Wanting to get experience but…

[pr****]

There’s a decent part of me that wants to be a sub/slave, and I want to try to get myself out there and get some experience or find someone who’s willing to help me out. But there’s also still apart of me that’s nervous and in the past, when I’ve been given the very few opportunities ive been offered, I’ve backed out. Not to mention I live in a small area, so I can’t really find too many people around me that are interested in the same things I am. How did you gets get over your nerves/get into the scene?

[Deleted Member]

The first time I hooked up with someone I was shaking so hard she had to stop and ask if I was doing ok, but the more times I hooked up with people the easier it became, the one thing that helped me is definitely set up safe words and be with someone who you trust, not just a total stranger. Also I have anxiety so breathing helps for me, so maybe/hopefully it will help for you 🤌

[Se****]

It’s always a good thing to be nervous! You will get into things when time is right for you! How I got over some of my nerves was getting someone to Mentor me and show me the lifestyle and teach me. It’s always good to do the research and find someone that you can trust to begin the journey with

[ItsSusan]

Is normal nervous first time. Me was find experience Dom and we talk lot before. I feel comfort and he very careful introduce me to lifestyle.

i also talk lot other subs.

Feeling comfort and safe is important so keep look you will find someone.

[Deleted Member]

I think that putting yourself out there is important but also I don't feel like hooking up is a good plan. You have to establish trust for that sort of relationship imo. I like the idea of finding a mentor.

[Fr****]

I started out by going to munches and social events. The first munch I went to I was super nervous, but ended up meeting so many new people. Ironically out of that munch came my first Brat/Sub experience and then later became her first MMF ex with her husband involved! It felt so right and was a great experience. Everything was communicated and consensual as well. I am a Dom/Brat tamer and I also love biting ( if permitted) . I provide aftercare as well.
The person I was involved with didn’t tell me any of her things that gets her going to give me feedback or allow her to request things she wants done or likes.

[mo****]

Since you live in a small area, I'd suggest you see if there's a kink community in a nearby area. A lot of kink communities use Fetlife to post information or events. Try there? Also, if you do find a nearby community, reach out to their event organizers. Say that you're new, interested and curious. They can give you the basic information, and may be up for meeting up with you before a munch starts (less people)!

[He****]

I'd love to do that too but unfortunately I haven't found anyone

[DarkArts1066]

Good morning.
I’m going to take your second comment first, if I may.
You mention being from a small area … but you may well be surprised at how many people within it have kink interests. The next question you should ask yourself is “how close is actually too close ?.

When starting out on your journey, sometimes it is better to start looking at people who are a little further away (less chance of unintentionally bumping into someone in the Mall)
There are a lot of “Wilton’s” in the U.S, so I’m not sure which your nearest City - or large conurbation is, but you could consider making a journey to it… staying a couple of nights, and arranging to meet someone on day one for coffee, then if all goes well, day two for something more intimate ?
I have the luxury of being able to travel extensively these days, so I don’t find distance to be an issue, if I like what someone has to say, but that may not be so easy for you. Perhaps make short, weekend vacation plans, and try to incorporate a meeting into that ?

What is more important here perhaps though, is the fact that you have backed out when opportunities have presented themselves.

Perhaps start by asking yourself why that was ?

Not the right person ?
Not the right time ?
Too far away ? (Or too close, for that matter?)
Sometimes our ‘spider-senses’ send us too much, or just the wrong information - if we are naturally over cautious about certain things…and that is okay. Better to be too safe - than not safe !

If it’s a matter of personal security, then there are steps you can take to improve that, like having a ‘wingman’ track your movements - and check in with you for example… do you have a close friend who you could talk with about your desires … who might step up and be that wingman for you ?

I do have some other suggestions, which may help. I’m happy to chat through them on here if you wish. They are a bit more involved that the ones above.

Good luck with your search and your adventures in the future….

[CopperKnob]

Don't discount nerves. It's that which will likely keep you safe.

[su****]

Great post, in a similar position. My only advice is don't rush. I feel I'm getting a bit giddy

[ey****]

Patience is a good tool.

there are folk who've dove in head first, potentially got carried away with subfrenzy and, for one reason or another, it has led to negative experiences.

Good Dominants should respect this (sure, it can be frustrating if you've been spending time talking to someone and they then withdraw, but the alternative in continuing would be coercive and something they're not comfortable with) 

remember you can take things at your own pace, it's not a sprint it's a marathon.    If there is opportunity to partake in community, that can be a good way for things to tick over. 

[DarkArts1066]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Don't discount nerves. It's that which will likely keep you safe.

Absolutely agree with this..!

[ma****]

8 hours ago, sourpatchgirl said:

I think that putting yourself out there is important but also I don't feel like hooking up is a good plan. You have to establish trust for that sort of relationship imo. I like the idea of finding a mentor.

Absolutely trust is a must. Before I meet a new sub i like to know her experience level, any limits, what she expects from me. I would definitely make it clear you want to start slow.

[di****]

Welcome ask other kinky women for advise they are always willing to teach and advise about ethical Doms

[Mi****]

I'm in the complete same situation! I'm so scared to continue with anyone than just past talking but I want to explore!
I've found honesty and communication to be great when you find the right person to talk to. Be honest about your anxieties and nervousness, and a lot of the time the other person is too!
Be safe with the personal information you give )in terms of how someone could find you) but be open about anything else to connect with this person. Let them know your intentions right away, that you want experience and not something rushed. It doesn't have to lead to serious relationship's but it can be fun to get to know someone before anything intimate.
Don't be afraid to travel far. As someone in Texas I HAVE to look far because there is so many yet so few. It's only 1 app. So be prepared for travel and only be comfortable with going as far as you can. Meet half way! Make it a public first meet, take some time to talk and go from there.

[De****]

I always suggest vetting first. Develop a rapport. Maybe meet at a munch. This way you know how they stand in the community.

[p_****]

Vet for as long and it takes, ask as many questions as you can, alot of Dom's have feedback you can request, video calls and public social meets are vital. Be careful of sub frenzie and feel free to message me x

[su****]

Could someone explain what sub frenzie is please?

[ka****]

I think all these women are skeerd not one of you actually go through with the things you say least not with me. And that's fine but still a bummer

[p_****]

44 minutes ago, sublooking4dom4 said:

Could someone explain what sub frenzie is please?

It's when you desperately to try new things all at the once and you want it straight away x

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, sublooking4dom4 said:

Could someone explain what sub frenzie is please?

Search the new to forum for sub frenzy, lots of posts there

[Ho****]

I'm new too, I got a message from a mistress in my area who is willing to teach me the basics. I'd say as a woman it would be easier to find a normal guy and turn him into a dom than it would be to find a single guy who already knows what hes doing

[Si****]

Same

[Da****]

Monday at 02:24 PM, kansas-city191699 said:

I think all these women are skeerd not one of you actually go through with the things you say least not with me. And that's fine but still a bummer

same here man, it’s honestly super annoying and immature🤦🏻every single time its always nothing but nice words (at first) pretending to be interested and down just for you to find out 5-10 mins later everything they said was manipulative hollow fakeness since for some reason 99% can’t even finish a single conversation before already leaving/giving up & because of it nothing is ever able to get figured out/discussed/planned and actually HAPPEN. it’s like there’s literally ZERO awareness/EQ there anymore from I’m guessing is too much attention all at once combined with no self-control and/or respect for other people. I’ve been here for like a year now and my whole time here I’ve had a bunch of mutual “matches” (not the matches the way the app has it but as in both people interested saying they’re down and starting a conversation together) and conversations (here probably like 30-40? if counting the other apps using over 100) yet out of ALL of them literally only ONE of them was actually still sane and was able to finish a conversation as well as it being a friendly and mutually respectful pleasant MATURE exchange the rest? straight up no respect, patience, HONESTY, attention span, communication, and just overall a completely emotionally abusive regretful waste of time. It’s unbelievable to be honest 99% is NOT OK. these people need to stop acting psycho🤦🏻