from her????
Sad you have to explain obvious things to people who claim to be in the lifestyle

Just because YOU make the rules in YOUR dynamic, it doesn't mean that, in other dynamics, the Dom SHOULD be the only one creating the rules. It's perfectly acceptable for both of them to discuss and agree on the rules.

[Th****]

22 minutes ago, DaddysHere2please said:

That’s not what that implies at all! It says the dom SHOULD know his sub better than he knows himself which is clearly done through quality time and communication. My original point was having random people who
Know nothing of your dynamic to suggest rules is being a lazy dom when a dom who cares is invested, knows because they have talked her wants, desires, hopes ***s…..YOUR making a ridiculous assumption the dom hasn’t learned all those things FROM the sub…of course in any dynamic I have communication was key but I still created the rules, again talked and agreed upon by my submissive and geared towards her best interest…
Assuming I just know what’s best is beyond idiotic honestly I was saying him having her ask strangers was lazy yet I wouldn’t learn from her????
Sad you have to explain obvious things to people who claim to be in the lifestyle

So which is it?

You either don't know enough about their dynamic to give opinions or you're some how privy to enough knowledge and information that's not been presented here to give your opinion? 

Because you're contradicting yourself in this one comment. 

Edited June 6 by ThaliaV

[Da****]

38 minutes ago, maryioni said:

Just because YOU make the rules in YOUR dynamic, it doesn't mean that, in other dynamics, the Dom SHOULD be the only one creating the rules. It's perfectly acceptable for both of them to discuss and agree on the rules.

I guess it’s a reading comprehension issue with you which is why I’ll leave you here. My submissives agree to any rule made, the comfort and appreciation from them is me knowing them so well…
You again keep acting like I don’t take the dom seriously. I have earned every submission I got and treat it as the gift it is. But it’s like when you get gifts from someone you know just gets you! Not an amount spent but damn this man knows and cares about me.
This was about him sending her to ask random people like you and I that know ZERO about their dynamic what they should do…
Not just the people in the dynamic